Spoiler alert: pretty photos do not necessarily make for an exciting blog post; however I work with what I’ve got, adding some attitude with my words.
Saturday the weather was unusually clear and sunny and cool. It was a perfect day to do something, if there’d have been something social to do, which there wasn’t. So instead of having a nutty at home, we went for a car ride. Like old people.
Here is a park bench with no one sitting on it. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen this particular bench without someone sitting on it. It kind of unnerved me, but ’tis a different world now, hey what?
This is a photo of a charming gazebo that suggests a refined gracious lifestyle and the patience to, or the bank account for hiring other people to, maintain such a folly in your yard. Cute, huh?
Here is a field as seen from the car window. To me, a non-farmer, it looks about the same as it usual does. I include it here because it is something I saw and the sky was a snazzy shade of blue, don’t you know? Pretty.
This is a photo of a horse doing her best to ignore me. I wanted to get a picture of her face, but she was having none of that. Not that I blame her, I don’t like having my picture taken either. Too personal.
Here is a soccer field without one person on it, near it, around it on a Saturday afternoon in the suburbs. If the first photo is one of amazement, this photo is a one of disbelief. In over 20 years of living around here I’ve never seen this field empty like this at this time of year. Just weird.
In honor of this I’ve written a list of pig phrases seen immediately below plus I’ve provided an explanation at the end of the post as to why I‘ve written this list.
[You know you’re wondering why.]
Please enjoy this list, but I beg of you, do not let this plethora of piggy-ness and phraseology overwhelm you with its profundity.
A LIST OF 28 PIG PHRASES
Please the pigs means if circumstances permit
Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered means don’t get greedy or whatever you have will be taken away from you
As short as a pig’s kick means not very good [Spanish insult]
Even a blind pig will occasionally find an acorn means even the least competent person will have something useful to contribute once in a while
To go to pigs and whistles means to go to ruin
Happier than a dead pig in sunshine means thrilled [Southern saying]
It’s as plain as a pig on a sofa means very obvious
Looked like a pig on ice means clumsy
He follows me around like an Antony pig means someone who mindlessly follows someone else [old English term referencing a Roman Catholic saint]
Don’t go crossing the pig tracks means don’t behave in an unseemly way
Feed a pig and you’ll have a hog means beware of encouraging a greedy person who’ll become dependent on you
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig means some people are too closed-minded to bother talking with [maybe said by Mark Twain]
Driving his pigs to market means snoring
Only a pig depends on the favors of swine means only a sneaky person will depend on the handouts of the disreputable
When pigs fly means it’ll never happen [English proverb from 1600s]
To get the wrong pig by the tail means to make a mistake
To bring one’s pigs to a fine market means to do well for yourself
Young pigs grunt as loud as old pigs grunted before them means same as it ever was [Danish proverb]
Like a pig to truffles means being able to go directly to the best of anything
Sometimes the rotten pig gets the apple means life isn’t always fair
Wears like a pig’s nose means durable [slogan from 1885 advertisement for overalls]
As happy as a pig in mud means contented with things as they are in this moment
I haven’t had this much fun since the pigs ate my brother means I’m having a good time
Don’t buy a pig in a poke means don’t make a deal without confirming the details
Sweating like a pig means to be so physically hot that beads of visible sweat form on you [not a reference to the farm animal, it’s about smelting iron]
Like putting lipstick on a pig means attempting to make something appear better than it is
Hollering like a stuck pig means a person who complains like they’re in pain to get attention
Neither give cherries to pigs nor advice to fools means your good intentions and truthfulness will be misunderstood by people who aren’t that intellectually bright [Irish proverb]
Addendum: More Pig Phrases Courtesy Of My Wonderful Commenters
What’s time to a pig means not to worry about something, it doesn’t really matter [from Dan at No Facilities]
Like pigs feeding at the trough means a greedy person, often a politician, getting more than his fair share [from Susan at Garden of Eden Blog]
Pig Latin means a made-up silly language in which the first syllable of an English word is removed from the beginning of the word and tacked onto the end of the word [from shoreacres at The Task at Hand]
In a pig’s eye means disbelief [from Deborah at temenos]
Piggy back means literally to carry someone on your back or in a figurative sense to add something to something that already exists [from Erica/Erika at Behind the Scenery]
Never wrestle with a pig; you just get muddy and the pig enjoys it means don’t bother trying to reason with someone who’s determined to be unreasonable [from Eilene at Myricopia]
~ ~ 🐷 ~ ~
And why, you may be asking yourself, does Ms. Bean know all these pig phrases?
GLAD YOU ASKED.
It’s because in the winter of ’98 [yes, that’d be 1998] I planned on creating a website to see if I could figure out how to do that. I never got the chance to make the website, but I compiled this list in anticipation of doing so. The website was going to be about pig phrases.
[Once a wordy girl, always a wordy girl.]
Last weekend, in a serendipitous moment while sorting through some paper files in my desk drawer, I found this list of pig phrases and thought, considering the research was all done, why not make a blog post of it.
I want to tell you what happened. I didn’t quite understand what really happened as it happened and it was only after Zen-Den gently walked me to an epiphany that I got what happened.
• • •
• • •
THE OTHER MORNING AROUND 9:00 a.m. I decided to water the planters that are on the stoop in front of the house by the front door. I do this using an old Rubbermaid aqua-colored 2 1/4 quarts plastic pitcher whose white lid I lost decades ago.
As I was watering these planters I looked over in the bushes to where we have a medium-sized concrete urn that holds a spike plant. Because it’s been more dry around here than usual the poor spike looked droopy, so I got more water in my repurposed pitcher, now watering can, and stepped into our bushes in front of the windows in front of the house to water the thirsty plant.
I probably should add at this point that I was wearing Stewart plaid flannel jammies, a bright pink fleece jacket, dark teal suede house slippers, and had my curly mess of graying blonde hair pulled up, with a neon orange elastic band, into an off-kilter pineapple-style ponytail on top of my head.
Oh, and I was wearing dark glasses because it was sunny outside.
• • •
THERE’S BEEN A CHIPMUNK hanging around the front of the house all summer and as I was watering the spike I saw it scurry by me on its way to the other side of the front of the house. I do not like the damage that chipmunks can cause so I stopped watering and glared at the little rodent to see where it was going.
And, of course, I yelled a few random death threats at it.
As one does.
Suddenly I had a strange feeling and realized I was not alone. That out on the street in a large black SUV someone was watching me as I stood there.
And who was this person watching me? A sheriff who had happened to notice me as he was driving by. He’d rolled down his passenger side window to get a closer look at me and when I saw him, he waved.
I smiled and waved back while holding up my repurposed pitcher, then started pouring water into the concrete urn to show him I belonged where I was. I wasn’t a burglar hiding in the bushes, I was just the lady of the house doing a chore.
He smiled back, nodded his head, rolled up the window, and went on his way.
• • •
LATER THAT NIGHT I told Z-D what had happened and how funny I thought it was that a sheriff thought I was a miscreant attempting to break into our house.
Zen-Den listened to my story and conclusion, then quietly suggested that what the sheriff thought he saw probably didn’t register with him as a burglary in progress.
Instead from the sheriff’s perspective what he saw was an addlepated gray-haired senior citizen, perhaps suffering from dementia and jibber-jabbering to herself, wandering around in the bushes in her nightclothes, seemingly confused, while carrying a random kitchen item with her.
And darn it to heck, Zen-Den is right. That’s exactly what the sheriff saw.