Even Though The Hallmark Movie Channel Has Betrayed Me, I Have Learned A Lesson

June 25, 2014June 25, 2014 / Ally Bean / 20 Comments

WHILE I HESITATE TO ADMIT that I’m aware of anything as sappy as The Hallmark Movie Channel, I feel that I must share with you, my gentle readers, how they have betrayed my forgiving nature.

This is a straightforward story in which I was willing to overlook their ~~sentimental twaddle~~ basic programming because every afternoon they were showing The Good Wife, an award-winning TV show that I’ve always wanted to see.

In fact, I had even begun to arrange my day in such a way as to make certain that I caught at least one episode of The Good Wife, a modern-day TV show that features a strong female lead in difficult situations that she handles without Prince Charming rescuing her.

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Above is the Hallmark Movie Channel schedule for The Good Wife in which we see that the Hallmark Movie Channel just stopped showing The Good Wife. * bippity boppity boo* It’s gone. Wave bye-bye.

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FURTHER, I’LL EVEN ADMIT THAT last Friday afternoon when I viewed what has now become my last episode of The Good Wife, a well-paced finely nuanced TV show, I was so thrilled by the cliff hanger plot line that I spent moments of my weekend looking forward to seeing the next episode on Monday afternoon.

But it was not to be. No, when I sat down on Monday afternoon to watch The Good Wife, a smart TV show filled with legal issues and moral quandaries, it was not there. Instead, The Hallmark Movie Channel was airing… [ready for this?]… Diagnosis Murder, an old-time TV show, starring Dick Van Dyke, that I vaguely remember as something my mother used to watch way back when.

I’m hurt by this betrayal; I won’t lie. But mostly it confirms my suspicions that cable TV’s death is closer than we think it is. Thanks to The Hallmark Movie Channel I’ve now learned for certain that web-based programming, like Netflix or Hulu, is the way to watch TV shows when your life is busy– and you can’t dork around with cable channels.

Three Things That Gripe My Grits

June 18, 2014June 18, 2014 / Ally Bean / 20 Comments

“Unfortunately, there are assholes and psychos mixed in with regular people everywhere you go, and they’re not labeled as such, so you can’t identify them by sight.”

~ When I Blink [author’s name], If the Fashion Industry Gave a Commencement Speech

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1) Let’s review the basics.

Q: What must we do?

A: Be proactive and not use the word should.

Explanation: When applied to oneself the word “should” speaks to wishful thinking and lazy follow-thru. By using it one denies his or her own power to make things happen– which is not good, kind of pathetic and will get you a Gibbs head slap from me.

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2) Let’s talk about friendship.

Q: Who do we have the best relationships with?

A: People who behave the same way as we do.

Explanation: That is to say, chronological age is not necessarily what keeps friends together. Shared values and subsequent actions are what keep people close, so do not tell me to limit my friendships to people within my age group. That’s nuts.

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3) Let’s talk about manners.

Q: What must everyone do after receiving a gift?

A: Write a thank you note and send it.

[Also acceptable answers depending on age &/or physical condition: Draw a thank you picture and have Mom or Dad send it. Phone a thank you message.]

Explanation: Lack of gratitude is epidemic in our world. Do not be part of this problem; instead, be classy and say “thank you” in a meaningful, time-honored way. Be part of that proud thank-you-note-sending tradition.

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And Then It Rained…

June 12, 2014 / Ally Bean / 16 Comments

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All week it’s been raining here. I like one day of rain once in a while and I understand its importance, but rain every day makes me:

Anxious. Nervous. Unsettled.

There is noise all the time: water hitting the roof, water running down the gutters, water moving in the creek at the back of our property.

There is grayness everywhere: outside in the garden beds, outside when driving along the roads, inside during the day.

There is mold everywhere: making my eyes itch, making the deck slippery, making my allergies go into overdrive.

Given my druthers I’d rather have a gray winter day with snow than this endless wetness. Which, if the weather forecast is to be believed, is going to be with us until the weekend.

Annoyed, I am.

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As Summer Begins, A Snake In The Mulch

June 3, 2014June 3, 2014 / Ally Bean / 14 Comments

Neither one of us asked why it was there. Or how it got there. No, we went straight to the WHAT IS IT DOING? question.

I was standing outside on the front sidewalk talking with the UPS delivery woman. She had dropped off a package, knocked on the front door and was walking back to her truck when she saw it.

When I opened the front door to retrieve the package she turned to me and pointed to [what I believe is, but could be wrong about] a milk snake in the planting bed nearest the house. I walked out to where she was standing and saw Milky.

He was doing his snake-y thing. Slithering. Sticking his head into various heretofore unnoticed holes in the ground around the roses.

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After watching Milky together, the UPS delivery woman told me that this was her first snake on the job. She’d been warned that things like this could happen, especially out in wooded suburban developments.

For her, Milky was a milestone. And she left our property with a smile on her face, pleased with her find.

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But as for me, Milky’s existence has brought a new level anxiety to my life. I realize that if he can get into the planting beds this close to the house, he can slither his way up onto our front door stoop and greet me when I step out of the house using the front door.

So, I’ve done the only thing that I know to do. I’ve put a note on the inside of the front door where I will see it before I open the door. The note is short and to the point. It says: REMEMBER THE SNAKE.

And with that thought in mind, my summer begins.