Welcome: A Few Meandering Thoughts About Being Gladly Received

March 25, 2025March 26, 2025 / Ally Bean / 205 Comments

I take my blog prompts where I find them…

Years ago I remember reading an article about how to connect with people, online and in real life. The gist of the article was about ways to make sure you’ll be gladly received, appreciated even by the people you meet.

In retrospect I realize that the article touched on ideas you might find in Norman Vincent Peale’s ‘The Power of Positive Thinking’ but that’s not what the article was about. It was a modern take.

According to the article the formula for being included was simple. Initially you establish yourself as memorable, then you apply yourself to being likable. A leads to B, familiarity with your uniqueness leads to people feeling comfortable around you. Then as long as you are consistent, you will be welcomed.

I’ve never definitively decided what I think about this advice, however it’s stuck with me— maybe to be shared and discussed in this very moment.

🔹 Playing the part of devil’s advocate here, first off it seems to me that being memorable can be a slippery slope. It’s great if you’re remembered for doing something ostensibly positive, but how many times do you remember someone because of the less positive thing that they did?

[QUICK: elementary school – who threw up in class? high school – who was stoned more often than not? college – who got caught cheating on an exam?]*

🔹 Then of course there’s also the issue of the definition of likable. Without using a dictionary, mine would be something along the lines of:

friendly, warm, non-judgmental
assertive but not aggressive
truthfulness wrapped in kindness

How would you define a likable person? Are you one? Is this something you aim to be?

🔹 And as for consistent, something I think of as being conscientious, but of course could also mean consistently not being conscientious, I’d suggest that most people don’t pay close enough attention to what other people do to really notice if someone is consistent.

Thus I will conclude by saying that the foregoing, my gentle readers and kind lurkers, is nothing more than my addled brain’s meanderings, unfiltered and with no hidden agenda, after seeing the word WELCOME on a wooden container holding a few tulip bulbs.

This is what I thought about.

Any remarks, regrets, reconsiderations you’d like to add?

* In fourth grade – Janie who was shy and scared to stand up in front of the class, threw up in front of the class while giving her report on how to play her flute. Vomit went everywhere, including inside her flute. She didn’t return to class for a few days.

In high school – Doug who was a kid who lived down the street from me on the swankier end of the street, had a ready supply of weed. He enhanced his social standing by putting vodka dyed dark green into an empty Chloraseptic sore throat spray bottle that he carried around, happy to spray some into your mouth.

In college – Susan who was smart but lived in fear of not being perfect, was caught sneaking around in the library cheating on a take home honor system exam. She cried her way into being allowed to take it a second time. She got an A+ of course.

Don’t Let The Seeds Stop You: 6 Random Things To Tell You On A Tuesday In March

March 11, 2025 / Ally Bean / 216 Comments

1 – I am editing. After reading about the Zombie Test for writing I latched onto the idea. The test, created by Rebecca Johnson deputy director of the Marine Corps War College, is a rule of thumb that helps you discern if you’re writing in the passive voice. All you do is: “Try adding by zombies after the verb in your sentence. If it makes sense, congratulations! You’ve probably got yourself some passive voice.”

2 – I am laughing. So you know how everyone seems to want to stereotype other people by their generations? Well this snarky article, An Updated Guide To Generations, explains how to do this. I’ll just go ahead and tell you that I feel at home in this stereotype: “Maybe Boomers: Gen Xers who type on their phones using a single pointer finger.” Mock me as you will.

3 – I am communicating. I recently stumbled over the simple idea that there are three ways you can reply when someone tells you something about themself. You need to discern if this person is looking to be hugged, to be heard, or to be helped. If your response is what they expect, then you’ll easily connect. Never thought about interpersonal communication in this way, but now that I have I like it.

4 – I am dubious. On my radar is 25 Front Door Color Meanings Revealing the Personality of Your Home, an article that purports to intuit the personality of your home by noting your front door color. While I’m all about expressing yourself, I don’t believe front door color alone says much. It’s just one variable that contributes to the overall look of your property, so don’t get too hung up on it.

5 – I am remembering. This is the “do it now” Lockdown Manifesto written by Julian Hanna and published on April 17, 2020. It influenced me, in a positive way, about how I’d face the pandemic. Going back to re-read it five years later I am struck by two things: 1) it’s great timeless advice; and 2) we were so innocent about how Covid-19 would upend our lives forever.

6 – I am exploring. After a conversation with a friend about what it means to say you’re curious, I found this Britannica “Discovery Your Curiosity Type” Quiz. To be clear I wasn’t looking for a quiz, I was looking for a definition of the concept of curiosity, but the quiz popped up in my research. I took it, learning that of the 4 curiosity types I am an intuitive discoverer aka Explorer.

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Assuming you don’t want to write in the passive voice, will you be utilizing the Zombie Test to make sure your voice is active?

Do you need to be hugged, heard, or helped today?

What color is your front door? What, if anything, does it say about your house?

Which kind of curiosity type are you? Did you take the quiz or are you guessing?

~ ~ 🍉 ~ ~

Blogging Bomb Diggity: 20 Beguiling Years, 5 Basic Guidelines, & 3 Breezy Questions

April 16, 2024April 16, 2024 / Ally Bean / 283 Comments

Steve!!!

🔹🔷🔹

Sometimes I feel cuckoo banana pants about long I’ve been around blogland. I started my first personal blog 20 years ago this spring never imagining I’d write one for more than a year or two.

However my life took a few unexpected turns and I kept going, changing weblogs, refining my focus, learning how to write in a chatty way. Carrying on, in what I’d describe as a Steve-like fashion, despite my doubts and mistakes.

At this point I’m glad I was tenacious. I’ve come to realize that writing this blog keeps my brain clicking and my heart open. Also, my no-fuss approach to blogging means it is, for the most part, fun.

Occasionally someone will ask me, a blogging dinosaur, what I’ve learned about how to keep a personal blog. Over the years my answers have varied, evolved, but can be summarized in the following 5 guidelines.

I base my straightforward guidelines on the premise that a personal blog is about sharing stories/information, creating understanding, and being respectful toward other people.

As with everything in life, your mileage may vary.

🔹🔷🔹

5 basic GUIDELINES FOR WRITING A PERSONAL BLOG

Be specific. Life is in the details so share some. Have an opinion or point of view. Do some research. Ambiguity doesn’t make for compelling blog posts.

Be authentic. Have a personality and have the gumption to use it. Avoid anything that might come across as fake or spurious, readers respond to the real deal.

Be meticulous. Your goal is clear communication, so define your terms, use mostly proper grammar and sentence structure, add a little wordy razzle dazzle to keep it fresh. Reply in a timely fashion to comments left on your blog posts.

Be creative. Add something visual to your posts. Find a meme or snap a pic or use colorful fonts. Jazz it up, folks, don’t settle for blah.

Be kind. Once upon a time I wouldn’t have added this last guideline, assuming it was a given. However people can be tetchy now, so be discerning about what you say and mindful about how you say it.

🔹🔷🔹

Clearly I underestimated how long I’d be at this blogging thing.

I cannot say THANK YOU often enough or loudly enough to everyone who follows along and comments here on The Spectacled Bean. You, my little otters of bloggy friendship, give me the lift I need to keep going in blogland.

YOU ARE THE BEST!

🔹🔷🔹

Questions of the Day

Thinking about personal blogs in general, how’d did you get hooked on them?

If you write a personal blog, what has surprised you the most in a positive way about being a blogger? And what has surprised you the most in a negative way?

If you write a personal blog, when the time comes to end it how will you do that?

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It’s Tuesday & The Topic Of The Day Is Pettiness

September 13, 2022 / Ally Bean / 237 Comments

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I WAS LISTENING to this episode, Confessions of a Late-Blooming Gen-X Weirdo, on a podcast for women over 40 called, Everything is Fine.

The hosts, Kim [her blog here] & Jennifer, got off on a tangent, which I believe is where the best stuff is on podcasts, and started discussing how petty they were.

I was charmed because it was funny.

But I was also flummoxed because for the life of me I couldn’t decide if I was petty, at least occasionally. Seems like I’ve the potential to be petty, focusing on details like I do and having preferences, but I’D NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT BEFORE.

Weird, huh?

• 🔹 •

SO I DID what I do when I don’t understand something, I researched the topic. I first referred to the dictionary and got meself a definition of *petty* [an adjective] which is related to *pettiness* [a noun].

I also did cursory research on the concept of pettiness and learned that it has nothing in particular to do with intelligence, but is often correlated with people who are argumentative, inflexible, or lacking impulse control.

To be petty means you want people to do things the way you do things and you’ll judge someone negatively if they don’t, vowing to remember what you’d describe as a transgression.

Resentment and vindication can nudge someone to be petty. Plus being petty might not be good for your immortal soul. So there’s that to consider.

• 🔹 •

HOWEVER DESPITE MY research I still don’t seem to be able to nail down what it really means to be petty.

➡️ Is pettiness an instance of taking the saying “this is the hill I’ll die on” to an extreme wherein you assert the moral high ground because you know you’re right?

➡️ Or is pettiness more like the embodiment of the passive-aggressive Southern saying “well bless your heart” wherein you voice your disapproval while pretending to be cordial?

➡️ Or is pettiness more like admitting you’re “a stick in the mud”about something that is out-of-date yet your crotchety old self refuses to bow to modernity?

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