Talking About Gratitude: Micheal Miller Has Good Manners

/ Ally Bean

 

Micheal Miller works for the dry cleaner/laundry service that we use.  He drives the van to pick up then return Z-D’s dress shirts once they are clean and pressed with light starch.  Nice guy, very reliable.

It’s my habit at the holidays to give a monetary tip to our laundry driver guy, who this year happens to be Micheal Miller.  Thus I did that two weeks ago.

• • •

Growing up I was the child of older conservative parents and was taught that one must always send a written thank you note to the gift giver upon receipt of a gift.  This concept of proper behavior was ingrained in me to such a degree that for a few decades I judged people harshly who didn’t send a written thank you note.

It seemed like a slap in the face to me. Disrespectful, even.

Of course over the years society has morphed away from Emily Post expectations plus I’ve grown more forgiving.  I don’t hold myself or other people to the high standards of my childhood.  In fact, I’ve come to reevaluate what matters to me when I give a gift to anyone for whatever reason.

I’ve decided that I like the giving part more than the being thanked part.  I do what I do because I think it’s important to do so, not so I will receive a written thank you note.

• • •

Still, when I found a written thank you note pinned to an empty laundry bag hanging from the hook by the door on our front stoop, I was pleased to see it and said out loud to myself: “Micheal Miller has good manners.”

It was a sincere spontaneous remark. A blessing even.

One that put me in a happy place for the rest of the day as I mused on what seemed to me to be a random act of kindness, a throwback to a different era when a written thank you note was the done thing.

Such as this handwritten message of gratitude scribbled on a piece of paper by an almost stranger.

Who I appreciate very much.

139 thoughts on “Talking About Gratitude: Micheal Miller Has Good Manners”

  3. A lovely story indeed. I am glad you find that the giving is more important than the thanks. I also agree that people should be more thankful and are not. Can’t control that, but glad that we know the enlightened way. And I like how my shirts feel when I put them on 🙂

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    • Z-D, in today’s world it’s not the done thing to express gratitude in a paper note. I get it and no longer care about it. Like you said, we can’t control other people, so why fuss with them? I do what I do for my own reasons.

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  6. I was raised the same, A-Bean and I continue to write notes of thanks. Not only does it tell the sender that you appreciate their thoughtfulness, but also it lets them know it was received. I don’t give to get, but I do think it’s rude not to acknowledge something given from the heart. I just received a thank you note from our paper woman. I always give her a little jingle at Christmas time because she ensures our newspaper is wrapped in plastic on those rainy mornings. Her note made me smile.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh yes, handwritten thank you notes are a must. I am disappointed when that doesn’t happen. But once in awhile, even these days, I do get a thank you….sometimes via email…but I’ve learned to let that count.

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  8. Written thank you’s seem to be a generational thing, and maybe even a cultural/familial thing. Clearly those of us over the 55 mark at this point remember writing notes as kids, especially to those older than us, for gifts, etc. I remember also writing graduation and wedding thank you’s but I have almost fully embraced the electronic forms of thanks at this point.
    It’s actually pretty shocking to receive a written thanks in the mail, probably because whatever I’m being thanked for didn’t really seem like a big deal to me, or I’ve forgotten what it was I did or gave by the time the note comes 😉

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    • Deb, you make good points. I think you’re right in that it is a generational thing and, as I found out along the way, a familial thing. I’ll take gratitude in any form so I have no problem with someone thanking me via text or email, but when I do receive the real paper McCoy it makes me happy.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Marian, yes, I have no problem believing that you write thank you notes. I used to do bread and butter notes, too– but came to realize that people around here find that weird so I don’t do it anymore. Still, it’s a nice way to express gratitude.

      [I’ve been having difficulties leaving comments on your blog. Will keep trying. Just know I’m reading along.]

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  10. I wasn’t raised to write thank you notes. If a gift was received in person, we automatically thanked the giver effusively. But a written note wasn’t something we did. I do recall my mother calling people so we could thank them over the phone.

    I always write thank you notes. I feel it expresses to the giver how much you appreciate their thoughtfulness–you’ve taken the time to sit down and write a note, an equally thoughtful endeavour. It gives you time to reflect upon the gift and the giver and say a few words about both.

    Liked by 1 person

    • nance, I married into a family that had the same approach to thanking someone for a gift. I didn’t understand it at first because it seemed so foreign to me. Bad manners, you know? [Of course it wasn’t.]

      Funny how you now write thank you notes despite your upbringing. I’m sure your friends and family appreciate receiving them ’cause you write good. 😉

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  11. I acknowledge gifts with a thank you always and all ways ~> verbally if I open the gift in front of them, via e-mail if that seems the best medium, or with an official “THANKS” via snail mail if the gift or effort made was “above and beyond” (or if I don’t have an e-mail address for them).

    When I give a gift and receive NO acknowledgment at all . . . not even an e-mail that says “we got your gift from Harry & David” or “your gift from LL Bean arrived” or “thanks for the check” . . . I am left to wonder whether the absence of acknowledgement = an absence of appreciation.

    Perhaps they are miffed at the burden of receiving an unwanted check, necessitating a trip to the bank or a snap on an app? In which case, why continue the gift giving tradition with that person? 😯

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nancy, you’re good to say thank you in whatever way suits the situation. That’s where I find myself, too.

      When I send a gift, whether it be in a box or via money in a card, I do tend to get a bit anxious if I never receive any kind of response to the gift. And that happens more & more often.

      Like you said, it does give me pause as to whether I should continue to send said person any gifts in the future. Wouldn’t want to burden them with the opportunity to say thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I’ve always written thank you notes and taught my kids to do the same. We even still get thank yous from our daughter, sometimes just a random note telling us how much she appreciates us! What a wonderful feeling!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Beth, I can imagine how delightful it is to receive a random card expressing appreciation. Good job, daughter person. Of course for the rest of us who don’t receive thank you notes as a matter of course, it’s a whole different vibe. 🙄

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  14. I am the same vintage and recall mother commanding we get those thank you notes written.

    Here’s a very recent social dilemma I experienced:

    We were invited to dinner on New Year’s Day – a spontaneous invitation to the house of people we know, but had not yet visited. It was delightful. Upon our arrival I expressed my delight and gratitude. I raised a glass of wine to toast our good fortune at dinner time. As we left, I once again was careful to say thank you to both husband and wife and tell them how touched I was by their having us over.

    In other words, I may have overdid it.

    Yet, the next day, I felt compelled to write them a thank you note. And the inner argument raged – Do people do that any more? I know some people would do that, but would I do that? Should I do that? Wouldn’t that be awkward for them?

    In the end, I did not write a thank you note.

    But still, I wonder…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Maggie, I’ve been in your situation regarding the decision to send a bread and butter thank you note after going to someone’s house for a meal. I used to do that, but learned that around here people consider that pretentious and feel awkward about receiving one. A friend, more in tune with the younger vibe, clued me into how it was. Thus I no longer do the snail mail thank you and just go with the in-person thank you. Like you did.

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  15. A thank you note I don’t always expect but it’s the acknowledgement that it was received that’s important to me. Especially if it was an expensive or special gift. I’m good with an email as I don’t save them like Jill does but I’d like to know.

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    • Kate, your thinking is like mine. I’m less about the Emily Post-ness of a thank you than just knowing what I sent was received. You can like the gift or not– just tell me you got it. And that, it’d seem, is too much to ask in some cases.

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  16. I’ve been downsizing lately and I posted photos of heirlooms from my deceased husband’s side of the family on Facebook looking to see if anyone wants them for free. When people did I boxed them up and mailed them on. I’ve been shocked that only one out of six people thanked me and let me know things arrived. If not for postal tracking I wouldn’t have known. It sure leaves a bad taste in my mouth. One person posted on Facebook that “If you have anymore, I’ll take them.” No thanks or other words of appreciation for going through a lot of extra effort. If I do run into anything more it will go to the auction house.

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    • Jean, well that is just lousy. Rude, even. Only one person has said thank you to you? Considering the effort it takes to downsize, let alone go out of your way to share and mail items to people, I’d be irritated, too. Do these family members think they’re doing you a favor by taking the heirlooms? Honestly…

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  17. I guess I grew up in a more laid back time… and maybe even a more laid back area. I’ve personally never written one before. I do make sure to express my gratitude verbally where required…. or, on the internet, typed out, of course. In my opinion (which isn’t worth the fancy stationery it wasn’t written on), the practice is outdated in an era when there are so many other ways for people to communicate with each other. I think it’s the gratitude that counts, not the media with which it was delivered…

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    • evilsquirrel13, you never had to write a thank you note! Oy vey. My entire childhood was subject to that rule. That being said, I agree with you that it’s more important to convey gratitude in a way that makes sense in each situation than to cling to a written format. And that’s how I roll now, but I did enjoy receiving a written note from Micheal Miller- and still write them once in a while myself.

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    • John, I’ve come to realize that the rule about written thank you notes is more of a guideline than anything carved in stone. At this point I’m cool with that, but if sending a text message is too much for a gift recipient to do, it does make me wonder… 🤔

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  20. I don’t mind email or phoned acknowledgements, even though I was of the “always send a hand-written note” generation. I will say that Jacquie Lawson’s e-cards are wonderful, and I will use them from time to time, not only for thank-yous but also for birthdays and such. Especially with blog friends, I often don’t have a physical address, so email it is.

    Regardless of the form, acknowledgement’s the important thing. I send a Christmas gift that I know was delivered (thank you, USPS confirmation!) and I even emailed the recipient to say that it had arrived, and had been left at the front door. I still haven’t heard a single word — not even a response to that email. I can’t even imagine what would cause someone to behave that way. For a while, I was so frustrated I thought of emailing again and saying. WELL? DID YOU GET IT? but then I decided just to let it go. As some country people down here say, there just ain’t no accountin’ for folk.

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    • shoreacres, I know what you mean about wondering if your gift got to where it was supposed to go. When there are *crickets* on the other end, how can you know what you sent got there? But like you said, sometimes you have to let it go… and hope all is well. Ain’t no accountin’ for folk is so true.

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    • That has happened to me on times too numerous to count. As you said, “(thank you, USPS confirmation!)” Although, now, with porch pirates, I am left to wonder if the recipient got the package or if someone grabbed it off their porch/portico/patio. 😦

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  21. “One that put me in a happy place for the rest of the day …” This post made me smile – and my day, too.
    How nice. A little sad society has become so casual ( and self focused) that many never wrote/sent a thank you note. It’s something solid you can hold in your hand – something real that shows the emotion. Words – short bursts of warm air that vanish as quickly as said, not quite the same (Did I imaging that or did they actually thank/.acknowledge?). Valued for the same reason write notes, cards, even the shortest letter is cherished by those very young or very old (and in nursing homes) It’s there. Theirs in their hand. Solid.
    Sigh. What is acceptable has changed to fit the rushed and techie oriented society. Like when you say “thank you as the grocery checker hands you something and they respond with “no problem” (of course there’s no problem…oh, it’s just an empty, automatic pleasantry given without real thought) instead of “you’re welcome. ” Never witnessed, never learned, never practiced, then nevermore.

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    • philmouse, you said it about the value of written thank you notes: “It’s there. Theirs in their hand. Solid.” And I think you nailed it with the self-focused issue. If the recipient feels that they should *of course* get a gift, then why would they need to thank anyone for it?

      I wonder about that “no problem” response, too. I’ve come to believe that to some people the idea of saying “you’re welcome” is beyond their ken; to them people are either a problem or not. But to acknowledge someone in an encouraging “welcoming” way? Impossible to do. Risky, even.

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  22. Until the postal service gets abolished I’ll be busy pushing things through the system. Frankly I think the world needs more love letters – we need to tell each other how much we love them and how important they are to us and what a blessing they are. These little “valentines” are in fact I suppose, notes of gratitude. While I don’t actually care if I get thanked for things – verbal, written, electronic – it really is a curiosity to me how we all differ in our preferred manner of expression (or non). Societal and family shaping is such an interesting thing, but what we choose for ourselves is truly fascinating to me.

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    • Deborah, thinking on what you wrote here, I wonder if sometimes the gift recipient doesn’t feel worthy of the gift so they won’t say thank you for it? I know as many insecure people as I know self-absorbed people and for all of them gratitude is a tricky idea.

      I agree about how societal and family dynamics shape how we express gratitude. Of course in the end it’s all about doing what makes sense to you. Think for yourself, you know?

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  23. I had thank you notes drilled into me as a child. I was pretty judgmental about them until I married a man from a culture without (gasp!) thank you notes. So he doesn’t send any. I do, and I make my son send them to his Chinese-American grandparents. Even though they don’t expect the note, I think they enjoy getting letters from their grandson.

    But I’ve started to think about the environmental impact of mail. I gave up Christmas cards this year and perhaps one day thank you notes will just be an email or text.

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    • AutumnAshbough, we’re from the same childhood when it comes to thank you notes. However I, too, have lost my judge-y attitude about them and just go with whatever now.

      You make a good point about the environmental impact of sending paper cards via snail mail. I was thinking the same thing about Christmas cards this year. We didn’t get many, and they were lovely, but maybe a fast text with a little holiday thought might be better choice next year?

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  24. Another stickler here for a handwritten thank you note. I even send cards of gratitude for no specific reason at all. I enjoy doing it! I think it’s a day brightener so I imagine others find it uplifting as well.

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    • Margaret, I like your attitude. I enjoy sending and receiving cards, but am just as happy receiving an electronic version of the card as the paper one. It’s all about the good intent behind the card, I figure.

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  26. Hand written notes are so lovely to receive. Although it seems to be a bit of dying art, I still try to follow up kind gestures with a thank you of some sort. A call, a text, an email just to remind that person how much their kindness meant to me. Seems your polite laundry guy came from similar values💕

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    • Lynn, you’re right about the dying art of writing a thank you note. I’ve come to believe that a text or email is fine when it comes to expressing gratitude, but a written thank you note still seems ever so polite to me.

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  27. I tried to get my kids in the habit of writing thank you’s but as with a lot of other things I tried to get them to do, they don’t. As I’ve said many times, being in the card making business, I wish it was something everyone would do. I agree with you, though, I don’t give people things to get a thank you but if it is something big like a wedding gift, I’d at least like to know that the item was received. We gave our mailman a gift card and got a written card back. We send our newspaper deliverer a check and if he/she throws the paper on our porch or close, we consider that a thank you.

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    • Janet, as many commenters have said sending a written thank you note is a generational thing. I had to send them, but times have changed. I agree that the crux of the issue is less about someone being grateful toward me and more about knowing the gift arrived where I sent it. Still a written card is a nice thing to receive.

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  28. Isn’t it a different world, now that we’re “thankful” to receive a thank you note? I haven’t been able to let go of expecting and appreciating a quick note to at least show that a gift has been received. However, I don’t expect notes from the service people who help me throughout the year: the laundry delivery guy (delightful, and he gave me a sweet verbal thank you), the cleaning woman, the postperson. But relatives? Nieces? Nephews, They were raised to know better than not send at least a quick little “thanks for thinking of me” after a gift is sent. Just sayin’… 🙂

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  29. When I was a child we lived far from all our relatives and it was unthinkable not to send a thank you note for gifts. Otherwise, how would they know their gift had arrived? Nowadays I don’t really expect them but it’s always nice to be surprised.

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  30. Phone call, email, handwritten note, in person…I do thank people in one or several ways per occurrence depending on the situation…and it’s nice to receive the same back. Manners are the grease that help the wheels of civilization run smoothly.

    Deb

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  31. Ally, I was taught to write thank you notes and I continue to write them, though I know I occasionally miss one. When people let me stay at their home, it’s always a gift and a card. I don’t receive many, though, and understand it’s fading as a custom (or I’m not being generous enough😉).

    Two recent examples though:
    1. I managed to send one of my found photos to a great-great-granddaughter of the subject. It cost me next to nothing, though I did spend time identifying the subject and finding her family. In return, I received a package with not only a gushing thank you note, but also a personalized Contigo travel mug!

    2. I sent a gift card for Christmas (because actual gifts were never acknowledged). Today I got a thank you card, which essentially came across as a plea for money. I hardly know what to say!

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    • Eilene, I agree that handwritten thank you notes are a fading custom. Well said with that phrase, btw.

      Your first example of gratitude I understand and think is delightful. You did something good and received a sincere thank you for it. Would that more people follow that example.

      BUT your second example is ridiculous. I’m not sure what I’d make of that thank you card. If the recipient doesn’t like the gift card you sent, then I’d say tough darts. You get what you get, gumdrop. 🤨

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  32. BIG fan of the thank you note. I’m not always as good about it as I want to be and so I try not to be judgy. (I used to be VERY bad.) However, I do think they’re a smart social grace. People notice good manners. I once ended up with a job offer because I sent a thank you note after an interview (which is my best piece of advise to any job seeker) because it was between me and one other person and I took that little extra time.

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    • Katie, your story is an encouraging one. You got the job because you were thoughtful. That does make my heart happy. I used to get upset about the lack of thank you notes, but now I shrug and think about how everyone has his or her own way. Whatcha gonna do?

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  34. I was raised to hand write thank you notes as well. In fact, Christmas afternoons at my house were spent writing thank you notes. I don’t recall ever resenting it but I do know I struggled over finding something to say. I still do, but I still believe thank you notes are important. I don’t care, however, whether they’re hand written or emailed or even a quick phone call. And it’s not the gratitude I’m after so much as knowing that the gift I sent was received. I really hate having to ask.

    As sort of an aside, I’ve found that parents seem to not be teaching their children to say thank you at all. Most of the time if I’ve sent a friend’s child a gift, it’s the parent that thanks me. That bothers me. And poor manners are reinforced by never saying please or thank you to your Alexa or whatever virtual assistant you use, if you use one. It spills over. Listen to the people around you at a restaurant and see if they say please or thank you.

    I like that you give a holiday tip to your dry cleaner driver and that he has good manners. I haven’t had a mail carrier in over twenty years and tipped my mail carrier this year. He brings me a lot of packages and isn’t stupid like the fedex drivers. I found out that the USPS has pre-printed post cards the mail carriers can fill out for this sort of thing but Ben added a hand written note – and acknowledged my little joke addressing him as Mr. Postman. I thought the same thing you did. Mr. Postman has good manners.

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    • Zazzy, interesting observation about how parents are not encouraging their kids to say thank you. I try to say please and thank you to Alexa when I ask her to do something just because it seems weird to shout a command. Of course, I write thank you notes so what do I know?

      I’ve never tipped our post person. I don’t have any idea who it is. Our mailbox is out by the street and the post person zips by, pops the mail in the box, and moves on. Plus the person changes, seemingly a woman during the week, a man on Saturdays. I don’t feel inclined to tip them but maybe I should?

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      • I’m not sure that very many people tip their mail carrier anymore. I remember Mom doing it when I was little but they had a PO Box the past 40ish years, too. And I had one of those blocks of boxes down the street and around the corner once. I had to pick up most packages at the post office. I tip for personal service or for when someone goes out of their way for me. My postman understood right away about how I needed packages left. It took FedEx two years to give in and use my big blue bin to leave packages rather than leaving them where I cannot possibly reach them from the wheelchair. I tipped our old garbage collector in Shell a hefty amount because you would not believe how much out of his way he went helping my folks and then me when I was cleaning out the house. I don’t know what I would have done without him as there was no place on the property for one of those big dumpsters. What I miss is being able to make cookies for some of those people who give exceptional service but a gift card will have to do.

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        • I don’t remember my parents tipping the mailman but I do remember them tipping the newspaper carrier and the garbage men, as they were called back then. I agree that the tip is a reflection of quality service above and beyond your expectations or the job description.

          I wonder why FedEx had such a difficult time using your blue bin? Our FedEx people are a delight and smart, but no doubt that varies from location to location. *Yay* to the post office carrier who caught on from the git-go.

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  35. Thank you notes were a must-do as far as my mother was concerned. I remember whining about having to write them after Christmas, then just a few later, I whined when I had to write them again after my birthday. Such child abuse! Now, I am absolutely a stickler for thank you notes. I know I surprise some people when they receive one from me (especially the ones I write after being treated to their hospitality) but I bet they are pleased to get my note. I really hate to think they are becoming a lost art.

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    • Janis, like you as a child I used to feel so put upon writing thank you notes, but my mother had no sympathy about the situation so I wrote them. Over the years, having interacted with a wide variety of people, I’ve mellowed on the whole thank you note concept. Write something, text something, email something, call me. It all works for me, but I do like the written ones best. 😊

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  36. I was raised in that era, too. Every year after winter break I have my students write a thank you note to someone at home, either for a gift they received or (they don’t all celebrate Christmas and even if they do, some of them can’t afford the gift-giving tradition) for something nice someone did for them (made them a meal, took time to play a game with them, took them to the movies or the mall, etc.). They may never be sticklers for writing thank you notes, but I at least want them to have the experience. Also, when they give me a gift (usually for Christmas), I always write them a thank you note. Welcome back by the way, and happy 2020!

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    • The Travel Architect, I like how and why you make your students write a thank you note. It’s healthy to focus on something good that happens to you and then thank someone for it. I wonder how many of your students will remember that the idea of expressing gratitude in written form is an option in their lives. You never can tell what ideas kids will latch onto!

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  38. I was raised like you Ally. As a child, “thank you” tumbled out of my mouth as soon as I was given something and a handwritten short letter always followed a gift if you could not personally thank someone. I can see how you were uplifted – we so rarely see some courtesies anymore that we don’t expect them anymore.

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    • linda, that’s a good point. My expectations are almost non-existent in regard to what anyone will do when it comes to thanking me. Like I said it’s not an Emily Post world anymore, so why pretend it is?

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      • Yes, just be pleasantly surprised when it happens, even niceties done for you. I remember one time, way back in the 90s, when I had hauled home many bags of dirt to add to the garden along with a few bags of mulch. I was transferring the first 40-pound bags to a small horizontal dolly to take them from the car to the backyard and a teenage boy came over and asked if I needed help. He was not a neighbor, just walking down the street. He hoisted the bags, two at a time and marched them into the backyard. I was so grateful as I’d have been toting them back and forth for an hour and worn myself out in the process. I kept thanking him each load and went into the house to get him a cold drink and was going to offer him some money and he had just left on his own. I always felt badly.

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  40. How nice to get a thank you note! My parents taught me to send handwritten notes of thanks. I remember how my wrist ached after sending notes for graduation gifts!

    How do you feel about holding the door open for the next person to walk through? I was taught to be polite and do that. I’ve seen a resurgence of doors being held open. For a while there, few people were doing it in my area.

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    • L. Marie, I, too, remember how tired my wrist and hand was after writing those high school graduation thank you notes. But we did it, didn’t we?

      I’m all about holding doors open for the next person, but I don’t think it’s just a male thing to do. I figure good manners aren’t gender exclusive so I hold doors open all over the place for women and men.

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  41. As I don’t have any of Z-D’s dress shirts to return nor your address, I cannot send a proper thank you for your bloggy fun and wisdom (today and previous, of course). I’m a big fan of polite things like handwritten thank you notes, especially in this electronic age. Glad you got one recently and it made you smile.

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    • Tara, you’ve made my day with your comment. Just acknowledging that in our electronic world something handwritten is special shows me that you’ve got it going on. Thank you for such a kind comment. 💕

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  44. Re manners: my pet peeve is when I hold the door open for someone and they ignore me. I sometimes utter a loud “you’re welcome” under my breath. But I don’t want to go through life feeling offended or miffed, so now I just do my good deed without expectation of being thanked. AND, I always thank someone when they’ve held the door for me or done something nice. It all starts with me; I can’t control others so I’ll keep doing my part to add kindness to life.

    What a nice thing though – to get a thank you note from your laundry delivery man, Mr. Miller. The world has a lot of good people!

    Susan Grace

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  45. I’m going to admit that this was not a behaviour I was taught. Neither of my parents practised it, nor required it of us as children. It was only when in my twenties when visiting the houses of friend’s parents that I became aware of other visitors sending thank you notes. It made me realise quite how rude I must’ve appeared. Being a stationery addict, I quickly got that sorted!

    Personally, I’m happy with any form of thank you – so long as it’s genuine rather than just being said for good form’s sake, be that text, WhatsApp or call – but do notice when it doesn’t happen. I have a niece & nephew who never acknowledge/thank, plus one who always does. This year I got the first thankyou note from my granddaughter (not yet 3) which is pinned up on my noticeboard making me smile 🙂

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    • deb, I don’t know how old I was when I realized that not everyone grew up with the Emily Post thank you note rules drilled into them. At first, I didn’t get it, but now I do. I agree with you that a genuine thank you of any sort is better than a forced one. It’s the intent behind the gratitude more than the form of the gratitude.

      I’ll admit that I am jealous of your thank you from a three year old. Now that’s a treasure. Lucky you.

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  46. I was raised to write a thank you note, and I still do either in paper or electronic format. It is really a pet peeve of mine when I spend time finding the perfect gift (or cash), go to the challenge of sending it, and then it drifts off into the stratosphere. Except that I usually have tracking ability, I’d never know if it was received or not. With everyone of every age having a phone these days, a text would take less than a couple of seconds to say ‘thank you.’

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  47. I was raised similarly, and perform as such, and sought to teach my children the same. They’re NOT good at it. I’ve come to terms with it, since they do say thank you and please and ma’am and sir and are generally well-mannered in polite company. However, my mother has not come to terms with it and so I tell the children, “You’re breaking Grannette’s heart when you don’t send a thank-you note” which has resulted in an increase of thank-yous, but not 100%. Half the children are grown, half almost grown now, and my influence wanes.

    I sent a book to a friend at Christmas and haven’t heard boo about it. While I’m not seeking thanks, I do wonder if he got it. I hope he will mention it when I see him in person. If not, I may well ask.

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    • joey, you’re wise to know the limits of your influence as your children get older and leave the nest. I have come to terms with the decline in/resistance to sending written thank you notes and no longer think bad thoughts about some people for not sending them. I’m pleased to receive any acknowledgment that my gift has been received. When you see the person you sent the book to, I hope he mentions receiving it first. Bringing up such a topic can be oddly uncomfortable I’ve found.

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  48. You are right, Ally, how thank you notes are almost obsolete. All the more of an impact when a note does appear. I greatly appreciate you sharing the good. An aside: you reminded me how long ago I received a thank you note for my thank you note. I had almost forgotten about this until I read your story. We had a first New Years baby of the year in Prince George and received many gifts from businesses and people. I sent out thank you cards. To make a long story short, I received one back thanking me for my note. A few decades ago, which makes your story even more special.

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    • Erica/Erika, that’s a first. I’ve never heard of anyone receiving a thank you note for sending a thank you note. It’s a charming story that is so completely out of step with our times now. Today, getting any acknowledgement of gratitude is a rarity, let alone what happened to you. Thanks for sharing that story here, it’s made me smile.

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  49. When people ask for my address so they can send a thank you note, I tell then not to worry about it. I do not mind not getting one.
    But it is nice when those do come. This made me smile.

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    • Lacey, I’m the same was as you are at this point, but back in the day I was a stickler for a thank you note. Now I shrug about Emily Post decorum, pleased when I receive a written note, not concerned when I don’t. And life goes on just fine.

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