A Camellia In My Hair. If Only It Was That Simple.

/ Ally Bean
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I am a hypocrite.

If you choose to walk away from this blog and never read another thing here, I understand.  No one wants to follow a hypocrite.

Even a sincere, idealistic, middle-aged poser such as myself.

You see, for YEARS I’ve said to anyone who’d listen, that when the time came, when the moment arrived, when faced with THE DECISION, I’d go forward.

Boldly.

Into the unknown with head held high.

I would not weasel out of the truth by using chemical substances to cover the obvious.  I would allow myself to go gray.

Naturally.

But last week, while getting my hair highlighted and cut, my stylist asked me, WITHOUT SO MUCH AS ONE WORD OF WARNING, if I was ready to go gray now.

She told me that underneath the two-tone highlights for which I pay a fortune, my natural hair color is 50% gray.  Meaning that if I wanted to, I could stop the highlights, save money and go gray.

But without one moment of thought, throwing aside all my highfalutin talk about aging gracefully, I shouted: NO. I WANT TO BE BLONDE.

Make me blonde, please.

And so it came to be that my hypocritical nature came to light.  Loud & clear.  And I walked away from the salon with silvery golden blonde hair.

36 thoughts on “A Camellia In My Hair. If Only It Was That Simple.”

  1. And your hair is beautiful. If this is the height of yuor hypocracy, you will be able to live with yourself. And still call others out for their hypocracy. After all, everyone has to have a hobby.

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    • Zen-Den, you make me laugh. I’d make a darned fine Reporter on the Hypocrisy Beat, wouldn’t I? I see things clearly, sometimes too clearly– and have a tendency to just call it like it is. Perhaps another blog called The Hypocritist [a la The Mentalist]?

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      • I like it! As John Stweart mentioned in his closing show, one must be ever vigilent in identifying and calling the BS in our lives. That is indeed what you are good at doing.

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        • Thank you, dear. We all do what we can to make the world a better place. 🙂 [Or at least those of us who aren’t nut jobs try to make the world a better place.]

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  2. Oh, sigh. It’s okay. I’ve caved on a TON of my Nevers. So, I’ve learned–finally–to stop saying Never. “I’ll never get a smartphone.” Got one. “I’ll never send text messages.” Do it all the time. “I’ll never wear leggings in public.” Love them & wear them (tastefully!!) like my fall/winter uniform. The list is Endless and Shameful.

    I used to say I’ll Never Dye My Hair. I haven’t done it yet, but I’m greying gradually (SO FAR) into my black-brown hair. I have a Lily Munster effect starting, but it’s Okay right now. My big thing is not The Grey, it’s The Cost and The Upkeep. I am cheap and I am lazy. I don’t see myself la-di-da-ing at a salon for hours every six weeks, dishing out the big bucks. That might be my Line In The Sand.

    But I am VAIN, VAIN, VAIN. It’s a huge part of my pathology.

    Anyway, again, it’s Okay. So Okay. Be a big blonde hypocrite. Remember, I have a list.

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    • nance, you make me feel good about my hypocritical blondness. I really thought that I’d want to go gray because both my parents had gorgeous gray-to-white hair, so I figured I’d do that too.

      But sitting there in the stylist’s chair I realized I’m a curly [frizzy] blonde– and currently it’s part of my identity. Plus doing the highlights route is a quarterly thing, which I already do, so there’s no extra time commitment involved. But one day, if I get sick of doing highlights, I’ll quietly slide into gray.

      Just not right now.

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  3. Eh…I wear wigs because, save for a thicket of long strands still clinging to the back of my head, I am a peach-fuzzy bald woman who refuses to shave what few strands I have left and just let the illusion of a full head of hair go. Call it vain, call it hypercritical, call it whatever you like. Bottom line is you do what you can to function in polite society. You’re still an awesome blogger and from what I’ve read, you’re an equally awesome person. I doubt that anyone will fault you for a little color and highlight here and there ;-).

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  4. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable in your own skin. Going gray is a late-in-life process for my family, so I guess that’s in my favor. But when the day comes I start getting them, I doubt I’ll embrace them either. Although I AM tempted to get a buzz cut some day. How liberating would that be? No long shampoo time. No blow-drying. Think of the time I’d save. Of course, think of all the stares I’d get. And there ain’t no introvert wants that.

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    • Carrie, your advice is sound. I think that I’ll look fine with gray hair, but as Z-D said, my face to too young for it now. [Lovely boy, that one!] The stylist’s question startled me because I hadn’t realized how quickly I’d gone from dingy-blonde-in-need-of-highlights to half-gray-so-now-what? Genetics are to blame, no doubt! 🙂

      As for a buzz cut, you go right ahead with that idea, darling. And enjoy all the attention that you get. Because I can guarantee people will notice & want to talk with you about it!

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          • You had to tip her off to that. Carrie – if you walk really fast and looks straight ahead, people would think you are a celeb and avoiding cameras instead of realizing you are introverted….does sound like a time saver, but …maybe hats would work as well?
            There are good greys and dull ones. I hope I get my grandmother’s natural shiny silver that went with her twinkling eyes…I was sure she is what an elfin must look like.
            My mom greyed oddly in a cap on top and she hated it, so she had it dyed black for a long time, but it looked green under lights….
            Wish I could just do the creative dramatic Georgia O’Keeffe bun/pony

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            • philmouse, you’re right about the differences in gray hair. My parents had the silver gray, but my aunt, who I resemble, had dull gray hair. I worked for a woman who had dyed black hair that turned green in certain lights. It was peculiar. She eventually gave up on black hair and went auburn to cover the gray, which wasn’t much better, actually.

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  5. I think gray is sexy is hell. I paid a fortune TRYING to go gray – on purpose! (it sadly only lasted for one glorious day). But the hair on our head is to do with what we please. Please yourself, look cute, dye or do not.

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    • Jay, I agree that it can be sexy, if the shade of gray is flattering to your skin tone. Give me a few years to get used to this gray hair idea before I jump into it. This sort of change calls for baby steps– or granny steps, I guess. 😉

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  6. Don’t beat yourself up. When you are ready to go “ah natural” you will but just make sure you don’t end-up like Rose Kennedy. He hair was “naturally black” until the day she dies at one hundred and four years old.

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    • la p, I think that I’ll gradually go gray. First, allowing chunks of hair around my face to be gray. Then a few less blonde highlights. Then…

      But not right now! LATER.

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  7. I’m not ready to go gray yet, although I might soon. (when I retire?) I’m probably 75% gray, but heavily in some areas and not others. I would look like an Appaloosa! I agree with your decision though because we have to do what makes us comfortable and what helps us feel attractive. If artificial hair color is it, why not??

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    • Margaret, being forced in the moment to make a decision, I’ve come to your conclusion. Right now I’m going to remain blonde, but I’m sure at some point down the road I’ll go natural. Like the Cialis commercial says: “when the time is right, you’ll be ready.” 🙂

      [I adore the image of you as an Appaloosa! Makes me smile at the thought of it.]

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  8. I’m so grateful that my own genetics have spared me from this agonizing indication of age that so many women struggle with! Mostly because I began going gray at age 22.

    My sympathies — and condolences — at this difficult moment in your life, dear hypocrite lecteur, mon semblable, mon frère… [“Ma soeur”? Wevs. I’m just tryna class up my comment, so’s it goes well with your camellia up-do.]

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    • Alice, great comment! Brilliant use of a language I don’t understand, but appreciate the gravitas it adds to your comment.

      I always thought that I’d drift along and happily go my gray way. But apparently I’m more vain than I knew I was! You lives, you learns.

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      • Little Known Benefit of Going Gray at Age 22: I got to get all my hair-coloring yayas out well before I had to think of my hair-coloring as a means of “covering up” anything. I spent most of my 20s and 30s going blonde, brunette, redhead, bluehead — younameit. If a color could be streaked, striped, bleached, highlighted, or dyed, I tried it. I “went natural” in my 40s mostly because I’d already had over a decade and a half of dye-jobs under my belt.

        I do find it weird, though, the frequency with which people tell me how “brave” I am, for letting my own hair grow out of my head just as it does. Also? Extremely short but GRAY! hair gets me called “dyke” a lot less frequently than when I dyed. I’m a little sad about this second fact… #AmISexualRebelOrOldLady #InTheEndThereCanOnlyBeOne

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        • Alice, you had blue hair, huh? Cool. I have a niece that used to have purple hair that was flattering on her. That was cool, too. I’m much to lazy to try a wide variety of hair colors.

          I find people’s responses to you gray hair interesting. So many assumptions based on hair color. Kind of weird, really. But I suppose we all stereotype from time to time.

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  9. I had blue and pink stripes in my 20s. Never figured me for that, did you? But these days, although I think about dyeing it once in a while, I have trouble keeping up with haircuts. Dyeing it would be really sad.

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    • Zazzy, I love it! I bet you looked smashing. I think that you’re wise to skip coloring. I know how much effort it takes to get cuts and highlights. Friends tell me that dyeing is a whole ‘nother level of commitment.

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  10. I don’t think I’ll stop coloring until I’m too dotty to do it. I don’t have a lot and it wouldn’t look good with my natural dark blonde color. Hair is very personal. Whatever you do, you should please yourself.

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    • dearlilyjune, thanks for the encouragement. I almost feel like I let myself down by demanding to remain blonde, but now– after talking about it here– I see that I’m just being female human. And I’m okay with that. 🙂

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