A Party, A Conversation, A Confused Me: What Does *Mainstream* Mean To You?

/ Ally Bean / 210 Comments

I WAS AT A PARTY where I ended up in a weird conversation that confused me. Generally speaking, being empathetic, I’m good at intuiting what is really being said, reading between the lines, but this time… I dunno.

Here’s what happened:

I was standing in the kitchen [no surprise, right?] talking with three pleasant women, one of whom I’d just met. The other two I’ve seen maybe 2 times in the last 10 years, so not friends– more like casual almost acquaintances that pass in the night.

What I know for sure about these woman is that they each:

  1. are married to the father of their children;
  2. have kids in college, hither and yon across the US;
  3. work outside the home, in different industries;  and
  4. attend Christian churches of different denominations.

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ONE WOMAN WAS TALKING ABOUT how her youngest child would be out of college by the end of the year. This meant that she was to the point of thinking about leaving her full-time job. This woman wasn’t sure what she was going to do next, but it was NOT going to be what she’d been doing.

To me this seemed like a standard conversation, at least until the woman I just met said: “Well, just make sure that whatever you do it next isn’t mainstream.”

And with that the three started laughing, loudly, glancing at each other as if this was the funniest thing anyone ever said.

I was lost.

The conversation continued with them talking about how they could never be mainstream– except that they were rolling their eyes like this was an inside joke and they knew they were mainstream.

I was still lost.

As a free-spirited woman who has never been called mainstream I was clueless about what was being implied by the word mainstream, yet I knew something was up.

At this point I’d have asked clarifying questions, but we were interrupted by someone who walked into the kitchen with a story to tell– and I never got the chance. Considering these are casual acquaintances [at best], I’m not going to call one and ask what was really going on.

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NATURALLY I’VE BEEN WONDERING about the conversation:

🔹 Was it about how they considered themselves to be the very definition of mainstream, embracing the word as a kind of mantra, taking it to be complimentary?

OR

🔹 Was it about how they never would define themselves as mainstream, so there’s no way that one of them could ever do anything mainstream, taking it to be derogatory?

OR

🔹 Were they talking about something else in reference to mainstream, like a pop culture or political or small town allusion that I’m not familiar with, something like that maybe?

Obviously I don’t know, but this conversation has stayed on my mind,  stumped by what was really going on. Thus I’m asking you, my little moonbeams of conversational clarity, for your take on this.

Help me understand, please.

~ 🔹 ~

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Have you ever felt like I did that you were adjacent to an inside joke?

When the word mainstream is used around you, assuming it is, how do you define it?

In your worldview does it have a positive or negative connotation? Or neutral?

Also, been to any good parties lately? Do tell

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Think Before You Speak: The One About The Cashier Kid And What Bob Taught Him

/ Ally Bean / 252 Comments

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I WAS SHOPPING IN our local Kroger, standing in line behind a chatty woman who was talking with our cashier, a kid about 18 y.o. He was tall, slim, and personable– plus efficient.

I liked him.

As he goes to hand this chatty woman her bag of groceries an older man who is also tall, slim, and personable, a customer on his way out of the store, shouts over to this cashier kid saying: “how ‘ya doing stupid?”

The customer does a little hand wave and smiles as he walks by.

Our cashier kid smiles, waves back, and says: “okay.”

The older man nods his head, keeps walking, and goes out the door.

I figure this older man is the cashier kid’s grandpa and don’t think anything more about it. They looked enough alike for that to be true.

But I was wrong.

Well, the chatty woman in front of me was NOT PLEASED by this brief conversation. She immediately begins to interrogate this cashier kid: “do you know that man?”

The cashier kid says: “he’s a customer here.”

“And he calls you STUPID?!!”

“Yes, but it’s okay he’s pretty nice, really.”  

The cashier kid starts to look frazzled, clearly not into this conversation, but the chatty woman won’t let it go, she NEEDS to know more so she presses this cashier kid: “You mean he’s a customer who talks to you like that and you’re alright with it? Did you tell your manager what he said? You don’t have to take verbal abuse.”

There’s a long awkward pause.

At this point I realize that the cashier kid is in over his head. This previously pleasant conversation with the chatty woman has taken a weird turn that has him tongue-tied, so I butt in and ask the obvious question saying: “WHY does that man call you stupid?”

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And with that THE STORY came out. A good one, totally understandable, one that just goes to show that a little bit of humor goes a long way toward making someone else feel comfortable in a trying situation.

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COME TO FIND OUT on the first day the cashier kid worked a register by himself he made a major mistake while ringing up this older man’s groceries. Instead of ringing up a $2.50 half loaf of bread, the cashier kid goofed, ringing it up for close to $30.00.

How did this happen, you might be wondering?

Well for some reason our cashier kid got flustered when he saw a half loaf of bread. His mom buys whole loaves, so this was new to him.

He thought it was a speciality item from the bakery and figured he had to do something manually, like you do when there’s a preordered sheet cake. So he input the code for sheet cake, weighed the bread like it was fresh produce [another thing he shouldn’t have done], and ended up with an expensive half loaf of bread.

He immediately realized he’d done something VERY WRONG so he called to the front end manager to come over to help, then as a way of explanation about what was going on he told this older man that: “I’m stupid.”

To which this older man, the customer, replied: “I’m Bob. Glad to meet ‘ya, Stupid.” 

Dad humor, obviously.

But the kind of humor that according to this cashier kid made him smile. In fact it was just what he needed to hear, realizing that Bob wasn’t upset, wasn’t going to yell at him. That everything was going to work out okay eventually.

And that’s how the cashier kid met Bob, the aforementioned waving customer in the first part of this story, who paid that day without any complaint about what happened. But on his way out Bob leaned over to tell this cashier kid that THE LESSON from this was to never tell anyone that you’re stupid.

Why?

Because they might remember something negative you say about yourself and use it against you in the future.

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Good Grief! 7 Things To Tell You On A Tuesday Morning In August

/ Ally Bean / 259 Comments

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1 – I am laughing. I think with passwords you cannot win– and maybe you’re not supposed to, maybe they’re here with us to provide frustration. Why do we assume they’re on our side? Anyhow, go HERE to do your best to create a password.

2 – I am organized. A couple of weeks ago Zen-Den finished painting the interior of the garage [with exterior paint, oh the irony]. Then last week we had 1-800-GOT-JUNK come to the house to haul away the stuff we no longer wanted, stuff that had been stored in the garage for years. This is a huge step forward toward simplifying our lives. And I could not be happier.

3 – I am enjoying. We’ve discovered Tajín, a mild spice blend with chili peppers, lime, and sea salt. On watermelon it’s divine, so now I’m into trying it on almost everything fruity or vegetable-y. Once I like a flavor profile I go with it.

4 – I am anticipating. Only Murders in the Building returns today and we’re here for it. Season 3 is with Meryl Streep, so even though I say I never binge-watch anything, this could be the show that changes all that.

5 – I am pleased. I stumbled over The Love Language Quiz so I took it. Come to find out my love language is Acts of Service. This makes sense to me and brings to mind a certain song. Oh Zen-Den my Sweet Baboo, “I’m getting hungry, peel me a grape.”

6 – I am fascinated. Our neighbors have bought an electric robotic lawnmower. It’s white and looks like an albino turtle so I’ve named it Yertle. It scurries around their yard going hither and yon, eventually covering the whole area. Then, and this is what I think is wonderful, Yertle goes to his little charging station, his home, under their deck.

7 – I am prudent.  I knew about the Cardinal Sins, years ago having declared SLOTH as my fave, but now I’ve learned there are Cardinal Virtues. Who knew? Thus in the spirit of being a forthright blogger who shares important personal information, I’ve decided that my favorite virtue is PRUDENCE.

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QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Anyone else about had it with passwords, the bane of my online existence?

What are you looking forward to watching [TV or movies] during August?

What is your Love Language? Your favorite Cardinal Sin? Your favorite Cardinal Virtue?

Anything interesting going on in your world? Or over at your neighbor’s house?

You know I love to know what’s up with you!

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July Reply: Answering YOUR Miscellaneous Questions + My Conclusions About Doing This Project [AMA Part 3 Of 3]

/ Ally Bean / 182 Comments

PREVIOUSLY…

As promised, this is the last installment of the AMA Extravaganza, a blogging project I dreamed up in June [HERE] as a way to see what y’all were curious about + as a way of focusing attention on other bloggers.

So far I’ve answered YOUR questions about blogging [HERE] and YOUR questions about me [HERE].

Again I’m highlighting who asked each question and adding a link to their blog. This I hope will create and extend a sense of community that is, in my experience, the backbone of personal blogging.

Plus for your entertainment I’ve added 3 memes from the National Park Service, that has the best sense of humor of any government agency.

See what you think.

YOUR QUESTIONS + MY ANSWERS

The following questions are listed alphabetically using the first letter of the first name of the Cool Kid who asked the question. Thanks to everyone who asked a question. My answers immediately follow each question.   

📌 Barbara from Book Club Mom asks: Do you think a person’s opinion of a book can change after discussing it with others? Has this ever happened to you?

MY ANSWER: Yes, a person’s opinion of a book can change after discussing it with other people. Or having it explained to you by someone, like a college prof, who understand the context better or has more life experience than you.

For me a case in point would be The Scarlet Letter by Hawthorne that I thought was a pathetic story until I learned more about the era it was set in– and how hypocritical religious folks can be. 🤨

📌 Betsy from Motherhood and Martial Arts asks: Did some punk on here already ask you to explain the meaning of life? 

MY ANSWER: No, Betsy, no one else has asked me to explain the meaning of life. You’re the only one to ask IF someone has asked me that question. And that is my punkish reply. 😜

📌 Catsandcoffee from MIDLIFE CAT LADY asks: If you were reincarnated into an animal, what would it be and why?

MY ANSWER: I’ve wrestled with my answer to this question. On the one hand I’d go with CAT because I adore their indifferent attitude towards pleasing people.  But on the other hand I’m drawn to SLOTH because they make me smile and live life at their own pace.

I dunno for sure so depending on my mood: 😼 or 🦥

📌 Ernie from … no small feet asks: Do you and Zen Den have couples that you meet up with for dinner/drinks. etc. And have you struggled to find couples that you both enjoy? …  How do you handle this issue?

MY ANSWER: Most of our socializing with other couples has been a result of Z-D’s work relationships. This means that unless I really dislike a couple, we continue to see them… because business. I figure it’s only for a few hours and if [almost always] there are adult beverages involved, it’s all good. 🍸

📌 JT Twissell from SAYING NOTHING IN PARTICULAR asks: Have you ever been asked if you were on drugs?

MY ANSWER: Welp, up until this question no one has ever asked me if I was on drugs. I am not, nor ever have been, but thanks for asking. Perhaps I should investigate taking some? Are you suggesting a new goal for me? 😵‍💫

📌 Janis at Retirementally Challenged asks: What kind of bean are you: lima, baked, jelly, or some other type?

MY ANSWER: Oddly enough I have answered this question before in THIS POST wherein I shared my bean personality after taking an online quiz from THE BEAN INSTITUTE that told me: “You’re the Pinto Bean: Humble, Unassuming, Relaxed & Modest.”

Ha! Didn’t see that answer coming, did ‘ya? 😉

📌 LA from Waking up on the Wrong Side of 50 asks: My friend asks me for fashion advice…. Do I tell her what I really think or do I continue to skirt around the issue, realizing it’s just my opinion, but in the back of my head, she already sees the things I see, and wants confirmation? 

MY ANSWER: If an acquaintance asked this I’d be noncommittal, BUT if a friend asked for fashion advice like yours has, I’d be more truthful, in a tactful way.

I’d approach it from the improv point of view wherein you say “yes/and” when it’s your turn to talk.  That is, your friend says something about an outfit then I’d say: “YES you could wear that AND you might be able to enhance it by ________.”  She talks and your reply is: “YES I get what you’re saying AND you could try _______.”

This continues until the conversation has reaches its logical conclusion. Then you never say another word about what she decides to wear. 🤐

📌 Mark Petruska from Mark My Words asks: If we were stranded on a desert island together, what skills do you think I would bring to the table? How about you? Would we be able to put our collective noggins together and figure a way off the damned island ala Tom Hanks in “Castaway,” or would we perish after a few weeks? … Keep in mind we don’t have a Wilson with us (though hopefully I’m more entertaining than a damn volleyball).

MY ANSWER: Dude, we’re doomed. No way are we going to survive being stranded on a desert island for a few weeks.

Sure you have amazing writing skillz and can mow a huge yard on a riding mower, but those abilities, while admirable, are worth zilch when stranded in the way you envision.  Plus the only skill I could bring to the situation is to complain, very well of course, taking into account everything that is wrong, but I know that gift wouldn’t contribute to our survival either.

The only way I can fathom us surviving is IF we had Wilson with us, and you’ve taken that option off the table, so my friend it’s over for us, been great knowing ‘ya. 🏐

📌 Mary from Mary J Melange asks: Is there a question you will never ever answer because of the skeleton in the closet? Where do you hide the bodies? Is there such a thing as watching too much crime drama on TV? Is there such a thing as too many cats or too much chocolate? Where did I leave my car keys? Are you annoyed by stupid questions?

MY ANSWER: First let me congratulate you on asking the most random stream of questions that anyone has asked here.

Well done.

Next let me assure you that I have some skeletons somewhere, but none involve real bodies nor do I keep them in a closet.  Mine are decorative, stored in the basement, used to zhoosh up the house for Halloween.  And yes, I’m sure some of us watch way too many TV crime dramas, but I shall not name names.

I believe, and this might be controversial, that you can have too many cats and too much chocolate. I’ll not elaborate further lest I inflame someone with my opinion.

I suggest you search for your car keys in the kitchen, maybe tossed into the silverware drawer by accident? Or pushed into the trash can by Gibbs? Or Hoshi? And no I’m not annoyed by your inventive questions. In fact I’m giving you a trophy for your cleverness. 🏆

📌 nance from Dept. of Nance asks: Is there anything you’ve ever just plain given up on?

MY ANSWER: I’ve give up on lots of things, from career aspirations to the best recipe for cheesecake– and everything in-between. The thing is I believe there is nothing wrong with giving up.

Yes, you read that right.

You just have to be clear about why you’re giving up and how your life will change because of it. If you’re comfortable with your answers to those two variables, then give up– and move on. 😌

📌 philmouse from Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge asks: You’re cool (of course) so the obvious question is what flavor of ice cream do you prefer? Do you think ice cream choice reveals a lot about a person? …Some people are fans and dedicated to one flavor, some love experiments and variety, some may change as they mature – or move to a new place. Do you think there should be some research money available for a study on this? 

MY ANSWER: Okay, here goes. My favorite flavors of ice cream have changed over the years.  As a child I liked raspberry ripple, then as a teenage moved on to mint chocolate chip, followed by a decade of chocolate almond.  However now, as a confirmed adult, I like vanilla bean vanilla [never French vanilla] or caramel.

Whether I’ve revealed anything important about myself, or if there should be research money available for how a person’s ice cream preferences change, is not for me to decide.

HOWEVER I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that there is a well-funded research project happening on this question. Such is the way of the modern world, no detail of human behavior is too small to explore on someone else’s dime. 🍨

📌 Sadje from Keep it alive asks: Why does it rains when you don’t have an umbrella and it’s sunny when you do have one?

MY ANSWER: This is a brilliant question. My answer to it demonstrates why I’m sometimes described as charmingly cynical. My reply is: because the Universe likes to screw with you, just to see what you’ll do next! ☔️

IN CONCLUSION

While doing this project my stats were booming. In the words of WordPress: “The Spectacled Bean is getting noticed.”

Here is what I learned by doing this AMA Extravaganza, something I’ll probably never do again, but was worth doing once to test my mettle:

  1. When you solicit questions from your readers you open yourself up to a whole lot of randomness.
  2. If you are not prepared to make yourself vulnerable, don’t do this: remember you’re giving up your control over what you’ll be writing about.
  3. Readers asked excellent questions and answering them took more time than I imagined it would, so I spread my answers out over a few weeks which was not my original plan.
  4. This project was worthwhile because by adding a link to the blog of anyone who asked a question I was sharing the limelight with other people, thus this wasn’t all about me. Hallelujah!