The One About Phonies And Alter Egos And Solving Problems, Maybe

/ Ally Bean

I AM A REALIST. I am who I am regardless of where I am.

As such, being a naturally inquisitive person, I find people who are phonies, that is people who pretend to be someone they’re not, endlessly interesting.

Thought-provoking, in fact.

[E.g., Elizabeth Holmes or George Santos or Rachel Dolezal.]

They are my opposites and tweak my curiosity about the line between reality and fantasy, between harmless daydreaming and unhealthy delusion.

Allow me to explain.

Thinking back over my years of blogging I’m reminded of one blogger in particular who wrote her blog as if she wasn’t who she was. This wasn’t flash fiction nor was it catfishing, mind you, but saying upfront this is a fantasy of who I wish I was, a different personality, so I’ll write all my posts as this alternate version of me.

She lived in a small midwestern town but pretended she was living in a large southern city.  She thought of herself as a resident of that large city and she’d describe her days doing the same things she did now [working, shopping, dining] AS IF she lived there.

The thing was that for me after reading her posts I couldn’t decide if this phony persona was just kind of a fun thing, a light-hearted goof; OR if there was something seriously wrong in her life that prompted her to become someone else, albeit briefly.

In truth I was never sure how to comment on what she wrote, so I politely wandered away from her blog and I cannot even tell you if she’s still around.

I doubt it, though.

• • •

SO WHY AM I talking about this topic today?

Not because I idealize or hold any animosity toward this former blogger, but because of something I read a few months ago and have pondered on since. This something got me thinking and wondering– and reminded me of her.

Believe it or not.

What I read was advice written by someone who claimed to be a mental health therapist. This seemingly legit advice was about how to solve what may appear to you to be an intractable problem.

The advice suggested that you create an alter ego of yourself [not a super hero] that you use to contemplate your problem; an alter ego was defined simply as a different version of you. The advice said that by mentally running the details of your problem through your mind as your alter ego, you’d gain clarity.

Now I have problems, who doesn’t? And I do try to solve them, but never have I ever thought about creating an alter ego of myself, for any reason. I may be too pragmatic, or unimaginative, for such.

Or snarky. Perhaps I’m too snarky.

But I digress.

So tell me, kids, does the idea of creating an alter ego of yourself, something I’d describe as a phony version of yourself, seem like a way to gain real insight into your problems? Have you ever done this? And if so, how’d it go for you?

I’m curious to know what you think about this approach to solving problems. Do you feel it is sound or is it wackadoodle?

Please discuss below.

241 thoughts on “The One About Phonies And Alter Egos And Solving Problems, Maybe”

  1. Nope. The closest I came was when I was at the end of relationship. During heated arguments I occasionally felt myself lifting out of my body and looking down the scene. Yeah, weird. My therapist said it my way of coping. It didn’t solve any problems though. Sometimes I try to come at something through someone else’s eyes for their perspective but I’ve never created another me to do that. My mom always said one of me was enough.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Kate, interesting about how you lifted out of your body, yet knew you were you still. I’m good at seeing things from another person’s perspective, but have never tried to be a different version of me. I’ve my doubts about this alter ego idea, but then thought maybe it’s a good approach? I like your mom’s take on you.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I can kind of relate! My method of coping when things go really wrong or sideways is to sleep. Somehow during sleep my subconscious works out the problem…most times, and if not gives me hope enough that an answer/solution will come to get me going in the right direction.

      Liked by 4 people

    • Nancy, I look forward to learning how your alter ego works out for you. I have yet to create mine. And I’m saying that as Ally Bean, really I am!

      Like

      • I see the therapist’s suggestion as akin to asking WWJD? (What Would Jesus Do?) when faced with a moral dilemma or a crisis of conscience. So, because WWJD? doesn’t work for me, I will instead ask WWMPD?

        I am satisfied that Mary Poppins (who is practically perfect in every way) will inevitably know exactly which advice to proffer in ANY situation.

        By way of example, she might suggest:

        A. Let’s Go Fly A Kite (i.e., procrastination)
        B. Feed the Birds (i.e., distraction)
        C. A spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down (i.e., a sugar high)
        D. A tea party on the ceiling with Uncle Albert who LOVES to Laugh (i.e., a not so subtle reminder that Laughter is the best medicine).

        So today when faced with paying bills with EXTREME inflationary tendencies (e.g., a 70% increase in our HOA Insurance Premium), I asked, WWMPD?

        Her response?
        All of the above!

        A. I deferred payment until Friday.
        B. I distracted myself with an expanded response to your post.
        C. I ate a few DOVE dark chocolate nuggets.
        D. I laughed at the discrepancy between the amount of the bill and our bank balance. 😀

        Is the problem solved.
        Nope.

        But I feel better!

        Liked by 5 people

        • Nancy, THIS IS PERFECT. Thank you. I like your WWMPD concept and the specifics you’ve used to identify your answer. I’d forgotten about the Uncle Albert song but the other ones I instantly remembered. And it is all reasonable advice.

          Mary Poppins was all that and a bag of umbrellas.

          70% increase in your insurance premium? Holy McMoly, that is a lot. I think you responded perfectly to the problem at hand, especially the Dove dark chocolate nuggets [something I haven’t had in ages].

          You’re right he problem still exists but you’ve done your best to make yourself feel better. And isn’t that what counts?

          Liked by 2 people

  3. I often think of someone I admire, a mentor, and ask myself what she would do. But I haven’t pretended to be someone else. If I was going to do that, I would write a book and use that person as my protagonist.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Martha, exactly. I’d do the same thing. Create a different persona, then use that persona as a main character in a fictional novel. I am not sure I could be a different version of me, even if I wanted to.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Martha’s got it. My natural inclination is to wonder how a better person would handle my problem, and that’s typically sufficient. An alter ego: never have I ever, never will I ever. But family members and close friends – I see theirs all the time and they fascinate me. Not sure I’ll ever know the real persona behind the facade of some of these people.

      Interesting conversation going in the comments here, Ally. Much deeper than the (tele)phonies I thought you were going to talk about, (whatever/whoever those are ha).

      Liked by 2 people

      • Dave, your approach to solving your problems makes sense to me. Think about someone who embodies a better nature than yours. I know what you mean about seeing phony people around you, in real life and in social media, too. I am fascinated, but like you realize I’ll probably never know the whole story about them.

        I figured this topic would lend itself to many comments and points of view. Thanks for stopping by to join in.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I think only a person who is not happy with who they really are would create an online (or IRL) persona to present to the public. George Santos comes to mind. You are obviously happy with the real you, Ally, so no need to create a different identity.

    However…I like the idea of creating an internal alter ego to solve problems. There are lots of times I need help with a problem, but I don’t want to go to my friends and ask their opinion. Sometimes I don’t want to share and sometimes I think they will wind up just telling me what they think I want to hear. Maybe a wild, purple-haired, sassy, alter ego who wears sparkly clothes and cat-eye glasses is exactly who I need to give me advice.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Laurie, I agree with you. I felt that the blogger from long ago wasn’t happy with who she was, but couldn’t put my finger on why. She confused me.

      Your logic for creating an alter ego is brilliant. I know what you mean about going to friends/family with problems and wondering if they’re telling me what I want to hear. As for your alter ego, she’s wonderful. IF I had one mine would have purple hair, too.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ok, as a writer I can slip into being someone else while I am writing enough to know their actions and thoughts and feelings. However, as a human I too am a realist and vote for wackadoodle. Let’s take the currently most vulnerable (emotionally or mentally) and encourage them to play with their own heads….

    Liked by 2 people

    • Luanne, good distinction between writing a character and being the writer who creates the character. Like you, another realist, it’s difficult for me envision another version of me. So true about how this advice could really mess up someone who is vulnerable already.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I think they might have been trying to tell people to look at their problems from the point of view of an outsider. That approach sometimes brings more clarity

    Liked by 3 people

  7. “Or snarky. Perhaps I’m too snarky.” I love that.

    The idea of creating an alter ego for me – in my head – with whom I can interact, does not appeal to me. Creating fictional characters and putting them into fictional settings in the form of a novel appeals to me. But my characters are not me, and I don’t consult them to solve problems. I think that advice, coming from a therapist notwithstanding, Is not good advice. I think you need to work through your issues as the person you are.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Dan, I tend to agree with you. I don’t know that I could create an alter ego of me, let alone interact with her. Creating fictional characters is wonderful, but they are, stick with me here, fictional which is all good. I’ve pondered on this advice [probably too much], and have come to your conclusion, too.

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Wow! It seems crazy to me to create an alter ego. I don’t have time for that! I know I’ve spent sleepless nights trying to solve certain problems with someone that likes to cause drama in our family. But never have I ever thought about creating an alter ego to deal with them. Hmmm… maybe I should😹

    Liked by 2 people

    • Beth, this advice hooked me into thinking about it. I never ever have considered creating my own alter ego, so it seemed different to me, too. But maybe there’s value to it? I don’t want to dismiss the idea out of hand, but am also a bit wary of it.

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  9. I don’t necessarily think it is crazy, but I don’t think it would be particularly helpful, and would take a lot of energy creating this new persona first. If you’re having problems, might you not create a more screwed up version of yourself while you are at it?
    My technique is to be myself and think what advice I would give to my daughter or friend if they were in a similar situation. I’d rather rely on the confused me I know than one I’d create under difficult circumstances.
    So, did you ever find out if she was a mental health therapist as she claimed?

    Liked by 3 people

    • Dorothy, yes, yes! You said it. Think of all the energy it’d take to create this alter ego when you could just be your best self and advise yourself like you would a friend. I like the idea of relying on a confused me, the real me.

      I didn’t investigate in depth to find out if this therapist was completely legit. She said she was psychologist, referred to herself as Dr. I took her at face value.

      Liked by 2 people

  10. Creating an alter of yourself does help, but it is not a “phony” version of you. Not the way your blogger did. It doesn’t mean that you become someone else entirely, you can still be true to who you are, albeit tweeked.

    I found that this does help with certain problems.

    For example, financial woes, as I’ve been having quite a few of those this year. My reaction to them: freak out. It’s impossible to solve, it will never be solved, there’s only one of me and so many hours in a day. I’m going to starve, I’m going to lose my home, I’m going to end up in a box under a bridge. I cry, I panic, I get stuck. I can look at the problem 942 ways to Sunday, and it always comes out the same: it’s impossible, and the only solution is to panic. I have created an “alter” for things like this. This alter is as cold as ice. She is me, but emotion is removed from the situation. I can’t do this unless it is this version of me looking at the problem, because the truest version of me is a ball of emotion mixed with a lot of rational, logical thought. As this alter, it’s not a problem.

    I put it through her thinking. Suddenly, what was impossible and caused a mental collapse repeatedly is not as bad. It’s impossible, I will never sleep again, and the lottery seems like a viable solution, but I’m not freaking out. I’m still mulling the possibilities. I am working out schedules in my head, places to tighten my belt, things to focus on that are pragmatic and real. Emotions have their place, but sometimes they overwhelm more than help.

    It’s an alter of myself because I am this way normally. When something huge and overwhelming happens, I can’t control the emotions associated with it. Not without forcing the filter, or alter. I have two: one is pure logic (like a Vulcan) and one is pure emotion. Sometimes, my natural reaction to something is so logical and rational it’s abnormal. Like the end of my relationship. It just is and whatever, but it was 20 years of my life. So I put in the emotional alter so that I can cry and fuss and get it out. Then both sides of me have a say and a reaction.

    It’s not a false version of me, it is still me. I am not being a phony because I don’t move in the world this way. These come up only to help me process and problem solve, then recede into the rest of me again.

    You don’t have to create an alter who lives in a different place, or time, or situation. That is likely not what the therapist meant. But creating a version of you that can assist you IS what they meant.

    I hope that makes some sense.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Marlapaige, you’ve explained this so well. Thank you. I understand what you’re saying and bet that is what the therapist was getting at, but was unable to make it clear, at least to me when I read it. It’s not being a totally different person, it’s leaning into certain aspects of your personality to help you solve a problem. But of course!

      This alter is as cold as ice. She is me, but emotion is removed from the situation. This makes sense to me and I’m just a little jealous that you have this alter ego at your disposal. I could do with some less emotionally charged reactions to things that happen to me.

      You’re right that you’re not a phony version of yourself when you use your alter egos, but the first thing I thought of was that blogger from long ago who confused me with her fantasy version of herself and her life. She fascinated me then, still does.

      Again thanks for sharing this.

      Liked by 3 people

      • You’re very welcome! I’m glad I could make it make sense to you. It is actually a fairly common practice in therapeutic situations, and even one that I suggest for some of my clients. You simply pick a part of yourself that you want to have more say in decisions, and then work to bolster that version of yourself. It isn’t easy to create a functional alter, but it is worth it. What’s really fun is when you are using your logic alter and then the emotional side punches through and beats it to the ground without warning. It takes effort and time, but is worth it.

        “I could do with some less emotionally charged reactions to things that happen to me.” It depends on what you mean by this. If you mean less emotion in the moment, then you should not want to succeed at that. That is not who you are naturally, and it is creating an alter like the one that didn’t make sense to you. Someone cuts you off in traffic and you get instantly angry and say some choice words, that’s who you are. It’s when you are mulling over a problem, at night, and the problem has reduced you to a puddle of tears repeatedly that your alter should be able to step in. It’s only a solution to a problem, not a lifestyle. Creating it as a lifestyle is not an alter, not really. It is growth as a person (depending on how you are doing it), but it is not a momentary alter for a problem. I hope that makes sense too.

        As for your blogger from back-in-the-day, there are many reasons she could have done what she did. One could have simply been that her real life bored her and she was creating the life she wished she had (think Roseanne and the ending of that show where the last two seasons were all shown to be false). Another could have been a story that you didn’t know about. I have known people who live as their character for a while so that they know everything about them (think actors and actresses creating a character outside of what is on the paper). She could have been talking about the daily shopping sprees or whatever because she wanted to know that character and her reactions. Finally, it could have been mental illness as you’ve postulated.

        But as someone who works in the field, I would not suggest someone create that level of an alter to solve a problem. That CREATES problems, not solves them. I have only suggested it one time, but not in the way we have been discussing. I worked with a teenager who had a lot of trouble problem solving in a way that wasn’t, on some level, self-destructive. However, she had a keen imagination, and would often have full conversations in her room with herself. Usually complaining about some wrong she had endured that day, expressing her frustrations, etc. She would respond to herself with statements along the lines of “it’s not fair,” or whatever. She said that she imagined that she was talking to someone who was her best friend, which is why they always supported her. I suggested that she really create that person. The person she wished she could talk to. What would that best friend act like, think like, be like? We spent two sessions working out the details of who this friend was. I must say, this friend was probably the most stunning and amazing woman ever! Independent of my suggestions, the girl decided her “best friend” would let her vent her frustrations, but after a time would grow weary of the complaints and help her figure out ways to solve her problem. I know this sounds like a strange thing to promote, but this girl had left school and was always at home with her biggest triggers. With the help of this “friend” she was able to calm down and work out what to do. Instead of screaming her frustrations at her family, she would scream them at this friend, alone in her room, and the friend would help her find ways to approach it that didn’t involve taking it to a thousand over something fairly minor. Her relationships with her family benefitted from it. With time, these reactions became more and more a part of her, and this friend became less and less necessary, but remains there for really big ticket items.

        So for her specifically, I promoted her creating an alter to the extent of that blogger, but not for herself. For the person she spent the most time grumbling at because she was stressed out. Yes, it was herself, but she never saw it as such. She was always her true self. She just had that little voice that told her to take it down a notch, and instead of ignoring it on her tirade, she has a reason to listen to it. With time, that little voice that she so easily ignored became a loud voice that she respected and listened to. It was always there, but she imagined it as outside of herself. It’s harder to tell someone else to shut up lol I still communicate with her, and she still uses it, but very rarely and only when pushed so far she’s ready to lose her mind. Otherwise, she just hears the suggestion as her own voice now.

        So, just remember that it’s not about changing you. It’s about finding a way to filter things in a way that is different, but still you. And it was still her, she knew it. She just needed to perceive it as outside herself at first.

        If you do decide to use it, I wish you tons of luck! If you need someone to help you figure it out, I’d be happy to help! 💖💖

        Like

        • This is a good way to remember what the alter ego needs to be about: “You simply pick a part of yourself that you want to have more say in decisions, and then work to bolster that version of yourself.” That makes complete sense to me. I wonder if we all do that naturally if we’re self-aware and get older? A rhetorical question.

          I also think you make an excellent point that having an alter ego you depend on is a solution to a problem and isn’t a lifestyle. I cannot imagine changing myself so much that I wasn’t who I am now, even if the revised version was based on aspects of me. I get confused just thinking about that.

          In some ways this topic reminds me of the wisdom of running decisions through your gut before you do something: brain first, stomach second. Or when applied to personal problem-solving: real you first, alter ego second.

          Liked by 1 person

          • I think some of us naturally do it, and don’t even realize it. That’s why it seemed so drastic and foreign to you: you do it on some level without even realizing it.

            That is a perfect analogy: mind -> gut. It’s slightly different, but completely same concept. Running it through your gut is a more emotional reaction: like/dislike, trust/distrust; this is to help with more complicated problem.

            Liked by 1 person

  11. Hm. It sounds worky and strange to me, but then I read Marlapaige’s comment, above, and the strategy made more sense. It’s kind of what happens to me in a crisis–I sort of become this very calm and organized dispassionate person. I get through it completely fine with no hysterics or breakdowns or anything. After it’s all over, I get a massive migraine and my whole body reacts with almost a flu-like weakness. But I am a rock during the toughest times.

    Liked by 2 people

    • nance, I agree that Marlapaige’s comment made sense of what I thought might be senseless advice. I get what she’s saying and what you’re saying, too. I used to be more of a rock, less passionate, but somewhere along the way I’ve gotten more volatile. I was the same as you, strong in the moment, then sick later. Now I’m more scattered & easily pushed off keel, so maybe I need to recreate that calm Ally Bean alter ego again?

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I find the former blogger story to be weird and suspect there was ‘stuff’ going on behind her interesting POV.

    I live in my own reality and always figured that I couldn’t escape even if I wanted to without turning to hallucinogens! I do think the therapists ideas are fascinating though and as others have said I assume the idea was simply to find a way to remove yourself from a situation and try to example multiple points of view to resolve the issue. Not sure how to accomplish that though. Say you are a highly emotional person, how do you just turn on logic and pragmatism if you’ve never reacted that way in life? Do you have the capacity to pretend I wonder or would the whole thing be an epic failure and then you find yourself worse off than before?

    Liked by 3 people

    • Deb, see that’s what I thought too about that former blogger. She was intriguing, but…

      I agree that by creating an alter ego, as proposed by the therapist, it could help you stay detached from the problem but I also wonder about how much effort that’d take to create the alter ego, remember to think like the alter ego, then apply the alter ego’s point of view to your problem. Doable, yes. But I’d guess time-consuming. Unless it becomes second nature, I suppose.

      I don’t know how a highly emotional person would manifest a 180º opposite personality, which is how I got thinking [too much] about this advice.

      You said it: Do you have the capacity to pretend I wonder or would the whole thing be an epic failure and then you find yourself worse off than before? Beats me

      Liked by 1 person

      • I also wonder if the regular person would even think in terms of creating an alter to solve issues? That wouldn’t be my first thought- “Oh okay, I’ll just step outside myself, become a totally different person, and all my problems will be solved!”
        Doesn’t some have to plant that seed in what we would consider a rational mind? That then leads me to ponder just how much the therapist charges for this new and amazing treatment option or how much their own ego is stroked when they get someone to implement such an ‘amazing’ concept.
        Oh, and also- how much therapy is then involved after to correct all the stuff your brain is dealing with now that you are thinking/acting/being someone else!

        I see self-perpetuating income for therapists here 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • This is an interesting thought you’ve got going on here. There well could be a chicken and egg thing going on with this type of therapeutic approach to problem solving. It’s all about the Benjamins!

          I can’t say for sure how you’d start crafting your alter ego, but for me deciding to create one would be work-y. I don’t see it happening without lots of focus, which could be time used to actually directly solve the problem, says [overly?] realistic me.

          Liked by 1 person

  13. In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron writes about how she sometimes addresses her problems to “Little Julie,” that is, a child-like version of herself that she imagines inside her. (She explains it better.) I have sometimes tried this method while journaling – for my own purposes only – and it is surprising how this can add a wise perspective to a situation.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Arlene, it’s been so long since I read The Artist’s Way, I don’t even remember that BUT it is spot on to what the therapist was suggesting. I can see how applying this alter ego idea to journalling would give you a clue into what to do now. I like it, thanks for the idea.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Absolutely fascinating post, with some insightful comments, too. I think, if you write fiction, you have to be good at thinking like many different people–or by engaging in a thought process similar to what the therapist suggested. Especially if you write in first person. Otherwise all your novels are going to have the same voice, with basically the same main character (who bears a striking mental resemblance to the author). There’s one SFF author who I think writes terrible, purply prose laden fantasy books (I could not get through more than 2 chapters). I tried one of her science fiction books and was instantly hooked. That book felt like it was written by a completely different person. Interestingly enough, the book was set in the far future, where humans had survived by using tech to hack their endocrine system. If they started to panic, they could reduce stress hormones and adrenaline. That kept them from making stupid decisions. Which is how your reader marlapaige uses the alter-ego technique; she removes herself from all the emotional turmoil and becomes very logical in order to cope with very stressful situations.

    Liked by 2 people

    • AutumnAshbough, no doubt you’re right that as a fiction writer you have to be able to inhabit different people’s points of view, making your characters unique and believable.

      As for learning how to hack your endocrine system in the future, or now, that is the key to reducing panicky responses to situations, problems, people. I think you’re right that the therapist’s advice, further [better] explained by Marlapaige, is aimed at calming yourself down enough so that you don’t make stupid decisions.

      And that reminds of another long ago blogger who was who he was– and said that his family’s motto was: don’t do stupid things. Hadn’t thought of him in year!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. I’ve always loved the idea of parallel lives – how my life would look like if I made a different decision in a specific circumstance.

    I can see how it would be weird to be a reader of that blog – it’s not how most of us structure ours, that’s for sure, but I think it would be so fun to take that thought exercise to the next level and write a blog as if that happened.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Katie, I know of the concept of parallel lives, and admit to being curious about who I am elsewhere. However while I’m who I am now, I don’t know if I could create an alter ego, but maybe I’m shortchanging myself.

      The woman who wrote the blog as an alternate version of herself was articulate and creative, but there was something off about the blog. She baffled me, but was harmless enough [I guess]. Just different

      Liked by 1 person

  16. It sounds like I would look at my problem from a different perspective and that could make sense if I’m stuck. Creating an “alter ego” just sounds a bit silly to me but looking at all sides of a problem does sound more logical.
    I’m tired of the phonies and LIARS that get so much attention in the news.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ellen D, I take your point. Looking at your problems in an open-minded well-rounded way is smart, creating a specific alter ego takes more effort… but might be worth it if helps. I don’t have a strongly held opinion about doing this, actually.

      Yep with you 100% about too many phonies and liars and grifters in the news. I want to know what the good people are doing, please.

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  17. I pretended a lot when I was a kid I wanted to be a singer and actress (who didn’t? 😂) but, I never created an alter ego to try to sort out problems. That’s weird to me. As I said to Kate ^ way up there at the top I go to sleep when problems are really tough and somehow my brain finds a way to cope and get a solution worked out.

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    • Deborah, I pretended as a kid, too. But as an adult I’m more literal, reality-based. I think creating an alter ego is almost like reconnecting with your childhood imaginary friend, which wouldn’t be bad now that I think about it. Whatever gives you perspective, I suppose.

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  18. I love alter egos – they are just different aspects of yourself – an aspect perhaps you are reluctant to exhibit on a regular basis in your everyday life because they are truer, more fearless and we all to often edit ourselves so as not to ‘offend’. We (no matter what we tell ourselves) tend to want others approval, want to be thought of as nice, want to be liked, whereas our alter ego is more “If you know your own worth, what need you care about the acceptance or rejection of others?” Hakim Sanai.

    I’ve never used any of my alter egos to a great extent, none of them have been quite right, tho my latest is pretty cool and I do like her a lot LOL

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    • Grace, I’m loving this comment. I don’t have any alter egos at the moment, but perhaps I need to follow your lead and create one or two. If your alter ego helps you solve your problems, and you feel better because of said alter ego, then where’s the harm, eh?

      The only thing I’ve definitively decided about my theoretical alter ego is that she’d have purple hair. How that’d help me solve problems I don’t know, but it’d be fun.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I don’t use my alter egos to solve my problems, I use them to be my true self, the one who doesn’t give a flying flip what other people think of me. She still is kind, empathetic, helpful and caring but she is also brutally honest about herself and others.

        Liked by 1 person

  19. Maybe neither sound nor wackadoodle. My first thought was that this person was working on a MFA in creative writing and this was one of her projects. But I would never do this. It’s too much work. I have enough trouble producing blogs about real stuff. You got me very curious about how they responded to comments….like how far did this imaginary self go? Interesting post!

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    • Tracey, you could be correct that this blogger from long ago could have been crafting a character for a creative project. She was a wordsmith which is how I got onto her, but I just never knew what to say in the comments. I finding commenting on other people’s blogs difficult to begin with, let alone when interacting with someone who wasn’t who she was.

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  20. Do you mind if I piggyback off of your post? This is such a great topic.
    I think this is such a practical way to deal with trauma. Escaping your reality and creating a new one that may be full of comfort and peace. As long as you aren’t harming anyone, I think it’s okay. and hopefully she can gain the courage to become the person she is writing about.

    Liked by 4 people

  21. I think, like you, this really wouldn’t work for me. Am I too bitchy? Probably. But I am also a realist and acting like someone else does not come natural. It would be acting. Period! I would be exactly the same person with the same issues pretending I wasn’t and trying to avoid reality. Give me a good rant any day. It’s the best therapy I know.

    Liked by 4 people

  22. Creating an alter ego sounds crazy to me. I think finding a good therapist would help work out the issues that an alter ego would probably just reinforce. Although, if I had an alter ego she would be very strong and imagine herself much taller than she really is. LOL.

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    • Robin, ha! I like your description of your hypothetical alter ego. At first I thought the idea of creating an alter ego seemed nutty, too. But some commenters have shared examples of when it has worked for them so who’s to say? If nothing else it’s something to ponder.

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Isn’t assessing an issue as the alter-ego version of oneself something like thinking, “What would Betty White do?” or “What would Jesus do?” I think that is a way to get away from one’s one preconceptions.

    That said, unless the infamous blogger above had a disclaimer on every post that it was fiction, what she did was offensive. I’m sure I have posts that may give a certain impression of me that, when taken out of context of all the other posts, don’t convey who I really am. But I want to be an honest blogger.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Annie, good point. You’re right that creating your own alter ego would be like asking the WWJD question. You’d step outside yourself briefly to gain perspective.

      As for that long ago blogger she explained herself on her About Page, so the truth of the deceit was there, once you read it. I don’t know why she did what she did, nor does it matter, but she was unique I’ll say that about her. Not how I go about doing things.

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Ally, I actually had to read that first part three times because I just didn’t get it. Don’t get me wrong, you wrote clearly and concisely, but I just couldn’t fathom someone writing a blog and it was all about a totally different life than the one the blogger was reading. I just truly didn’t understand what you were saying, although you said it perfectly well. So I guess that is my answer. I cannot fathom LITERALLY pretending to be someone you are not.

    My thinking is that if a person wanted to create an alter ego, that might be an opportunity to write fiction. But a personal blog, well, I don’t see that as a fictional place. So it seems really strange and off to me, but then, I guess the blogger was upfront about it.

    I guess what I think of this is that it’s sad. It’s really sad to have a life you dislike so much that you make an online persona that is not yours. Not everything in our lives we are able to change, but if your life is one you dislike so much, surely there is something you can change about it. Although, maybe by writing about her alternate life that helped her in her day to day real life. If that’s the case, then I guess that is a healing process for her.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Nicole, the woman who wrote that blog did so in a way I’ve only encountered that one time. She wasn’t hiding what she was doing, she was being straight in that she was pretending to live a life she wasn’t living. She wrote well, and was for all purposes about as normal as anyone, EXCEPT her posts were a fabrication based on who she’d like to be.

      Like I said I drifted away from her because I didn’t know how to comment on her pretend self’s life. A few commenters here have suggested she might have been doing some creative writing project, so maybe.

      I hope that your conclusion is the right one, in that this blogger did find some comfort in writing not as her real self and that her foray into blogging gave her courage to become who she wanted to be. I dunno, really. I’m not saying this was the most logical person I’ve ever run across, but she did come to mind when I stumbled over the advice about creating an alter ego.

      Liked by 1 person

  26. Hmmm….it’s the words alter egos that trip you up. If you were to say look at something from different angles it sounds logical…but they’re the same thing because looking at angles is looking at it as if it’s an alter ego

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  27. Alter ego – not sure I would call it that for me – but I try to look at things through a ‘different lens’ (fits with the fact I have reading glasses, computer glasses, etc.) The other lens is also my husband who often views things differently than I do.
    A good example occurred last week when I was viewing a blog post and comments about a welfare system that sometimes doesn’t seem to include requirements for accountability or life skill improvement, etc. Viewed through the lens of welfare being a way to help people permanently escape a lifestyle, the system didn’t seem to work very well. I did some research and came to the conclusion that welfare seems to simply be a way to transfer wealth. Through that lens, the money or similar benefits don’t require the receiver take personal responsibility for much of anything. The government’s goal was simply to act as the book keeper – move money from the wealthy to the not so wealthy.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Margy, as a person who has worn eyeglasses since I was 5 y.o. I like your analogy of looking at things through different lenses. I think that was what the therapist was saying with her idea to create an alter ego, view your problems from many angles.

      I see [no pun intended] how using different lenses leads to different conclusions about your government’s goal. No doubt there are many variables at play on both sides of the welfare issue, but until both sides agree on what issue they’re trying to solve it’ll remain a muddle of conflicted goals. Same as it ever was.

      Liked by 2 people

  28. Wow, so interesting!! I do like the idea of having a sort of alter ego/ measuring stick of sorts you could run dilemmas by. I sometimes think, when faced with an issue, Okay, if someone came to me and told me this dilemma, what would I say to them? What would I recommend? And sometimes that helps me to gain some clarity and see the bigger picture, if I distance myself a bit from the issue.

    RE: the other blogger who wrote about a fictional life, I guess I’d need more information to decide if that was truly weird or not, in my opinion. Because on the one hand, it’s her blog, and she can write whatever she wants, especially if she is offering a public disclaimer about it. And then, is it really that different from an author writing a fiction novel in the first person? Someone mentioned maybe it’s like a creative writing project. I think I could see that. And also, I could *maybe* see the fun in doing something like that if, let’s say you always dreamed of, I don’t know, living in a small mountain town, or a quaint town in the Italian countryside, but the reality of your life just doesn’t really easily allow that to happen. (In my own life, I’d have to make massive sacrifices in family, career, etc to just up and move to somewhere like that from my current midwest town.) Maybe it could be fun to sort of live vicariously through this fictional “self” that you kind of fantasize about, but don’t REALLY want to take the steps to actually attempt to make it happen for real. I sometimes semi-fantasize about various different lifestyles- like, what if I lived in a big metropolis city? Or in the desert? Or a little pueblo in Mexico? Or northern woods on a lake? Etc…. But deep down I’m happy where I am overall and am not actually willing to move or uproot my family, nor do I probably actually want to bad enough anyway, if that makes sense! I do sometimes wish I could live my life dozens of different times over and live in a totally different place each time though, to have completely different experiences each time! It’s not the same to travel/visit somewhere as to actually live there or grow up there. I’ve also thought this could make an interesting book or movie premise, actually. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    • Grateful Kae, I’m sure you’re right that distancing yourself from the problematic issue leads to clarity, which I think might be the point of creating an alter ego. Which I have yet to do.

      I agree that the blog was like reading fiction and the blogger could very well have been testing a character for some book she was writing. She was clear about it not being real. I think you’re onto something with the idea that writing as this alternate personality allowed this woman to experience what it’d be like to make her dream real without taking the steps needed to make it so.

      I like your premise for a book/movie. Kind of Ground Hogs Day, but with more variety of locations and people. Cool idea.

      Liked by 1 person

  29. It does sound a bit wackadoodle, Ally, but who’s to say wackadoodle isn’t just what we need when we become stuck? Sometimes when I contemplate writing fiction, I envision scenarios and then wonder how a different version of myself would behave in that circumstance. I suppose having an alter ego allows us to gain new perspectives—as long as we see it as a way of exploring reality rather than denying it.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Donna, hear, hear! You said it perfectly: “I suppose having an alter ego allows us to gain new perspectives—as long as we see it as a way of exploring reality rather than denying it.” I also agree that just because something may seem wackadoodle doesn’t mean that it can’t be helpful. Unstuck is unstuck regardless of how you achieve it.

      Liked by 2 people

  30. After my husband died (and I had to deal with all of the shit he left behind including his years of hoarding, his decrepit building, and finding out about his cheating), I developed a hitherto seldom seen side of my personality that couldn’t tolerate people’s bullshit anymore. I had a lot of anger inside and called my new-to-me self my alter-ego, and named it The Widow Badass. Not phony, but a side of myself I had rarely let out once I became an adult. A lot of the anger has subsided over the years, and I still can’t tolerate bullshit and will call people out on it. That may be my age more than anything. The Widow Badass is here to stay, it seems!

    That blogger sounds…uh…interesting? A frustrated fiction writer perhaps?

    Deb

    Liked by 4 people

    • Deb, I knew about what happened to you but not that your blog name was your alter ego. That’s wonderful and proves that adopting an alter ego can help a person. I understand about not tolerating bullshit. I have a finely calibrated bullshit-o-meter that buzzes more loudly than it used to.

      The blogger could have an a frustrated fiction writer. She was harmless, but confusing to me.

      Liked by 2 people

  31. Brandy on OD? IYKYK.

    That comment will either make perfect sense or none at all, but it perfectly relates to phony personas. I think they’re an unhealthy way of avoiding conflict personally, but if they work for someone else, more power to them.

    Liked by 2 people

  32. So I thought I knew of the blogger you’re referring to because I’ve read blogs in the past where I felt the writer wasn’t being completely honest about their lives. But I don’t think this is the same one I’m thinking of.

    The part about the alter ego is damaging because she falsely claims to be a mental health professional. I’m all for reinventing myself and changing my life, but pretending to be someone I’m not, especially when it comes to mental health, isn’t cool.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kari, the blogger I’m remembering is from over a decade ago. I didn’t follow her for long, even though she wrote well. I’ve stumbled across a few bloggers who I wondered if they were being truthful, but this woman said straight up I’m making this up, pretending to be someone else. Trippy.

      The mental health professional was supposedly who she said she was, but I don’t know about her advice. I barely have an ego as is, so to create another one sounds almost impossible. 😑

      Liked by 1 person

  33. The blogger you wrote about brings back memories of the “Varsity Blues” parents who concocted athletic bios and photos of their kids doing sports they’ve never done to get into universities. It’s weird and in some cases, illegal. People who pretend to be something they are not, often turn out to be con artists. As for the blogger, may she’s unhappy with her current life and uses writing to be someone else.

    Liked by 2 people

    • E.A. Wickham, YES! That woman’s blog posts were exactly like those parents who fabricated their kids’ sports careers. I’d forgotten about that scandal– and how could I?

      The blogger could have been a con artist, I dunno. I didn’t stick around too long to find out. I lean into the hope that she was merely unhappy in her life so she wrote her way out of it, but I’m an optimist I suppose.

      Liked by 1 person

  34. I don’t know. I kind of feel like I sort of do this on my blog. I mean, I don’t pretend to be someone else or live somewhere else, but what’s presented on my blog isn’t the TRUE me, really. It’s bits and pieces I share that probably leave readers with an incomplete understanding of who I am. It’s not that I’m purposefully misleading, but just only presenting one particular view of my life. It’s not even an idealized view of my life, but just one way to see and understand my day-to-day.

    So I guess I could see how someone would do this in a more formal way. I think I’d end up just confusing myself (what’s real? what’s not?), but maybe it’s a form of self-expression that will help someone sort out what’s going on in their brain? I don’t know. I think it’s complicated.

    Liked by 2 people

    • NGS, I understand what you’re saying. I do the same thing. I share some things that happen, but not all the things that happen. I leave some puzzle pieces out that might explain who I am better BUT what I say, you say, is our truth. Not something prefabricated so I think it’s a different thing.

      I agree that it’s complicated. There’s no one right answer or way to understand what it means to have an alter ego. If I had one I fear I’d confuse myself to a point of inaction, but if this works and solves problems for someone else then yay for them.

      Like

    • Rivergirl, well, ‘ya know, I kind of wonder the same thing. It seems to me that this alter ego idea may boil down to remembering to look at things from all angles, then do something. But maybe there’s more to it, I dunno.

      Liked by 1 person

  36. In the publishing world writers are pressured to brand themselves which is the same as creating an alternate persona. For instance – one of the writers I knew wrote about heroin addiction and even after she kicked the habit she had a hard time changing her brand. I never was successful at the branding thing … too little time to feed, clothe and promote an alternate personality.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Jan, interesting insight. I hadn’t thought of this in the context of branding, but I see what you’re saying. Some How-to Blog websites harp on the concept of branding, too. I’m laughing at your conclusion. Not enough time, indeed.

      Like

  37. I had to think about this one. As a former therapist, I have never heard of someone going quite so far as to suggest creating a new identity. Similar things might include writing a letter to yourself as your wiser self, the old Gestalt technique of “talking to the chair,” or even the 12-step mantra of fake it till you make it. So, I can sort of see where the idea has merit. It isn’t so different than writing down pros and cons and debating yourself about the merits of your choices.

    I’ve met over the years some very dynamic therapists who preach their method around the country. I’m going to pretend that they are all wildly successful although some of them may be pretenders. What is unfortunate, however, is those methods are more about the therapist than the techniques he or she uses. One speaker, for example, went out in the community with a client who had social anxiety. He would lay down in the middle of the sidewalk, I suppose to show that nothing bad happened when he did. I can’t see me doing that or if I did, making it appear that I was happy and comfortable on the sidewalk.

    I don’t think I would go so far as to suggest creating an alter ego. I think there is a fine line between the creation of a small separation of the self to help gain perspective and pushing someone already in a fragile state over the edge into a psychotic break.

    That said, creating an “alter ego” or a wiser self is not in and of itself wakadoodle. The examples in your post and in the comments are not the same thing, at least from my perspective. They sound like plain old snake oil salesmen and lying for money is probably as old as money itself.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Zazzy, writing down pros and cons, then discussing with yourself as yourself, this I do. As for creating an alter ego, I can see the merit in it, but don’t think I’ll do that. I’d say that the gist of the advice I read was to remember to keep an open mind as you ponder your problem, so if an alter ego does that for you so be it.

      I know you’re right that some therapists are selling their version of mental health and that people are taken with the therapist more than the wisdom in their advice. It’s the cult of personality I suppose.

      As for snake oil, it’s out there. I don’t think the blogger I mentioned was trying to make money off her faux persona, but maybe she was and I missed it. I didn’t follow her for too long, but she made an impression on realistic me.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t see it as laziness, I see it more as what Hemingway said about “you can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.”

      The only thing that comes to mind is maybe if someone needs a different perspective and doesn’t have someone to bounce ideas off of, maybe then that “alter ego” can help?

      Liked by 1 person

      • EW, you’ve nailed it with your summation. I imagine that is the ultimate purpose of the alter ego concept. I don’t see myself as doing it but if it helps someone feel grounded and ready to tackle life, then go for it.

        Like

  39. Oh, I’m fascinated with Elizabeth Holmes. I can’t decide whether having two kids while facing significant criminal legal problems and jail time is magical thinking or complete cluelessness. But I digress

    What a great query you’ve provided – as always, Ally. I wouldn’t think of using an alter ego to solve my problems. Who is going to actually do the work? Me or my alter ego? Maybe I’m too unimaginative but I think I’d like to be strength in overcoming problems in myself and not some weirdly bifurcated reality…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Wynne, I find EH fascinating too. She seems like a chameleon who takes on different personas as need be, but she’s not bright enough to pick the right persona for each situation.

      Perfectly said: some weirdly bifurcated reality… is how I kind of think of the alter ego idea too. I am a pragmatist so I figure I do all the work at solving my problems, but maybe I just need to loosen up and create an alter ego. Somehow. 🤔

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, your comment about EH. “she’s not bright enough to pick the right persona for each situation.” Wow wow wow – that’s such an astute comment.

        Well, I’d say that whatever you’re doing to solve problems right now seems to be working for you – no need to make it more complicated!

        Liked by 1 person

        • I wonder if the news will follow EH as she enters prison next week– and if so which persona she’ll be using.

          I’m with you about not complicating solutions, the finding of said. Thanks for your support.

          Liked by 1 person

  40. It’s wackadoodle and I usually like wackadoodle. But. While reading your post, I tried to imagine an alternative me and got nowhere. I’ve already been several versions so I kept imagining them. If not one of them, who then would I be? A version of me that never existed would probably not have the same problems I have and so they would probably not have any wise advice. Confusing!
    As for phony people, I saw so many of them at work today (I was forced to visit the office 😱 after working from home for 3 years. A very unpleasant experience.) I wish their phony was an innocent side character on a blog. But no. They are sucking up to bosses to get forward and throwing teammates under the bus as soon as they can. Yay.

    Liked by 2 people

  41. Wackadoodle! And I say this as a degreed social worker. (Note that I do not refer to myself as a practicing social worker. All that was long, long ago. But still.) I have often used a kind of internal “talk therapy” when I’m faced with a difficult-to-solve problem. But it’s always me talking through the problem with me, not an alter ego. Also, coming up with an alter ego would just create another problem for me since, with my imagination, I’d have a hard time settling on just one.

    That said, I totally understand how some people might want to create an alter ego, to try and experience life as a different person. That’s why some of us write fiction! Or why some people become actors! There are jobs for that sort of thing. U.S. Congressman is not one of them (lol).

    As for the blogger who pretended to be someone else, I’ve come across people like that. One was a guy pretending to be a woman. To the best of my knowledge he had us all completely fooled. Eventually he noted that he was using a persona, in part to market his writing (which was actually quite good) and to give him anonymity, which was his privilege. For a long time I enjoyed his blog and his writing, but he had “issues” that eventually made me step away. It was too bad because while he maintained his persona, we all had quite a bit of fun with it. I will say I didn’t feel betrayed or anything to find out that she was a he. I thought it was hilarious.

    The other time was a blogger who was writing fiction but presenting it as a real story. Since it included a murder and the idea that the blogger herself was in danger, some readers didn’t take it kindly when the blogger came out and said it was all fiction. I guess it was her way to market her writing since she has gone on to write a series of crime novels. The blogger is an interesting person and I followered her writing for a long time, but I couldn’t keep up with the pace of her publications. Anyway, she had tagged her stories as fiction and rationalized that readers should have known that her posts were fiction because of that. Because we always read the tags, right? I had seen the tags but it would have been more appropriate if she had added a disclaimer to her posts.

    Okay, that’s my two cents 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Marie, I talk to myself when I’m trying to work my way through a difficult-to-solve problem, but like you I’m not chatting with an alter ego, it’s just boring confused me talking with me.

      I agree that for people who can create and utilize an alter ego, then this approach would work. I don’t hate on it, and via the comments here, have come to understand it better. Still, I’m a realist so I don’t see me adopting it.

      I’ve never come across, to my knowledge, a man pretending to be a woman blogger. Nor have I followed any blogger who presented themself as being in danger just to gin up interest in a novel. That seems duplicitous to me; it’s unrealistic to count on readers to notice tags as a way of explaining what was going on.

      Fascinating stuff you shared here. Thanks for joining in.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Perhaps I should peruse the comments. And now that I think about role-playing was something I had to do a lot when I was being trained as a volunteer for a battered women’s shelter. Usually, role-playing meant one person pretended to be an abused woman trying to escape her partner, and the other person was the counselor trying to help her. Not exactly like what you’re describing in your blog post, but role-playing was helpful in understanding another person’s problems and (by extension) problems you might have in helping them. But, all that said, it’s enough to have me, myself, and I to work through my problems 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • I remember doing role playing exercises when I was in grad school studying conflict resolution communication theory. It was helpful and detached in a way that was empowering to both participants. However if you create your own alter ego it’s more personal for you, but also maybe not as objective as role playing exercises can be. Who’s to say 🤷‍♀️

          Liked by 1 person

          • I agree with you. Role-playing makes sense when you’re doing it with other people. The closest I’ve gotten to role-playing in my head is when I’ve had to confront someone, like at work. Then I’ll try to imagine what the other person is likely to say and do, just to prepare myself. I didn’t always get it right 😉

            Liked by 1 person

  42. It’s certainly wacky but is it a coping skill to deal with a life she doesn’t want with fantasies of an idealized place and person? I’ve met a number of people who think they are different than they are. My favorites are the self-described “empaths” who are sometimes incredibly rude and insensitive. So many aren’t self-aware at all! In that blogger’s case, it was a more elaborate delusion with murky objectives. I would have definitely stopped reading her because I prefer genuine types as you know from our long blogging relationship.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Margaret, you raise a good question. I don’t know if this blogger’s faux life was to help her cope with her reality or if she was just out to lunch. I liked her writing, but the premise of her blog unnerved me enough to get me to stop paying attention to her.

      Funny you’d mention the unsympathetic empaths you meet along the way. Or the hurt people who are hurtful toward other people, but don’t seem to understand why people hurt them. Lack of self-awareness, to a one.

      And YES I’m with you about reading genuine people who write authentic blogs about whatever the heck interests them. I don’t have the bandwidth for imposters or rude people.

      Like

  43. Your post is timely. I am dealing with a very difficult work situation right now, but creating an alter ego that can cast a cold eye and come up with solutions? Nope. That sounds, at the very least, a bit weird to me.

    I always approach people whom I trust and whose abilities to think through problems I admire. One is a good friend; I just talked with her this morning about the work issue. I always find that explaining it to someone helps me to find clarity as well as the fact that they will take a different approach; see the problem from a different angle and point out those angles to me. Collaborative problem solving!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lynette, I’m with you on the concept of collaborative problem solving, as in with real people. I suspect that the idea underpinning the alter ego concept is to create someone who’ll see your problem differently and collaborate with you on it. Nothing wrong with creating an alter ego sounding board, but seems to me like an extra step in the problem-solving process.

      I’m glad you have someone to talk with about your work situation. I find the same thing, that if I explain my problem out loud to a friend, I often stumble over the solution.

      Liked by 1 person

  45. I’m not sure that I could create an alter ego that would provide me with the insight that I would need. Having said that, I think I’ll try and will let you know, if I reember…

    Liked by 2 people

    • John, excellent point about what your alter ego would be able to do for you. I don’t feel up to the challenge of creating my own, so look forward to learning about your experience with yours.

      Liked by 1 person

  46. Interesting. I cannot imagine trying an alter ego. I dislike it when my sisters use a fake voice to answer the phone or to talk to people in public. Makes me cringe. I might consider another perspective when I problem solve, but that is the extent of it.

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    • Ernie, many commenters have said the same thing. I am sure that for those who embrace the idea of an alter ego this is encouraging, but for pragmatic me it seems much too involved to help me. Don’t like fake voices either, makes me cringe, too. Be yourself, eh?

      Like

  48. I wouldn’t say that I particularly have an alter ego but I do find myself analyzing things from different perspectives. I have spent much of my life being far too soft and letting people walk all over me. That has led me to change over the years. But it took me thinking about it from a different perspective. I had to learn to stand up for myself, which is not what I used to do. However today I do stand up for myself and I set boundaries and the person I was before no longer exists. It doesn’t mean that part never happened but I’m not the same person that I used to be. It may be different for others but I know it helps me when I look at the big picture and I see how it affects each person. For example if I get angry about something and I decide to yell at that person and there’s kids present. I wouldn’t want to yell at that person because it wouldn’t just affect that person it would also affect the people around us and could scare those kids. I also think about how that person is feeling and if they are just off that day. They could be going through something that nobody knows about and they’re just too afraid or not ready to talk about it. I like to look at everything in the situation because you never really know what is going on. I don’t know if that helped but that is my perspective on this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sara, I understand what you’re saying. I, also, have gotten tougher as I’ve gotten older and have learned to stand up for myself. I get your idea that who you were formerly is gone, replaced with a newer better version of you. I wonder if all of us who are self-aware feel that way? Like our operating systems are being upgraded. I try to remember that everyone is going through something all the time, so their behavior might be off because of it. I agree that looking at things from the big picture helps solve problems, or at least keep them in perspective. I don’t have an alter ego per se but I do think about my problems from many angles before I select a solution. That might be the point of the alter ego concept, I suppose.

      Liked by 1 person

      • The alter ego thing may be the only way for them to analyze the problem and process the outcome. I sometimes have to say things out loud to process them and then I can find the solution. It kind of sucks because it’s like it is jumbled until I tell someone else or talk to myself. It is interesting learning about the different ways people think and process things. I love this post! It really caught my attention.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I talk to myself too and tell me about my problem as a way of working through an issue. I don’t think of that as me having an alter ego though. I agree that it’s interesting to learn about how other people handle their problems, find their solutions. I gain insight every time I post something like this.

          Liked by 1 person

  49. Interesting topic. I can’t help but wonder about people like George Santos’s parents. It makes me ask if this is the same behavior he saw growing up.

    As far as developing an alter ego, it’s an interesting concept, but no thanks. I have enough trouble just managing Pete Springer.😊

    Liked by 2 people

    • Pete, excellent point about George Santos’s parents. Were they his role models? Or did they notice him being a liar and let it slide? The guy seems pretty out there to me and like he always has been.

      I’m with you. I have enough difficulty keeping track of real me, let alone adding a different second version into the mix. But some commenters/people find this concept useful, so have at it if it works for you.

      Liked by 1 person

  50. Never tried that. The closest I’ve come is to imagine what Future Me would think about Problem X in a week, a month, a year, or 5 years. That can sometimes help. I lean slightly toward wackadoodle regarding the alter ego, but it seems pretty harmless, so I ultimately land on “hey, man, whatever works.”

    Liked by 2 people

    • The Travel Architect, I like your Future Me approach to problem solving. I can understand how that’d be helpful, allowing yourself to see yourself long term. I’m with you about the alter ego, it’s not for me but if it works for you, then do it. Just remember who you really are though.

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  51. Wack-a-doodle. 100%. Doesn’t surprise me however in the day and age in which we live where people pretend they are real to goodness mermaids, cats, etc. Life is too short to get sucked into all of that stuff. Now if you want to dress up and go to a wren fair and pretend to be a wizard or character out of Monty Python, have fun! it’s a hobby… but on a more sober note, the mind is a mysterious thing. I do think it’s possible to cross some imaginary line and step off the deep end.

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    • DM, I read about this way of solving your problems and it was like none I’d heard of before. Good point, I hadn’t thought of cosplay and all that. Creating your own alter ego would be similar, I suppose. I, too, wonder about how far someone might go with their alter ego. If it helps, then yay, but for some people it might be an invitation to lose themselves completely in a different persona. This isn’t for me, I’m too practical.

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  52. I can’t imagine how inventing an alter ego would be useful. You are who you are. To thine own self be true. I enjoy reading fiction. Then, when I put the book down, I get on with my own life. It’s interesting enough. The world is endlessly fascinating if we just open our eyes. And it keeps changing and throwing new things at us, things that often change how we must live our lives to keep up with those changes.

    It’s true that I have invented characters for my own fiction. When I wrote about a Chinese woman caught up in a war, I was thinking about how that would feel for her–not for me.

    I guess I’ve always been content with being myself.

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    • Nicki, my conclusion about creating an alter ego for myself is the same as yours. I am me, comfortable most of the time being her, so I don’t need an alter ego. I agree that life is fascinating if you pay attention and like you said, …it keeps changing and throwing new things at us, things that often change how we must live our lives to keep up with those changes. True that.

      Writing fiction is entirely fabricated while constructing your own alter ego is focusing within yourself leaning into certain aspects of your personality that you might not normally emphasize. Or at least I think that’s what this alter ego concept is supposed to be about.

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  53. That feels a tad schizophrenic to me! I could never be other than who I am. Authenticity is felt and if I read a blogger that I feel is not being true, I lose interest. I could not imagine creating another version of me to solve whatever problems.
    You do come up with THE most interesting subjects!
    I’m team Ally 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dale, you’ve nailed what bothers me about this problem-solving approach, but hadn’t found the words to say. Yep, it’s “a tad schizophrenic.”

      I’m all about being authentic, too, which is why years ago I stopped following the blogger living her phony pretend life. I didn’t feel comfortable around her, nor would I feel comfortable with myself if I created an alter ego.

      You may like me or not, but at least you know you get the real me here. Thanks for being on Team Ally.

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  54. Gosh, Ally, you do come up with some very good stuff! Unusually, I’ve not read any of the comments so if I’m repeating them, please excuse me. I will go back to browse after I’ve commented.

    Obviously we’ve discussed the stepping into another person’s shoes to consider their POV, but this clearly isn’t that.

    I know a lot of work is done with the “as if” mentality, but generally that’s about inhabiting a state of mind which would be helpful to achieve something: like as if you were confident/were already an expert etc. But creating a whole different persona for therapeutic purposes, that I’ve not come across. That sounds more like what sometimes happens when a person experiences trauma and creates multiple different personas in order to escape what they’re dealing with, with each of those personas being different – one brave, one weak, one shy, one bold etc.

    You just know I’m going to have to look into this more…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Deb, I stumbled across this create an alter ego advice a few months ago and have pondered it since. I’d never heard of such a thing either, but some commenters get it and have utilized it to their benefit.

      I lean toward being more direct and solving my problems as me, but if this approach works then who am I to say don’t do this. I’m all about looking at problems from many angles, and wonder if this is just a cutesy way to tell/remind people to do that?

      I dunno

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      • Yes, as ever, reading the comments has properly rounded out the discussion and brought some really useful insights in to play. So interesting – thanks for posting.

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    • Jean, I do that, too. I talk with myself often, and I come to a conclusion, but I do that as me not my theoretical alter ego. It’s that last part that gives me pause, but if it works for someone to adopt an alter ego and they’re rational, then so be it.

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  57. Hmm…I can see the therapeutic merit in playing out some ‘what if’ scenarios. That makes sense…but a complete and total alter ego/alternative self? I know context matters as do person-specific details but goodness. Feels like slippery slope advice if given in an off-the-cuff manner and without a lot of support of other sorts. As you said Ally, there are plenty of folks – those you’ve mentioned – who might take that little nugget of encouragement to ‘be all you can be’ (EH, Santos, Rachel D) and before you know it their mental health soup is pretty chunky and gloppy. Gloppier? Is that a word? xo! 😎

    Liked by 2 people

    • Victoria, I agree with what you say here. I understand looking at your problems from all sides, considering how someone else might approach a solution, but the creation of a second personality, an alter ego, would be too complicated for me. This was just a piece of random advice I read in a comment on Twitter from someone who claimed to be a mental health therapist. People in the comments were onboard with it, and if it works for them, yay. But I see a darker, gloppier side to doing this alter ego concept.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m with you, Ally. I barely have the bandwidth to keep track of Vicki #1…heaven help us all if Vicki #2 was unleashed on the world. I love how your post sparked all sort of comments…they were fun to read…but it took me a little bit of time to catch up. Go, Ally! 🥰

        Liked by 1 person

  58. As for the therapist, I’m going with WACKADOODLE! ..and possibly for the blogger and her alter ego.
    I could guess that the blogger has some mental issues that perhaps she is skirting around, though? Maybe? Probably.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Suz, many commenters here have said WACKADOODLE! I couldn’t easily create my alter ego because I’m so literal and realistic, but I guess if the concept gives you perspective on your problems, then it’s ok.

      As for that long ago blogger, she baffled me in a way that no other blogger has. I don’t know what her deal was, but it seemed *off* to me.

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  59. I am fascinated by the number of people who proclaim themselves to be experts in giving out advice to other people. If I see one more person who has become certified in becoming a life coach, I am going to scream. Or maybe I should just become my alter ego and let that person have it! Oh dear, apparently I am snarky too!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lynn, you raise a great point. There do seem to be suddenly A LOT of people who are now mental health experts sharing their expertise. I stumbled over this idea and it stuck with me because I couldn’t decide if it is legit or crazy. As for having a snarky alter ego I seem to be able to snark just fine as the person I am. Bet you’re the same, no alter ego needed.

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  60. I’m a day late and a dollar short here on this one, Ally, but it’s an interesting question. I kind of feel like I am me SO MUCH that I couldn’t possibly put on a persona, you know? It would be too fake. I would know, everyone would know.

    My mom used to recommend that I try to approach scary situations as if I were [Specific Friend Who Was Good At The Thing I Feared]. I always thought it was an interesting idea, but could never execute it. I am me and only me.

    Well… then again, there are definitely different VERSIONS of myself that I present to the world. I open up more and am more goofy and snarky and sailor-mouthed around people I know well than around acquaintances. And I am much less open in “real life” than I am on my blog. But I guess I never saw that as being phony. It’s more protective, I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Suzanne, I do know how you feel. I, too, am way too much me to ever successfully pull off the alter ego thing. I’d feel fake and that wouldn’t help me solve my problems, but for those who this approach helps, have at it. Your mother’s idea is interesting. I’ve never thought of doing that either.

      I understand your different versions of yourself. That makes complete sense to me. I’m the same way. I think we all have to present ourselves in different ways in different situations. I agree with you that doing so isn’t being phony, it’s being aware and smart. Not everyone I meet deserves all of me, they wouldn’t be able to handle it! 😉

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  62. I too am a realist. I have learned that I can only be me. In fact, I think that’s why I have always struggled with marketing for my books. I write under a pen name so I feel like Izzy needs a different persona but… she’s just me and I hate the “look at me” aspect of marketing.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Linda, as someone who is who I am, I understand your book marketing dilemma. I’d feel a disconnect too. I worked in marketing at one point and I disliked it. I wasn’t promoting myself, but the whole process of doing that seemed foreign to me. I’m a more behind the scenes person.

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  63. I have a very hard time imagining myself as someone other than me. It wouldn’t be me (if that makes sense)… and even though I have occasionally wished I was different (in how I thought about something, reacted to something, felt about something), I have never invented an alter ego to gain these insights.

    Like many people mentioned, I’d rather try to look at a situation from a different perspective or try to think what my mom or best friend would do… that usually puts things into perspective enough.

    Liked by 2 people

    • San, I’m right there with you. I cannot imagine me not being me, even though I’ve done some things as me that I think, in retrospect, weren’t such good things to do. But I’ve learned and grown.

      I do like your idea of trying to think about how your mother or best friend would handle a problem. It seems more doable than creating an alter ego, but that’s just how I reason.

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  64. I’ve never adopted an alter ego for problem solving, but I can remember a few times in life when I’ve adopted another persona to cope with difficult circumstances. An example: in high school, I had to make a presentation to a large group of people. I was unutterably shy, but there was no way around it. So, I pretended to be Sophia Loren, and strode into that auditorium with perfect confidence. I used the same technique when I had to speak at a national convention; that time, I took on the persona of Garrison Keillor, and ended up enjoying the experience. Over time, experience eroded the shyness, and I’ve not had to resort to such pretense in decades. I suppose that’s role playing, more than anything else.

    As for fake personas on blogs, there’s only one thing that irritates me: people who write as though they actually are their dog, cat, or hamster. Apparently I can’t suspend disbelief that completely. An opening line like, “Mama’s too busy to post, so she asked me to fill in for her” probably appeals to a lot of people, but I’m not one.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Linda, I understand about pretending to be a celebrity to feel confident about doing something publicly. I agree that’s more role playing than adopting/crafting an alter ego.

      The idea of having a fake persona on a blog is beyond me, but obviously it happens. I follow a few bloggers who occasionally have their pet post for them. I don’t dislike it, but I can understand how it’s a conceit that might not be appealing. To each his own, and all that…

      Liked by 1 person

  65. Creating an alter ego blog for a short while may be fun, but writing as an ongoing exercise seems a little unbalanced. Was the thought of being that real person so awful and confronting for the blogger? That’s a red flag. Or maybe she wasn’t happy with who she was and was just exploring how to change it, and it became a bit addictive. Especially if she got positive responses, which generally is what bloggers will do.
    With difficult problems without a clear solution, I hand over to the Universe for a while to sort out or until I find a better solution. For me, that removed the weight or burden of responsibility for solving intractable problems.
    The comment above mentions pet posts and I have been guilty of having a facebook profile for my dog when Facebook first started. The profile attained a phenomenal number of friend requests. Weird, but all in fun.
    This post also raises the question:
    How do we know any of us in the blogger world are who we say we are?

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    • Amanda, I didn’t stick around long enough to figure out the motivation of the blogger with the pretend life. A few commenters have suggested that she might have been doing a creative writing project, others have wondered if she was really unhappy and creating a fantasy world eased her despair. Both could be true, neither could be true. She was, in a word, unique.

      I understand your approach to problem solving. I like to sleep on things, literally posing my question in my mind before I go to sleep, waking up with an answer. Kind of your approach, really.

      I have no answer to: How do we know any of us in the blogger world are who we say we are? I realize that any of us could be a big old fraud, but I believe most of us are legit. While I don’t tell blogland everything about me, I tell blogland some things about me and they are real things. I’ve yet to feel compelled to fabricate stories about what I’m doing.

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      • Yes, agreed. I am careful about what I share but I do share some pieces about my life. It would seem too boring or too contrived and less interesting not to do so. The bloggers I follow definitely appear legit. Perhaps we can rely on our internal radar to suss out potential trolls or those who are B.S. artists

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  66. I would never think to do this, and would probably never do it. But I can see how it could work for people in a get outside of yourself and see the problem in a different light sort of way. If it works for people, that’s cool.

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  67. I’ve created a lot of CHARACTERS in my life, as someone with a very overactive imagination. A few of those may have been considered to have been alter egos of myself (such as Evil Squirrel, for a good example), but I’ve never really considered any of them to be actual alter egos of myself. I am very good at getting into the “mindset” of a character I create, which really, anyone who writes stories about sentient being should be able to do well. But at no time did I ever consider any of those characters to be an alternate ME… and I certainly wouldn’t go to any of those characters for advice on things! Seems like somewhat odd advice to me…

    Liked by 3 people

    • evilsquirrel13, I see what you mean. Your characters are created and obviously you had to understand them, but you are not them. I agree that they aren’t an alternative you and I also agree that asking them for advice wouldn’t be a good idea. You are creative, sure, but without an alter ego to use to solve your problems. I dunno about the advice either.

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  68. While I write my blog under a pen name because I want to use that name for fiction writing (since my given name is tied up with other published projects that are very different from my fiction), I am still me. But Lemony Snicket wrote middle grade novels under a fake persona that he came up with because his novels were all about doomed children. Or I think of Dr. Seuss. I can also see an Ann Landers or Dear Abby type of persona for a newspaper advice columnist. But in these days where people crave authenticity, I would be leery taking mental health advice from some claiming to be a therapist, but really isn’t. My sister-in-law really is a therapist. She goes by her real name and persona. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    • L. Marie, I write here under a pen name, too. I don’t consider that being inauthentic. People in real life, and a few in blogland, know my legal name. I continue on as Ally Bean because when I started blogging no one used their real name, it was part of the fun to have a pseudonym. I like fun.

      As for the advice from this alleged therapist, it stuck with me. I read it months ago and found myself contemplating it, so I decided to talk about it here. Will I be creating my own alter ego? Nope. But if it works for some people, so be it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well, Ann Landers and Dear Abby gave advice for years. I would be leery about issues that might be beyond an untrained person’s wisdom. At the church I attended, our elder board had to set policies for counseling advice even given by the lay pastoral staff. because of lawsuits other churches had sustained.

        Liked by 1 person

        • No kidding? I never thought about the legal ramifications of lay pastoral advisors saying something wrong, leading someone in the wrong direction– then getting sued. That’s interesting. Considering I give no advice here, pastoral or otherwise, I feel okay about the way I do things.

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  69. I don’t have the energy to create an alter ego for myself, as I have enough trouble managing the real me! But I do like to write fiction, and that does involve writing from a fictional person’s point of view, so maybe that’s the same thing? I’ll have to think about this.

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    • Ann, I’ve been thinking about this advice since I read it. I’m like you, I don’t have the bandwidth to create an alter ego of me. I’m able to understand other people’s points of view and naturally look at my problems from all angles, but for people who don’t do that I guess creating an alter ego is useful.

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  70. I’m not even sure it’s on point, but all I could think of as I was reading your description of the blogger was Al Franken back in his SNL days with his “Al Franken Decade” parodies. I think it’s one thing to do that in a snarky way, as you suggested, but quite another as a therapeutic device. To me it speaks of deceiving yourself. Or, yes, wackadoodle to the max. – Marty

    Liked by 2 people

    • Marty, I’d forgotten about those Al Franken skits but you’re right, they are oddly on point. The usefulness of a problem-solving alter ego is debatable. I’d find it clumsy, but some commenters have thought it sounded promising. Whatever works to keep you sane is good, I suppose.

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    • Awakening Wonders, that’s a sensible and wonderful way to approach your life. I live the same way, but the idea of creating an alter ego to solve your problems is intriguing. Just not for me.

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  72. I find it hilarious! However, considering the current world we live in, I’d venture to say many, many people live this way. Think Hollywood, Instagram, influencers, he/she/they/them. We are surrounded by people who are trying to be somebody else.

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    • Bijoux, you make a good point. We are surrounded by people trying to, and being rewarded for, their ability to be someone they are not. This alter ego approach to problem solving is an offshoot of that idea. You are astute, great observation.

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  73. A very thought-provoking post, Ally! Suffice it to say, my blogging break is bringing many of those thoughts to the forefront when I think about the posts I drafted but didn’t share – I tell myself, “Oh, dear, Shelley, you CAN’T write about that you’ll lose followers!” 🤣 I can’t imagine you writing anything that wasn’t authentically you – I find it very refreshing. Your gift of snarkiness is delightful as well. 🥰

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  74. Hmmm….interesting question. I’ve never tried to create an alter-ego to solve a problem. I have tried to think about how someone I respect would handle the problem. That’s as close as I’ve come. This post made me think of something that recently made me laugh though. George Santos was the answer to a Jeopardy! question, and the host said something to the effect of, “I never thought I’d say this, but George Santos is correct. “

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    • Christie, ha! Oh that’s a funny one about George Santos. I do like a person with a dry sense of humor. I can understand how thinking about your problem like how you believe someone else might view the problem could give you some insight. That seems plausible but the idea of an alter ego gives me pause, although a few commenters have said it worked for them. Who’s to say?

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  75. I love your thought provoking posts 🙂 I’ve never created an alter ego and would see this as a very unusual “outlet” for someone to deal with their issues as I tend to take people I meet online at face value and assume they are who they present themselves as. I am fascinated by the human experience, though and what makes us who we are or aren’t. I gain the most insight into myself over having a lot of time to think.

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    • Katy, I like how you said this: a very unusual “outlet” for someone to deal with their issues. Yep, that’s how I’ve come to think about this idea, too. I’m like you, I take people at face value until they prove otherwise. Case in point, that blogger from long ago who said upfront that she wasn’t living the life she was writing about. I solve my problems by quiet time for reflection so creating an alter ego to chat with seems ill-advised for me. Nice to hear from you, btw. Happy Summer!

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  76. I follow a lot of high-achieving personalities like athletes and artists, and a lot of them do mention the use of alter-egos as a way to deal with things their ‘usual selves’ can’t. So maybe it’s being more social as a shy person, or training harder as someone who perceives themselves as weak. I’ve never tried this before, but I am curious!

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    • Stuart, interesting. I read this idea in passing and it stayed with me. I can understand how a high-achieving person could utilize the alter ego idea to go farther, do better. I don’t think like that, never having been a Type A person, but there could be something to the rational, judicious use of an alter ego. If nothing else this idea is something to ponder.

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  77. Gee Ally, well I must be boring because “I am who I am” (I think Popeye, the Sailor Man uttered that phrase before me). I wouldn’t create an alter ego because, just like telling lies, it eventually becomes too difficult to separate truth from fiction. Interesting about your fellow blogger though – fantasy and wishful thinking taken to the nth degree.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Linda, when I read about the concept of an alter ego it fascinated me. I don’t feel like I’d be good at crafting one then using it to solve problems, but some commenters have said it worked for them. Whatever works, works.

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  78. Wow, that’s thought provoking. It reminds me in a way of something the yoga teacher I watch says sometimes…do such and such a pose ‘as if you love yourself’. That’s not the same thing, but it reminds me for some reason. Sometimes we are kinder to someone else than we are to ourselves. Often, in fact. So if you can pull yourself out of yourself, and gain clarity, that could be helpful. And if you would love you if you were someone else, why not love you as you?

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    • J, good point about how we can be kinder to other people than ourselves. You’re right that creating an alter ego could give you perspective on yourself so that you’d be kinder to yourself as you. It’s all kinda trippy when you get down to it.

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  79. I have never tried to create an alternate persona for myself. That’s just weird to me.
    Did I hide, at times, being miserable in my marriage? Yes, so I did the big D.
    Have I dreamed of having more money or living differently? Yes, so I went after a promotion at work.
    Have I focused here and there at not liking my body too much? Yes, but it’s usually my own fault of not hitting the gym often enough.
    Self realization and action.
    These last few years of being single and retirement have taught me additionally to be myself, live in my own skin, be grateful for what I have and enjoy life. Creating an alternate persona signals unhappiness and an unwillingness to actually do something about it. We make our own lives and I hope most of us are living authentic ones.

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    • Mary, nicely said. I understand what you’re saying: Creating an alternate persona signals unhappiness and an unwillingness to actually do something about it. It seems that way to me, too. Yet I know a few commenters have offered that they’ve used this alter ego approach to solving problems and it’s worked for them. I don’t feel like I could do it, I have enough trouble keeping track of one of me, let alone a fabricated second one.

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