Happy Holidays? A Sense Of Fun, NOT

January 5, 2016January 5, 2016 / Ally Bean / 33 Comments

:: Well, didn’t the holidays suck this year? Or at least that’s how it went for us here at Chez Bean. You too?

The weather, of course, was all wrong. No matter where you were in the USA the weather was. not. right.

We had April-like spring temps in the 60s with rain and gray, depressing, bleak skies, instead of cool crisp winter weather with clear blue skies by day, starry skies by night.

Star of Bethlehem? Nowhere to be seen.

Adding to the blah, Zen-Den had pneumonia so he was a noisy hacking joy to be around. Keep in mind that I’m a highly sensitive person, meaning that for me his almost hourly coughing fits were like being jabbed with little plastic forks over and over and over again.

I used up my adrenaline supply for all of 2016 & then some.

Full moon, hazy sky. No stars in sight.

:: Needless to say, but I’m going to say it anyhow, we did not get together with friends and family because… well, read health issue discussed immediately above.

So alone we sat. Playing games, him on his iPhone, me on my iPad. Occasionally watching TV or a movie or a football game. Sort of. Ordering things online because how else could we go shopping?

Why didn’t I read, you ask?

As you may or may not know, April is my least favorite month of the year because I’m allergic to the pollen and mold that it produces. So, when that same weather showed up here [in December, thank you global warming] my eyes immediately went blurry, irritated by the aforementioned crap in the air.

Say adios to books.

Drab brown leaves accented with a sprig of red.

:: MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT THIS YEAR WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING A HEALTHY ZEN-DEN HOME FOR TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT WITH NO WORK COMMITMENTS SO THAT WE COULD GET THINGS DONE AROUND THE HOUSE.

Things like sorting through and boxing up the junk in the basement. Taking things to Goodwill and Habitat For Humanity. Hanging pictures in gallery wall formations. Deciding on new paint colors for bedrooms. Going to furniture stores to look at and sit on potential new chairs and sofas.

Did any of this get done?

NO! Not. one. stinking. thing.

Meaning that as far as I’m concerned this holiday season was a bust. While I’m the first to admit that it wasn’t the worst holiday season* I’ve lived through, overall Christmas 2015 + New Year’s Day 2016 were a downright old bummer of an experience.

So boring.

* My worst Christmas/NY holiday memories include: hospital stays; a nursing home; post-operative recuperation at home; talk of hospice care; electrical outages leading to days of no heat & food spoilage in refrigerator.

And one horrible two-night stay, stuck in a shabby motel in northern GA, adjacent to nothing, with only basic cable, pre-wifi & cell phone, when our car broke down on NY Day, a Saturday, and the car dealership where it needed to be repaired wasn’t open until Monday.

How I Plan To Have A Happy Holiday Season This December

December 1, 2015December 1, 2015 / Ally Bean / 37 Comments

#1 – Decorate outside early. Decorate everywhere simply.

Slowly our neighborhood is transforming into a holiday wonderland.

Those of us who don’t do Black Friday spent last Friday, a warmish, dry day, putting out holiday decorations. Everyone who I saw outside seemed happy, although a few people were mowing their lawns for reasons unclear to me.

But whatevs.

We never do more exterior decorating than a couple of lighted wreaths on two windows and a few nets of multi-colored lights on some bushes by the front door.

As for the inside of the house, we’ve gone with one skinny decorated Christmas tree in the TV room, a small jingle bell wreath on the hutch in the kitchen, an antique nativity scene in the dining room, a growing Amaryllis in the living room + a stack of cutesy decorative boxes in the foyer in place of fresh flowers.

EZPZ. And it’s festive enough.

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#2 – Do not have a big holiday office party at The house.

For the first time in five years we aren’t having a holiday party on the first Friday in December.

This means that we haven’t needed to move half of our furniture into the basement or garage so that our 50+ guests have somewhere to stand. We don’t have cases of wine and beer and other libations piled in the garage.

We aren’t running to the grocery to buy all the ingredients to make dips and create cheese plates. And we have not ordered even one plate of sandwiches or cookies that need to be picked up after 4:00 pm the day of the party.

To say I feel carefree and giddy this week is an understatement.

Not being a hostess rocks.

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#3 – Disengage from the holiday crazy whenever possible.

Considering I decided that 2015 would be the year of the recluse, my holiday social calendar is delightfully almost empty.

To wit, I’m doing one special event each week in December. This way I hope to not be overwhelmed with travel and holiday attire and food + booze and Christmas-obsessed extraverted people who ~~inexplicably~~ enjoy this time of year.

Nope, this year I’m putting myself in the holiday mood by avoiding as much of the holiday hoopla as I can.

Paradoxical, perhaps. But that’s my happy plan.

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AND YOU, MY GENTLE READERS, WHAT’S UP WITH YOU THIS MONTH OF ~~FORCED FRIVOLITY~~ DECEMBER? TELL ALL IN THE COMMENTS BELOW.

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Yoga Lessons Revisited: She Like To Move It, Move It

November 19, 2015 / Ally Bean / 59 Comments

I’ve stretched my body more lately. To make my joints more flexible, my alignment more comfortable, my muscles more toned. Doing yoga asanas, that is. Or my middle-aged out-of-shape reinterpretation of them.

It’s been a little over 10 years since I stopped going to yoga classes on a regular basis.

• • •

LESSON #1

“Keep on meeting the edge.”

~ said Kathy, who moved away from the city to live on an organic farm

• • •

I had always enjoyed taking yoga classes, but my favorite instructors, who each had her own way of explaining life on and off the mat, stopped teaching.

The only woman I could find who did not do hot yoga, which I think is nuts, was more about selling her book and CDs than teaching yoga. She was quite the personality kid, which annoyed me.

So I stopped attending her classes, thinking I’d continue my practice on my own.

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LESSON #2

“When in doubt, don’t.”

~ said Donna, who got a newspaper byline and is living her dream of being a writer

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But you know how things like that go. Procrastination + laziness took over– and eventually the idea of daily yoga practice floated out of my monkey mind.

However, this fall I acknowledged that I’m getting older and that I’m beginning to walk more THUNK * THUNK * THUNK than flow * flow * flow. Which is to say my daily walks are morphing into daily moseys because I’m going slower and slower.

Re-enter daily yoga practice.

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LESSON #3

“Well isn’t that interesting?”

~ said Cathy, who had a hip replacement then decided to retire with her husband to somewhere warm

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I’ve yet to commit to a specific time and place for my stretching, but if memory serves, back years ago when I was really into yoga, I used the late afternoon as my practice time… which I suppose I could do again.

And that, my gentle readers, is what’s up with me today in my quest to age gracefully + not keel over by the side of the road.

Ever onward, I say. Each of us moving forward in our own way.

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“Fizz-a-cally-fit, Fizz-a-cally-fit…”

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The Goofiness Of Girl Scouting & Catalogue Shopping Over The Years

November 17, 2015November 17, 2015 / Ally Bean / 30 Comments

• Never would I have figured out that I’ve lived a lie all these years if I hadn’t stumbled upon the mother lode of Girl Scout-ness, a website filled with images of all Girl Scout catalogs ever printed.

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I’m torn about what to buy. I want the Middy and Bloomer outfit for when I jump rope, but am equally desirous of the Zip-On Suede Jacket which allows me to hold a squirrel on my arm. [Catalog 1931B]

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• Perusing these catalogs I remembered that in my jewelry box I had my official Girl Scout membership card showing me to be a member of Heritage Trails Troop 239.

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Although yellow has never been a flattering color on me, I’m taken with this apron, covered in proficiency badge designs, that would ensure I looked pretty as I worked around the house. [Catalog 1952S]

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• My pin, the official jewelry of all Girl Scouts, was stolen when thieves burglarized our house when I was in sixth grade. However, the thieves left me my card. Jolly good of them, wasn’t it?

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No problem deciding what I want in this catalog. I’ll take a reversible caper cap and a pair of flashes to keep my knee socks up. [Catalog 1973]

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• Looking at my Certificate of Membership Card, I see that I never signed the thing, which clearly states: “Not valid without signature.” Obviously I’ve lived a falsehood when I say I was a Girl Scout.

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Well, look at that, will ‘ya? I never signed my Girl Scout Certificate of Membership Card. Such a free spirit I am, even back then.

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• The shame of not doing my best is almost too much for me, and confirms I don’t have the right to shop for any of the above items. Pity that. I just know I’d look fetching in that apron, while wearing flashes on my socks and a squirrel on my arm.