Thinking About Good Vibes Only: What Inspires You? What Limits You?

/ Ally Bean

A friend said she was looking for inspiration.

She wanted it to be online, not in her real life because that was what she was trying to rise above– the people and situations therein.

To be clear, she wasn’t talking about inspiration about how to remodel the kitchen or plan a party or how to take better photos. Nothing like that.

She wanted to find something/someone online who had an encouraging message that resonated with her.

She asked me what inspired me online and I said people who write about their lives, share their joys and defeats, perhaps a few photos, a few quotes. I like getting to know individuals and how they process their lives.

However that was NOT what she wanted.

No, and this is where I thought the conversation got interesting, she was looking for an online group of people, a niche really, wherein she could belong. She said that her idea of inspiration was to be part of a group, then do what the group did.

That idea, in the context of looking for inspiration, seemed foreign to me, someone who joins in group things every so often but doesn’t make a practice of it. I’ve nothing against being part of a group, but I usually find it limiting, not exhilarating.

The conversation went on a bit longer, morphing into a discussion about what it means to be independent. That is, do you find yourself thinking you are independent because you have the freedom to join any group you want? OR because you are free to not join any group and do your own thing instead?

Obviously there are no right or wrong answers to the questions posed in this post, but the conversation prompted me to contemplate how I live my life, where I put my power, and the assumptions on which I base my actions when seeking inspiration.

Thoughts, anyone?

195 thoughts on “Thinking About Good Vibes Only: What Inspires You? What Limits You?”

  1. Hmmm. I don’t seek inspiration from a group, in fact it’s quite the opposite forme. The introvert in me needs alone time in order to be inspired. I am routinely inspired by things that make my senses come alive. I am inspired by things that I see, touch, hear, smell and taste. That being said, I love blogging because I love hearing what people think, and that does inspire me to a certain degree. Your post has made me think and anytime I think I’m inspired. The blog I wrote this morning is based on a news story I saw. This is a really intriguing question

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    • LA, I’m not a group person either. I’ve a lifetime of doing things on my own, so when friend started talking about what inspired her [group membership] I was intrigued. Gets you wondering, doesn’t it?

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      • Completely going to overthink this one. I’m independent, but I love to discuss things and gather opinions. I’m also a world class eavesdropper. I guess I can be inspired by others, but I would not seek out a group for inspiration

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  2. “She said that her idea of inspiration was to be part of a group, then do what the group did.” That not only seems foreign to me, it seems remarkably unappealing. Of course I’m a social creature, and I certainly take part in group activities. In a more abstract way, I see myself as a member of certain amorphous ‘groups’ — photographers, boat workers, bloggers. But inspiration is individual, not corporate, and it certainly doesn’t resemble the group-think so common today.

    Also: I don’t seek inspiration. Inspiration finds me, in the midst of engaging with life.

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    • shoreacres, her way is not my own, either. I suspect that group-think is what appeals to her and is how she navigates her life. I’m like you & can be a social creature when need be, but group affiliations make me squirm.

      I like your last observation: “Inspiration finds me, in the midst of engaging with life.” It all comes down to where you put your power, I guess.

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    • nance, this is how she phrased what she was looking for: “inspiration.” From what I can tell she hopes to find new ways to understand her life, hoping that by being part of something online where no one knows her through genetics or geography, she’ll find herself. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

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  4. Groups are okay, but some are energy-sapping. Right now I’m contemplating how to wiggle out of a group that demands more than I am willing to give.

    Aside from bloggers I choose to support, like you, my favorite group is my Pilates gang. They are interested in me personally + I get the benefit of 30 minutes of exercise that I wouldn’t do on my own.

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  5. It sounds a bit like she wants to find a church… Isn’t that a bunch of people with the same ideology gathered together to find inspiration and guidance in life?
    I’m not a church-goer myself, but I can see the appeal of finding support in a group. And something like religion gives peoples lives meaning when they can’t find it within themselves.
    …or maybe she just needs a new hobby, lol.

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  6. What an intriguing question. I am very much a social being, and I do get inspiration from many things ranging from a casual remark, a passing conversation, or sitting alone on the beach. I don’t think it ever occurred to me to seek out a group in order to get inspiration, I don’t see inspiration as something that can be that deliberately harvested! It comes when it wants to, and you never know what will create the spark.

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  7. I agree with you. I find the idea of being part of an intense group like the one your friend mention exhausting. I’ve never been a joiner. It sounds more like being led than inspired. plus, what if the group started getting demanding about your time and talents.

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    • Molly, I’m not much of a joiner either, but I realize that for some people it gives them comfort to belong somewhere. Which begs the question: are you being independent when you join a group you want to join? I can see both sides to this issue.

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  9. From your description, it seems more like she’s looking for an online community (one with similar goals that might aid her in being her best self), then the more typical definition of inspiration (often found in nature or the arts).

    The nice thing about online communities is that one isn’t limited by geography. In small towns, your real-life options would be sports, volunteer work, or church.

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  10. I think I get your friend’s situation – the desire to belong, to take part, to do something that is meaningful – I’ve felt that in different ways over the years – I’d take part in photography or writing courses, and promptly drop out because the “people part” got in the way. My most recent incursion was the Women’s Institute – but again, I found it very difficult to overcome my aversion to large groups. The urge to do something important for the community and the good of humanity is strong, but community = people and therein lies the rub.

    I just re-read your post and my comment does nothing to answer your question about independence. But that’s me, doing my own thing. On a forum that is full of people, but at a safe remove.

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    • Maggie, yes, you’re onto something with your analysis. My friend has a good heart but is feeling down because of Covid-19. I can see her getting involved in something that helps the community and that would be for her inspirational. I, on the other hand, are like you and find that no matter how much I want to do something good for humanity, people get in the way so I avoid groups.

      Answering my questions is entirely optional so feel free to say what you want here. Everyone else does! 😁

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  11. So, I joined The NY Times Facebook group for inspiration to cook. The members there are mostly highly intelligent and hilarious. I’m not a cook so I gather inspiration and learn from them. I’m an introvert too, but sometimes I need a kick in the pants to try something new. I also am doing the Noom diet to comfortably fit in my bras (lol), so I am part of the NOOM FB group for inspiration and encouragement to keep going when the scale isn’t doing a thing! 3rd, backpacking and hiking are two of my passions, so I’m part of a FB focused on this activity. I see women of all shapes and sizes out there doing stuff and I love it. None of these suck the life out of me, as I engage as much as I want. 4th, I love our blogging community and am inspired, at least weekly, with our friend’s posts 😊

    In short I use these groups for humor, inspiration, a little social interaction during this awesome pandemic, and I learn a lot from others. Hope this helps with another perspective!

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    • Pam, I can see how the way you approach group affiliations benefits you and allows you to live free, so to speak. Perhaps that is what my friend is really looking for when she says she needs inspiration. That is, what she wants is a place online wherein she can glean some useful information about that which she enjoys doing.

      I adore our blogging community, too. And like you said, everyone inspires me by sharing his or her points of view. But this kind of loose affiliation didn’t seem to be the inspiration my friend was looking for. So be it, if we’re lucky we all find our own way. I’m sure she will.

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  13. I had the same thought that Candy Keane had. So many people are reeling from the storm that has been COVID. It reminds us of an itch we have that we can’t seem to get rid of, no matter how many times we scratch it. Or maybe she’s sick of all of the shrieking sessions on social media and in the news. Being on social media as little as possible as greatly inspired me these days! So I hope your friend finds the inspiration she searches for. Does she volunteer anywhere? Homeless shelters are always looking for volunteers.

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    • L. Marie, good analogy about Covid-19. I agree that staying away from social media that inflames discord is the way to go. I’ll have nothing to do with it. She used to volunteer but with the stay-at-home orders and her own desire to not bring the virus into her family, she’s not doing anything right now. And, of course, therein may be the root of the problem. She’ll find her inspiration, I have no doubt.

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  14. I have a friend who is an introvert and is in over 50 groups on Facebook. I find that so fascinating because when I was on Facebook, I didn’t care for groups. Similar to why I don’t like group texts. I am not really sure what she is looking for, but I hope she finds it. I think after 2020, we are all looking for something to scratch an itch that we can’t reach. Unfortunately, that itch is going to become itchier as the year goes on.

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    • Kari, I don’t like group texts either and being in a FB group sounds like it’d be a lot like group texts. Of course I’m not on FB so what do I know? Like you said I hope she finds whatever it is she is searching for. I was in *friend* mode as I listened to her, so I didn’t ask any probing investigative questions because I thought my job was to listen. And yep, 2021 is going to be one big ole itch until I get my vaccinations, maybe even after. 🤨

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  15. “That is, do you find yourself thinking you are independent because you have the freedom to join any group you want? OR because you are free to not join any group and do your own thing instead?”

    Those two sentences don’t seem to have much to do with where you find inspiration, but they could both be true. Being independent means you can join or not join and if joining, you don’t need to do everything in lockstep with everyone else. You don’t have to believe everything everyone in the group says is true or right for you but you might find some good ideas and good friends while inspiring someone else in other directions.

    I’m not much of a group person but if you pick your group or groups carefully, they can be a wonderful thing. And the size of a group doesn’t matter. My husband and I were part of a “group” with another couple who got together often and enjoy each other’s company immensely. I was also part of praise team at our church back in Naperville and found it to be quite fulfilling for the most part. Just don’t expect a group to meet all your needs and don’t define yourself only by that membership. I’ve also been in groups that did less than nothing for me and which I jettisoned, in at least one case long after I should have.

    janet

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    • Janet, I suspect the answer to whether you are independent when joining a group or independent when you are not in a group is exactly what you wrote here. You can join a group and maintain your sense of independence if you are willing to trust yourself to know who you are AND can comfortably end relationships when they no longer serve you. Not all members of groups suffer from group-think, as you pointed out.

      I don’t know what my friend will decide to do in her search for inspiration/group affiliation, but she’s smart so I figure she’ll find her way.

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    • sustainabilitea: I was surprised to see you mention Naperville in your comment. I live there! I see that you have moved to Arizona to be near family. It is snowing here today and you are probably safe and warm where you are! Lucky!! Stay safe!

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      • I wish I’d know you lived there. We could have met…in warmer weather. 🙂 We moved here at the end of March last year and although it’s very nice here, I do miss the winter and snow. I know most people think that’s crazy, but I lived in the Midwest my entire life, with a couple of years in Colorado, so I’m used to winter.

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  16. At first I thought one way — groups, huh? Then I realized the joy I get from the blogging community. It’s a kind of a group although very fluid and unpredictable. I have gotten a lot of inspiration and joy from it. So each to their own. I agree with Autumn about what your friend might be looking for. I belong to not one but two on-line cat groups (I know you are stunned!) and I get a lot of information and affirmation there. Many are very experienced cat owners so it’s a go to place when you have a question and a go to place when you just need pictures of sweet kitties to soothe your soul. However, I would tell you I’m not a group person. I’m a contradiction of sorts.

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    • Kate, I’m the same way as you. I’d say I don’t belong to groups and that’s true in the sense of formal ones, BUT I’m all about blogging which is an informal group. In fact that’s what I was trying to suggest to my friend in her quest for inspiration when I suggested paying attention to individuals because they can be inspiring. Bloggers, for instance.

      However she’s more of an extrovert who wants to join an established group because she feels free to do so. Hence the conversation about what makes a person independent. The whole conversation was a source for possible contradictions, but that’s life.

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  17. I agree with others that it is probably the COVID blues that are causing her to want to find more purpose for her life. We have had a lot of time to contemplate whether we are contributing to our world or the people in it. Or just stuck in a boring cycle of routine life.
    Once we are safer, maybe more people will want to get out and get involved to make the world a better place for all. I hope so. I know we can help online but physically getting involved will feel good again.
    Joining a group or helping on your own, whatever gets results.

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    • Ellen D, yes, yes. I agree with all you’ve said. I suspect my friend’s desire to find inspiration in a group is a need to feel filled with purpose while stuck at home. She’s an extrovert so being in a group suits her personality, gives her a sense of independence that her current lifestyle does not. I’m all about “whatever works, works” so join a group or don’t. Just accomplish something that fills you with happiness and makes the world a better place.

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  18. Hi! New commenter here 🙂

    I think as humans we naturally crave connection. Whether that be online or in large groups depends on personal preference.

    In my opinion, the “inspiration” your friend is looking for sounds more like “purpose”. Looking for life or something living and active. This Covid-19 era has killed a lot of things we once found life in and removed things that gave us a false sense of life which leaves us wishing for that feeling of fulfillment and purpose again and leads us to search for that connection we so desperately crave because we were created for it.

    Independence is separate from inspiration. Even within a group, we can be free to think and do our own things which is where independence comes from but the UNITY that comes with being a part of a group does not come from agreeance (or sacrifice of independence). Unity comes when you CHOOSE to put your preferences aside to support a greater vision.

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    • kristinalissette, I agree that as humans we all crave connections, ones that have in many cases been cut because of Covid-19. My friend could well mean she’s looking for a new purpose when she says inspiration. I was in friend listening mode, so I didn’t ask her to specifically define what she meant by “inspiration.” I just went with her word because, you know, casual conversation.

      Like many commenters you mention that you’re free to choose to join a group, hence establishing your sense of independence that way. I don’t disagree with that interpretation of what being independent can mean. As with all things having to do with human beings, it’s the spin we put on what we’re doing that sticks in our minds. Not necessarily right or wrong– just how we view our life choices.

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  19. I’m not much of a joiner, either, but I spent my entire career working with nonprofit organizations, and both seeing and facilitating what happens when committed people work together for a cause or a purpose. It is world-changing and sometimes life-changing. Thus, when I do decide to join a group, it’s usually because I see something great that can be accomplished and likely wouldn’t happen without the combined wisdom and energy of the group. It really is a balancing act—especially for introverts—learning to balance outer need with inner need. Such an interesting question, Ally!

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    • Donna, in another lifetime I used to be a volunteer in various community causes, sitting on boards, working on fundraisers. I experienced what you mention: “the combined wisdom and energy of the group.” It was fun to be part of such a thing so even though I don’t join in now, I’ve had the experience of positive group affiliation. But I will say that I never joined a group to be inspired, so my friend’s pov was a new one that got me thinking enough to write this post– knowing everyone would have something to say! 😉

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      • Yeah, I think her motivation for joining might be a bit off-kilter. My guess is that if she found a cause she cared about and joined to address it, whatever she’s looking for that she labels “inspiration” would show up for her. I agree with the commenter above who said “inspiration finds us.”

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  20. I mostly dislike groups, though I guess I’m part of a loosely connected group of writers here on WP. But it’s an easy thing to be part of with no real rules. I feel there are so many rules in life ordinarily that I don’t want to subject myself to more in my free time…

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  21. If by “inspiration” your friend means validation and encouragement, a group can do that. Back when people left their houses and gathered together, I belonged to a reading group and a writing group, and each one energized me, even during depressive episodes. Visiting with my late husband’s brothers and sisters always bucked me up, too.

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    • Marian, I don’t know if my friend was looking for validation but you make a good point. I’m not sure she knew exactly what she wanted. If being around other people in a group of your own choosing energizes you, then I’m all for it. I’m glad you had the support you did when you needed it– and maybe when we leave our houses again to gather together, you’ll join in again.

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  22. It sounds like this person is looking for connection and belonging in a supportive and positive framework. On-line is just like in real though; people are all too human, group dynamics are complex and fitting in (if that’s what this person wants) is tricky. In real life, those we deal with aren’t behind a keyboard which I find more genuine.

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    • Margaret, yep. I hope my friend finds what she’s looking for but group dynamics are tricky and can be a slippery slope and she seems a bit lost. Still she’s smart enough so I know she’ll do ok.

      [Interesting about how you think people are more genuine in real life; I’ve heard both sides to that argument, too. Someday I might write about it.]

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      • I’m actually more genuine on my blog than anywhere else. I have decent manners both in real life and on-line, but for many people, they are unfettered when they can be anonymous. Is that truly who they are or do they feel safer letting the “ugly” out on-line? It’s certainly an interesting topic and worthy of a blog post!

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  23. Hmm, I like groups – as in spending time with groups of people – not currently of course, but I don’t think groups necessarily inspire me. When I workout in a group class, I feel like I work harder to keep pace, like we’re in this together. Not sure that counts. Mostly, I like to do my own thing. I like to feel a connection to a group, like my faith community. I do feel inspired by stories of people doing remarkable things in the news or in books, etc.

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    • ernie, I’m not one for groups, but I don’t shy away from them either. I can join in when I’m of a mind to. I agree with you that I don’t find groups per se inspiring, but am “inspired by stories of people doing remarkable things in the news or in books, etc.” Yep, right there with ‘ya.

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  24. Inspiration with anonymity? I’m not sure I understand what your friend is looking for. I’ve had my time of joining groups, but I found they are what has been said before – sapping, energy draining – quite often. I much prefer going my own way, choosing my own paths, following my inspirations when they strike. My alone time, as has been said, is terribly important for me – perhaps even critical for my peace of mind and sanity. I do follow a couple of weaving groups on Facebook, where I do sometimes find some inspiration, but I mostly read what others write, and rarely post beyond the “like” button. Is that contradictory of what I said before? In any case, I hope your friend finds what it is she needs.

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    • Carol, my friend didn’t want to be anonymous she wanted to be a known part of a group online that she felt would inspire her. The idea of a group being inspirational was a new thought for me. I’ve been part of many groups, but like you I prefer my alone time, where I find inspiration, over my group time, where I find limits/rules/irritation. Friend is a smart woman so I know she’ll figure out what she needs, eventually.

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  27. Introvert me does not like to be in crowds or groups, however, I do enjoy the online community of bloggers and I am also in some creativity groups where I find inspiration. One such is the Studio Yearbook as hosted by Jamie Ridler. She puts out a seasonal yearbook which is a combination of planner and scrapbook type thing and then has a group specific to that season where we can come and share our thoughts and pages that we have completed. I get a lot of inspiration from that but still feel independent in that I am creating my own pages to share, and I can share or not, depending on how I feel.

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    • Janet, introversion and extroversion definitely play into how commenters are answering these questions. I’m an introvert but would enjoy your scrapbook group in the way that you embrace it. I like the blogging community because while we’re a group, it’s a loose group with little in the way of expectations and rules and guidelines; just show up, be yourself, and play nice– that’s about all it takes to belong.

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  28. I agree with kristinalissette. Maybe your friend is looking for purpose but doesn’t want to lead the charge (hence her comment to “do what the group did”). I’m in a few Facebook groups, mostly groups of friends (one, friends from a long ago work group, and another of bloggers) or people of similar interests – photography, writing, etc. I hope your friend finds what she is looking for. There is so much out there that I can’t imagine she couldn’t find just the right group.

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    • Janis, I wouldn’t be surprised if my friend is looking for purpose, but used the word inspiration. I was in good friend listening mode, so I didn’t interrupt her with probing questions asking her to define her terms.

      I don’t do FB but I’ve always suspected that bloggers were getting together there– in addition to posting to their blogs. I wish friend was a blogger but that’s not her jam. Like you said, there are so many groups on FB, and elsewhere, that I have to believe she’ll find her niche.

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    • The Travel Architect, I think you’re onto something with the Covid isolation idea. I don’t lean toward group activities, but if that’s what inspires you who am I to say it is wrong? I like being alone, too.

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  30. To group or not to group that is the question. To be a groupie is another. Nothing wrong with finding an online group that fosters interest in whatever one is interested. With regard to your friend, I hope she finds an interest in something online, whether psychology or art, gardening, cooking, recipes, motorcycles, travel, writing, poetry, Samuel Beckett (believe it or not I was invited to join this online group; I have, because a friend invited me, my bridesmaid no less, but I hasten to add I haven’t checked it out). Maybe her immediate circle is too immediate and she wants to branch out into the wider world. Who knows, but lordy me, I could do with some inspiration. Great post Ally Bean …

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    • Susan, nicely said. Willy Shakes would be pleased.

      I’ve nothing against groups and have been known to be in a few, but I join them because of shared concern/interesting. Whether I find them inspirational is a different topic. However friend is convinced that she’ll find the inspiration she craves by being in a group, doing the things.

      I think you’ve nailed it: her immediate circle is too small right now after all these months, and she wants something new to do/think about/believe in. I’ve no doubt she’ll figure it out.

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  31. I had a hard time focusing on your real topic because I was so triggered by the “good vibes only” graphic and my question of how that was going to tie in and my dread (tempered by hope I was wrong) that I was going to find out that you are somehow a “good vibes only” person and my realization that if you are it would mean both that I’ve been completely wrong about you AND that this is a group I likely don’t belong in.

    No wonder I have a low tolerance for groups; I’ve got plenty of conflicting voices just in my head alone, thankyouverymuch.

    I dropped out of Bluebirds in second or third grade, and a sorority in 15th grade. I tried to quit my high school cheerleading squad but was convinced it would so rock the school that I had a duty to remain. I’m not a good group member. Probably because I think an admonishment to only bring good vibes is, well, an admonishment, and an act of aggression.

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    • Rita, I have to apologize for inadvertently leading you astray with the photo. I can guarantee you I’m not a “good vibes only” person. It seems to me that anyone who is happy all the time is living in denial [or trying to manipulate people], BUT I’m not immune to good vibes when they happen organically in the course of life.

      That being said I prefer to not join groups, at least anymore. I find them more limiting than inspiring, which is why when my friend specifically said she was looking for a group that would inspire her, I was intrigued. We all live our lives with different underlying assumptions, but I don’t think I’ve ever mused on what being part of a group does and does not do for a person, hence this post.

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      • I did not think you were a good vibes only person 🙂 And am relieved to learn that you are not.

        I have thought a lot about groups and what they do and don’t do for a person, but I’ve come to no good conclusions. I know I have some trouble with them. Groupthink (mentioned above) is a hard one for me. I often feel loneliest in a group. I have, at times, longed to be caught up in a feeling or experience that others in a group are having, but I always feel more observer than participant. Sometimes this is kinda cool, and sometimes not.

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        • I relate to your experiences. I often say I’m the middle of a group, holding the center firm, while everyone looks through me hoping to see the exciting edges. It’s a lonely place to be, but I’ve become used to being an observer in the middle so I’m good with it now.

          As for group think, that doesn’t work on me. I’d make a terrible politician, never willing to accept party directives at face value.

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          • I tend to be a person who sees things differently from a lot of others. At least in the groups I’ve been part of. Which does lead me to wonder if I’ve been hanging out in the wrong groups. Maybe the same is true for your friend?

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  32. I’m glad some people suggested a church because I was going to say she sounds like she’s primed to join a cult…let others do your thinking for her. I’m still struggling to understand why that appeals to her.

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    • Jean, I don’t know for sure, but she’s what I’d describe as a shy extrovert. She wants to be around people, but doesn’t want to be noticed. She’s a smart woman, but I think has been stuck at home too long with the same family members. She’s just looking for a new way to think about life, I guess. 🤷‍♀️

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  33. I’ve never been much of a ‘joiner,’ which goes a long way toward explaining why I find inspiration in nature…the less crowded the better. I DID just join a 55+ hiking group on FB, but more for the cool pics than to actually meet up with fellow geriatric hikers. It sucks to be old and not like old people.

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    • Jan, I’d find intentionally inspirational groups exhausting, too. I stumble over my inspiration, but if being associated with a specific group helps friend feel better about her life so be it. To each his own, as long as you aren’t hurting someone else.

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  35. Hmmm…interesting question. My first thought was that on social media, I belong only to runners’ groups. They are very inspiring and positive. No bickering, sniping, negativity. Runners are pretty supportive and encouraging. I am sure there are other groups like that online, but I don’t know of any. I am a joiner by nature. This year of isolation has been difficult. I do find group interaction exhilarating.

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    • Laurie, somehow I’m not surprised to learn that you’re a joiner. If that gives you, anyone, the kind of inspiration you need then I’m all for it. I can imagine that this year of mostly isolation has taken its toll on you. Even I, an introvert, am getting tired of not being around people occasionally. And that’s saying something!

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  36. I would be as mystified as you. I belong to groups (like the genealogy society, which is not normally an online thing). But I’m an introvert and a reader. I prefer doing my own thing but sometimes I read about something interesting a person has done and it could inspire me to do something similar (but not the exact same and not likely with a group in tow). I hope she finds this mysterious group and hope it isn’t QAnon.

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    • Eilene, I’m an introvert who can join a group when necessary, but I don’t anticipate that the group will inspire me. That was what caught me unaware. I, too, find that by reading about what someone has done I’m sometimes inspired to try something new. I hadn’t thought of the dark side of group identity like QAnon, but you’re right… not good…

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  37. I wonder if answers would have been different a year ago versus today? I was an only child, and I am an introvert. I enjoy gardening and sewing alone but also enjoyed outings with friends. Eleven months of staying at home, however, has caused me to say enough to alone time and look forward to the month when I can feel comfortable going to lunch with a friend inside a restaurant. Nah, probably not until next year. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Judy, that’s an excellent question. I wonder, too, how much our current tedious lockdown lifestyle has changed all of us. I’m like you, an only child, but one who can socialize occasionally and enjoy it. When I’m not staring off into nature, I find my inspiration from conversations one on one with people in real life. As for my friend, maybe that’s really what she’s longing for in her desire to be part of a group. 🤔

      Liked by 3 people

  38. I’m not much of a joiner, and I’m a total introvert who is also married to an introvert. My idea of a crowd is four people. 🙂 I have a part of major “groups” though. I’m former military, and I’m also here. 😉 I find inspiration in lots of different places: from reading, photos, landscapes, flying (I’m a pilot), conversations with good friends or work colleagues. I’ve never joined a group for inspiration.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lynette, I find inspiration in many of the same places + things that you do, and like you I’ve never joined a group with the intention of finding inspiration. I cannot exactly explain why my friend thinks she’ll find inspiration in an online group, but if that’s what she wants then it’s okay by me. However I’ll admit that her idea surprised me, hence this post.

      Liked by 2 people

  39. Was it more of a “go with the flow” desire? Maybe she was looking for answers from others that could help her with her own personal development?

    Here are two things for me personally.

    1) I like being part of a community; finding like-minded people and sharing the same enthusiasm and excitement. I blog short stories so without readers I am a heartbroken 💔 blogger / writer. And by connecting to fellow writers I feel a part of a community.

    But

    2) I am open minded. I won’t ever do what others do only because they are doing it. It’s important for me to feel authentic and everything I do need to resonate with my own moral qualities and although I could be inspired by someone’s thought or technique / tip- the final decision of mine needs to be original. It needs to fit within my own visions.

    Maybe my understanding of your question is totally elsewhere but I wanted to thank you as you got me thinking about something!

    And that’s what I am talking about. You inspired me with something that led me elsewhere in my mind but certainly helped to realise something!

    Have a wonderful day!

    Liked by 1 person

    • fabulousread, the conversation with friend was one in passing. She mentioned her desire to find inspiration outside of her normal channels. I think you may have nailed it with the idea that she was looking for something along the lines of personal development, but she didn’t clarify. All I can say for sure is that she mentioned wanting to belong somewhere online, that she was looking for a group. Then we got talking about what it means to be independent. None of this was terribly serious, just chit chat.

      I understand your way of thinking about group membership. I’m the same way. I belong to a community of bloggers who keep me sharp, but I won’t do/write anything I don’t want to do/write that makes me feel uncomfortable.

      I’m pleased that this post got you thinking. I try to add something of value here every time I post. Thanks for taking the time to write your thoughtful comment. Lovely to *meet* you.

      Liked by 1 person

  40. I avoid groups like the plague. Part of it is introversion and part of it is a fear of mob mentality. I prefer to interact with one or two people at a time and find plenty of inspiration in books and in quiet conversations with family and friends…

    Liked by 3 people

    • Barbara, I understand your point of view. I’ve had to be part of groups enough times that I’ve come to about the same place in my thinking. I enjoy friendly small groups, but formal ones don’t work for me anymore. Although I’m comfortable in an informal group like the blogging community which is huge, so maybe it’s not the group experience I dislike as much as the rules and expectations of group? 🤔

      Liked by 2 people

        • I’d never thought about the formality of group expectations until I started interacting with commenters on this post. A few people brought up that idea and I realized that I’m cool with any casual group affiliations, but the ones that have too much structure turn me off. And I agree with you 100% about blogging: “Lots of quiet little conversations…”. Works for me.

          Liked by 2 people

  41. Quite a question which comes back regularly in philosophy classes in high school!

    It would take more than a comment to answer I guess but I do understand your friend when she mentioned she would love to find an online group of people, wherein she could belong, to be part of a group, then do what the group did.
    Although I’m a very independent person and need my “me time”, I’m feeling very isolated these days (curfew, lockdown etc…) and long for other humans with whom I could “commune”. Not necessarily in the religious sense but an interchange of ideas or sentiments or activities to share with a group seems like a positive thing to do.

    Liked by 3 people

    • VO, your take on what my friend is looking for rings true to me. Isolation, courtesy of Covid-19, is making it difficult to know exactly what any of us are looking for. I suspect that your term “communing” is why she wants to be part of a group. It’d be something to do outside of her usual life which has gotten quite small. Thus she thinks that she is being independent when she chooses to join a specific inspirational group, allowing her to break free from her dull normal. Thanks for this comment and your insight.

      Liked by 2 people

  42. Your response to Kate sums up how I feel. There are extroverts out there who put me to shame on a regular basis. I have a sister who’s consistently involved in several groups at once (i.e. two book clubs for which she never gets more than 3/4 through any one book). I listen to her regular updates and am both amazed and exhausted. In theory I like the idea of meeting new people and getting together with them. I practice I am an introvert! – Marty

    Liked by 2 people

    • Marty, I hear ‘ya. I’m an introvert who had to adapt to the extroverted world in order to survive. Now that I have the luxury of avoiding people more often than engaging with them, I’m happier than ever. I suppose that’s why the idea of intentionally joining any formal group baffles me. Still, if that’s what my friend wants to do to find her inspiration, I’ll support her in doing so. Just don’t expect me to follow.

      Liked by 2 people

  43. Interesting question & fascinating discussion in the comments Ally. I started off thinking your friend was simply looking for “her tribe” as she doesn’t have that level of connection with those people she is spending all her time with day-to-day – and of course pandemic isolation has intensified that experience. I do hope what she is looking for is some form of purpose or self-development, but what she said she was seeking from a group was disturbing in how she sounds worrying vulnerable to cult recruitment. It may, of course, have been poor wording on her behalf as she was struggling to articulate what she’s missing.

    Taking it to a me me me perspective. I used to be an out-and-out extravert, but these days am way more introverted. I still love the company of people, but as I tend to attract so many who need something from me, it’s become draining, so I don’t socialise much. Fortunately Himself & I enjoy each other’s company 🙂 but I do miss the random encounters I tend to have with strangers when out & about. I do agree about inspiration – it pops up where & when you least expect it. That’s what I like about it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Deb, I didn’t think of the cult recruitment angle when I was talking with my friend. I was pretty much in listening mode. I took her desire at face value in that she was tired of the people [her family] that she’d been stuck with for months, and wanted a fresh way to think about her life. New people to connect with online. I take your point though and will keep a watchful eye on her from afar.

      Z-D and I are fortunate, too. We both can be extroverted when necessary, but prefer our quiet introverted life so while I am bored with not going anywhere in general, I’m happy about staying home with him for as long as we need to. I can imagine how draining it must be for you when you socialize. I don’t know that anyone needs anything from me when I socialize, other than for me to say “I understand” and nod my head sympathetically! 😊

      Liked by 2 people

  44. Ally, I’ve joined groups on FB because I thought they were interesting and provide good information on whatever topic it was about. Well, not necessarily. One book group drove me nuts because people were posting a lot of nothing that informed or inspired. I prefer to be in groups with a purpose and of my own choosing, which I suppose makes me independent.

    It sounds as if your friend just wants to be part of something with other people who are supportive and that’s okay. During this pandemic, it’s been difficult to feel part of anything if you’re not venturing out much. I hope she finds a positive group that is comforting or inspiring to her.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Mary, you make a good point about why you join groups. If I do anything group-y it is because of the purpose of the group, so I feel like you do that I’m independent when I choose where to direct my attention.

      I think friend is on the right track to finding what she needs to endure this pandemic. I wouldn’t join a group for the purpose of inspiration, but that doesn’t mean it won’t work for her. You nailed it with “a positive group that is comforting” for her. That’s all she wants right now.

      Liked by 2 people

  45. Hi Ally Bean–fascinating post! I am not really a very good group person these days. Was in a book club for years but last year tiptoed out of it. Very challenging to do in our small community. Now there’s a Zoom group of friends that wants to meet monthly. I am plotting how to get out of that one, too. It’s just the sense of obligation is worse than the benefits of social chatting. I prefer one-on-one “small” groups. So much better!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Kathy, I love your phrase “tiptoed out of it.” Been there, done that, too. I also feel a sense of obligation once I join a group, but reading through these comments I’m not sure that everyone feels the same way. I prefer small groups, too. Of course I can cope in large groups, but given my druthers I let my inner introvert call the shots.

      Liked by 3 people

  46. Maybe, maybe, it’s like when you’re just sick of your circumstances (or merely bored, fatigued, whatever, or coronavirused-out as others suggested) ) and yearn for a change, to interact with people who have no preconceived notions about you. While I don’t see myself in your friend’s situation, I do have times I just want to be somewhere I don’t recognize anybody, which may stem from similar roots. I believe sometimes that people are looking for others to share their metaphysical burdens, and while this isn’t me, I do see people who are looking for others to do their thinking for them, if only in the short term.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes, yes, Colette. I agree. My take on friend’s circumstances is that she’s sick of her current roles and longs for somewhere away from her genetics and geography where she can be herself, following along with a nice group of people who won’t ask much of her. I get her desire, but like you I don’t especially want other people thinking for me. But if that gets her through these Covid-19 times, so be it.

      Liked by 2 people

  47. Being part of a group does not take away your independence. Groups are about community; being part of something that is meaningful to you and brings value to your life. By participating in a community, you’re not only adding value to your life but also to someone else’s life. I founded and run a group to give a safe space for women to connect, collaborate and engage in the spirit of sisterhood. Many of our group members joined the group because they wanted to be inspired. That does not mean they cannot inspire themselves. It just means that they want to expand their horizon. We don’t live in a vacuum. Humans inherently want to feel connected and one of they ways we do it is through community while still maintaining our independence.

    Liked by 1 person

    • gapmuse, you present a great case for the positive aspects of group membership. I don’t often join formal groups anymore so when my friend suggested doing so for the reason she did, I was surprised. In truth, I suspect that the places a person finds inspiration vary as much as the people on this planet. I agree that we, any of us, don’t live in a vacuum and we are as independent as we set our minds to it. When you get down to it that’s why I [you?] write a blog, to move beyond my geographical limits and connect to a wider community out there, an informal group of bloggy friends.

      Liked by 2 people

  48. Groups are not my thing. Especially group projects, ugh, no. Collective… large diverse groups sure to yield tidbits for thought or inspiration, like the whole office, or the whole neighborhood, or the whole church — more my thing, but honestly, alone is my thing, because processing.
    I like to be on the fringe, observing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey, I think the same way as you do. I like your distinction between being in the collective and being in a group. I’ve done the group things, contributed and even occasionally lead a group, but I had to do those things for reasons. Now that I’m free to do as I please [more or less] I groove on being part of the collective, like the blogosphere.

      Interesting that you say you stand on the fringe to observe. I say I stand in the middle to observe. Same goal, different locus. 🤔

      Liked by 2 people

      • You make me laugh! I sometimes find myself in the same place as you did with comments. I see someone ahead of me has said exactly what I’m thinking, so what to do, what to do? Mention them in my comment? Leave a comment for them in the thread? Reword what has been said? Like what they said and leave it at that? I bet there’s a good blog post in this topic, the etiquette of being a comment *copycat*.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Donna, a few commenters have mentioned that my friend might be looking for a sense of ‘purpose’ and used ‘inspiration’ to describe her goal. I was in listening mode so I didn’t ask her to define her terms. And many people have mentioned that there are some great groups on FB. I’m not on FB so that may well be. All I know is she surprised me when she suggested joining a group for inspiration because I think of groups as limiting, but I suspect that she knows what she needs to feel whole. She’s a smart woman.

      Liked by 1 person

  50. As a quilter I joined our local quilt guild & it’s a great place to find inspiration. I only lasted a year as it just wasn’t condusive to working full time, being on call, rural life and not doing much quilting. But on Instagram I follow a couple of quilters that I don’t know and often get inspired. That’s on a very small and irregular basis but if it’s a tangible “item” then inspiration can be found in a group setting.

    Liked by 1 person

    • bernieLynne, you make a good point about how group membership can be useful for tangible items, like quilting. When you need to see something and you want to learn more about the how-to of it, then groups can inspire. They show you the way, but friend wasn’t looking for anything like that. She was in need of a sense of community that lifted her out of her doldrums, or daily life. It was a causal convo but one that got me thinking.

      Liked by 1 person

  51. My husband and I were talking about his friend the other day…his friend, P, is a jointer, always looking for his tribe. He wants to belong, to adopt a whole culture, to find like minded people. So he gets into hobbies for a while, sometimes spending a lot of money (like when he bought a Harley and was part of that culture), then eventually decides the people are not to his liking, and bails. Drums, guitars, RV, boat, motorcycle, etc. He’s a nice guy, I’m just not sure he is comfortable in his own skin with who he is. Remember the Brady Bunch, when Peter was trying on personalities, trying to find one that fit? Kind of like that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • J, love the Brady Bunch so your reference made me smile. You’ve nailed it with how some people aren’t comfortable in their own skin so they adopt a culture for a while to try to find themselves. Your friend P sounds like he has deep pockets– and an ever changing sense of who he is. Friend can be a bit indecisive so maybe she’s being like Peter. Or maybe the bottom line of all this is as simple as joiners gotta join. Whatever floats your boat, as they say.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ally, you’re right, P has some deep pockets. He’s not rich, but has a pretty good job and no mortgage, etc. So he has spending money, and likes to spend it on fun and hobbies and joining groups and so on. I don’t get it. But as you say, ‘whatever floats your boat’.

        Liked by 1 person

  52. Ally, I’m not sure if I just didn’t sleep well last night or not, but I had to read this three times.
    I don’t get it. Joining a group for the sake of being in a group? Same interests maybe? Hmmmm…
    Maybe she’s been isolated too long. I’m not sure. I’m not really a group person unless I’m talking about my expansive group of friends IRL or my blogging friends. I suppose someone could talk me into joining some sort of butterfly or gardening group, but even then, I’m not sure.
    One thing I do get is GOOD VIBES ONLY. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Suz, I’m going with the idea that she’s been isolated too long, stuck at home with her family for months now. This was a casual conversation that got me thinking about what I want if I join a group. I’m like you in that I rarely join in formal groups, but when I do it is for shared interests. Inspiration may or may not happen therein. I’m glad you like good vibes, too. I feel we all could use more of them lately.

      Liked by 2 people

  53. Good question. I think independence is the ability to join any group but also to not join any group and do your own thing. It is to be formless, to flow and mould into anything you want and when the time comes, to leave and shape yourself as you see fit. Like water.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your description of independence is delightful. I’m reminded of Odo in Deep Space Nine, if you know your Star Trek. I agree that if you know yourself well, you can join a group, leave when need be, mold yourself in the way you must, then keep on moving through life independently. Thanks for the thought-provoking. comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  54. Is your friend by any chance an extrovert? Extrovert types seem to be having much more difficulty dealing with the COVID social isolation. I’m not really a group person, unless there’s food involved. I’d be more likely to get my inspiration from a book….

    Liked by 1 person

    • Joni, my friend is what I’d describe as a shy extrovert, so what you said makes sense. She’s been home for a long time now, so looking for inspiration in a group makes sense to her. However, like you, I tend to get my inspiration elsewhere…

      Liked by 2 people

  55. I hear you. There’s nothing against groups, but I have never looked for them. In Southern California, I stumbled accidentally into a group and loved it. It was an at the time, large art association which members met monthly, hosted by one of the larger homes. To see how other artists lived fascinated me, and loved the controversy and diversity in the discussions. Now I live back in the suburbs, maybe I should look again for an art association in Austin …. Jesh

    Liked by 1 person

    • Junie-Jesh, I wonder what kind of artist groups you’ll find in Austin. It is known for being a city that has a vibrant arts community. I’m smiling about meeting in other people’s homes, then checking out the vibe. I find myself doing that on Instagram, looking at the photos and trying to decide if the interior is what I’d expect from this person.

      Liked by 1 person

  56. Your friend’s search for inspiration is perplexing to me (and a lot of others it seems, based on comments). I noticed in one comment you said your friend is an extrovert, and that’s why she wants to find an established group, not blogging. But I’m also an extrovert (albeit with introvert tendencies), and I thoroughly enjoy being part of the blogging community. Like you said – it’s fascinating learning about how others live their lives, and blogging is also a great way to have very thought-provoking conversations like this one. Plenty of inspiration to be found in the blogosphere.

    Finding a group, and copying what they do sounds like the opposite of inspiration – it sounds quite dull. I suppose in regards to independence, freedom to join and leave groups does count, but there seems to be a lack of *independent thought* within the group. With blogging, you can come and go as you please, and think and write whatever you want. That sounds more like true independence and freedom.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Pistachios, I agree with you. I don’t find group membership in and of itself inspiring. I may stumble across inspiration in the process of doing what the group expects of me, but friend, who I’d describe as a shy extrovert, thinks she’ll find the inspiration she craves in an online formal group. This is something that had never occurred to me, thus I got thinking about the conversation later.

      As for being independent, hear, hear to what you said: “With blogging, you can come and go as you please, and think and write whatever you want. That sounds more like true independence and freedom.” In fact that’s why I explained to friend how I find inspiration, alluding to my experiences in blogging. But she was not interested in, never has been interested in, connecting with people through blogging. I’m sure she’ll eventually find what she wants, she’s a smart woman but one who may have been at home with her family for too long courtesy of Covid-19.

      Liked by 2 people

  57. This is an interesting trail to wander along and ponder… I do like groups because I like to hear interesting things and people often share new ways of thinking or doing things. However, I also MUST have solitude. And most of my inspiration comes in the quiet. This is definitely a concept that I’ll be thinking over for days. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Amy, the conversation was casual between friends, just flowing along, but later I got thinking about how differently people decide what gives them inspiration. And what group membership means to me might not be what it means to you. No right or wrong, just lots of shades of gray… as the comments here prove. 🤔

      Liked by 2 people

  60. Very interesting. I have friends who I do get ideas from but I always turn it into my own by putting a twist on it. An easy example is that a lot of my friends are interested in being eco-friendly. We regularly share our latest projects and cleaning products, etc. However, this often inspires me to be curious in my daily life. My friend showed me how to grow an avocado tree and I have tried this and enjoyed it but I then tried regrowing carrots and she tried lettuce. I cut up a pepper the other day and then thought, why not grow the seeds? To me, this is inspiration. Being curious. Whether it’s from your own interests or shared interests is irrelevant.

    Most of my inspiration comes from my interests. So, I like to make things, be eco-friendly, swimming and unwind in my me-time.

    On a note about swimming, a lot of swimmers are sociable swimmers and like to chat to others, go swimming in large groups, personally I swim to escape and it’s my happy place so I hate the intrusion in this way. I’m there to release tension and to free my mind, not to chat about my life and their life. I don’t join swimming clubs because I’m quite an introvert and I’d just not be able to find the quiet amongst all of the chatter. It really depends what you want and need from your hobbies.

    Ironically, I was talking to my mum about a walk and how walks meant solitude and mindfulness to her but to my grandad, it was a sociable outing. Neither of them is wrong, it’s just a different purpose. Some of us need to connect and some of us need to disconnect from the world.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mermaidingaround, I agree with your statement: “To me, this is inspiration. Being curious. Whether it’s from your own interests or shared interests is irrelevant.” I also think you’re onto something when you talk about understanding the underlying reason why a person goes for a walk, are you after solitude or socializing? Neither are right or wrong, it’s just that we all do the same thing for different reasons– and that’s a truth that’s easy to forget.

      Liked by 2 people

  61. I think it’s pretty natural to find inspiration in other people, and why just cast around those who happen to be geographically close to you when you have the whole world available through the net?

    Liked by 1 person

  62. Inspiration for me comes in usually in dramatically unexpected places, often at inopportune times. As though the very essence of what it is to be inspired, to find words to share my stories, to create stories for fictional characters living lives based solely within my mind, to string together random words evoking emotion into poetic stanzas, wants to test my commitment to it. I find I understand your friends desire for belonging, but I cannot help but wonder if perhaps it is simply she is still searching for meaning within inspiration and therefore looks for sources outside of herself.

    Life has taught me to go within more often than not. Being led from thought to thought, motivation to motivation, based upon the outside world sends me into perpetual vacillation of what I desire versus what the world is saying I should desire and it has resulted in the tenuous nature of my interactions with inspiration.

    Like

    • Interesting thoughts. So true, we find inspiration in unusual places. The confusion that results from perpetual vacillation is a difficulty for us all. Look within seems like good advice.

      Like

  63. Hmm – I think I like doing my own thing to be honest Ally. Although one could term the blogosphere a big group, we don’t gather all together, at the same time, so that excludes that idea. Maybe your friend is just missing the casual association of colleagues or friends due to the pandemic. In the case of work, gathering around the coffee machine and discussing things enjoyed like a TV program, movie, novel all have become a thing of the past. I know when my boss and I moved from a 75-person law firm out on our own, that was the biggest thing I missed, the camaraderie, whether it was stopping at someone’s desk, chatter at the coffee machine, even in the elevator with coworkers. Suddenly there was no one to talk to for hours on end.

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    • Linda, I’d say that it is the casual camaraderie that friend misses. She’s been at home with kids and husband for months now. She’s what I’d describe as a shy extrovert so she’s missing the people. Also I think she’s tired of being a mom in charge all the time so when she said she wants to do what the group does that makes sense to me. I’m more of a free spirit so formal group membership doesn’t call to me, but if that’s your thing, then do it.

      Liked by 1 person

  64. Ally, did your friend have any other kind of hobby… that perhaps interested she would have loved to explore with a group?

    Or perhaps needed a ‘fellowship’ kind of group… Like she felt stronger when a part of something bigger than her own self? To belong.

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    • biko, friend does have some hobbies so I wouldn’t be surprised to learn she joined a group that focused on any one of them. You may be onto something with your idea that she feels stronger when a part of something. She’ll be fine whatever she decides to do– as long as it lifts her up beyond the limits of Covid-19 restrictions and staying home all the time.

      Liked by 1 person

  65. Pingback: Thinking About Good Vibes Only: What Inspires You? What Limits You? – EXPLORE AROUND THE WORLD

  66. Hopefully, we are independent thinkers who can join a group to further express ourselves and gleam new revelation from like minded individuals. Neither can we always stand alone nor can we depend on groups. Balance is key!

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  67. See for me, I’ve Always felt I didn’t really belong In groups like I never fit in but when I put myself out there I thought it was the best thing ever and I met new people and there is freedom in that. at the same time though I love being independent rather than dependent on other people and don’t get me wrong inspiration comes from all around when I try to find my own creation my own ways not in ways that others see fit for most things.
    It’s weird because I’m not an introvert but I’m also non extrovert I guess I mean introverted extrovert if that even makes any sense I love being around people but I get shy and nervous but then again once I feel comfortable I come out of my shell and everyone loves it including myself

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    • I’ve heard people refer to themselves as ambiverts, meaning that they can be either introverted or extroverted depending on their goal in the moment. Maybe that’s how you are? In any case as long as you’re learning something about yourself as you join or don’t join in groups I figure it’s all good.

      Like

  68. hi ally
    i am late to this post but one thing to chime in with!
    one of the reasons i like wordpress is that we have very wide boundaries with the community we connect with here
    sort of a group
    but we can expand and pull in the circle lines as we desire ….

    Liked by 1 person

  70. I am more of a lone wolf myself. However, on the occasion I have worked with a group or even members of my work team, I have always gained a new insight or saw things from a different perspective.

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    • Kristina, I agree. I, too, have learned a lot about how other people do things when I’ve been in a group. Haven’t always thought they knew what they were doing, but therein in an insight! 😉

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