Chatting Whilst Moving Wicker Furniture Up Stairs

/ Ally Bean

“I’m probably maybe going to stain the porch floor again next summer.”

Zen-Den said this.

We were moving our wicker furniture into the screened-in porch, setting it up for warm weather.  This is the furniture that we’d put into the basement last fall when Riley, the neighbor dog introduced himself to us.

While I’m accustomed to the way lawyers speak, obfuscating to not commit themselves to anything specific, the above sentence was unique.

Even by husband lawyer-speak standards.

His lack of enthusiasm about what might need to be done made me laugh out loud.

 • • •

“Could you get anymore vague and non-committal?”

I said this, lamenting that he was being so indecisive.

To which, I kid you not, he stopped in place while we were carrying furniture up the stairs.  He needed to contemplate if there was a way of making even less of a verbal pledge about doing something.

At an unspecified later date.

Next year.

Leaving me standing there on the bottom step, holding up the back end of the wicker loveseat while wondering why I never learn that snarky comments get me into the most awkward situations.

Honestly… 🙄

{ Images via Sweet Clip Art }

55 thoughts on “Chatting Whilst Moving Wicker Furniture Up Stairs”

  1. Yep, a guy, mulling over a possible future task about which he may be less than enthused, and a lawyer to boot, and you ask him to think even harder about it. The effect is often akin to freeze tag, but including the higher cognitive functions as well, kind of like the famous “Blue Screen Of Death” on Windows computers. I know, because It has happened to me. You will be forgiven, I’m sure.

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    • bobcabking, freeze tag is exactly what happened here. Well said. I was amazed by how he took my snarky remark to heart, and then just stopped moving. The love seat wasn’t all that heavy, but really… *shakes head, wanders off*

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  5. Long live the snark.
    I have a same but different deck staining story – hubby has the paint. I have time on my hands. But he wants to do the job. For unspecified reasons. Probably related to his thinking that I’ll botch the job. Do I snark back? Of course. Under my breath. Because, really, do I want to be out working on a deck in the blazing sun fending off biting insects? HAH!
    You and I will have to swap deck painting befores and afters and some unspecified date.

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    • Maggie, I love it! You’re all set to go but he doesn’t want you to do the work, eh? Difficult to not snark, in one way or another, about that situation. Will definitely let you know how the deck staining goes, should it happen, at some unspecified date. 0.O

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  6. At least your husband was willing to tackle the job himself. Mine always says “We should…” and then picks projects that are totally on the bottom of my to-do list. I am grateful for his vague, non-committal deadline when he does that.

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  7. I’m giggling discreetly behind my hand on this one because the truth is, I’m the one who’s usually doing the waffle-dance. It drives Gilles crazy that I tend to answer questions in vague language. For Mr. Science, non precision frustrates him to no end!

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    • Joanne, I’m laughing here. What a fun confession! I’m beginning to believe that the issue in this story is personality– more than career or gender. I tend to be more to the point than Z-D is, so his vagueness can drive me bonkers. But that’s just how he communicates… and you do too. 🙂

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    • Sarah, while I’m not a lawyer I’ve been around your kind my entire life, so feel free to lawyer-speak at will. It won’t bother me, unless we’re moving furniture and I have the heaviest part to hold. THEN get to the point, please.

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  10. At least you get Sort Of A Time. My handyman husband says, “I need to replace that downspout.” Then it becomes, “I need to go get some downspout.” Then it becomes, “I have to remember to go get that downspout.” Sometimes we never progress from there until I … Make It An Issue.

    PS–I just TODAY picked up the discarded OLD downspout from the yard where he left it. Still waiting for the inevitable chain of events.

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    • nance, I agree, at least Z-D has acknowledged a project and given a kind of idea of when he’ll do it. This is sort of a commitment.

      I have a similar situation to your downspout non-event going on with a corner of our house where the concrete is cracking apart. There’s much talk about doing something, no follow through– and we’re getting close to the Make It An Issue point. *meh*

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  11. It’s a bummer how men can’t think or talk while also moving at the same time. Often I’ve had to say, “Finish what you’re doing. Then talk.” But, yeah, I wouldn’t get your hopes up that that chore’s getting done in this lifetime. Maybe hire your new bff at the post office to come do it for you. 😉

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    • Betsy, I wouldn’t have minded this whole conversation so much if I wasn’t holding up the back end of the loveseat. It wasn’t heavy, but awkward. Not the best time, I believe, to engage in self-aware contemplation, but then what do I know?

      Can you even imagine how awful it’d be to have that post office guy do any work around the house? What an insane idea you have there!

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  12. “I’m probably maybe going to stain the porch floor again next summer.”
    “Excellent. I’m definitely probably maybe looking forward to that.”

    BTW: I was hoping that Riley would be back to help again!

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    • Nancy, I know– Riley was the best uninvited guest ever. Your response, as always, is the one I should have thought of but didn’t. I blame my snarky response on the awkwardness of holding up the back end of a wicker loveseat while focusing on getting the job done. To me, that was not the moment to stop and think things through.

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  13. Hahaha! Having worked for several lawyers, and monitoring my own speech accordingly, I can see this AS IS. You poor thing! lol Possible euphemisms and perhaps omissions, ugh, you have to pay me to talk like that 😉
    Ultimately, I am glad The Mister and I are shoot from the hip kinda people.

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  16. “Probably” must be to the real world as the word “virtually” is to the advertising world. Once uttered, you can completely disregard anything that is said in the remainder of the sentence…

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  17. His critical mistake was the use of the word ‘next,’ thereby making the statement time sensitive. He also erred by saying probably, meaning he was leaning toward that eventuality, but the biggest mistake of all was actually stating the specific task he was considering doing. My hubby would have just grunted or shrugged.

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    • Allie P, excellent analysis of the statement that will, eventually, get Z-D into trouble. Considering where I was standing when he said this, I wish he had grunted. That loveseat gets awkward when you have to hold it for too long.

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  19. I must agree that the fact he even dared to state “stain the porch floor” means that he is accountable, regardless of when he gets around to it. He was, at least, specific in the task, and you are within the realm of wifely rights to remind him of such.

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    • Kate, exactly! He proposed a project, and I accepted the proposal post haste. NOW he has to follow through or suffer the consequences, whatever they might be, of breach of project. 😉

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