A glimpse into a marriage…
Mr. Man has a habit of not shutting the blinds on the windows in the bathroom before he gets naked and showers. In the summertime when the leaves are on the trees and the mornings are bright & sunny, this is okay. But now that the trees are losing leaves and the mornings are dark, he is on display when he gets ready to shower.
I don’t like this and I told him so. In uncertain terms. That made sense to me before I said them to him.
- – • – -
ME: You can’t stand in the bathroom in the morning with the blinds open.
ME: Someone could see you.
ME: Someone out for a walk in the early morning… on the street behind us… who looked through the trees and saw you in the bathroom.
Him: Who would that be? It’s a private drive back there. And someone out there can’t see through the trees, across the ravine and up this high to our second floor window.
ME: But they might have a camera with a telescopic lens– and then they could see you. Clearly.
Him: Not likely. The only creatures who can see me are the squirrels in the trees back there.
ME: Well, that’s not good. You don’t want that, right?
Him: I don’t give a [insert curse word of your choice] if squirrels see me naked.
ME: Well, well… there could be a sniper back there with a rifle and he could see you… if he was in the neighbor’s second floor bedroom… through their window. With a gun.
ME: And he could shoot you because you’d be a clear shot. YOU DON’T WANT THAT, DO YOU?
Him: THERE IS NO SNIPER BACK THERE. HE IS NOT GOING TO SHOOT ME WITH HIS RIFLE.
ME: Well, there could be. And then I’d be a widow all because you couldn’t be bothered to shut the blinds.
Him: Where do you get this stuff?
ME: It could happen.
Him: No way. How did the sniper get into the neighbor’s house anyway? Or are you saying that our neighbors are snipers? Like that Mr. & Mrs. Smith movie?
ME: No, of course not. Our neighbors aren’t assassins. DON’T. BE. SILLY. I got the idea from all the NCIS reruns… that you make me watch.
Him: THAT I MAKE YOU WATCH? How do I make you watch them?
ME: You put them on the TV and then I see them… and begin thinking about what could happen if someone saw you naked in the morning getting ready to take a shower.
Him: That’s what you get from watching NCIS? That someone might shoot me?
ME: Yes it is. So just shut the [insert curse word of your choice] blinds before you get undressed. OK?
Him: Sure. All you had to do is ask.