Musings On Being A Good Listener

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It’s not unusual for someone– who might be a close friend or a brand new acquaintance– to lean in close to me and then tell me something private about himself or herself.  I’m THAT sort of person.

Everyone tells me everything.  Always have.  Always will, I suppose.

In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that if someone feels threatened by me, then I know that person has mental health problems.  Because no well-balanced person ever thinks of me as a threat.

They think of me as a confidante, a mother confessor, a problem solver, but never as someone to be wary of.

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When I was in college I asked a prof in the Communications department why she thought people treated me like this.  I was taking her course in listening at the time and had excelled at all the classroom auditory tests.

Her observations were that I was an active listener [H/T to my parents on that one] and that I appear to pay attention to what is going on around me.  So, because I tune into people, they are comfortable around me and want me to know things about them.

At the time I thought that was as good of an explanation as any– and I still do.

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I don’t really mind my role as listener, but do find AT TIMES people say some pretty wacko things to me.  I’m not a Judgey McJudgerton, so I let most things roll off me.  I figure that I’m not here to change people, I’m here to help whoever find his or her own way by allowing him or her to talk openly about– well, whatever.

To wit, it’s rare for me to tell someone he or she is doing something stupid, childish, immoral, unethical.  In fact, if by chance I ever tell you that you need to behave differently, then you can be assured that you’ve crossed some sort of line.

And that it’s time for you to re-think how & why you do what you do.

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Anyone else find him or herself in the same sort of role as I do– that is, people telling you things for no apparent reason?  And if so, how do you handle it?  With grace or with annoyance?  With zipped lips or with your finger on speed dial to immediately pass the info along?

Just curious.  No reason, really.  

Watch This If You’re Running Low On Spunk

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About a month ago I saw this video over at Cheri’s blog, Naples Girl Blog.  I watched it, loved it, decided that I should watch it frequently– and then promptly forgot to do so.  *duh*

However, last night as I was sitting down to watch TV, I remembered that I wanted to see this video again.  So I did– many times, actually.  And here’s what I thought:

  • isn’t it wonderful to hear someone say encouraging things to me as if I mattered to her?
  • when did this sort of positive & practical attitude become so passé that a video like this one seems fresh & new?
  • why, exactly, don’t I watch this video every day?

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A Credo for Making it Happen by Danielle LaPorte

1)  you’ll figure it out.

2)  life is on your side.

3)  start fresh.

4)  fear is natural.

5)  make tough choices.

6)  passion is fuel.

7)  come out.

8)  do it now.

9)  you’re growing.

10)  integrity.

11)  focus.

My Cat: Birthday Girl OR Conspiracy Theorist?

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I was 15 3/4 years old & Cally Cat was 2 years old when my mother snapped this photo of us standing in our kitchen.  These details I know because Mom wrote them on the back of the photo.  God bless those who do such things because I’d  never remember those sorts of details.

Putting aside how tired I look, the first thing that struck me about this photo is how very wingnutty my cat looks in the finely crafted aluminium foil crown that I made for her birthday.  Who knew that by 2012 this style of hat would become the symbol of conspiracy theorist everywhere?

I didn’t, of course.  But maybe Cally Cat did.  She was always a less-than-friendly cat with a tendency toward paranoia.  [Which was probably somewhat justified considering that my mother did accidentally drive the car over her about six months before this photo was taken.]

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Upon finding this photo I did a quick Google search of foil hats– and discovered myself in a whole new world of wackiness.  So without further babble I give you, my gentle readers, some delightful links that will entertain and tell you about a topic that I’m guessing you’ve never really thought about before.  [Unless you're a conspiracy theorist, in which case these links are all old hat to you.  ;-) ]

::  A song about foil hats: “I’ve Got My Tin Foil Hat On“ sung by Sylvia & Emmeline Spankhurts.

::  An explanation of what a foil hat is really all about:  “Propoganda [sic] designed to cover up a massive government conspiracy.“

::  An article discussing the efficacy of foil hats:  “Do tinfoil helmets provide adequate protection against mind control rays?“

::  A definition of a foil tiara: “A tiara or crown that one makes from tinfoil/aluminium foil for play when one lives in a trailer in the hood.“

::  An academic treatise about the need for foil hats: “On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study.“

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Tea On Tuesday

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a few thoughts while I drink my tea…

::  I didn’t wake up this morning until 8:30 a.m.  I’m usually up around 6:00 a.m. but somehow I slept in this morning.  We had a very busy weekend so maybe I’m catching up on my sleep.  For the first time in weeks, I feel refreshed + focused.

::  It’s wet & overcast gray here today.  The temps are about what I’d expect for Spring– in the 60s.  Tomorrow’s weather prediction is for sunshine, but today I’m sitting inside the house in semi darkness while enjoying the sound of spring rain tapping on the windows.  Peaceful.

::  Looking outside I’m reminded of how most of my days looked when I was studying at the University of Exeter in Devon, England.  Lush + green + ever so gray.  There was something wonderful & reckless about the flora around that university.  Beautiful, really.

::  I made myself a pot of tea this morning.  I’m usually a coffee in the morning girl.  But once in a while when the weather gets a certain way, I pull my little blue teapot off the shelf and make myself a proper cuppa reminiscent of my adventures in the UK.  With milk + sugar, of course.

::  I have nothing planned for this week.  Not. one. thing.  Even for me, an introvert who likes to spend hours on end by myself, that’s unusual.  If the past is any clue about how this week will go, I’ll be writing & reading & researching my hours away.  There are worse ways to spend your time.

Guess Who Got Stopped In The U-Scan Lane, Again

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While shopping in the grocery I noticed in the bakery section a box containing two giant chocolate brownies with caramel icing.  They looked delicious.  While not a healthy food choice, I had to have them.  No question about it.

When I went to check out of the store I used the U-Scan lane so, obviously, I ended up scanning these brownies across the machine.  I am a very good scanner.  Fast.  Efficient.  Attentive to the project at hand.

Which subsequently means that I’m also rather quick to bag the items that I scan.  I have a real competitive streak when it comes to this sort of thing.  Always trying to improve upon my personal best.  Planning ahead about where each item is going to go in the bag.

[Does anyone remember a My Name Is Earl episode in which Earl {Jason Lee} is helping some guy {Jon Heder} train for the grocery store baggers national competition?  And in the process of helping this guy both of them get hurt.  So, to have 2 functioning hands/arms they tied themselves together, and entered the competition as one contestant.  It was hilarious. But I digress...]

So I scanned the brownies, my last item, and wedged them into the bag.  It was perfect placement with everything nestled together just so.  I was happy, quietly congratulating myself on a job well done.  Until I realized that the man who maintained the U-Scan lane was walking toward me and shouting something at me.

Naturally, I said the first thing that came to mind which was: “huh?”  I’m sharp like that when I’m confused.

But the grocery store U-Scan man, un-phased by my eloquent retort, said to me:  “show me the brownies.”

Reluctantly, I disassembled my perfect bag to get to the brownies.  All the while I was wondering “why?” but figured that there was a reason, other than mental instability, that caused this grocery store U-Scan man to tell me to do this.  And there was.

Come to find out, the brownies had so much caramel icing on them that their weight had increased.  And the scanner, being a fussy little device that likes its UPC code and weight to match, wouldn’t register them as brownies.  Instead, the scanner said that I was trying to steal something.

Which, of course, I wasn’t.  But I had to prove this to the grocery store U-Scan man by showing him the brownies.  Which, of course, I did.

All of which brings me to the point of this post: any brownie that has so much caramel icing on it that it stops a scanner in its tracks is a very good thing to buy.  Worthy of many repeat purchases– wonky scanner be damned.

Trust me here, people.  These are words to live by.

[Click here to read about my previous encounter with the grocery store U-scan man.]