I walked into the kitchen the other morning wearing five pocket straight leg jeans and a t-shirt. I was carrying my sweater to put on after I ate breakfast, but before I went out the door. The following conversation ensued.
~ • ~
Him: You have sparkles on your butt.
Me: [shaking my tail feathers] You like?
Him: There’s shiny stuff on your back pockets.
Me: [reaching for the carafe and pouring myself a cup of coffee] Pretty, huh?
Him: What are those sparkles doing on your butt?
Me: [pushing him aside to get into the pantry] They’re fashionable. They’re just there.
Him: Does your sweater cover your butt?
Me: [ripping open a breakfast bar and biting into it] I dunno.
Him: Well, if it’s long enough your sweater will cover the sparkles on your butt.
Me: [taking another bite of breakfast bar] Yes, and if it’s short enough you’ll see all the shiny on the pockets.
Him: Is that what you want?
Me: [eating my last bite of breakfast bar] I don’t care.
Him: Here, put on your sweater.
Me: [putting on my sweater] Okay. How’s it look? Sparkles or not?
Him: Your sweater covers part of your pockets. You’re only half shiny.
Me: [slurping my last slug of coffee] Okie dokie then. I’m a sparkly half-ass. It’s confirmed.
Him: Why’d you buy those jeans?
Me: [grabbing my purse from the floor where I’d put it beside my canvas tote] I bought them because they were on sale. I don’t care what happens on the backside. I don’t see it. And they fit really well.
Him: Hmmm. Yes, they do.
~ • ~
And this my friends is what it’s like being married to a lawyer. He can’t just say “pretty.” Oh no. He has to get all the details first. Establish a fact pattern. And then he’ll comment. If he’s in the mood.
THE SPECTACLED BEAN 
I LOVE THIS. Hilarious! 🙂
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Melisa, it was hilarious. He was so intent on knowing all about my jeans– and all I wanted to do was eat breakfast in peace.
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This was very entertaining! How can you go wrong with a conversation that starts “you have sparkles on your butt”? (Okay, well, I can imagine a number of ways it could go wrong. But this didn’t.)
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alejna, it was funny! Not the normal “good morning” at all.
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Is he worried about other men staring at the sparkles on your butt?
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Zazzy, I rather doubt it. He was just fascinated that I had on something so different than what I usually wear.
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I laughed out loud reading this! You two are so funny together. And no, I can’t imagine you wearing sparkles on your butt–so unlike your regular style! 🙂
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Beth, my regular style has taken a definite turn toward the sale rack. They’re really cute jeans, too. But no one ever expects me to sparkle, I guess.
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If no one expects you to wear sparkle, all the more reason to do it! Brilliant, made me smile, I could just imagine it. More than I could cope with at that time of the morning, though, I suspect.
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Polly, exactly! And I feel that sparkle is especially pretty when it’s on sale!
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LOL! Super cute…”…and I all I wanted to do was eat breakfast in peace.” Well, there’s always time for that when you’re not wearing sparkles on your butt, I guess! 🙂
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Kristen, you’ve got a point. Who’d of thought that sparkles would turn out to be so interesting?!
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He is hilariously detailed, like you are on the witness stand. 🙂 I’ve never had a sparkly butt; I wonder what my husband would say. P.S. What kind of breakfast bars do you eat. I’m trying to find new ones.
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Margaret, he is pretty funny most of the time– usually on purpose. But not in this case, which made it all the funnier to me.
As for the breakfast bar, I have no idea what it was! It was a freebie of some sort that they we’re giving out at the grocery. So I took it. It wasn’t very good, but that doesn’t really help you much now, does it?
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How funny. I never think of the backside either. I can’t see it. This mostly applies to my hair, but you know…
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Relyn, when it comes to jeans all I care about is price and fit. But somehow the sparkles really confused the Hubster. Poor guy.
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