Unexpected Rudeness: She Tried To Yuck On My Yum

/ Ally Bean

A short story from real life. Mine.

Wherein, while at lunch, an aquaintance, who I shall call Grumbly Gertrude, was rude to me for no discernible reason.

I don’t know why what I do makes Grumbly Gertrude unhappy, but it does.  I barely know the woman however I’m guessing I bring out her inner demons.

As they say.

Anyhoo here’s what happened: at lunch with many people sitting around a table Sam the Sincere asked me politely about how my blog was going.  I answered in a few sentences saying, in essence, it was going well.

Sam the Sincere turned to Grumbly Gertrude and asked her politely if she had a blog?

Sam the Sincere, for some reason, was under the impression that because Grumbly Gertrude and I were English majors in college at about the same time, that it’d follow that we both wrote personal blogs.

He was being a kind guy keeping the conversation going, you know?

Welp, Grumbly Gertrude seemed annoyed with Sam the Sincere’s question, choosing to glare at me while she answered the question by saying that she did not have time to have a blog because SHE. HAD. THINGS. TO. DO.

Unequivocalness? She had it. Politeness? Not so much.  A blog? No way.

Of course everyone at the table started looking at me, waiting to see what I’d say back to Grumbly Gertrude and her odd passive-aggressive response to Sam the Sincere’s innocent chit-chat question.

And do you, my gentle readers, know what I did? You’d be so proud of me.

I smiled. Like Mona Lisa.

A smile inscrutable in its meaning, polite, but hiding my real thoughts about what the heck is wrong with Grumbly Gertrude and her snarly answer.

And about how a delightful blog post story had just been handed to me while I did the things I had to do– in addition to writing my blog.  🙄

144 thoughts on “Unexpected Rudeness: She Tried To Yuck On My Yum”

  1. So proud of you, Ally! That is the best way to deal with the Grumbly Gertrudes of the world. Leave their rude comment hanging in the air for them and others to chew on. Says everything about her and nothing about you. Except how confident you are in your own skin and life. As opposed to Gertrude, who is apparently not happy in her own life and needs to make pathetic attempts to level others down to her sorry state.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Deb, thanks for your support about this. I was just sitting there, minding me own bee’s wax, being an introvert, when Grumbly Gertrude got snarly. I don’t know nor do I care why she said what she said, but not reacting seemed to work for me.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Poor old GG … your response is perfect! I mentioned to someone the other day that I saw this interesting thing on FB. What! She said, you follow FB?!!! As if I’d blasphemed –

    Liked by 2 people

    • Susan, thanks. I don’t know what GG’s deal is/was but apparently blogging is not part of it! People do react in some unexpected ways, eh?

      [Still can’t comment on your blog. So sorry.]

      Liked by 1 person

  3. When they go low, we go high. Your response was perfect. They can’t hurt us with their ignorance, though I’d love to step on their foot “by accident.” Just saying . . .

    Liked by 3 people

    • Z-D, I’d forgotten Michelle Obama’s wise words. That’s exactly what I did. Now stepping on someone’s foot *could* happen– if I were coordinated enough to make it happen *by accident.*

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  4. One of my friends is a Grumbly Gert, too – and I don’t get it – the hostility my blogging inspires in her. It’s a puzzlement. She does pride herself on her busy-ness. Her house is immaculate and her gardens are a joy to behold. Sure, her time is put to good use.

    But I think our blogging time is put to good use, too!

    Do you think Mona Lisa would have been a blogger?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Maggie, you nailed it: what’s with the hostility toward blogging? I don’t get it either. Why would my writing here, a place she doesn’t read, bother Grumbly Gertrude? [She wouldn’t be featured here if she’d behaved better, as Anne Lamott’s famous quote explains.]

      Blogging is a good use of my time. I do the things, THEN I write the blog. I have no doubt that Mona Lisa would have been a blogger. Just look at her smile.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. “What the heck is wrong with Grumbly Gertrude and her snarly answer.” It’s called jealousy. Never stoop to their level. One of my favorite quotes:
    The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves. ~ William Penn

    Liked by 5 people

    • marian, I never thought of her as being envious, but you may be right. I did/do something that *maybe* she wanted to do but never did…? I dunno.

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      • Envy was the first thing that came to my mind too – I will write more in my own comment reply – but love how M said Envious Elly because sadly – insecurities of others often robs them of their own joy and they yuck on the yums of others

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I think we all have a Gertrude in our lives. I have a friend who literally rolls her eyes when I say the word blog. You don’t want yo? Fine, I get it. But don’t deride those of us who do. I don’t have children but I don’t roll my eyes when she talks about hers… although now that I think about it, maybe I should. They’re horrid little beasts.
    😈

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I don’t talk much about my blog (it is in my email signature, but no one cares about that now do they?) because I guess I expect that kind of reaction.
    I started telling people that I am writing a book, and all I get are encouragements. But then I haven’t told the people who think that I need to get a real job (which would probably leave me with less time for family and writing and less money too).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Solveig, I used to have my blog on my email signature, too. It’s no longer there because when it comes to social media the people who I know prefer FB &/or IG.

      As for the writing a book idea, I, too, have people who want me to write a book but won’t read my blog. It’s insulting because if I’m not worthy as a blogger [who in essence has written a book here] then why am I worthy as an author? There’s some hypocrisy going on in there.

      Like

  10. Wow. That’s just ugly. And for her to imply that writing–ANY writing–is a waste of time irks me. I spend a lot of time during the day writing. I MAKE time to do it. It’s the most important thing I do.

    Liked by 2 people

    • nance, that’s it. I make time to write, too. It’s not live your life OR write. It’s live your life AND write. GG’s attitude was weird– and unwarranted. 😒

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    • nancy, I have a little wooden sign in our home office that says: BE HAPPY it drives people crazy. I try to adhere to that whenever possible, usually by smiling. Like I did this time. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Always. Some people just have to put you down. The other day I was talking about my new aeroponic garden for herbs and someone made a snide comment about how if I only had a window…and I wanted to say yo7 have no idea what a small urban apartment is do you, or how few windows or sunlight or room….you can tell I’m still annoyed by this…why poop on my rainbow? I was calm with person….

        Liked by 1 person

        • I sense that there’s an underlying insecurity with people who criticize you for things like you just mentioned. Why would anyone not want you to enjoy your new herb garden? I mean, there’s no logic to that thinking so I figure there’s something unbalanced inside that person, manifesting toward you for their own insecure reasons. Same thing with this blog conversation. What the heck have I ever done to this woman? Answer: nothing but exist happily.

          Liked by 2 people

          • You’re right of course. It’s innate insecurity, the need to put someone down for something trivial but makes a person happy. I hate the backhandedness. Last summer I was talking about trying local food in some city while we were in vacation and someone responded well I hope you have a good exercise regime when you get home. Why would someone say that? I just don’t understand. Because I’m having fun and enjoying life and they’re not?

            Liked by 1 person

  14. I have encountered this sort of thing. I never bring my blog up to anyone. It’s my private thing. Read it if you want. Don’t read, I don’t care. Sometimes a GG will ask how my “little” blog is doing. There is some negativity in the word little. Never quite sure why. I usually say fine and that’s followed by “I don’t have time to read that sort of thing.” My comment will depend on my mood. It may be a smile or followed by “what do you do with ALL your time” if I’m feeling snitty. (Ok, I can get snitty but only when pushed to the extreme.) I had one friend say that to me numerous times only to finally start reading it because my friends knew more than she did. *bangs head on table* Whatever!

    Liked by 4 people

    • Kate, I hear you. I rarely mention my blog even though I consider it one of the most amazing things I’ve ever done. Some people seem so threatened or mystified by blogs. I don’t get it either. I had someone once ask me if I was still writing about the mundane things? The implication being that my blog was of no value. I just said YES, and let it go. But I thought to myself what the heck is wrong with you that you need to bash that which I can do, but you *apparently* cannot? I mean, sour grapes, anyone?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Mundane = little. What is wrong with people? We don’t bash their interests. One “friend” said she liked my little anecdotes. Somehow she was able to make anecdote sound mundane and silly.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Well that’s just plain uncalled for and rude. My theory is people don’t want to read a blog, so they figure if you had a book published they could pretend to read it and be done with paying attention to you. Plus then they could tell their friends that they knew an author. Apparently saying you know a blogger doesn’t have the same cache to certain people.

          Liked by 1 person

            • Yes, I’ve had that happen, too. One woman used to talk about a post I’d written 10 years ago to prove that she paid attention to me. I finally said you know I’ve written a few more things since then, to which she said she knew this but that one post was my best one. As if that proved that she was following me. 😑

              Liked by 1 person

    • I’d have a hard time NOT responding to “I don’t have time to read that sort of thing” with “That works out perfectly then because I don’t write for YOU”. You are a better woman than me, Kate! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  15. There’s a trend here Ally Bean, with the comments. I see the envy thing yes, but I also wonder just how many folks out there look at blogging as trivial, worthless, time-sucking and simply not real writing? I mean, we are not REAL writers, just wannabe’s who dabble in words and force ourselves onto the unsuspecting multitudes who follow and comment and interact… We are not worthy of recognition, or even the occasional friend asking us what’s new on the blog 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Here you are writing silly posts several times a week when you should be doing extremely important, world changing, life enhancing activities like Grumpy Gertrude. I would love to know what GG does in her free time that she would never waste writing a blog, but I’m sure she doesn’t have any. It takes lots and lots of practice to be so thoroughly condescending all the time…

    Liked by 1 person

    • evilsquirrel13, I couldn’t say what Grumpy Gertrude does with her time, nor do I want to know. I mean if she can’t write about in a blog post then I have to believe it is not worth doing. 😉 I hadn’t thought of it but you’re right she was condescending. I wonder if she always is or if her demons only react to people like me. Whatever, gumdrop…

      Like

  17. The older I get, the more I think, WTF is wrong with some people?! So unnecessary! I think she has issues of her own. 🙂 I love your phrase – yuck on my yum. Love it! Borrowing it (if OK) and will always remember where I got it from. Even when I’m a (really) old lady. PS, and totally unrelated: I was in San Diego a month ago, I went to two baseball games (my first ever). Sitting behind us were a group of young ladies from Cincinnati, Ohio, talking about Cincinnati, Ohio, and their jet lag. Made me think of you (Ohio, not Cincinnati, or jet lag, I’ve no idea about either of those in connection with you). Best wishes xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Polly, I agree. I think the same thing about people: WTF? Play nice or go home, you know.

      How lovely to hear from you and find out that you were thinking about me. Yes, I’m in Ohio. Oddly enough I’ve been to a baseball game in San Diego so I can envision where you were. The world can be small sometimes, especially when the seats are so close together.

      Like

  18. Hi ally – as noted above when I chimed in with Mirian’s “envious elly” comment – well that was my first thought here –
    And it reminded me of a time when I saw some huge insecurities in this lady friend of mine- I teach gentle yoga in Sunday nights – two years now – very informal group but I am pleased with how it all unfolded – well we ran into her and the friend that introduced me to her – at this eatery and she was so snarky with her questions – like with a raised eyebrow asking “how many people are in the class” and condescending “well that’s nice…” I came home and vented through writing – about how the size of the class is not the way we define a successful yoga outreach (and actually if the class got too big we were going to split it up – because bigger is not always better – just like in blogs more followers does not always mean thriving blog – eh?)
    But I learned a lot about silicone sally that day (yes – her fake boobs are always on display to where it is a distraction – ugh – come on ladies)
    And so silicone snarky sally revealed some insecure competitiveness – but she also had no idea about the Sunday night yoga goals –
    And a little different but I wonder if this acquaintance – (on top of being insecure) if she also had a biased and uninformed view of blogging – well either way / it sounds value laden – and to say not having time for it is almost to
    Minimize it as child’s play or this futile endeavor

    Liked by 1 person

    • Prior…, Silicone Sally sounds like a friend of Grumpy Gertrude. The need to diminish what someone else does baffles me. I never thought of the envy angle on this conversation because I don’t really envy people. I admire them, or understand them– but jealousy isn’t part of my being. That being said I wonder why Silicone Sally needed for you to know that your yoga class was less than enough, when it was exactly enough. Like I say about once a day, people be weird. And getting ruder by the hour…

      Liked by 1 person

    • Margaret, thank you. I think I did well considering I was minding my own business, being a polite luncheon companion, not asking to be put down by anyone at the table. 🤨

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    • John, I totally agree. Grumpy Gertie can go on living her life as she pleases. I, of course, will be having as little to do with her as possible. That’ll make both of us happier.

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  21. Eh. We all have Grumby Gertrudes in our lives or pasts. Mine purported to be my ‘best friend’, but remains perhaps the most negative person I’ve ever met…with little to be so negative about either IMHO. You handled the situation with grace and aplomb, which I happen to think takes some of the wind out of the sails of those grumbly grouchy persons, because without fuel, their ire can’t feed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Melanie, thank you. You’re right we all end up around a Grumbly Gertrude eventually. In my case this was unexpected considering the setting, but there she was yucking on my yum. I also agree that by not reacting to her comment I ended the topic with me looking pretty darned good.

      Like

    • Donna, it baffles me, too. I can’t figure what it is that brings out the snarl in people when you mention blogging. It’s a brilliant way to connect with people and it allows us all to learn about others– so why does that make some people so angry/irritable/jealous/negative? No answer… yet.

      Like

  23. That’s a blogworthy story for sure!! The only thing you maybe could’ve done, in addition to your most excellent approach, is to snap a selfie with your ML smile, better with her scowling in the background with spinach in her teeth…to you know ‘capture the moment’ and share it on Instagram. A colorful photo is always a win there. Mona Lisa’s smile has been known to enjoy being displayed in a crowd of admirers. LOL! Cheers to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Shelley, your photo idea is brilliant. So sorry I didn’t think to do that. I just sat there smiling and hoping that the conversation around the table would turn to something [anything] else. Next time though, I’ll have my camera ready– although I’m hoping there won’t be a next time.

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Yep, as everyone else has said, jealous came to my mind first thing. Maybe she actually tried blogging and failed. Smiling is the best answer to statements like that. Of course she has no time for READING said blogs either. Too bad. She’s missing out on all the fun 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Janet, I wondered if she’d tried blogging and failed at it, too. In the moment I couldn’t figure what I’d done, but now in light of these comments I’m seeing that what I did was succeed. I agree, the mistake is hers. Blogging is fun.

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Ah yes, the ‘ol kill-’em-with-kindess gets another victory. The younger version of me always said something in a defensive posture, which I always ended up regretting. There is something awfully powerful with just a smile and/or a platitude. Good on you. – Marty

    Liked by 1 person

    • Marty, my younger self would have taken the bait, too. I’d have set her straight, but now I could care less about Grumbly Gertrude and her ilk. Today I am just a *forking* paragon of kindness. 😇

      Liked by 1 person

  26. I am so proud of you for smiling. What marvelous control! What patience! That said, I wish your snarky lunch-mate had stayed at home.

    I am blessed to live among people who accept me as I am. John says non-writers can feel threatened by those accomplished in the art. Writers can influence people and get things changed just by using words skillfully. There is power in writing! A mean little person might enjoy demeaning a writer verbally, knowing she could not compete in the writing arena.

    I enjoy your blog and am blessed to have found you. Grumpy G wouldn’t be able to understand the joy of sharing and lifting others up through writing. While she is getting things done, the rest of us can set aside time to write about what we are doing that makes us and others happy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Anne, yours is an uplifting comment if I’ve ever read one. Thank you.

      John’s take on writers in general is interesting. Now that you mention it I can see what he means. Perhaps that’s what was going on with Grumbly Gertrude, she didn’t like the idea that I could influence someone with my words, so she got snippy.

      I, too, am glad that we found each other out here in the blogosphere. I suspect you’re right that GG might not get how joyful and fun it is to write a blog wherein you can make someone happy. Pity that, but it’s not my job to change her.

      Like

  27. Egggsssssssssscellent job, Ms. Ally! Good on ya for your Mona Lisa smile. G looked purty petty then, mm hmmm. Ah, getting older is fun sometimes, eh? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • marian, made me laugh here. I like how you see my smile as aggressive. I’ll admit that I did feel empowered in that moment, but am hoping to not have one like it again with Grumbly Gertrude.

      Liked by 1 person

  30. Oh my word! You had great presence of mind to respond the way you did. I would have been tempted to knock some jelly into her lap. Makes me wonder if she’d tried blogging but didn’t have a lot of followers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • L. Marie, another commenter suggested that, too. I don’t really know the woman, but in the context of this pleasant lunch among acquaintances her response was extremely insightful. Jelly in her lap would have been a great move… but I didn’t think of it.

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  31. people just don’t get it. everyone is busy. everyone has things on their plates. bloggers understand that blogging is a way to deal with the day to day. a way to put life in perspective. it isn’t about ego. it isn’t about a lack of busyness in life. it’s about putting your thoughts down.

    I too would have been thinking… thank you for helping me write my next blog post!

    Like

    • teacherturnedmommy, you said it! It’s not that I don’t do things, it’s that I share bits and pieces of my life here so that I/we can put it in perspective. I don’t know what the deal was with Grumbly Gertrude but I hope she comes to see the light. Blogging is good.

      Like

  32. Always smile at rudeness, it’s so satisfying. If I can squeeze in a chuckle, I DO.
    Oh bother, I dunno what’s up with people like that. I think it’s fair to say we all have things to do. I have done at least 100 things today and later I will do about 10 more, but in between, right now, I have time to do this, too 🙂 While I’m doing this, you’re doing something else and when you read it, I’ll be doing something else. All people do THINGS, Gert.
    It’s like when you share a hobby with someone and they say, “You have too much time on your hands.” Where do I put that comment? Tuck it in my pocket? Throw it in the back 40? Feed it to the dog? I dunno. I just dunno. Tsk. Good fodder, tho 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey, amen: “All people do THINGS, Gert.” The implication of her comment was that I lived a loser life and she did not. If I wasn’t doing the things then what would I write about here? Watching the paint dry? It was such a weird response to poor Sam the Sincere’s question. But you’re right, smile at the rudeness even if the GGs of the world don’t get it. I’m busy, you’re busy– yet we find time to connect. Understand it, Grumbly Gertrude.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Dan, I guess Grumbly Gertrude felt better… but why she did is beyond me. I don’t know how I triggered her, but I did. That being said, it’s not my place to fix her. She has to deal with her own demons.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I once gave an example of why one option was better (less expensive) in a staff meeting. One of my “peers” said (loud and angry) “did you do that math in your head?”

        I said, yeah, I’m sorry, but I am able to do that.

        What the heck?

        Liked by 1 person

        • Ha! What a thing to say to you. I love your retort. I don’t understand what some people get out of being snippy and rude, but I do see it when it’s happening. Still, WTH?

          Liked by 1 person

  35. Wow – lunch served up with a side of snarky and malarkey. You bit your tongue and just smiled and that is admirable Ally. I’m thinking Grumbly Gertrude would not have responded in that manner had she not felt excluded from the “club” and since she has never tried blogging feels it is trivial, inconsequential and a waste of time and so beneath her … so she disparages it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • linda, well said. While I was sitting at the table I didn’t think about why GG was saying what she said, but now upon reflection I’d say you’ve nailed it. Oddly enough at the table I was the only person with a blog, so this went deeper than feeling excluded in this particular group.

      Liked by 1 person

  36. I see that someone else pointed out what I was thinking too: Gertrude’s just jealous. No doubt the others at the table thought G has her own issues and you did nothing wrong. Good for you for responding with a smile.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Ally, I don’t share my blog with people I know including people I regard as dear friends, because of those kinds of preconceived opinions from people who have never even read a blog. They just think blogging is weird, but what are they basing that opinion on, if they’ve never read any?

        Liked by 1 person

        • Joni, you ask an excellent question. I have no answer but I know what you mean. If someone has dismissed blogging out of hand without first exploring what it is, how do they know bloggers are weird? The logic doesn’t work. 🤨

          Liked by 1 person

  38. The No-Response Response is my default … usually a case of not having a good comeback line, although I’ve been told I have mastered a ‘look’ that speaks volumes 😉

    Like so many others have said, I really don’t understand why some people feel they need to hate all over our blogs. I’ve given up trying to explain blogging to non-bloggers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Joanne, I like your default. I’m becoming more aware of my own need for it. People are getting ruder in all areas of my life, so smiling like ML is useful. Although my mother had a heck of a mean look that she could fire off at people [me included] when she wanted to shut them [me] down. I should try to copy her.

      And I hear you about trying to explain blogging. I don’t know how it can be so tricky for people to understand. My thought is that they just don’t want to understand it.

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  41. Hi Ally, I am delighted to connect with you via Donna’s Retirement Reflection’s site. First time reading your blog and I am very “in like” with you! (Too soon to use the “love” word – likely second post I am eager to read). We all have a Grumbly Gertrude and a Sam the Sincere in our life. I prefer to hang out with Sam. When I run into a Gertrude I will now remember the Mona Lisa smile. A great post! 🙂 Erica

    Liked by 1 person

    • Erica/Erika, thanks for stopping by to read and comment here. Donna is the best, isn’t she? I’m with you, give me a Sam the Sincere any day! I like his type, but Grumbly Gertrude… welp, I don’t get her need to put other people down nor do I want to find out why she is like she is. 🙄

      Liked by 1 person

  42. Good for you. The perfect response to such petty sniping is to smile, nod, and change the subject. Whatever’s broken inside of Grumbly Gertrude, let it stay her problem, and don’t let it become yours.

    Liked by 1 person

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