Comic Strips

Highlights From August: I’m Not A Flower. I’m Not A Fork. I’m Not A Foe.

/ Ally Bean / 179 Comments

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The Flower Part

Late one afternoon while sitting outside on the deck, I was viciously attacked dive-bombed by a hummingbird who mistook me for a flower. Why, you may be wondering, did this little piece of flightiness think I was a flower?

Here’s the scene: I was wearing a pale pink baseball cap [similar here] + a medium pink fleece top [here] + raspberry-colored moccasin slippers [on sale now here] whilst drinking a pink grapefruit Italian soda [from here] that I’d poured into a clear plastic tumbler [here] with a bright red travel lid [here].

My basically pinkish-reddish ensemble + beverage were not intended to attract hummingbirds, but I nailed it.  And that little birdie with the fluttering wings couldn’t take his sparkly little eyes off me.

I was startled, but flattered.

The Fork Part 

Zen-Den and I finished watching Elementary, a TV series about Sherlock Holmes re-envisioned for modern times starring Jonny Lee Miller as Sherlock and Lucy Liu as Dr. Watson. I enjoyed it and thought the final episode was a good way to end it. Apparently not all fans liked the ending, so I just wrote something potentially controversial here.

Anyhoo, like many TV shows or movies, we sometimes focus on one line that we find absurdly funny and start saying it to each other— like a goofy inside joke. And this show gave us a good one.

In a scene where Sherlock and Marcus, a NYC police detective assigned to work with Sherlock, are kicking back after a difficult day, Sherlock who is often quite full of himself tells Marcus that he knows why Marcus is so taken with him.

It’s a scene of arrogance gone wild.

Sherlock starts babbling on about how his astounding intellect magnetizes people who are then drawn to him. It’s a burden Sherlock must live with.

Marcus, who has the patience of Job when dealing with Sherlock’s ego, replies: “You’re not a magnet. And I sure as hell am not a fork.” 

Thus I, too, want to establish the fact that I’m not a fork. You can’t magnetize me. Don’t even try.

The Foe Part

A friend, who seemed sincere when she said this, told me that she wanted to change something about her behavior so that she’d have more free time.

I was surprised BUT I am one to help others when they decide they want to change. To be clear I don’t believe I need to fix people, yet will help you fix yourself when you’re ready to do so. Think of me as your personal cheerleader.

A few weeks later I see this friend and compliment her on how she has changed herself, how she has followed through on doing that which she told me she wanted to do in order to have less stress in her busy life.

Welp, she lays into me for mentioning she was doing things differently now: things she told me she didn’t want to do anymore.

This was her idea, remember?

She got on her high horse and lectured me about how her well established M.O. was what she was known for and no way would she ever change it for fear of not being known for it.

This was slightly unhinged thinking— and a complete 180º from what she’d confided in me a few weeks earlier.

Obviously at this point I had a decision to make: do I remind her of what she told me about how she wanted to change? Or do I let the conversation drop knowing the more I say, the more she’ll think of me as her foe.

Thus I let the conversation drop, realizing that being a cheerleader for some people is a sure way of irritating them.

Go figure, huh?

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SO I’M BACK 

WHAT’S NEW WITH YOU?

TELL ALL IN THE COMMENTS BELOW

I NEED TO KNOW!

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You Are The Sunshine Of My Life: 8 Things To Tell You On A Tuesday In July

/ Ally Bean / 266 Comments

I am peeved. Last week WP spontaneously published this content before I’d finished writing it. When I realized the mistake I deleted what I’d started, SWORE AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, & started over again to write this. To say I’m not pleased with WP would be an understatement. However many thanks to everyone who received a half-finished email & let me know something was off. Bloggy friends are the best.

I am fascinated. Do you know what a “nurdle” is? I didn’t until I stumbled over this article, Why Is a Blob of Toothpaste Called a “Nurdle?” While this nonsensical term has more to do with Madison Avenue than anything medical, it was used in a 1960s toothpaste advertisement for a brand of toothpaste called Vote. The best part of this snippet of advertising history is that the tagline for this now defunct toothpaste was: “A nurdle a day keeps the dragon away.”  Words to live by, people.

I am uncertain. Recently an acquaintance told me why she doesn’t like personal blogs. Over the years I’ve heard many reasons why blogs suck, but her reason surprised me. She ignores them because she says “everyone does the same thing.” 

She was referring to challenges &/or prompts wherein a group of like-minded bloggers commit to sharing their takes on the same topic. She finds that boring because she perceives no originality, only conformity. I take her point, but isn’t showing up in whatever way suits you, follower or free spirit, the whole point of personal blogging?

I am entertained. While checking out a new-to-me color at Sherwin-Williams called Slumber Sloth [9606], I found this Sherwin-Williams Color ID Quiz. Quizzes call to me. I took the quiz and learned that I am a Dreamer. Who’d probably sleep soundly in a room painted Slumber Sloth, don’t ‘ya suppose?

I am amused. For Christmas I got a page-a-day Peanuts calendar. It’s cute, featuring 6 comics per week total. From this calendar I learned that Charlie Brown’s favorite baseball team, a bush league team of course, is the Waffletown Syrups managed by Joe Shlabotnik. Because of course it was.

I am impressed. Never have I ever given a Bic pen a second thought. They just exist, ‘ya know? But come to find out they’re considered a game changer, a big deal in the world of pens. Read How the BIC Cristal Ballpoint Pen Became the Most Successful Product in History to learn more.

I am charmed. Well if you don’t find this link, Owls in Towels, to be about the sweetest ding-dang-darned thing that you ever did see, then are you even alive? ‘Nuff said. Go check it out.

I am snarky. The following is a WaPo chart about humidity. It’s a pretty chart in which a dew point number is correlated to how it feels to experience this dew point. This is all well and good if you happen to have straight hair, but I’m a woman with naturally curly frizzy hair all. the. time. THUS if I take this information verbatim I’m always living in a world with high humidity, aren’t I? And that just ain’t so.

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

📌 On average how many nurdles a day do you use?

📌 If you’re a blogger do you do challenges &/or prompts? Thinking about them in general do you feel they:

  • empower you by providing you with a sense of community?
  • focus you by pointing you and your energy in one tangible direction?
  • restrict you by telling you what to do, but not how to do it?
  • limit you by squelching your inclination to do your own thing?
  • other?

📌 Would you paint your walls Slumber Sloth? If you took the S-W quiz what did your results tell you about you? Do you agree with the assessment?

📌 Got frizzy hair? How do you tame it? Or like me, have you given up on the idea?

📌 Anyone else about had it with WP? If so, whatcha gonna do about it?

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In Which I Become An Active Amateur Nutritionist: A Story, A List, A Few Questions

/ Ally Bean / 219 Comments

Is this not so‽

DESPERATELY [SORT OF] SEEKING CALCIUM FOR STRONG BONES

You’re not a very good freezer spelunker.

Z-D said this to me when I couldn’t find a bag of frozen edamame, a bag that he found almost instantly after digging further down into the disorganized mess that is our freezer.

He was right about me. Our freezer is on the bottom of the refrigerator and looking down into it with my bespectacled eyes is the equivalent of 52 card pick-up. It’s a jumble of blurry stuff.

The thing is that prior to March 2020 in the Before Times we had an organized freezer. I had a place for everything and could quickly easily find what I was looking for.

However after March 2020 when Mr. Man began working from home all the time and we began making all our meals at home all the time I lost control of the contents in the freezer because, say what you will about Z-D, he knows food and likes to have lots of it on hand.

Nonetheless, getting to a point here, you may be asking yourself why was I searching for edamame?

Thanks for asking. Please allow me to explain.

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Edamame, also called soy beans, are a good source of calcium which, as you probably know, is good for your bones.

If I am to believe the results of a recent DEXA scan that measured my bone density, I need more calcium so that my bones get stronger or at least remain as strong as they are now. I’m not into a full-on osteoporosis situation with brittle fragile bones, just a pre-osteoporosis situation that is called osteopenia.

There’s always some dodgy name for medical conditions.

And further if I am to believe my Primary Care Physician’s advice I need to eat more calcium in addition to taking a weekly little prescription pill called Alendronate.

My insurance company [inexplicably] covers the full cost of this annoying little pill. You take the pill on an empty stomach then without laying down you wait at least 30 minutes before eating or drinking anything. I’m a person whose digestive track is easily upset, so naturally the pill doesn’t play nice with my intestines.

There are issues.

Plus the ridiculous dosage regime means that after dragging myself out of bed to face the day there’s no coffee for me for a half hour. I resent this intrusion into my morning routine. Obviously this is not a good way to start my day and I’d like to get to a point where I don’t take this little pill even if it is weekly.

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Admittedly I’m not thrilled with dairy products, a well-known source of calcium. I eat a few but to get the recommended amount of daily calcium [1200 mg] I have to think about taking dietary supplements &/or eating more calcium-rich foods.

Because I want to avoid the dietary supplement angle of calcium intake I’ve chosen to become the Queen of Non-Dairy Calcium Information. As an active amateur nutritionist I’ve researched the topic online, going so far as to put together the following list of sources of calcium-rich non-dairy foods that I would will eat.

I share it here because maybe you, too, are trying to eat more calcium because you, too, don’t like taking prescription medicine or dietary supplements. Thus without further ado I present for your edification this *at least it’s a place to start* list.

[Please note: the order of the foods means nothing more than how I wrote them down during my research.]

A NON-EXHAUSTIVE LIST OF SOURCES OF NON-DAIRY CALCIUM

SOY FOODS

  • Edamame
  • Tofu
  • Roasted soybeans
  • Soy milk [calcium fortified]

NUTS & SEEDS

  • Almonds 
  • Brazil nuts
  • Pistachios
  • Sunflower seeds
  • Almond milk [calcium fortified]

VEGETABLES

  • Spinach [low absorption]
  • Black-eyed peas
  • Broccoli
  • Acorn squash
  • Butternut squash
  • Cabbage
  • Celery
  • Green beans
  • Radishes
  • Sweet potato
  • Tomatoes 
  • Zucchini

GRAINS 

  • Oats
  • Corn tortillas

FRUIT & JUICE

  • Rhubarb [low absorption]
  • Pumpkin
  • Dried apricots
  • Orange juice [calcium fortified]

BEANS

  • Great northern beans 
  • Lima beans
  • Pinto beans
  • White beans
  • Hummus

SWEETENERS

  • Maple syrup 
  • Molasses [blackstrap best]

FISH & EGGS

  • Shrimp
  • Canned sardines 
  • Salmon 
  • Egg yolks

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Is your freezer in a jumble or is it organized? If organized how do you keep it that way?

What is your thinking when it comes to taking prescription meds? Or taking dietary supplements?

What is your opinion of dairy products in general? Do you like butter?

Do you love Steve from in_otternews like I do? Do his absurd thoughts, like the one at the top of this post, make you laugh out loud?

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Jottings: A Thursday Morning Change Of Heart + Discerning The BS In Your Writing

/ Ally Bean / 241 Comments

Is this not true?

I WAS GOING TO WRITE ABOUT something different today, something that had to do with people on social media, but I got up this morning, read what I wrote, and decided that while the words flowed I don’t want to talk about people.

As in how oddly many of them are behaving lately. As in desperate to get attention by any means, often dipping into the realm of contrived moral outrage.

As in mentally unwell.

And tedious.

Crazy and unhinged even.

And here’s the thing, because I usually have a thing when I make a snap decision, I’m aware that crazy stays the course unless there’s some medical intervention. And while I’m a problem solver at heart, I am not anyone’s psychologist, thus these people and how they behave aren’t truly of interest to me.

So why talk about ’em?

As the saying goes, energy flows where attention goes.

Thus I shall put my energy and attention, and by default your energy and attention, elsewhere, laughing together as we talk about the following fun thing rather than focusing on the dubious conduct of some people.

Yes I’m rising above the hoi polloi, avoiding that which might be considered gossip, leaning into my better nature.

You with me?

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IN ALL HONESTY I DON’T KNOW how I came to be aware of the BlaBlaMeter, a bullshit detection tool, but I’m glad I did.

It’s fun, in a snorts and giggles kind of way.

Here’s what you do: the website asks you to input at least five sentences of your writing as a sample, then it determines the percentage of bologna sandwich in your writing style.

Based on my five sentences taken from HERE, you can see that my writing style scores extremely low on the BS scale. I was told, and am taking pride in knowing that, my score was a mere 0.09% and that my “text shows no or marginal indications of ‘bullshit’-English.”

[An aside: Interestingly enough when I input five sentences from the one time I used ChatGPT to write THIS, the BlahBlahMeter judged that story to be 0.19% and to show a few indications of ‘bullshit’-English.]

Thus I’ll end this post by suggesting that if you are so moved, give the BlahBlahMeter a whirl using your own writing to see what happens.

Make of it what you will.

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