I met an acquaintance for lunch. She’d texted me the afternoon before we had lunch to arrange where she suddenly wanted to go to lunch.
Nowhere convenient, I’ll tell ‘ya that.
However, I happily rearranged my schedule to accommodate her whim preference, but that fact seemed to escape her notice as we sat there eating and talking.
Nope, she was on a rant about all that is wrong in the world; and she needed me to know that in her opinion I was too happy when discussing the wrongs in the world.
My equanimity seemed to bring out the demons in her.
She was perturbed with me because I wasn’t in the depths of despair over The Donald’s latest bull sh!t move of telling people to go to work when they’re sick.
[How stupid &/or senile is that man?]
Nor was I despondent enough over Elizabeth Warren, the competent presidential candidate who the news outlets marginalized, dropping out of the race.
[How sad is it that our country is so backward when it comes to electing leaders?]
Nor was I gnashing my teeth over the gloomy grayness that has been the subtext of our winter weather here.
[How soon will spring get here?]
Yep, she was peeved with me, but she’s what I’d call an Eeyore, a bit on the gloomy side. Always. Which means, of course, that my Pooh-like demeanor rankles her.
I do like her if only because she reminds me that someone else’s opinion of you need not define you. And that by talking with a variety of personality types you can, if you are open to it, learn a few things.
Like for instance, you can learn that the word ‘happy’ can have a negative connotation. Who knew, huh?
In honor of this I’ve written a list of pig phrases seen immediately below plus I’ve provided an explanation at the end of the post as to why I‘ve written this list.
[You know you’re wondering why.]
Please enjoy this list, but I beg of you, do not let this plethora of piggy-ness and phraseology overwhelm you with its profundity.
A LIST OF 28 PIG PHRASES
Please the pigs means if circumstances permit
Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered means don’t get greedy or whatever you have will be taken away from you
As short as a pig’s kick means not very good [Spanish insult]
Even a blind pig will occasionally find an acorn means even the least competent person will have something useful to contribute once in a while
To go to pigs and whistles means to go to ruin
Happier than a dead pig in sunshine means thrilled [Southern saying]
It’s as plain as a pig on a sofa means very obvious
Looked like a pig on ice means clumsy
He follows me around like an Antony pig means someone who mindlessly follows someone else [old English term referencing a Roman Catholic saint]
Don’t go crossing the pig tracks means don’t behave in an unseemly way
Feed a pig and you’ll have a hog means beware of encouraging a greedy person who’ll become dependent on you
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig means some people are too closed-minded to bother talking with [maybe said by Mark Twain]
Driving his pigs to market means snoring
Only a pig depends on the favors of swine means only a sneaky person will depend on the handouts of the disreputable
When pigs fly means it’ll never happen [English proverb from 1600s]
To get the wrong pig by the tail means to make a mistake
To bring one’s pigs to a fine market means to do well for yourself
Young pigs grunt as loud as old pigs grunted before them means same as it ever was [Danish proverb]
Like a pig to truffles means being able to go directly to the best of anything
Sometimes the rotten pig gets the apple means life isn’t always fair
Wears like a pig’s nose means durable [slogan from 1885 advertisement for overalls]
As happy as a pig in mud means contented with things as they are in this moment
I haven’t had this much fun since the pigs ate my brother means I’m having a good time
Don’t buy a pig in a poke means don’t make a deal without confirming the details
Sweating like a pig means to be so physically hot that beads of visible sweat form on you [not a reference to the farm animal, it’s about smelting iron]
Like putting lipstick on a pig means attempting to make something appear better than it is
Hollering like a stuck pig means a person who complains like they’re in pain to get attention
Neither give cherries to pigs nor advice to fools means your good intentions and truthfulness will be misunderstood by people who aren’t that intellectually bright [Irish proverb]
Addendum: More Pig Phrases Courtesy Of My Wonderful Commenters
What’s time to a pig means not to worry about something, it doesn’t really matter [from Dan at No Facilities]
Like pigs feeding at the trough means a greedy person, often a politician, getting more than his fair share [from Susan at Garden of Eden Blog]
Pig Latin means a made-up silly language in which the first syllable of an English word is removed from the beginning of the word and tacked onto the end of the word [from shoreacres at The Task at Hand]
In a pig’s eye means disbelief [from Deborah at temenos]
Piggy back means literally to carry someone on your back or in a figurative sense to add something to something that already exists [from Erica/Erika at Behind the Scenery]
Never wrestle with a pig; you just get muddy and the pig enjoys it means don’t bother trying to reason with someone who’s determined to be unreasonable [from Eilene at Myricopia]
~ ~ 🐷 ~ ~
And why, you may be asking yourself, does Ms. Bean know all these pig phrases?
GLAD YOU ASKED.
It’s because in the winter of ’98 [yes, that’d be 1998] I planned on creating a website to see if I could figure out how to do that. I never got the chance to make the website, but I compiled this list in anticipation of doing so. The website was going to be about pig phrases.
[Once a wordy girl, always a wordy girl.]
Last weekend, in a serendipitous moment while sorting through some paper files in my desk drawer, I found this list of pig phrases and thought, considering the research was all done, why not make a blog post of it.
Last fall I decided that I’d attempt to force some daffodil bulbs to bloom inside the house this winter. I thought the yellow flowers would be a spot of cheerfulness in February, the grayest of months.
I found THIS ARTICLE that told me how to create the perfect environment for my daffodils so that when it was time to take them out of the dark basement, they’d not get leggy. Instead, they’d use their energy to make the flowers bloom bigger, better, more colorful.
Bloom being the operative word here.
I did as instructed, rescuing the bulbs from basement darkness a few weeks ago. At first it seemed like I was going to have, as they used to say, a success experience because the bulbs were getting jiggy, pushing healthy green leaves upward.
I was jazzed.
In fact, in anticipation of the yellow flowers I put the pots with the bulbs in a sunny spot on the kitchen table, where I’d see the beauty from many rooms.
As per the article in order to stunt their growth, I watered the bulbs with a carefully measured concoction of water and alcohol. I mean when you task me with the responsibility of getting some daffodils drunk, I take it seriously. Do my best. Or so I thought.
However as the days have gone by, the daffodils have grown leggy and there’s no indication that they’ll ever bloom. I agree that they’re a lovely shade of green, but as for the yellow flowers?
There are none and I am sad.
Thinking this through all I can figure is that despite what the article said, in order to stunt their growth the bulbs needed more alcohol than I gave them. This means I failed them, not getting them liquored up enough to bloom where they were planted.
But if nothing else at least I tried, getting a good blog story out of it. 🍸
• A few years ago I wore a purple cocktail dress with silver sparkly trim to a black-tie business event that was a horrible affair. I was physically and emotionally uncomfortable the whole evening: my dress was tight & my feet hurt while I was standing in a room filled with status-seeking people cursed with negative energy. I vowed to never do anything like it again– and I haven’t.
Which social media platform do you use the most?
If you had to choose the beach or mountains, which would it be?
• I’d choose the beach because I like walking on sand, looking at the waves, searching for shells or driftwood, BUT I choose this with the proviso that I can visit the mountains whenever I want to.
What can you play very well?
• Candy Crush Soda Saga
What kind of cheese do you like?
• All non-stinky kinds
• To put things or ideas or people together. Metaphorically speaking I see puzzle pieces everywhere and want to make the picture whole. Or maybe I see tesserae everywhere and want to make my own mosaic. In either case I put things together.
How many cities have you lived in?
• I’ll answer this by defining cities as metropolitan regions, thus my answer is 8.
What language do you wish you could speak?
What can’t you stand?
• A mocking tone of voice. The idea that education is of no value. Green peppers.
If you have an hour to kill on your hands, what would you do?
• Depending on the situation I’d: go for a walk; read a book &/or some blogs; play a game on my phone; or become a lounge lizard watching the people go by.
Your favorite routine?
• I’d say it’s showing up to my blog at least once a week, usually on Tuesday, and talking with everyone in the comments. Like I’m doing now. *Hi!*
When do you become hyperactive?
• When I’m forced to travel by plane, often leaving the house before the break of day, I become hyperactive with worry about locking the house and all things related to the hassle at the airport. It makes me crazy until I’m sitting at my gate.
Text message or phone call?
• Text message
Your most precious treasure?
• I like things, but as for precious treasure I’m not sure any one thing would rate that designation. I mean, any thing I have can be replaced so how precious is it really?
Your latest foreign language mistake?
• I probably mispronounced some French word. The few I know trip me up when I try to say them.
What’s the best therapy for you?
• A glass of chilled dry white wine sipped while gazing into nature
If you could be a fictional character, who would you be?
• I rather liked Piper in Charmed. She could make a great meal, stop time in order to decide what to do next, and vanquish evil when necessary. Plus she married her true love. All-in-all, she’s my kind of badass.
Where would you like to travel?
• Dreaming big here: UK. Ireland. Italy. Hawaii. Australia. NZ. Vietnam. South Africa. Argentina.
Where did you meet your spouse/partner?
• We met in college. In fact, this past Valentine’s Day we received a card from our alma mater telling us that we are among about 2,000 couples who met on campus. Of course the Valentine’s Day card was also a solicitation for monies making the card less lovable, but the factoid was interesting.
~ ~ • ~ ~
If you decide to do this on your own blog please link back to this post so I can go read what you wrote. Deal?
I NEVER INTENDED TO write about this person, she’s someone I knew a long time ago. I’d guess that I haven’t been in touch with her for over a decade, maybe longer.
I got thinking of her because I found one of her business cards wedged in the back of my desk drawer. I’m surprised I kept it, to be honest– but there it was and memories of her flooded into my brain.
So here’s a story, a character study if you will, of a pleasant someone who had her own unique way of rationalizing that which she said and felt no shame about telling, what were ostensibly, falsehoods.
• • •
ONCE UPON A TIME I knew a lovely woman who introduced me to a college acquaintance of hers; I shall call this acquaintance Nedra. The lovely women moved away but out of respect for her, Nedra and I still got together for coffee every few months.
Our relationship was superficial, but delightful at first. Nedra and I had interests in common, reading and healthy eating. She was dating at the time and had funny stories about her experiences. I was remodeling the kitchen and had ridiculous stories about my experiences.
All would’ve been well IF I hadn’t come to realize that Nedra was making up stories about her love life. And her career. Stories that she told me, doing what I’d describe as, a tango with the truth.
• • •
I STUMBLED OVER THIS dance with reality while we were having coffee one day. I hadn’t seen her in a while and I asked her about a guy she’d been on a date with, a date that she’d described in detail months before.
Well, she looked confused, baffled by my question– and told me I must be wrong about her, that she’d never been on a date like that. Clearly I was mistaken.
Except I wasn’t. I’m not that addled-brained. I remembered quite specifically her conversation and joyfulness vis-à-vis this date. That hadn’t happened, but she said it had. Uh huh.
• • •
AS YOU CAN IMAGINE after that conversation I became more disinclined to believe what Nedra said to me, but I was intrigued because I’m a curious person who pays attention to people– and here was a character for me to watch.
Up close and in action, so to speak.
Time passed, like a year or so, and I was to a point where I didn’t want to meet Nedra for coffee anymore. Beyond her propensity to make up stories, I no longer needed to be in her part of town on a regular basis so getting together with her was a chore. On many levels.
Still, I wanted to know more about her reasoning for making up stories: why she did it and, you know, if she experienced any remorse about deviating from the truth. So I asked her, politely, tactfully, why she made up stories about her life and this is where it got really interesting.
• • •
NEDRA BELIEVED THAT BY making up stories about her life she was showing people how to make themselves whole. She was, she felt, merely using her fictional tales to guide people to make better decisions about themselves.
She justified this by saying that when you think about it, scripted TV shows and movies were often fabricated stories that we accept as having a real impact on our minds, hearts, psyches. We believe the stories and accept the messages contained within.
Therefore she was doing the same thing with her stories on a smaller, more personal, scale so that she could help people become more self-aware and feel empowered to do better. And as such she felt no guilt for what some of us might call lying.
• • •
Have you met anyone like Nedra who does a tango with the truth?
Do you think she has a point about scripted TV & movies being basically lies so why not do it too?
Was she naive or manipulative?
Have you found a business card from someone you lost touch with and got thinking about them, for better or for worse?
A FEW WEEKS AGO I asked you to answer two poll questions. I did this because a friend in real life who is a social media virgin asked me these questions. She was curious about the terminology bloggers use when talking about blogging and I had no definitive answers for her.
The clear winner to the question “Blogs Are Found In…” was The Blogosphere. 78% preferred that term, with another 10% opting for Blogland which I think is a charming word.
The answers to the question “People Who Read Your Blog Are…” showed an interesting bell curve of preferred terms. 40% preferred the term Readers, while 23% chose Friends and 21% chose Followers.
I often refer to y’all as my gentle readers, so the top answer based on literal thinking makes sense to me, but that’s not where I see the story here.
Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t My Friend?
WHAT SURPRISED ME WAS THE relatively even distribution between the second and third answers, Friends and Followers. Both are great terms but to my way of thinking these terms presuppose two different types of relationships that create different expectations about how someone will behave.
And as we all know, when expectations are not met disappointment ensues.
Friends implies connections based on equal power that are made on an even playing field. I take an interest in you, I support you– and you do the same things for me. When it comes to blogging this means I read + comment on your blog while you read + comment on my blog.
In a word, reciprocity. [Kindness?]
Followers, on the other hand, is a term that implies there is a leader with more power, who proceeds ahead while the less dominate people come after him or her. This is not an even playing field from the git-go.
In blogging terms this means that as the leader I may or may not take the time to read + comment on what my followers write in their blogs. By virtue of the way in which I envision our relationship, I’ll think I have no obligation to comment on other people’s blogs because I’m in charge here.
In a word, purpose. [Control?]
And Here Is Where The Misunderstandings Begin
TO WIT, IF I THINK you’re my Friend who will take an equal interest in me as I have taken in you, but you view me as a Follower who doesn’t necessarily deserve your time and attention, then we have a situation wherein feelings get hurt, confusion begins.
I’m expecting you, my friend, to care about what I write. You’re baffled about why you would take any interest in me, your follower. There is ambivalence, there is tension, there is cognitive dissonance. No one is happy.
I’ve no marvelous insights into why certain bloggers prefer the terms that they do for the people who pay attention to them; I just see how bloggers do what they do.
In fact, I’m only writing about this today because I found it interesting that I discerned this subtle yet significant divide in attitudes about blogging as a result of your answers to two simple questions I never thought to ask before.
Remarks, regrets, reconsiderations, anyone? The comment section is yours.
I looked at my WP list of Top Searches wherein I can see the list of questions and queries that, through the magic of search engines, have brought people to The Spectacled Bean.
I generally get people looking for information on deer as pests OR information on replacing door handles on interior doors OR [oddly enough] issues Americans can agree upon.
However, and this is where it gets interesting, to my knowledge no search engine has ever sent anyone here who wrote as their query: “naked quaker questions and answers.”
Let’s unpack this query, shall we?
I can explain the Quaker Questions part. You see, years and years ago I wrote a post [HERE] about answering the Quaker Questions.
Z-D and I were in the process of joining a Presbyterian church and instead of having everyone in the new members group jibber jabber about who he or she was, the leader of the new members group had us answer the Quaker Questions.
But I can assure you that the questions in question were intended to be questions answered while wearing clothes. There was no nakedness involved with these questions nor with our answers. Plus, and I’m assuming here, the Quaker who originally asked these questions was [probably] fully clothed.
It’s an odd subject to be researching, but that’s not what worries me about this particular query. What I’m wondering about is the twisted reality underscoring a search engine’s algorithms so that it sent someone to find the answer to that query on my sweet little PG-13 blog.
Naked deer I got. Naked doors I had. But Quakers?
The ones I’m familiar with wear clothes. 🙄
• • •
THE QUAKER QUESTIONS
[We were asked the following questions. My answers are in the comment section below. Do what you will with this information.]
Where were you born?
When you were 7 years old how did your family heat your home?
What person in your real life growing up influenced you in a way that makes you who you are today?