My cell phone, which is a flip phone and about 10 years old [don’t judge], has decided to stop me from writing or receiving texts.
Thus it came to be that instead of texting my husband, which is how we usually communicate, I phoned Zen-Den– and learned a little something about what he really thinks of me.
• • •
Him: Hey it’s you! Forgot what your ringtone was.
Me: Yep, can’t text, so must call. What’s my ringtone?
Him: Some organ music.
Me: Like from the movie The Big Chill? You can’t always get what you want… I’m what you need?!
Him: No, that’s not it…
Me: Like a church organ playing Amazing Grace? How sweet the sound… I’m your honey?!
Him: No, that’s not it either…
Me: Well, what is it then?
Him: It’s organ music like you’d hear at the intermission of a hockey game while the Zamboni man resurfaces the ice in the rink.
Me: Huh? THAT’S WHAT YOU’VE GOT ON YOUR PHONE FOR ME?!! You’ve got an iPhone that lets you download about eleven gazillion plus seven songs, and that’s what you pick for me?
Him: Uh huh. It was easy to find and put on the phone.
Me: So besides being useful for cleaning floors, I’m easy– AND NOT WORTH THE EFFORT TO FIND A BETTER SONG FOR MY RINGTONE. That’s what you’re saying?!!
Him: Yes?
Me: I see. Now I know. Okay then.
Him: Well what do you want me to put on there for you? Black Sabbath?
• • •
That’s when I let the topic drop because I wanted Zen-Den to do something for me, and in that moment it didn’t seem to be in my best interest to press the issue.
However, this is a different moment.
And I’ve been thinking about Zen-Den’s ringtone for moi, which I believe is entirely wrong. In many ways. On lots of levels.
In other words, I don’t like it.
• • •
All of this leads to my question of the day, which is:
Given your druthers, what ringtone song do you prefer to represent you on someone else’s phone?
I need a few suggestions here. A marriage hangs in the balance.
• • •
“I scream, You scream, We all scream for ice cream.”
THE SPECTACLED BEAN 