Because Some Things Never Cease To Amaze Me

On this date five years ago I posted the following.  It is the most viewed item that I ever wrote.  I’ve decided to re-post it today because I’m still amazed that something as benign as this little post brought the most readers to my blog EVER.  Go figure.

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03.29.07

Just How Lazy Am I?

 

The other morning I wanted scrambled eggs for breakfast.  But when I realized that: 1) we hadn’t run the dishwasher the night before because it wasn’t quite full enough to justify using it, and 2) the skillet I needed to use to make eggs wouldn’t fit in the remaining space in the dishwasher, I decided to have a bowl of cereal instead.

I knew for sure that the bowl [and spoon] would fit in the remaining space in the dishwasher so I went with the I’m-not-washing-any-dishes-in-the-sink breakfast option.  And I wondered to myself, just how lazy are you when you let the ease of cleanup dictate your food choices?

Pretty darned lazy, I’d say.

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In Which The Hubster Scares The Bejeezus Out Of Me, Not Once, But Twice

[Subtitled: What Comes Around Goes Around, Dear]

•  Zen-Den and I worked outside in the yard this weekend.  We also cleaned the screens and put them into 20+ windows.  Then we washed and repainted portions of the screened-in porch.  In between doing all that, we shopped for deck and patio furniture in brick-&-mortar stores and online.

We were busy, and I was exhausted by bedtime.  So exhausted, in fact, that after I got ready for bed and sat down on the edge of our bed, I forgot to lie down to go to sleep.  Really.  I just sat there.

So Zen-Den, who was already in bed, said real sweetly: “Don’t you want to lie down now?  You’ll sleep better.”

My addled brain liked that idea so I just leaned over, eyes shut, ready to plop myself down on my comfy pillow.  But Mr. Shenanigans pulled my pillow away from my side of the bed just as my weary self went thunk.  And suddenly, realizing that something was very wrong, I bounced right out of bed– wide awake.

And what do I see?  The Hubster holding my pillow and laughing his fool head off.  Because it was just. that. funny. to him to see me go from dead tired to live wire in a nanosecond.

Oh, yea!  He’s a card… must be from St. Louis…

•  I slept in this morning— didn’t even hear the alarm go off.  It’s no big deal because today my schedule is very flexible– I’ll get to where I need to go when I get there.  And all will be well with the world.

However, Z-D must have gotten up very early– and on his way out the door he must have put a load of laundry into the washing machine.  Then not wanting to wake me, he must have started the machine using its timer function.  Meaning that one hour later the washer automatically turned itself on.

Or at least I’m hoping that is what he did… because no one left me a note telling me to expect a very loud machine with a tendency to clunk to start. working. spontaneously. when I was sitting in the soothing early morning quiet sipping my coffee.

Which it turns out I don’t need to help me wake up when a loud unidentified sound comes from the laundry room– and causes my system to produce enough adrenaline to keep me alert for– oh, I don’t know— years.

Thanks, honey.  You’re a dork peach.

In Which My Life Resembles An Episode Of Glee Without The Music

Sue

I saw who it was on the phone before I picked it up.  I knew that the monologue conversation would be long and twisted.  Still, deep down, I like X, so I said “hello.”

[Here’s the cast of characters.]

X is a woman who I’ve known for some time.  She knows lots of information about issues such as politics, books, and real estate– which is good.   But she is someone who, by her own admission, likes to stir the drink when interacting with other people.  This I would describe as bad.

X had called to tell me gossip on Z.  As I have only met Z once, all I can tell you about him is that he seems nice and has curly hair.  I’m not really too interested in knowing more about this guy, but that didn’t stop X.  She had a story to tell.

Will

And it involved Y.  Now Y I’ve known for a very long time and she suffers from the disease to please.  She doesn’t seem to have much backbone of her own– so she is a perfect pawn for X.

[It was at this point in the conversation, when I heard Y’s name mentioned, that I sat down at the island in our kitchen and laid my head down on the cool granite countertop, knowing that this was going be a lengthy chat.]  

So come to find out, X had obtained her gossip about Z by getting Y to sneak around on Facebook.  X had convinced Y to leave “noncommittal comments” on various individual’s FB walls so that those people would respond to Y– and tell her what they knew about Z.  Apparently X’s master plan had worked, because Y had found out the gossip about Z.  And then being Y, she dutifully reported back to X.

Brittany

[You have no idea what a good communicator I am.  I have just condensed 20 minutes of dithery-ness into one succinct paragraph.  Maybe Journalism 101 was more useful to me than I previously thought.]

All of which brings me to what floated through my mind after I hung up the phone with X.  And it is this:

“Oh my goodness, I’ve just experienced an episode of Glee in which Sue Sylvester [X] gets one of the Cheerios, probably Brittany [Y], to spy on Will Schuester [Z] and to report back to Sue with the latest news [gossip].  Then Sue, feeling proud of herself, brags to Emma Pillsbury about what has just happened.”

Which means that, continuing this line of reasoning, I’m Emma Pillsbury!  Guidance counselor.  OCD sufferer.  Total flake.

And you know what?  As much as I understand Emma and her problems, I don’t like playing that role.  In fact, I’m going to go so far as to say that the next time when X calls, I’m not picking up the phone.  Let someone else be cast as Emma.  The role is just too much for me.  😉

Emma

[All images via glee wiki.]

Are We Talking About Me Or My Home Here?

•  I took this color personality quiz.  It told me that …

•  My results linked to an article on the Better Homes & Gardens website that told me when decorating a house…

“Honey colors take a back seat to the room’s other elements, making them a go-to color for those who want fabrics or art to shine.”

•  The article also featured this lovely photo of honey & honey-colored paint can lids…

•  But my favorite part of the article was a quote from Elaine Griffin, a NYC interior designer.  She said that one should…

“Think of it [honey] as beige after it has had a cocktail or after spending a day at the beach.”

•  Which means, I guess, that my house should be tipsy and sunburnt.  For me this sounds like an ideal day, but for my home?  Really?  That’s what it needs?!  Hmmm… who knew?  😉

[More home decor quizzes here: Love, Dreams & Color Schemes]

Orange You Glad To See Me?

Every morning Zen-Den gets into Bullwinkle, his 12-year-old Lexus SUV, and drives downtown to go to work.  I wave goodbye from our doorstep with a mug of coffee in my hand– and a prayer of gratitude in my heart that he deals with traffic & office politics for both of us.

And me?  What do I do then?  Well, I go back inside the house, take care of the homestead, and write to my heart’s content.  Great job if you can get it.

HOWEVER, on occasion I do venture out of the house and wander around out there in the world.  And often times– well, most times— I don’t tell Z-D what I’m doing because, quite frankly, he doesn’t care about the minutiae of my daily life.  Nor should he.

So yesterday as I was pulling into a parking lot in front of a store I suddenly remembered that Z-D had told me that morning that he’d be out of the office– and in this particular part of town later in the day.  Which made me wonder if he’d parked in this lot, too.

After a bit of driving up and down the rows, I found The ‘Winkle parked by an empty spot in the lot.  Naturally I parked my car in that empty spot.  And then I looked around to find a piece of paper to leave a note on Bullwinkle for Z-D.  But, alas and alack, I had no paper in the car or in my purse.

[A Digression: How could that possibly happen?  Am I not the child of a compulsive note taker & a dedicated list maker?  This, my gentle readers, is an oversight on my part that is causing my parents to roll in their graves.  You mark my words.  Rolling.]

The only thing that I could find to write on in the car was a magazine insert.  You know, one of those annoying rectangles of advertising gibberish that fall out of all magazines.  So, reluctantly, I used it to write a short hi! note to Zen-Den.  Then, with it in hand, I got out of my car.

But the good Lord provides, doesn’t He?  Oh. Yes. He. Does.

And what did my eyes spy as I got out of my car?  I saw, almost under Bullwinkle’s back tire, an orange.  A bright, lovely piece of not-quite-rotten fruit that had rolled out of someone else’s car– and had come to a stop by The ‘Winkle.  So I picked it up, examined it for icky-ness, decided that it was serviceable as a fun addition to my note, and laid it against Bullwinkle’s windshield where Z-D would see it when he got into the SUV.  No missing it.

Then I quickly re-worded my note on the magazine insert by adding a bad pun– and a warning to not eat the fruit because I’d found it on the ground.  I secured the note under Bullwinkle’s windshield wiper blade and walked away from the scene.

CLEARLY, all that was left for me to do was to go about my day and wait to hear from the Hubster… which I knew that I would eventually.  In fact, about an hour later he phoned to congratulate me on getting his attention, to thank me for my gift of found fruit– and to ask what I was doing in that part of town.

And that, kids, is how Zen-Den and I roll here in the ‘burbs.  With mushy fruit and hasty messages.  Making the best of any situation and adding a few laughs along the way.

Good life, this one.  Orange Aren’t you glad to know me?

Those Were The Days. Not.

“Boy, the way Glenn Miller played…”

I’ve had the theme song from All In The Family trapped in my head for the last few days.  Most unpleasant.  I’m not entirely sure how the song got there.  I haven’t been watching much TV besides reruns of The Big Bang Theory— which are on a hip channel that is the antithesis of a nostalgic channel that’d be showing Archie & Edith.

So I don’t think that I’ve seen any commercials that would have put that song into my head.  Wonder where it came from?

“Guys like us, we had it made…”

I never really liked All In The Family when I first saw it on TV.  I understood that Archie was a reactionary, selfish male.  I got that Edith was a doormat who never stood up for herself due to some misguided sense of duty toward Archie.  And I realized that Gloria, in her attempts to help her mother, was locked in an never-ending battle with her father.

“Didn’t need no welfare state…”

But the satire of the show was lost on me.  In fact it wasn’t until a few years ago that it dawned on me that some people weren’t laughing at Archie.  That instead, some people were laughing with Archie.  I have my FIL to thank for that revelation.

“Gee, our old LaSalle ran great…”

I couldn’t tell you when I last saw an episode of All In The Family.  I imagine that if I saw it now, I’d probably get the two-sided humor and enjoy it.  I’m older, wiser, and much more open to different points of view– as happens when you mature and are comfortable with who you are.  So the satire might appeal to me now.

“And you knew who you were then…”

But, quite frankly, with all the political nonsense that is going on in the USA now, I don’t think that I’m up to watching yet another old white male pontificate on things that he knows nothing about.  My patience for such rhetoric, humorous as it can sometimes be, is all used up.

“Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again…”

Which, now that I think about it, might explain why this theme song has infiltrated my brain.  Discourse during these last few weeks, to put it politely, has involved way too much looking backward and not enough going forward.  Reminding me, and any woman who can think for herself, that trapped in the past is no way to live.

Don’t fool yourself, those weren’t the days.

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“Those Were The Days”
by Lee Adams and Charles Strouse

Boy, the way Glen Miller played. Songs that made the hit parade.
Guys like us, we had it made. Those were the days.
Didn’t need no welfare state. Everybody pulled his weight.
Gee, our old LaSalle ran great. Those were the days.
And you know who you were then, girls were girls and men were men.
Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again.
People seemed to be content. Fifty dollars paid the rent.
Freaks were in a circus tent. Those were the days.
Take a little Sunday spin, go to watch the Dodgers win.
Have yourself a dandy day that cost you under a fin.
Hair was short and skirts were long. Kate Smith really sold a song.
I don’t know just what went wrong. Those Were The Days.

[source]

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