H Is For Hotcakes, Happening Here Now

/ Ally Bean
 Screen Shot 2016-03-21 at 10.43.51 AMSelling like hotcakes

… refers to brisk sales of a specific item.  It’s one of those charmingly innocent idioms that I use from time-to-time when the situation demands that I be charmingly innocent.

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I cannot make hotcakes, or griddlecakes, or flapjacks, or pancakes as we call them.

It turns out that I lack the patience, coordination, and mathematical aptitude needed to create a flat pancake.  My pancakes get all scrunched up, don’t flip over properly, and then cook unevenly.

It’s tragic.

Zen-Den, however, has a gift for making hotcakes, which, by default, puts him in charge of all pancake projects.  It’s a burden he’s happy to bear, because– pancakes. Yum.

Why am I telling you this?

Here’s why.

I have a theory that every person who likes to cook has one food that he or she just. can. not. make.  It’s one food that everyone else throws together as if it’s nothing.

It’s a food that has the power to aggravate with the mere mention of the word.  And for me that food is hotcakes.

• • •

So, my gentle readers, what food can you absolutely not make no matter how much you try to do so?

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51 thoughts on “H Is For Hotcakes, Happening Here Now”

  1. You can’t fool me!
    You flubbed up those flapjacks on purpose so no one would want to eat your flopjacks.

    Now you sit around sipping coffee while Zen-Den flips flapjacks for you.

    You. Are. A. Genius,

    Liked by 5 people

  2. I no longer have the patience to make “pretty” desserts. I used to make round cakes and decorate them. Now they are all in a one-layer rectangle pan (if I bake at all) with a layer of icing goop on top. No decorative swirls. Sometimes maybe crushed nuts if the cake warrants it. My cookies aren’t too uneven since I bought a cookie scoop. Pancakes I don’t even make. If we want them, it’s time to eat out!

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    • Kate, I haven’t baked a layer cake in years, either. The last one I made was a fancy recipe with an orange jam filling + buttercream frosting. It was messy to make, lopsided when finished… and way too time consuming overall. Like you, my cakes are now rectangular w/ easy fast frosting on top. EZPZ.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I LOVE to bake and cakes are my favourite thing … except for maybe cupcakes 🙂
        Slab cakes? – never … unless they’re going to get sculpted into something and decorated.

        Cooking on the other hand? … I do it because I have to. Ugh.

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        • joanne, I believe that some people have a gift when it comes to cake baking. My mother was one of those people, but not me. It sounds like you know how to make beautiful cakes– and I’m sorry that I don’t live near you so that I could see and feast on one.

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    • Carrie, I can understand your concern when it comes to pork chops. I think mine are over-cooked, too– but I like my food well done so I’m happy with them. And Zen-Den will eat almost anything I make, so we’re good.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ahhh. My mundane answer is pie crusts. I have made a few decent pie crusts but I can’t rely on them. Mostly I just use the store bought kind. But I also haven’t had success with croissants. Flaky pastry issues? I am convinced I can make them, however, since I can make puff pastry and the technique is the same. I’m just afraid to try. Croissant shaped door-stops are so disheartening.

    As for cakes, bundt cakes rule!

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    • Zazamataz, I can make a pie crust, have made tolerably good croissants [years ago], but usually end up with a fail when it comes to bundt cakes. How do you get them out of the pan without gouging out bits?

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  6. It’s hard for me to say what I can’t make for two reasons…

    1. The handful of things I eat that have to be made are all things I can do just fine

    2. I make a lot of things I love that nobody else would want to touch. While you admired my fried chicken making skills, be aware that the finished product is a bit extra burnt…. er, crispy. But that’s just the way I like it…

    I had never really considered before that hotcakes were pancakes. Why do we not still call them hotcakes? It seems like a much better term for them…

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    • evil, your logic is sound. Maybe my theory is way off base?! Wouldn’t be the first time. As I understand it, pancakes are called whatever you call them depending on where you live in the USA. And that name is dependent upon a variety of ethnic influences. So some people today still refer to pancakes as hotcakes, but not around here.

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  7. For years and years, I couldn’t make rice. I don’t even know what I was doing wrong. But one day I wanted to make this lime infused rice and I certainly couldn’t do it with boil-in-bag, so I did it and it worked and that was nice. Now I can make rice.
    One of my dearest friends also struggles with pancakes 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey, my husband cannot, cannot make rice. I understand your frustration. Glad to hear that you’ve overcome this problem. Another pancake failure? Nice to know I’m not alone in my shame. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • Chez Shea, you bring up a good point. I’m the same way on some foods like stews and soups. They taste wonderful, until that one time when they don’t! Like you, I wonder why?

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  9. I’ve made so few varieties of dishes that I can’t think of an example … though I once tried something with flax that turned out a wreck because the recipe hadn’t been explicit enough about what to do with it! I think I’d fare better this time, if I had any clue what it was I’d then tried to make. 🙂

    (I’d really like some pancakes now, of course!)

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  11. Cannot seem to make good gravy! My grandmother made excellent gravy, but I don’t know how she did it. I have watched many cooks, but when I go to make it myself, something seems to fizzle, go wrong, go awry. Best for me to buy it already made.

    Liked by 1 person

    • carla, I can’t make gravy either. I’ve tried, but I end up with a lumpy mess. I’m not much interested in it, so it doesn’t bug me that I can’t make it. Pancakes, however, I really want to make, but fail at every time.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Pie. I go get pies at a wonderful pie shop in our area because why bother making what I can buy Perfect, Nearby, and Reasonably Priced? Also cheeseburgers, for some reason. Rick and I love ours medium rare, and I can never hit that sweet spot. So, we leave that to the professionals, especially now that beef has started…Disagreeing With Me. Sigh. One of my Sadnesses, that.

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    • nance, I agree that pies are tricky to make. I’d do the same thing as you IF I had somewhere decent to buy one around here. Sorry to learn that you are having “beef” woes. I do like a good burger, although I like mine medium-well/well done NOT half-cooked like yours. 🙂

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    • Janet, you inspire me with your positive pancake-making attitude. Perhaps someday, if I put all of my spirit into it, I, too, will make an edible pancake! 😉

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  15. I cannot season soup. I’m too afraid of the overly-salty-no-going-back-now spoiled pot of soup that I’m very, very timid w/ the salt shaker. My husband has been kind enough to work with me in patient tones: You have 8 cups of liquid, trust me, 1 tsp of salt alone will not turn it into the Dead Sea…

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    • Nancy, I can understand your reluctance to get too wild with the salt. HOWEVER, I think that your husband makes a valid point! But, of course, until you’re comfortable with adding the salt to the pot, you can rely on the salt shaker on the table to do the trick.

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  16. No need to make Hotcakes — McDonald’s does a fine job. Go there! My nemesis is rice, the real kind you have to boil for 20 minutes. I suck at it — crunchy or soggy. So I let my nearest Chinese restaurant do it for me. They rock! And I accept my limitation. 🙂 ~Tara

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tara, I forgot about MickeyD’s pancakes. You make an excellent point. My husband cannot make rice. However he just gives me a pathetic look, and I make the rice. But if there was a Chinese restaurant anywhere near us, I’d do like you do.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. I like pancakes, and really they’re not too hard to make. BUT if they are your Achilles heel, AND your husband is happy to make them, then no worries, it all works out perfectly. I’m not great at making pies, and pork chops can be tricky. I read the other day that the trick to pork chops is to get them really thick, so they don’t dry out. I may try that sometime soon.

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    • J, I kind of think that one of the reasons I make such lousy pancakes is because I’m half awake when I’m making them. It’s breakfast, you know? So that’s how you get pork chops to be tender, huh? I’m going to try that, too. Thx.

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  18. Italian buttercream. Yknow, the interesting kind that uses egg white meringue and not just powdered-sugar-plus-butter (a la American buttercream). CAN NOT MAKE THIS.

    Many eggs and buttersticks gave their lives bringing me this knowledge…

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