One-Liner Wednesday: Shopping With He Who Knows Me Best

/ Ally Bean

Zen-Den and I were shopping at a large outlet mall, an outside one on about an acre of land.

Lots of walking. Lots of people.

Good deals everywhere.

As we were moseying along, me staring in all the store windows, him guiding me along so that I didn’t bump into anyone or anything, I got grumbly with him.

He kept telling me where the stores were.  The stores had large signs that I could read but he kept calling out their names like a disembodied voice on a subway line.

Finally I asked him why he was doing this.  He said:

“It’s my job to point out the stores to you.  It’s your job to judge them harshly.  That’s how it works with us.”

~ ~ • ~ ~

This is the brainchild of Linda G. Hill. Click on the badge to learn more & to connect with other bloggers who are doing #1LinerWeds this week.

110 thoughts on “One-Liner Wednesday: Shopping With He Who Knows Me Best”

  12. hey at least he is watching over your shopping zone for you… making sure you don’t bump into anyone AND don’t miss the stores as you walk by. (on a side note, I would have said the same thing, my oldest son insists on reading signs to me all the time and I often say… I can read you know). But, hey at least he ZD has a reason for it?

    Liked by 1 person

    • teacherturnedmommy, you’re right. He’s helpful and I do appreciate it. But the consistency with which he calls out my “stops” can be annoying. Like you said: I can read, thank you very much, Mr. Man.

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  13. Well, now I want to know some of the choice words you have for these stores. Granted, I haven’t been in a mall in many years… so I’m not even up to date on what all the latest fad chains are, but I’d happily read a post full of retail judgmentality.

    Liked by 1 person

    • evil, I worked in retail for a long time and it made me a cranky fussbudget about stores. I don’t go into brick and mortar stores often, which is probably just as well. Dumb stuff for sale, poorly merchandized with irritating sales clerks. *meh*

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I’m still stuck at your first sentence – the one acre outdoor shopping mall. I’m so jealous – it must be heaven to have such a place nearby, but then I am a shopper, and bargains make it even better.

    Liked by 1 person

        • I understand. I’m a woman on a mission, but the stores don’t seem to understand my mission and try to confuse me with other things. If they’d just have what I wanted straightaway, I wouldn’t have to judge these stores so harshly. 🤨

          Liked by 2 people

  16. I like the part about watching you so you don’t bump into anyone or anything. That’s my husband’s job. He is the grumbler in our pair though. He is also impatient which does not make for good shopping experiences. We rarely do it together. Nice that you can, though.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Janet, yes it’s a good thing that Z-D keeps an eye on me when we’re out shopping. I’m distractible and usually lost in my thoughts. He’s a patient fellow. Sorry your husband isn’t into shopping together. It can be fun, in its own way.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. I like the interplay between you two. It’s important to understand the dynamics of one’s relationships. Mine have had a variety of similar roles, which make for interesting conversations at times. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Margaret, I agree. You gotta know who the other person really is if you’re going to have a solid relationship. He gets me. Some days I feel kind of sorry for him because he does understand me. 🙄

      Liked by 2 people

  19. I love that he understands the system and how everyone fits into it. Do you suppose he wonders if you bumble about, unable to find any stores, when you go without him? 😆

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laura, yours is a great question. I’m going to assume that he knows I can navigate shopping anywhere on my own when I must. But maybe I should ask him to make sure!

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    • L. Marie, me too! I dislike shopping and I dislike the stores and I dislike what the stores have to offer. The only saving grace is Z-D keeping track of me and where I might want to be.

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    • Eilene, I can understand that. I don’t like to go shopping, but I accept that sometimes I have to. When Z-D joins me he makes it better with his quips– and he carries bags which is nice, too.

      Liked by 1 person

  31. I’m a rapid shopper – in and out and done. Unfortunately I’m married to a wandering one who is just mesmerized by any little thing along the aisles – ironically and oddly, he complains about the dog examining every blade of grass on walks. Takes one to know one?
    Funny post ( “disembodied voice on a subway line” – love that image)

    Liked by 1 person

    • philmouse, I want to be an efficient shopper, but when the stores don’t have what I want I get cranky. And let me assure you I don’t want anything fancy– therein being my problem.

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  32. I love to see a match made in heaven or on a shopping street?! LOL – gotta love a guy who cuts to the chase and keeps us smiling with their clever and competitive with us kinda wit, right?!

    Liked by 1 person

  34. That makes me laugh! I get frustrated when my husband reads signs aloud. I don’t understand it. And now my SON is doing it!!!! When I asked why he just said “I don’t know. I sometimes just read them aloud.” I’ve come to the conclusion that they both do it because they don’t like silence.

    Liked by 2 people

  35. I had to laugh! Zen-Den established a way to participate in shopping, even if it was making you grumbly. At least, he is shopping with you! I can get my husband to Lowe’s and Best Buy. 😄

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Shopping? Did someone say shopping? I remember those days. Never with my husband, though. He played golf. I shopped. Now he sometimes plays golf. I rarely shop (though probably more than I realize.) Not sure what we do now. Huh. We’re binge-watching TV, I suppose. And eating. And gaining weight. Hmmm…definitely not shopping this tax-free weekend! That’s just craziness! Even crazier to try and do it with husband in tow — he who makes me regret I ever thought about taking him with me! Mona

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mona, I don’t really like to shop but I’m a pragmatist so I realize I have to go into stores once in a while. I look forward to binge-watching TV and just being us. Thanks for stopping by to give me an idea about how other couples fill their hours.

      Liked by 1 person

  41. funny how such a short post could make me smile so much – well done
    and this…
    “stores had large signs that I could read”
    — ahhh so fun to have friendship and humor with your partnership

    Liked by 1 person

      • I love this comment even more than I loved the post – and it’s a doozy of a post 🙂

        Himself is more of a shopper than I am – I frequently trail along behind him up & down aisles, as he expresses his enthusiasm – but rarely purchases – which is a great combination! He also has the ability to have me roaring (or snorting) with laughter, so that I look like a crazy old lady. It makes shopping way more fun 😀

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  43. Haha! I get it! (And I also get his guiding you along so you don’t bump into things… mine does that too. Don’t know if you react the same as I do, but clumsy as I am, it really annoys me!)

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