I saw who it was on the phone before I picked it up. I knew that the
monologue conversation would be long and twisted. Still, deep down, I like X, so I said “hello.”
[Here’s the cast of characters.]
X is a woman who I’ve known for some time. She knows lots of information about issues such as politics, books, and real estate– which is good. But she is someone who, by her own admission, likes to stir the drink when interacting with other people. This I would describe as bad.
X had called to tell me gossip on Z. As I have only met Z once, all I can tell you about him is that he seems nice and has curly hair. I’m not really too interested in knowing more about this guy, but that didn’t stop X. She had a story to tell.
And it involved Y. Now Y I’ve known for a very long time and she suffers from the disease to please. She doesn’t seem to have much backbone of her own– so she is a perfect pawn for X.
[It was at this point in the conversation, when I heard Y’s name mentioned, that I sat down at the island in our kitchen and laid my head down on the cool granite countertop, knowing that this was going be a lengthy chat.]
So come to find out, X had obtained her gossip about Z by getting Y to sneak around on Facebook. X had convinced Y to leave “noncommittal comments” on various individual’s FB walls so that those people would respond to Y– and tell her what they knew about Z. Apparently X’s master plan had worked, because Y had found out the gossip about Z. And then being Y, she dutifully reported back to X.
[You have no idea what a good communicator I am. I have just condensed 20 minutes of dithery-ness into one succinct paragraph. Maybe Journalism 101 was more useful to me than I previously thought.]
All of which brings me to what floated through my mind after I hung up the phone with X. And it is this:
“Oh my goodness, I’ve just experienced an episode of Glee in which Sue Sylvester [X] gets one of the Cheerios, probably Brittany [Y], to spy on Will Schuester [Z] and to report back to Sue with the latest news [gossip]. Then Sue, feeling proud of herself, brags to Emma Pillsbury about what has just happened.”
Which means that, continuing this line of reasoning, I’m Emma Pillsbury! Guidance counselor. OCD sufferer. Total flake.
And you know what? As much as I understand Emma and her problems, I don’t like playing that role. In fact, I’m going to go so far as to say that the next time when X calls, I’m not picking up the phone. Let someone else be cast as Emma. The role is just too much for me. 😉
[All images via glee wiki.]