AFTER TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY for three weeks to get wine in our weekly grocery order for curbside pickup, we finally got some wine in the house.
How did we do this, you ask?
We joined an online wine club wherein you pick from their selection of wines and your wine is then delivered, a few weeks later, to your doorstep. All that is required of you, beyond deciding which bottles of wine you want and having a valid credit card, is to have an adult sign for the wine when it is delivered to your doorstep at an assigned time.
I am an adult, with time on her hands, thus I was more than willing to sign for the wine. Which I did by standing in my jammies, shamelessly, on our front stoop a week ago Thursday morning at 10:00 a.m.
And by having gray frizzy hair.
The friendly UPS man sized me up from afar as he walked across the lawn carrying the box of wine. He didn’t bother having me physically sign for the wine, instead he scribbled something on the electronic form and went on his way.
That worked for me, buddy. No need to be uptight about the signing part of the blessed wine delivery. 😇
FUN WITH TYPOS
LAST TUESDAY NIGHT I opened the first bottle of the wine we ordered. We were having salmon and mashed potatoes and spinach, thus I reasoned a chilled bottle of Sauvignon Blanc would be lovely.
[Truthfully I almost always think a chilled bottle of Sauvignon Blanc would be lovely, but I digress.]
As I was sipping the first glass of wine to cross my lips in quite some time, I decided to read the back label on the bottle of wine. I like to know what I’m supposed to be tasting according to the vineyard. Plus I’m into marketing, so I do like well-written copy.
When I can find it.
And even when I can’t…
Below is a photograph of the back label on the bottle of wine. Can you see the typo? The numerical one that made me smile?
And with that I’ll end this post by telling you we enjoyed this bottle of wine. Perhaps it was because of all the effort it took to get it. Or, perhaps it was because it taught me a profound lesson: YOU CAN’T JUDGE A WINE BY ITS TYPO. 😉
It’s Tuesday, the day of the week when I plan on posting to this blog.
‘Tis a fact.
However, I’m finding that I have less to say than normal, words escape me. Or perhaps I’ve become more succinct with my words when I use them.
In truth I’m becoming more relaxed, introspective about my current lifestyle. All things considered I’m cheerful and content to spend more time at home; I figure if this is how you stay healthy, why not become a hermit?
[Meant to be a rhetorical question but worth pondering. How well are any of us adapting to this stay at home lifestyle?]
So in lieu of me rambling on here, attempting to write about my usual flapdoodle and twaddle, I’ll give you the following which is delightfully wordy and worth a listen.
On The Allusionist, a podcast by Helen Zaltzman, there is an episode called “Tranquillusionist: Your Soothing Words.” It’s 10 minutes of unexpected aural mellowness while Zaltzman reads 343 words.
[Click on HERE to be taken directly to the page on which you can find the doohickey thingie that lets you listen to a podcast on your computer. Or follow The Allustionist on a podcast app on your phone and find the episode there.]
And with that, I wish you well, my gentle readers. May you find ways in which to honor and center yourself while remaining safe during a strange time in the history of the world.
Live with intention. Engage with clarity. Share with joy.
It’s easy to use and if you happen to need to create an alliterative phrase, for some reason, this website makes quick work of it by helping you find words that might work for you.
I’ve never needed anything like this website, but I do like goofing around with words, so I think it’s fun.
I think that the idea of granny chic, as a trend in interior design, is an unexpected throwback.
According to this recent House Beautiful article, The Rise of ‘Grandmillennial’ Style, there’s a trend toward embracing what might be referred to as old-fashioned traditional style. As such, chintz, floral wall paper, needlepoint pillows, and bright colors are in fashion again. There is a quiz that you make take to see if you are part of this trend; click on the title of the article, scroll down, find the quiz.
I would not enjoy living in a space with this particular decorating trend, but I don’t begrudge anyone who wants to embrace it. You go girl granny.
I think that the number of Deborahs who comment here is noteworthy.
I met an acquaintance for lunch. She’d texted me the afternoon before we had lunch to arrange where she suddenly wanted to go to lunch.
Nowhere convenient, I’ll tell ‘ya that.
However, I happily rearranged my schedule to accommodate her whim preference, but that fact seemed to escape her notice as we sat there eating and talking.
Nope, she was on a rant about all that is wrong in the world; and she needed me to know that in her opinion I was too happy when discussing the wrongs in the world.
My equanimity seemed to bring out the demons in her.
She was perturbed with me because I wasn’t in the depths of despair over The Donald’s latest bull sh!t move of telling people to go to work when they’re sick.
[How stupid &/or senile is that man?]
Nor was I despondent enough over Elizabeth Warren, the competent presidential candidate who the news outlets marginalized, dropping out of the race.
[How sad is it that our country is so backward when it comes to electing leaders?]
Nor was I gnashing my teeth over the gloomy grayness that has been the subtext of our winter weather here.
[How soon will spring get here?]
Yep, she was peeved with me, but she’s what I’d call an Eeyore, a bit on the gloomy side. Always. Which means, of course, that my Pooh-like demeanor rankles her.
I do like her if only because she reminds me that someone else’s opinion of you need not define you. And that by talking with a variety of personality types you can, if you are open to it, learn a few things.
Like for instance, you can learn that the word ‘happy’ can have a negative connotation. Who knew, huh?
In honor of this I’ve written a list of pig phrases seen immediately below plus I’ve provided an explanation at the end of the post as to why I‘ve written this list.
[You know you’re wondering why.]
Please enjoy this list, but I beg of you, do not let this plethora of piggy-ness and phraseology overwhelm you with its profundity.
A LIST OF 28 PIG PHRASES
Please the pigs means if circumstances permit
Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered means don’t get greedy or whatever you have will be taken away from you
As short as a pig’s kick means not very good [Spanish insult]
Even a blind pig will occasionally find an acorn means even the least competent person will have something useful to contribute once in a while
To go to pigs and whistles means to go to ruin
Happier than a dead pig in sunshine means thrilled [Southern saying]
It’s as plain as a pig on a sofa means very obvious
Looked like a pig on ice means clumsy
He follows me around like an Antony pig means someone who mindlessly follows someone else [old English term referencing a Roman Catholic saint]
Don’t go crossing the pig tracks means don’t behave in an unseemly way
Feed a pig and you’ll have a hog means beware of encouraging a greedy person who’ll become dependent on you
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig means some people are too closed-minded to bother talking with [maybe said by Mark Twain]
Driving his pigs to market means snoring
Only a pig depends on the favors of swine means only a sneaky person will depend on the handouts of the disreputable
When pigs fly means it’ll never happen [English proverb from 1600s]
To get the wrong pig by the tail means to make a mistake
To bring one’s pigs to a fine market means to do well for yourself
Young pigs grunt as loud as old pigs grunted before them means same as it ever was [Danish proverb]
Like a pig to truffles means being able to go directly to the best of anything
Sometimes the rotten pig gets the apple means life isn’t always fair
Wears like a pig’s nose means durable [slogan from 1885 advertisement for overalls]
As happy as a pig in mud means contented with things as they are in this moment
I haven’t had this much fun since the pigs ate my brother means I’m having a good time
Don’t buy a pig in a poke means don’t make a deal without confirming the details
Sweating like a pig means to be so physically hot that beads of visible sweat form on you [not a reference to the farm animal, it’s about smelting iron]
Like putting lipstick on a pig means attempting to make something appear better than it is
Hollering like a stuck pig means a person who complains like they’re in pain to get attention
Neither give cherries to pigs nor advice to fools means your good intentions and truthfulness will be misunderstood by people who aren’t that intellectually bright [Irish proverb]
Addendum: More Pig Phrases Courtesy Of My Wonderful Commenters
What’s time to a pig means not to worry about something, it doesn’t really matter [from Dan at No Facilities]
Like pigs feeding at the trough means a greedy person, often a politician, getting more than his fair share [from Susan at Garden of Eden Blog]
Pig Latin means a made-up silly language in which the first syllable of an English word is removed from the beginning of the word and tacked onto the end of the word [from shoreacres at The Task at Hand]
In a pig’s eye means disbelief [from Deborah at temenos]
Piggy back means literally to carry someone on your back or in a figurative sense to add something to something that already exists [from Erica/Erika at Behind the Scenery]
Never wrestle with a pig; you just get muddy and the pig enjoys it means don’t bother trying to reason with someone who’s determined to be unreasonable [from Eilene at Myricopia]
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And why, you may be asking yourself, does Ms. Bean know all these pig phrases?
GLAD YOU ASKED.
It’s because in the winter of ’98 [yes, that’d be 1998] I planned on creating a website to see if I could figure out how to do that. I never got the chance to make the website, but I compiled this list in anticipation of doing so. The website was going to be about pig phrases.
[Once a wordy girl, always a wordy girl.]
Last weekend, in a serendipitous moment while sorting through some paper files in my desk drawer, I found this list of pig phrases and thought, considering the research was all done, why not make a blog post of it.
This is today’s silliness, it being the last day of April and all. Wave good-bye to April. Busy month for me. Did different things for the heck of it.
Case in point, out of curiosity I did some genealogical research about ye olde family and in the process I, once again, stumbled over something entertaining.
In that wordy historical way I like. Bumping gums and a ring-a-ding-ding I say.
What I found is Dirty 30s!, a fun website with a long list of slang terms from, you guessed it, the 1930s.
Reading through this list gave me an idea of how my ancestors spoke to each other. You shred it, wheat. Or I assume that they did. I mean, they probably used slang, right? No reason to believe that they spoke in scholarly language all the time.
[Well, one did write a book that landed on the NYT best seller list in the 1930s but he must have at least known these words and phrases. Togged to the bricks, that one.]
Anyway, below I present for your entertainment a simple little poll about the word GOOD. My theme for the day, it would seem. I could do worse. Good is good.
Thus I ask of you to shake a leg and use your peepers because you’ve got a poll to take.
[Slang words and phrases defined in comment section below.]
Have you ever thought [or said] something that made you say to yourself: now where the heck did that come from?
BE MINDFUL AND PAY ATTENTION to your thoughts, they say. Tune into yourself, they advise. Be cognizant of what you’re thinking about, they encourage.
Then you’ll know your true self, they claim.
Well apparently, if we agree with the basic premise of the foregoing, I’m morphing into a southern lady. Here are three real life examples from last week in which I paid attention to what I was thinking while the person in front of me babbled on.
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#1 – The cashier at the drug store went on a small rant when I gave her cash for payment for my purchase. She immediately started talking about pennies, specifically her dislike of them, and how recently our county tax rate had changed, making her job more difficult because [somehow] the new tax rate made more work for her when she had to make change… so she was going to get a petition going to change the tax rate back to what it’d been before.
#2 – The receptionist at the doctor’s office told me in a wordy girlfriend-to-girlfriend way that she was not happy about the newly remodeled waiting room because she could no longer see the TV on the wall in the waiting room without getting up from her seat and walking into the room itself, instead of sitting behind the reception counter… doing her work… presumably.
#3 – An acquaintance, known for being a drama llama, told me with tears in her eyes about her latest troubles that stemmed from being asked to do too much in too short of time for her to feel in control of her project. Yes, she was sure the system was actively working against her… until she double-checked her text message and realized that she was getting twice the amount of time she needed to do her thing.
UNTIL LAST WEEK I DIDN’T realize that underneath this midwestern nice exterior lurked a southern lady waiting to summarize the scene in front her with pointed polite colloquialisms that ooze passive-aggressive charm.
Well tie me up and call me Loretta*, it’s like I’ve found my true self, y’all.
I suppose it’s a matter of time before I start saying these things out loud, but with a midwestern accent that may negate their impact. This will in no way make me less happy, because I can’t stop the people from babbling but I can have fun with it in my way.
What do you say to yourself when people drone on and on about topics you don’t care about? Are you a southern lady, too? Spill the beans in the comments below.
* Gold star to anyone who knows where that Southern saying came from!