Humor

A 3:00 A.M. Tale In Which We Experience Batshit Crazy For Real

/ Ally Bean / 230 Comments

As if last week, a difficult week for everyone, could not have been any stranger…

Forget your ancient church belfry, this tale takes place in modern times, starting in an upstairs suburban bedroom, moving to the two-story foyer, dashing about in 2 upstairs guest bedrooms, and culminating in the downstairs TV room adjacent to the kitchen.

Who is the star of this tale? Zen-Den, of course!

Here’s what happened.

I was awakened from a sound sleep when I heard the rattling of our wooden blinds at the bedroom window. I glanced over at the blinds and saw swooping birdlike shadows at the window. The shadows reminded me of scenes in the Alfred Hitchcock movie “The Birds.”

You see, in my drowsiness I thought somehow the bright light from the lamppost in front of the house was shining through the blinds making it appear that birds were creating shadowy silhouettes OUTSIDE the window.

But I was wrong.

I realized this when I got out of bed, walked over to the blinds to see what was going on at the window, only to learn that what I was seeing was INSIDE the house.

I definitively discerned this when something flew straight at me, swooped over my head as I hunched and shuddered, then dashed out the open bedroom door going into the foyer where it started flying around the chandelier like it was crazy.

Batty, even.

Fleece throw aka my impromptu babushka

Calmly, you would have been proud of me, I woke up Z-D who was oblivious to our winged intruder. I told him something was wrong, something creepy was flying around, and that he needed to get up to investigate. I also told him he’d be in the lead during the investigation.

I’d follow behind, on his six.

Utilizing my natural ability to scream loudly when under attack startled.

Without complaining he got up, dressing in jeans and a ragg wool knit beanie, and started walking around the upstairs rooms while I followed behind him, still in my jammies but with a plaid fleece throw [photo above] wrapped around my head like a Russian grandma in her babushka.

Quickly we realized that what I thought was a bird, was a bat. And that Z-D needed to get a broom from the garage, leaving me to stand alone in the foyer defending myself by screaming and holding a heavy doorstop [photo below] in front of my face, using it like a cross meant to keep vampires away.

This might have been helpful, maybe.

Heavy doorstop aka my potential weapon

The rest of this tale is what you’d expect if’n you’ve ever chased a bat through your house. We turned on lights everywhere. We got him out of one room, closed the door; then got him out of another room, closed the door; so on and so on, et cetera, et cetera. This went on until we were downstairs in the TV room where the bat was trying to hide on the floor in the shadows near a lounge chair.

Zen-Den saw him, wacked him with the broom, held him down, and shouted for me to get a cookie sheet from the kitchen. Which I did, putting it on the floor so that we could carefully slowly slide the bat, who was still alive and squeaking, onto it while Z-D used the broom to hold him down on the cookie sheet.

Together we slide our captive to the back door where Z-D then tossed the dude, who got into our house somehow but we don’t know how, outside into the snow.

The bat was shocked, but still alive, and gave us the evil eye as he straightened up and flew away into the night, no doubt as perturbed by this experience as we were.

And that, my gentle readers, is how it came to be that we experienced batshit crazy.

For real.

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Have you ever had a bat flying around inside your home? Assuming you didn’t want a bat flying around inside your home, what did you do to get rid of it?

Bats are known for their exceptional hearing abilities. Do you see the irony in a bat waking me up in the middle of the night because I’m extremely sensitive to sound? Am I part old bat and don’t know it‽

What’s the last batshit crazy thing that happened in your world? Tell all, we need to know.

~ ~ • ~ ~

Ain’t We Just: Rambling Thoughts About Superpowers And Using The Powers For Good

/ Ally Bean / 190 Comments

Let’s just say for purposes of discussion that my superpower is mind reading. A fact [?] I discerned after taking this nifty National Geographic Superpower Quiz.

You see, and this was news to me but considering the source we must conclude that, superpowers aren’t just for fictional characters anymore. To wit, I proudly tell you this is who I am:

“You can read minds! Well, not exactly, but you’re very aware of how others feel.” Yep, true dat

Naturally I wanted to get a deeper understanding of who I am so I went to my old friend, Merriam-Webster, to research the word.

As one does.

According to M-W a “mind reader” is “one that professes or is held to be able to perceive another’s thought without normal means of communication” and that the first known use of the word, which in this case is actually two words but who am I to argue with M-W’s way of explaining things, occurred in 1875.

[A studious aside: In case you’re unfamiliar with M-W’s Time Traveler feature it’s fun for a wordy person. To see what it is like, click HERE and learn what other words* were new in 1875. Information like this is available under most definitions, just scroll down the page to the feature.]

Anyhoo, getting back to the discussion aspect of this post, after learning the aforementioned I started pondering, in an abstract rhetorical way, about how does one use any superpower for good:

• In general do you think, like I do, that determining and acknowledging your superpower is one thing? But implementing it, like a hero** not a villain, is another thing? Two different skill sets, two different moral cores

• And further, specifically, what do you do with the ability to read minds? It’s one thing to know what someone else is thinking but that doesn’t mean you have the capacity, or desire, to change their mind. ‘Ya know?

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

If you took the quiz, what is your superpower? OR if you don’t need a quiz to know your superpower, what is it?

Are you a wordy person who likes knowing a bit more about interesting words that appear in your life? Is Merriam-Webster your old friend, too?

When you think about fictional heroes with superpowers who comes to mind? Is the source from myths, literature, movies, TV shows, cartoons, comics, or games? Other?

~ ~ • ~ ~

* Ilsa Rey from Writing and Martial Arts is going to find one of the words on the 1875 list, linked to above, especially pertinent. Yep, I’m a mind reader.

** When I think of the word “hero” this brief conversation from the TV show Firefly flashes through my mind:

  • Mal: “Well, look at this. It appears that we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?”
  • Mal: “Ain’t we just.”

Blame It On The Lemon Curd: Musing On The Interconnectedness Of Then & Now

/ Ally Bean / 267 Comments

Streetlight on Snowy Day [image created using Waterlogue App]

The Then Part

I DECIDED TO RETURN to writing this personal blog last week while I was making Lemon Curd on a cold snowy day.

No joke

I was using a double boiler, stirring the sugar, egg, butter, and lemon juice that join forces, over heat, to become Lemon Curd. It’s a slow process, that requires nothing more than patience and the ability to keep stirring the ingredients to combine in such a way as to “coat the back of the spoon.”

Standing there at the stove my mind wandered and I remembered who taught me how to make Lemon Curd.

Liz, an acquaintance who’d grown up in Australia, clued me in about how easy and economical it is to make. I met her decades ago when we were citizen volunteers working on a committee to put together a yearlong celebration of our town’s bicentennial.

• 🍋 •

SHE AND I HAD the honor of finding out how much the local country club &/or restaurants would charge for hosting a fundraising that was to be an afternoon tea. We ended up with this assignment because were the only two people on the committee who had been to an afternoon tea in England.

Uh huh

Well, in the process of talking with various establishments we learned that most people in this small town didn’t know what Lemon Curd was. This was something we felt should be at an afternoon tea: me because while studying at the University of Exeter for a term I’d had it at afternoon teas, Liz because it was a normal part of her Australian childhood afternoon teas.

Thus we found ourselves explaining, multiple times, that Lemon Curd isn’t cottage cheese embedded in lemon Jell-O, instead it’s a creamy lemony spread for toast or scones eaten in lieu of raspberry jam or apple butter or grape jelly.

In the end the head chef at the local country club allowed Liz and I into his kitchen so that she could teach him how to make Lemon Curd— which she did. And because of his willingness to learn how to make it the event was held at the country club to rave reviews.

Huzzah!

But most importantly from my point of view, I learned how easy it is to make Lemon Curd. The recipe for which is at the bottom of this post, should you be interested.

The Now Part

YOU MIGHT BE WONDERING, how did this memory prompt me to get back to writing this personal blog?

You see, while stirring the lemon curd, in an unexpected introspective minute, I realized a few things about myself and how this personal blog fits into my current life:

  1. I am grateful and amazed by how lives intertwine and how positive influences can guide you forever.
  2. I am at my best when I’m looking for and acknowledging how interconnected we are, in real life + online.
  3. I am happy and contented when I have a place, like this blog, to share stories + research + insights from my life.
  4. I am peaceful when I let easy things be easy, like writing a blog post about whatever interests me in the moment.

And with that, I’m back to blogging here for a while longer. I’m ready to connect [interconnect?] with gentle readers + kind lurkers and shall do so in this moment by sincerely asking the most obvious question ever asked:

WHAT’S NEW WITH YOU?

• 🍋 •

LEMON CURD

1/2 Cup lemon juice

1/2 Cup sugar

3 eggs, lightly beaten

6 Tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

In a blender, combine juice and sugar blending on high for about 15 seconds. Then add eggs and blend for another 15 seconds. With the blades running, slowly pour in the melted butter and blend for 30 seconds.

Pour the mixture into a double boiler saucepan and bring to a low boil over medium heat. This may take several minutes. Stir frequently.

As soon as the mixture reaches a boil, lower the heat to just above low and stir constantly for 2-3 minutes until the mixture resembles a shiny pudding. It should coat the back of your spoon. 

Pour into ramekins or a bowl. Let cool a little before serving.

Keeps in the refrigerator for up to two weeks. Freezes well.

The One About Trying New Things, Setting Boundaries, & Taking A Respite, For Sooth

/ Ally Bean / 228 Comments

I’ve heard it said that when you get down to it the world is held together with safety pins and duct tape. There’s a truth to this idea, especially when I contemplate my personal blog here on ye olde WordPress.

Safety pin meet duct tape.

I’ll take credit for the safety pin part, that’d be my weekly blog posts ‘pinned’ here for all to read, contemplate, and comment on. Thank you, my fellow cool kids*, for doing so.

But the duct tape part? That’d refer to WP’s support of this blog, the way they attempt to ‘tape’ this virtual place together. And let’s just say bless their heart for trying to doing so.

Although I have to admit that some weeks I wonder how much longer WP will be around. There are glitches galore making it increasingly tedious to write, edit, format, and publish my pithy thoughts— and for you to receive them in the way I intend.

All of which brings me to the reason I’m writing this post. You see, my bloggy friends, I’m going to try something new, setting a boundary where I’m feeling drained, and taking an extended respite from writing this personal blog.

Because I’m tired of writing it**.

It really is that simple.

Tired.

As an introvert I feel that I’ve come to a point where I need a bit of space between me and whatever it is that I’m doing here. I want to relax into my real life, contemplate why I’m blogging at this point, and review what I hope to gain from writing. It’s time to reprioritize my blogging expectations.

Thus I’ll quietly duck out of here, probably returning sometime in 2025. Or maybe I’ll go elsewhere and find a new place to share my flapdoodle and twaddle.

I dunno.

And you know what? I don’t have to know right now because I’m keeping it loose, keeping it light*** by not worrying about the deets today.

Thanks to everyone who follows The Spectacled Bean, adding joy and laughter to my days. I appreciate that you’ve included me in your lives. I plan to continue checking in on yours every so often, enjoying what you have to say on your personal blogs.

Y’all are the best.

Later, kids.

* HERE is the explanation of what I mean when I talk about cool kids.

** HERE is how it has come to be that I am tired.

*** HERE is why I’m referring to wanting to keep it light.