In Which I Grumble About A YUCKY Routine Medical Procedure

/ Ally Bean

But first, yesterday BOSSSYBABE posted an interview with me for her ongoing monthly Blogger Spotlight Series. I was thrilled to be asked to participate. Go HERE to read the interview. ‘Tis more upbeat than the following, I can guarantee you that.

• • •

• FIRST FUN FACT: I had a routine colonoscopy last week. It was every bit as awful, loathsome, & dreadful as I remember them to be.

Corollary to first fun fact: It took me 40 days to get the doctor’s practice to call me back after my initial phone call to schedule the procedure, then four weeks after that call to have the procedure. I was a returning patient. I have insurance. YET they played phone tag with me until the magical mythical Brittany was ready to schedule me, a mere patient pawn in the Gastroenterological Version of Game of Thrones.

• SECOND FUN FACT: I have puny weak sad little veins that when deprived of liquid, as happens when one does a colon cleanse prior to one’s colonoscopy, said veins become elusive. So much so that it took the nurse FIVE attempts to get the IV inserted into me.

Corollary to second fun fact: My right hand is sore. Almost the entire top of it is black & blue, as if someone used it as a pincushion.

• THIRD FUN FACT: I did my colon cleanse on the night that Russia invaded Ukraine. Meaning that while *indisposed* in the bathroom I was also watching on my cell phone, that I never take into the bathroom except on that particular night, as the surreal international situation unfolded in real time.

Corollary to third fun fact: I probably heard about the Ukrainian woman with the sunflower seeds long before most people did. She was a passive-aggressive ray of light during my long night confined to the bathroom.

• FOURTH FUN FACT: There’s nothing wrong with my colon so that is good news. HOWEVER after the procedure while I was in the post-op area the doctor told me that I have: “an extremely twisty colon.”

Corollary to fourth fun fact: I’m a polite articulate woman, but for the life of me I had no idea what to say in reply to what the doctor said. [Would you?] Should I have said something like ‘thank you’ or ‘oh dear’ in reply? I just said  a less than eloquent “huh” and continued to sip my Coke.

• • •

• • •

219 thoughts on “In Which I Grumble About A YUCKY Routine Medical Procedure”

  1. I’d offer a twisted colon comment, but I don’t want to risk offending you (or your colon). I did read the interview. I think I learned a few things. I hope you have a great week.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Dan, oh you can’t offend me on this topic. It was an unpleasant experience made more so by the circumstances going on in the world. And a nurse who couldn’t get the IV into my hand. 😑

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m trying to think of the best quip back at the doctor: “You think my colon is twisty? You should see my brain!”

    “Glad I got my money’s worth.”

    “So basically my colon is a mountain road and you’d prefer a freeway. Good to know.”

    Sounds like not a very fun time, especially the hand. I give blood on a regular basis and my veins are excellent and yet every so often my arm comes out bruised and/ or bloody. Yet once or twice I’ve had absolutely no pain or bruising. Maybe more nurses need to practice embroidery or other fine motor skills?

    Liked by 4 people

  3. First of all, great interview. I never pictured you with curly hair but I am officially envious. Ally, it is good news your colon is healthy! That is an odd statement from your doctor. I would have made some wise crack about Chubby Checker or some such nonsense. I am very awkward in those situations. The situation in Ukraine is dire and heartbreaking and I am planting more sunflowers this spring than I ever have before.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Maggie, a BRILLIANT comeback. Obviously I didn’t think to say that, instead laying there wishing this guy would wander off to his next patient aka pawn. I was already planning to plant sunflowers this spring. Like you I’ll be planting more of them now. Love that woman’s spunk when facing down Russian invaders.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. How do you respond to twisty colon? My gastro told me I did an excellent job at prep (apparently not everyone does) …but I did feel stupid saying thanks…I really focused on the process. Glad my hard work paid off…

    Liked by 2 people

  5. all well and good to have a comment after the fact, but firstly good news that your colon is ok, nay good Ally Bean. I’ll check your interview in a moment. I would have liked to have said something about a semi-colon; or maybe not. But, it’s done! Hope the hand shows lighter hues of blue and black soooon.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Susan, made me chuckle with your semi-colon comment. I have a shortened colon, courtesy of emergency surgery years ago to remove a knot in it. My cousin used to tell me I was a semi-colon. Hadn’t thought of that in years! My hand looks awful, but every day it gets better.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Doctors have terrible gatekeepers, almost without exception. I don’t know why that is. Another symptom of our horrendous healthcare system here. I’m glad you are done with your colonoscopy and to good result.

    Liked by 1 person

    • nance, yes Brittany and her gang were lacking in all ways. She infuriated me, which is kind of difficult to do– doctor’s daughter here. Yet when I got to the clinic, everyone was professional and friendly, a 180º turnaround from scheduling.

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  7. Doctors/medical facilities in my area must be hard up for patients because they call YOU to schedule appointments/procedures. Last Friday my husband had his annual physical and his PCP put in a referral for him to see a neurologist. Not ten minutes later, in the middle of the physical my husband’s phone rang – it was the neurologist’s office! Same goes for any lab tests/procedures. As soon as the ‘order’ goes in – Bam – you get a call to schedule said lab test/procedure.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Grace, it’s the complete opposite here. It takes months to get appointments, even if you’re an existing patient. And even then with Covid lurking around the corner, doctors postpone on you on the day of your appointment. You’re fortunate to live where you do. It used to like that here. I miss the ease of it.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Goodness, there’s a lot of potty humor happening here today. My six year old granddaughter would love it. Glad all is well, but the wait you encountered to get to the actual procedure was ridiculous. Did you move to the UK and are dealing with the NHS? That much wait time could be lethal for someone who does have an unknown issue.

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  10. Yay for a good and healthy, albeit twisty, colon. I kind of thought colons naturally were twisty. Maybe yours is just extra fun. You know, like doing the twist. Let’s twist again…like we did last summer. At least it’s not sick and twisted! Healthy and twisted is much better.

    I have yet to have a colonoscopy, but my husband has had a few as his father passed away from colon cancer. The prep seems to be worse than the actual procedure.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nicole, made me laugh out loud with “Let’s twist again…like we did last summer.” Thanks for that.

      Your observation about having a colonoscopy is in my opinion 100% on point. The prep is awful, no other way to describe it. However when it comes to the procedure I was put under, had a nice nap, and didn’t feel a thing.

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  11. Firstly, sympathies for the prep (and the procedure). Even greater sympathies for the horrendous booking experience. But HUGE THANKS for the laughs – especially those in the comments. I suspect this is how it’ll be if either Himself or I have to have one – we’re bad enough as it is now. I mean in terms of toilet humour rather than – ahem – usage… 😉 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    • Deb, I cannot believe how difficult it was to schedule this routine procedure. As for the prep, it stinks [pun intended] and was memorable considering what I was watching unfold before my eyes. I’m still tired today from all the stress associated with having this procedure. I don’t bounce back from medical things quickly– not do I suffer in silence about them.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think too much is expected of us with regard to bouncing back medically speaking, whereas I believe we should be required to take it easy in order to recover properly. Especially after something as draining (sorry) as this one.

        And being you, you managed to turn it into an excellent blog post too 🙂 Nice work!

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        • I agree that we are all expected to take medical diagnosis/procedures in stride as if nothing weird has happened. I find it’s better to acknowledge that something is/was upsetting, then set about figuring out how to avoid it in the future. Learn from the experience.

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    • Laura, thanks for your support about this rather whiny post. I figure it’s good for me to vent– and it’s good to discuss what’s wrong with doctor offices and their ways of doing things. With a competent office staff the entire experience could have been much better, less stressful.

      Liked by 2 people

  13. “They” always say that the worst part is the preparation. Perhaps it’s really the conversations with the medical staff after? Well done, you, getting the test. It’s no fun, but worthwhile.
    I have a feeling there will be a lot of sunflowers growing in gardens this summer . . .

    Liked by 1 person

    • Arlene, I agree that the prep is lousy and there’s no way to avoid it. This was a routine procedure but the doctor’s office staff was less than helpful. I don’t know why. I love sunflowers so I’m looking forward to seeing them everywhere this summer. Like you I sense a trend in the making.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. A lady who does blood draws once told me to drink lots and lots of water the day before you need one and that makes your veins pop out and easier to find. Since then I practiced that and have had no trouble at all with a tech finding a vein at the first attempt. Glad you passed the the test twisted colon and all.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jean, I, too, have been told to drink lots of water the day before having my blood drawn. Normally I do that, when I’m allowed to do so– but not with this nightmare procedure. Of course now that I know I have a twisty colon, I feel empowered to take on the world!

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    • Deborah, there’s nothing to do about the veins. They always become an issue when I’m involved in medical procedure. You know what I mean. Can’t say that I was jumping for joy to do this colonoscopy, but am happy to have done it. I was overdue, too.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Thanks for sharing this and your wonderful interview. I have to say, I have, so far, not been “summoned” for a colonoscopy, my doctor preferring little poop tests until something comes back abnormal. I’m very good with that. For all I know, my colon is twisted, too? What does one respond to such? The comments took care of any potential witty responses I might have had 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dale, thanks for checking out the interview. BosssyBabe is a delightful interviewer. I am on the colonoscopy list, not so much because of age, but because of previous abdominal surgery. I show up, but I hate them. No one has told me before that I have a twisty colon, though. 🤔

      Liked by 2 people

  17. The lovely quote about seeds imposed on the Ukrainian flag stands out here. All I can think about is loved ones I know in Kiev who are undergoing unbelievable persecution at this very moment.

    Congrats on a great colon cleanse and good report, Ally!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Marian, it was trippy to watch what was happening in the Ukraine whilst otherwise engaged. I agree with you that the people are being persecuted. It’s horrifying. In a way it put my cleanse into perspective: minor inconvenience versus life permanently turned upside down.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Can you really trust someone who went to medical school and decided on the specialty of the colon? Glad that everything was normal except for the twists and turns of the prep. Not a fond memory for me either although the last time wasn’t as bad as the first couple. The Ukraine situation is breaking my heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Margaret, you raise a good question about when in med school do you suddenly announce ‘it’s gastroenterology for me.’ And are your parents proud? I think the doctor was ok, but his office staff left much to be desired, playing games with my emotions. The Ukraine makes me sad, too.

      Like

  21. I thought you didn’t talk about medical stuff on your blog?? LOL, I caught you!

    I had virtually the exact same experience scheduling my one and only one. And I waited until I was 53, so I still have a nice long wait until my next one. I had a very rude nurse who accused me of being pregnant (at age 53!) because she asked when my last period was and I was late (again, age 53!) She wanted me to take a pregnancy test, but of course, I couldn’t urinate, so then I had to sign a waiver. When I told my PCP, she was appalled!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bijoux, I know. I violated my own self-imposed rule. I felt like venting so I went ahead and wrote/published this.

      SO SUE ME! 🙄

      What is the deal with accusatory nurses? I had one in the process of this procedure but decided not to talk about her here. I’m glad you were able to sign a release waiver. I mean after the horrible prep, no on can pee in a cup. And if they can, did they do the prep correctly? 🤨

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  22. I feel like you and I are twins because I’ve been looking for GI physicians all week. Which brings me to my second point: why do we need a relationship with a GI doctor? Why can’t they simply have colonoscopy clinics? Or do such locations exist?

    I’m happy your report was positive! How long will it be till the next one?

    PS- I really like that quote. That grandmother is now our grandmother. 🙂

    Like

    • Kari, the doctor I see for colonoscopies is part of a group that has 3 clinics. You arrange everything for the procedure via phone, which would be fine IF the staff were better trained, able to get things done professionally.

      As it was I had to push Brittany to do that which she was supposed to do: me calling back many times returning her phone call only to find that she was unable to take it; me doublechecking that she had sent my script to the pharmacy [she had not]; and me not getting a phone call a few days before the colonoscopy to discuss any concerns I had.

      You see the problem here. 🤨

      Liked by 1 person

  23. I am baffled by the doctor’s office difficulty in communicating. What in the world? I have had more colonoscopies than I can count. The docs kept looking ‘up’ instead of ‘down’ . . . I needed an endoscopy to diagnosis my celiac disease, but in the meantime I got lots of looks at my colon. Fun fact – the prep is SO much easier than it was in the mid 90s. Still awful, but drinking something called Go-Lightly was the worst part, for me.

    I think I would’ve asked WHAT DOES HAVING A TWISTY COLON LEAD TO?

    Sorry about your poor bruised hand. I am a squeamish person (vaso vagel reaction makes me pass out) so I dislike it when a nurse will TELL me that she’s having difficulty nailing my vein. Say less, please.

    I hadn’t heard the sunflower quote. Oh my, that is something to think about. Too sad.

    Glad you got a clean bill of health. I enjoyed your interview over at bossybabe. You are a gem.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ernie, if I’d been more alert I’d have asked the doctor what the twisted colon meant, but I was still a little loopy– and just wanted to drink a Coke in peace.

      I’m with you about telling me too much about what’s going wrong. I kept staring at the wall instead of at the nurse. What she was doing really hurt, and I have a high pain threshold. Still the bruising is subsiding.

      Thanks for reading the interview. I haven’t done anything like that in years. It was fun ’cause the questions were good ones.

      Like

  24. I haven’t had a colonoscopy yet but I’ve heard from lots of people that have and there are two camps of people. Those who remember and those who don’t. And let me tell you – the people who remember are TRAUMATIZED and the people who don’t remember seem to indicate it is about as traumatizing as flossing one’s teeth. Perhaps the non-traumatized people don’t have twisty colons?
    Sorry about the IV. I have great veins (#sorry), but still hate the process of IV’s so, so much. I had to get iron infusions last year and I legit couldn’t sleep the night before because I knew every infusion would require an IV. It ended up being okay, but I’ve had some bad experiences (during deliveries) and know how absolutely horrific the IV experience can be. Hope it’s feeling better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Elisabeth, I don’t remember a thing about the actual colonoscopy BUT everything leading up to it and afterward have left an impression on me. Better office staff would have made this procedure less anxiety-inducing– but I survived with a few stories to tell.

      I’m used to there being problems with IVs, but usually it’s 2 maybe 3 tries, not 5! My hand looks like I’ve been boxing someone without gloves on. The bruising will fade over time, but REALLY why did this have to happen?

      Like

  25. I suppose a colonoscopy prep and the onset of war are both so awful it makes sense to combine them.

    I think the answer to the twisty colon comment is a heartfelt thank you, as one would offer after receipt of a compliment. She probably got a good workout, winding the scope around. 🙂 Way to keep her on her toes.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Suzanne, you’re right. The prep and onset of war seemed like a weird destiny. It was the middle of the night and I wanted to talk with someone but didn’t want to wake anyone. So I sat there.

      I like the idea that a twisty colon is a compliment. Why not? I truly didn’t know what to say! 😳

      Liked by 1 person

  26. Good news your colon is ok if a little twisty. I’m glad the doctors got to the ‘bottom’ of it.
    The news from Ukraine is sad and worrying. I’d rather have a colonoscopy than be there. Your account and some of the comments made my eyes water!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I have not yet had to suffer the indignity of a colonoscopy but my time is coming, I am certain. I hope I have your grace and sense of humour when it does, Ally.

    Deb

    Liked by 1 person

    • Deb, I’m sure you’ll survive when your time comes to have a colonoscopy, but it is NOT a pleasant experience. Don’t believe the hype. I remember nothing of the procedure, but the prep is embedded in my memory.

      Liked by 1 person

  28. I’ve had one and I think I get to wait another couple years before I’m due for the next one. I try to think of the prep in a positive light, perhaps I’ll lose a pound or two in the process. Not sure what my colon looks like but I have been told my uterus is tipped. Loved your interview.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Janet, I am not saying I’ll never do one of these colonoscopies again, but the thought has crossed my mind. Nice to know about your uterus, I’d always wondered about it, you know? Thanks for reading the interview.

      Liked by 1 person

  29. Like that Twisted Sister song went, I’m glad You’re Not Going To Take It from the medical establishment, and won the fight, and got good results. The only (other than the positive results) ray of sunshine is that the physician didn’t try to say “twisted colon” in Latin, imagine how scary that might sound? I’m off to read the interview!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Laurie, what a great idea. When I decide to start a heavy metal band I’ll use your idea for its name. You’ll get a cut of the profits, of course. 😉

      Like

  31. Whoa, we must be running parallel in the universe right now. Had a routine colonoscopy a few weeks ago. First round I was two packets in with the “cleansing” and got a phone call to say that the doc performing my procedure had to quarantine for 5 days so my procedure was cancelled. The bright side? I lost a few pounds! With respect to your second fun fact, I am not sure if my veins are puny but when I had my first child, a nurse tried multiple times to get an IV in, it felt like she was slicing my arm open with a knife. Eventually she called in reinforcements but ever since then, I just about have an anxiety attack when I have to put an IV in! To your 3rd fun fact, I don’t have a twisty colon (seriously doc, aren’t all colons twisty?) but I did have the doc tell me my uterus felt quite enlarged when he was in there. Now I get to go for an ultrasound!

    Like

    • Lynn, at least you didn’t get all the way through your prep before the doctor had to postpone. That’d have been awful regardless of how much weight you lost. You’re right about it feeling like a knife when the nurse couldn’t get the IV to work. I’m like you beforehand, I experience anxiety knowing how difficult it is going to be. No twisty colon, you say! Good luck with your ultrasound. At least there’s no prep with them.

      Liked by 1 person

  32. Well, I am glad you got a good result. It is a horrible prep but I have never had the pills before. I have always had to drink that awful stuff! I have one more left to do in a couple of years and no more after I turn 75! Finally, perks to getting old!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ellen D, you’ve given me an incentive to make it to my 75th birthday! I shall look forward to that time when doctors stop attempting to guilt me into having a colonoscopy. [They may call it recommend but it feels like guilt to me.]

      Like

  33. I have a lot of medical people in my family and they do make the oddest remarks. I probably would have asked the doctor how many twisty colons he had to deal with on a daily basis. The invasion of Ukraine had many of us on the pot. I’m sure you weren’t alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jan, you’re right. My dad was a doctor and he occasionally had a strange way of stating things. I was too tired to ask the doc what he meant about my twisty colon, but I’m sure to him it made sense.

      Like

  35. I was told I have a tilted pelvis. Didn’t know what to do with that either but it has done me well for a long time. Can’t help you with the IV but I don’t let them put it in my hand. I find that to be the most painful place! They sometimes have trouble finding suitable ones but I’ve already asked for the supervisor. Nicely of course.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Aw thanks for the shout out Ally! 🙂

    I have the same itty bitty veins… Always takes a few tries on each arm… Grr… Also, what a coincidence, my husband had a colonoscopy done a couple weeks ago too.. He was very indisposed and unhappy about the inconvenience…. I might have choked back a few chuckles lol not bc I’m a monster but bc he was all confident he’d be fine (“no sweat! “) after drinking the juice 😅

    So glad all is well though! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • BosssyBabe, when I go into these medical situations I know I’m going to become a pincushion, but I don’t like it. The vein thing is just something to be endured.

      That’s quite a coincidence about your husband’s colonoscopy. I don’t think you were being a monster to chuckle at him, I think you were finding the humor in the moment– keeping the situation light. Might as well do that because there’s nothing great about that prep stuff. 😒

      Liked by 1 person

  37. Well, isn’t this an interesting topic. 🙂 Been there, done that, had the tshirt, and I would not have had a snappy comeback. I might have asked to look at the xray or whatever they use these days. Several years ago, my insurance company mailed me one of those do it at home kits. It’s probably way cheaper for them. I’ve done that for several years, messy, but no cleansing or appointments needed. Now, let’s talk about growing roses because that definitely is a better topic. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Judy, I’d be more than happy to do the at-home kit. When this colonoscopy nightmare rolls around again I may look into the at-home kit. Certainly that’d be good enough.

      Clearly you’ve read the interview! We have a dedicated quadrant of rose bushes by the side of the house in sunshine. They’re part of my butterfly garden. They grow there, but last summer they looked darned scraggly. So this summer I’m going to apply myself to maintaining them better so that they’ll look beautiful to humans as well as butterflies. 🌹

      Liked by 1 person

      • Rosebushes requires a year round maintenance plan, and that is why you do not see them in everyone’s garden. I switched from the beautiful ones with names to Knockout Roses which require almost no maintenance. Find yourself a good plan that outlines pruning, fertilizing, and mulching for your growing area, and you should be good to go.

        Liked by 1 person

  39. “YET they played phone tag with me until the magical mythical Brittany was ready to schedule me, a mere patient pawn in the Gastroenterological Version of Game of Thrones.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Another blogger wrote in her blog this morning that the woman handing out sunflower seeds was doing so as an act of should I say something to her?

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  41. I was afraid you might be talking about a colonoscopy, which I’m well overdue to have. Sigh. I barely made it to my last one because by the morning of the procedure when I had to continue drinking that yucky stuff, I was gagging and unable to keep it all down. Since I was knocked out, the procedure itself wasn’t bad and I guess I don’t have a twisty color or if I do, no one thought to mention it to me. I would also have been stuck for any sort of response. I’m glad to read there was nothing wrong other than the long wait, phone tag, and having to have the procedure in the first place. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Janet, I understand how you hesitated about going through with the procedure on the morning of it. I felt lightheaded, but Z-D convinced me to follow through with it. I have a twisty colon but I still don’t know what a person is supposed to say to that. As for the doc’s office and the games they were playing, not happy about it. But I also don’t care enough to bother to complain to anyone. It’s not like seeing your PCP who you have an ongoing relationship– with a specialist it’s just ships that pass in the night.

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  42. Oh, Ally. I am so sorry you had to do colonoscopy prep; dealing with global meltdown on topic of melting bowels is just a bit much, isn’t it? I had to do that kind of prep just about a year ago, and although I’d had colonoscopies before, it had been about two decades and let me tell you: It was not the same experience. It was a.horror show.

    Of course, we are all glad your results were negative, but I have to ask: Isn’t there some little part of you that almost wishes that there WERE something there–because that would somehow make it better that you had to endure the prep and procedure? Not a terrible something, just something easily treated (but that would be bad if not treated) so that you can think: Well, I’m sure glad I got that colonoscopy done. (Maybe that’s just me. My colon isn’t twisty, but some other part of me likely is.)

    Liked by 1 person

  43. Great interview with Bosssy! (It only took me two years to realize she uses three S’s in her name.😊) You might think, nobody else probably writes about their colonoscopy, but you would be wrong. 🤣🤣🤣 Here’s my take along with my deepest sympathies.😎

    Liked by 1 person

  46. Wait a minute here, I think you broke one of your own rules today! As far as twisty colon doc goes, being as blunt as I am, I might have just blurted out what the F does that mean, especially if I was still loopy on the anesthesia lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Martha, YES I broke my own rule about not talking about medical things on this blog. HOWEVER I felt that in this particular situation the topic matter was important enough to warrant a post about it. PLUS I wanted some sympathy for my weird awful experience. I’m surprised I was as quiet as I was about the doctor’s comment BUT the Coke I was drinking seemed more relevant to my good health than whatever the doc was saying. 🙄

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  47. Well, here I am — seventy five years old and still haven’t had one of those procedures. I’ve heard the stories, though, so you have my every sympathy. As for that description of a twisty colon, you could have come back with a rendition of “The Long and Winding Road”!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda, that’s a great comeback! I didn’t think of that, obviously– but it’s perfect. I’m on the list for colonoscopies because when I was younger my colon knotted itself shut thus necessitating surgery to remove that part of it. Once the medical community tiptoes through your innards, they never let you forget about it. Hence the regular *need* for the dreaded colonoscopy.

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  48. I still very much enjoy your quirky take on life’s little unplanned events, in your own charmingly cynical manner.

    My doctor tells me you no longer have to drink a gallon of icky stuff to do your cleanse. Is he being truthful? As for twisty colon, I think my first blurt would be, “Is that bad?” Then I’d dance the twist. I’m glad for your healthy colon.

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    • Catsandcoffee, I’m not familiar with Rainbow Clothes. Jen does spell her blog name with three ‘Ss’ so she’s probably in the clear. Yes, I’m the proud owner of a clean twisty colon. Let the bells proclaim my joy! 😏

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  51. I’ve only had one colonoscopy. After that, I talked the doctor into allowing me to do the at-home test. I should probably do the real thing next time. Ugh!

    I don’t think I’d have a snappy reply to the news of a twisty colon. Probably just “Hm.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nicki, I’m hoping that the next time my PCP starts pushing me to get a colonoscopy I’ll be able to go for the at home test instead. Or I just might say “NO” and take my chances. As for my twisty colon, I’m proud but clueless about what that means. In this particular situation, I like being clueless.

      Liked by 1 person

  52. Never heard of an extremely twisty colon. My response might have been, what does that mean? But then again, you were in a post-op fog… You have my sympathy over the timing of the colon cleanse and the invasion of Ukraine. So happy the news was good for you in the end. Ukrainians seem to have a lot of spunk. One asked a Russian soldier standing by his broken armored vehicle, “Can I tow you back to Russia?”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Barbara, usually I’m a curious person, but in that moment I was devoid of curiosity. I still don’t know if that was a compliment or a concern. I don’t care. Just glad that awful procedure is over. I agree about the Ukrainians. I love the quip you shared here. They seem to have a dry sense of humor I get.

      Liked by 1 person

  53. Oh god, the dreaded colonoscopy! I had one recently. I thought the doctor handsome and when he praised me after the procedure for having a “very clean” colon, I was sure he was flirting. So take “twisty” as a compliment and go proudly forth.

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  54. Oh, YUCK! (At least it’s done and all looks fine.)
    I have veins like you – and stabbing my hand is pain enough to keep me away.
    You know, for years “they” have said “OH, gut it up. You’ll be old enough to get past all this someday” – but every time that bench mark arrives, it changes to “oh, that is old. It’s still recommended at your age, sooo…” Nooooo! My dad had a “routine” colonoscopy late in his 80’s.
    In any case, once again, humor saves the day…well, saves it later, but that’s something!

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    • philmouse, I’m sorry you have lousy veins, too. At one point as the nurse was stabbing my hand again, she asked me if it hurt. As if there was a possibility that it wouldn’t? 🤨

      While the top age is going up for colonoscopies, the bottom age is going down. I can’t decide if these gastroenterologists have found a cash cow OR if there is a legitimate need for the test. All I know for sure is that having a colonoscopy is AWFUL.

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    • Annie, I hope that the news is a cease fire. That’d be much easier to watch than the beginning of a war. And let me wish you the best with your colonoscopy. Wonder if your colon is twisty, too?

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  56. Man, what was up that doctor’s ass with a comment like that?!

    In my line of work, a colon is never twisty. It’s two dots used to offset two independent clauses. The only prep needed is a passing knowledge of punctuation.

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  58. The interview with Bossy was great!
    Not so fun with the colonoscopy. Yikes. Sorry about the pincushion hand and I had a feeling you were twisted. Just not your colon. WHAT THE HELL?

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  59. That does not at all sound like fun, but at least it’s done, and your colon is clean and healthy, albeit twisty. “Huh” is probably how I would have responded too. Or maybe I would have asked if that was bad, but since he didn’t say it was, I’d not worry about it. Now you can just reserve that factoid about yourself as a nice ice breaker at your next formal gathering. 😉

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  60. Hmm – a snappy comeback for a quip about one’s twisty colon is likely not in the pages of Emily Post’s etiquette books! You did fine. My veins aren’t good for drawing blood, but I used to give blood all the time at a local Catholic church where the Red Cross set up temporarily in the adjoining school’s gymnasium. They had three blood drives a year. The last time I gave blood, I had an early morning appointment. They had the second tier workers doing the blood draws, while the experienced workers tittered about their exes while enjoying coffee and donuts in a corner of the gym. The young woman couldn’t find a vein in my arm(s), despite the fact that I drank a copious amount of water the day before to make it easier. She stabbed and practiced on me over and over, but when she finally found a vein, the needle would not stay in. I told her she needed to use an orange and to get a supervisor to do the job. She wouldn’t get one, so I called at the top of my lungs. I think the supervisor might have choked on her cruller. But she got the blood and I was black and blue for a very long time. That’s the last time I gave blood … my A+ was not a positive experience.

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    • Linda, thanks for your support. I truly had no idea what to say, yet felt like I should say something, but had nothing to say. Weird moment.

      Your experience while giving blood sounds horrific. I’ve never done that because I know my veins are dodgy. Getting stabbed by a nurse searching for a vein is never fun but for you to have to start yelling for help… that’s surreal. I can understand why you and your A+ stay at home now. No act of kindness goes unpunished, eh?

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      • People often don’t think before they open their mouth, do they Ally? After all the failed tries to get the blood draw started , I was getting very irritated with the supervisors cackling away in the corner and not supervising this worker, who likely was mortified when I raised my voice, but I had enough. I feel badly now with a blood shortage due to the pandemic, but I’m not going to resume giving blood.

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        • It was a ridiculous situation to be in. I think you were wise to shout. I know I’d like to give blood, but also realize how my iffy veins could make it a miserable experience.

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          • I think so too. They often had to try each arm to get a good vein for me. If you have to have a blood draw, drink a lot of water (eight glasses) the day before as it is supposed to make more fluid in your veins, plus two glasses the morning of the blood draw. Their recommendation to me.

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  61. Oh Ally, Glad you are well and you have my sympathies for a less than desirable procedure and the frustrations getting the appointment up and running. Even with our extensive and largely free health care, it can take up to six months to get this procedure done here, even when you willing to pay. We have a national poo test screener that arrives in the mail once a year or two, if you are over 50. It picks up so many people that the queues for colonoscopy are – well as long as our colons!
    I read few many of the comments on this post and admire all the witty people here – I am not as clever as them so the only thing I could add is a colonoscopy is a rite of ‘passage,’ in our older years! One that no one enjoys. Twisted colon? – I would have interrogated the Doctor for the implications until he ran away and hid from me! My mind would have been spinning with thoughts of potential higher susceptibility to intersusception, IBS, invisible polyps etc but it is probably just am idiosyncratic colon and he was just making light conversation about their favoured topic – as Gastroenterologists invariably seem to do (about our GIT). Loved the questions bosssybabe asked in your interview. A bit different from the usual.

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    • Amanda, thank you for your sympathy. I don’t usually talk about medical things here but I was feeling particularly put-upon about this experience. I wanted someone to say there, there, I understand and you did! I love your line: “a colonoscopy is a rite of ‘passage’.” It most certainly is, no matter how you define passage.

      I was too out of it to interrogate the doctor about what he meant by his description of my colon. I suspect it was just gastroenterologist humor, more than anything to worry about. Still the next time I see my PCP I’ll ask her. She’s a reliable translator when it comes to doctor talk, turning a medical colleague’s comment into real people language.

      The interview was fun. I was honored to be asked to be part of her monthly series. Jen asks great questions.

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  62. My husband had some worrying symptoms in March of 2020, and it was SO hard to get a colonoscopy scheduled then, due to Covid. We finally got one scheduled for June 3, only to have the office call us and said that the CDC issued new guidelines banning screening procedures for the next two months. I called them back and thankfully, was able to get it rescheduled for the same day. If we had listened to the CDC, he wouldn’t have been diagnosed with colon/rectal cancer until mid August. As it was, by mid August, he’d already had his radiation and his first chemo treatment. Just goes to show, persistence does count. It shouldn’t be necessary, but it is!

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    • Ann, yours is a heartening story. I’m sorry about your husband’s diagnosis of course, but it is wonderful that your persistence paid off and he got treatment started quickly. I don’t know what the deal is with doctor’s practices anymore. In my case they sent me the letter telling me to call them, then played games about talking with me. In the end I was given 4 different phone numbers to call and I was made to feel like a pest for calling them.

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  63. Twisty colon to go with your kinky hair! Really enjoyed your interview. You’re very succinct. Tomorrow my interview comes out and boy, do I drone on. Take a No-Doz if you choose to read it, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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    • The Travel Architect, I hadn’t thought of the correlation between my hair and my colon, but there is a theme there. Oddly enough. I look forward to your interview. Will make myself an extra strong cup of coffee to sip as I read it! 😉

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  66. Oh, there is something to be said for shared colonoscopy experiences. Mine would be too ugly to post, but we are a band of sisters. Nice to meet you, Ally. Jen’s post was terrific, and I see we have mutual followers.

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  67. That was insightful in ways I never could have imagined. I hope you have a good post op experience and healing is easy. Twisted colon though what! I don’t think any response can make it better. You did well. I love how you wrote this. I don’t think it could have been written in a much more easier to read way. But I truly hope that you are fine best of luck.

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    • Mehreen, thanks for your kind words. It was quite an experience to have a colonoscopy, let along prepare for one as a war started. Me and my twisty colon are ok and if nothing else got a story out of the experience.

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  68. I was going to look up the “sunflower seed woman” but I saw the blue/yellow sign at the end of your post so… Also, you cleansed your colon the night Russia invaded Ukraine. Not sure which is more invasive but they do seem to go hand-in-hand.

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  69. I am not sure how I would have replied to the commmet about a twisty colon – perhaps ask him what that means??
    And the few people I have know to get a colonoscopy have said they felt amazing afterwards – in the gut that is. I know your hand was bruised – but did you feel better in other ways ? Or was it just the same ?

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    • Yvette, I was too loopy and thirsty to think of what to say to the doctor. Normally I’m an inquisitive woman, but not in that moment. My gut has NOT been thanking me for allowing it to be cleansed then probed. I still feel icky-ish, which I understand is normal. It may take 2 to 4 weeks until all is working smoothly again. 😟

      Liked by 2 people

  70. Pingback: In Which I Grumble About A YUCKY Routine Medical Procedure – Nelsapy

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