Odds & Ends

October 16, 2012 / Ally Bean / 21 Comments

:: ON SUNDAY I MADE a Ratty Apple Pie. That’s my name for an apple pie made from a mix of not so good-looking apples. My pie included 2 Melrose, 1 Granny Smith, 2 Red Delicious + 1 mystery apple [Gala?] that was in our frig. Then I put what my Betty Crocker cookbook describes as French crumb topping on the pie. The pie was yummy.

:: I READ AN ARTICLE in the Sunday paper about the increase in incivility in daily life. It rang true with me. I know that in the last few years I’ve encountered rude drivers, indifferent sales clerks, one incredibly hostile bank manager, a couple of ill-mannered [former] friends, and countless offensive individuals shrieking about politics.

My guess is that after watching violent movies, viewing rude tv shows & absorbing the hostility inherent in extremist political views these annoying people are so desensitized that they don’t know that they are, indeed, rude & uncivil. The sad part is that I’ve come to realize that sometimes being rude right back to an uncouth person is the only way to accomplish anything because these. people. do. not. get. kindness.

:: WE HAVE AN INFESTATION of icky miniature fly-like bugs in our house. The man who washes our windows was here yesterday. He told me that the bugs, which are coming into the house through the holes in the mesh of the screens, were from the Hackberry tree.

[Having never heard of a Hackberry tree before I googled it. Natch. I learned that it is sturdy; produces tiny dark-red colored berries for the wildlife to munch on; provides a safe haven for birds in the winter; was cultivated in 1636; & in pioneer days was used for making barrel hoops.]

As for getting rid of the icky little bugs– not going to happen until we have a hard frost, the window washer man tells me. Seems that the dumb little bugs are impervious to all types of removal– including my withering gaze and vacuuming the screens.

Sometimes These Quizzes Are Accurate, Says The Ranch House

October 11, 2012March 9, 2015 / Ally Bean / 16 Comments

• I took the What’s Your Architectural Personality? quiz. My results said:

You’re solid as a Ranch house!

Simple and suburban by nature, you exude a cozy warmth that lets people know you don’t mind if they leave their shoes on in the house — it’s only carpet, after all! Family and friends are important to you, and you love having them stop by. While not overly fussy or vain, you care about your looks — but honestly, you’re happiest in sweatpants. To you, life isn’t measured in the goods you’ve acquired, but in time well spent.

• My results linked to a webpage that explained that I am more than likely to be a… [mighty, mighty] brick house:

“Ranch homes tend to be easy to maintain because they’re often made of brick, which requires little fuss, and they’re sparsely adorned.”

• Oddly accurate, don’t you think? [Even more interesting when you consider that the last question on the quiz asked which dog I preferred: a basset hound or a golden retriever? I chose basset hound. If I had chosen golden retriever, then my architectural personality would have been Greek Revival— which doesn’t seem like me at all even though I like golden retrievers.]

Even Though I Make No Sense Doesn’t Mean That I’m Not Right

October 9, 2012 / Ally Bean / 23 Comments

A glimpse into a marriage…

Mr. Man has a habit of not shutting the blinds on the windows in the bathroom before he gets naked and showers. In the summertime when the leaves are on the trees and the mornings are bright & sunny, this is okay. But now that the trees are losing leaves and the mornings are dark, he is on display when he gets ready to shower.

I don’t like this and I told him so. In uncertain terms. That made sense to me before I said them to him.

– – • – –

ME: You can’t stand in the bathroom in the morning with the blinds open.

Him: Huh?

ME: Someone could see you.

Him: Who?

ME: Someone out for a walk in the early morning… on the street behind us… who looked through the trees and saw you in the bathroom.

Him: Who would that be? It’s a private drive back there. And someone out there can’t see through the trees, across the ravine and up this high to our second floor window.

ME: But they might have a camera with a telescopic lens– and then they could see you. Clearly.

Him: Not likely. The only creatures who can see me are the squirrels in the trees back there.

ME: Well, that’s not good. You don’t want that, right?

Him: I don’t give a [insert curse word of your choice] if squirrels see me naked.

ME: Well, well… there could be a sniper back there with a rifle and he could see you… if he was in the neighbor’s second floor bedroom… through their window. With a gun.

Him: HUH?!!

ME: And he could shoot you because you’d be a clear shot. YOU DON’T WANT THAT, DO YOU?

Him: THERE IS NO SNIPER BACK THERE. HE IS NOT GOING TO SHOOT ME WITH HIS RIFLE.

ME: Well, there could be. And then I’d be a widow all because you couldn’t be bothered to shut the blinds.

Him: Where do you get this stuff?

ME: It could happen.

Him: No way. How did the sniper get into the neighbor’s house anyway? Or are you saying that our neighbors are snipers? Like that Mr. & Mrs. Smith movie?

ME: No, of course not. Our neighbors aren’t assassins. DON’T. BE. SILLY. I got the idea from all the NCIS reruns… that you make me watch.

Him: THAT I MAKE YOU WATCH? How do I make you watch them?

ME: You put them on the TV and then I see them… and begin thinking about what could happen if someone saw you naked in the morning getting ready to take a shower.

Him: That’s what you get from watching NCIS? That someone might shoot me?

ME: Yes it is. So just shut the [insert curse word of your choice] blinds before you get undressed. OK?

Him: Sure. All you had to do is ask.