Meandering Thoughts About Grittiness While Meandering Through A Bookstore

September 9, 2025 / Ally Bean / 226 Comments

✅ I WAS WANDERING AROUND Barnes & Nobles enjoying the positive vibe that comes from being around people who like books when I saw a copy of the latest book about Gwyneth Paltrow. I’d ~~read~~ skimmed a few reviews of Amy Odell’s Gwyneth: The Biography, so I knew it existed, but hadn’t seen it in the wild.

Yet there I was face-to-face with Gwyneth’s smiling face.

Or at least a portion of it.

• • •

✅ SEEING THIS BOOK sent my addled brain into overdrive.

My first thought was decidedly practical: I wonder what brand and shade of eyebrow pencil/powder Gwyneth has on. As my blonde hair has gotten grayer on its way to, I hope, silvery white, I’ve had a difficult time finding very pale blonde/light warm gray eyebrow colors.

My second thought was happily snarky: I wonder if she knows she looks like Janice on The Muppet Show? The resemblance is amazing to me. I bet Gwyneth can play an electric guitar as well as Janice.

My third thought was idly curious: I wonder what it’d be like to be a Hollywood nepo baby who’s lived your entire life with a financial safety net under you.

Not that Gwyneth hasn’t been successful, but is it because she knew she couldn’t fail, free to give her career her best shot unencumbered by the soul-sucking tedious financial realities most people face?

Is it because she’s so innately talented, filled with drive and grit that regardless of anything in her life she was destined to be a star?

• • •

✅ THIS LAST THOUGHT REMINDED ME that years ago I read psychologist Angela Duckworth’s book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. According to Duckworth:

Grit is passion and perseverance for longterm goals…. Talent and luck matter to success. But talent and luck are no guarantee of grit. And in the very long run, I think grit may matter as least as much, if not more.

I remember feeling empowered and comforted by her sensible assessment of what it takes to succeed— and how grit, something I possess, plays into a person’s success.

Back when I read the book I took a free online 10-question quiz that is still available for you to take. It is the GRIT SCALE QUIZ. From my results I learned that my Grit Score is 4.20 meaning that I’m grittier than 80% of Americans.

Discussion about whether this grittiness has helped me become the swell blogger I am today is something I’ll leave for another time.

• • •

✅ I DIDN’T PICK UP the book about Paltrow because, as you my little chickadees can probably guess, my interest in biographies of Hollywood stars is nonexistent.

Do. not. care.

But seeing it did remind me that I was in this store to buy a book and that if I was going to read a book about a real person I’d best mosey meself to the memoir section of the store where I could find books that are presumably truthful, blessedly idiosyncratic, and often inspiring.

That’s what interests me.

Thus I ended up buying and enjoying Peggy Orenstein’s funny thoughtful pandemic memoir, Unraveling: What I Learned About Life While Shearing Sheep, Dyeing Wool, and Making the World’s Ugliest Sweater.

Which, as fate would have it, also had a compelling up-close photo of a face on the front cover.

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Do you enjoy shopping for books in a brick and mortar store? If so, do you meander around like I do enjoying the atmosphere before purchasing anything?

Do you ever read biographies? Or memoirs?

Thinking back to where you were 5 years ago when we first started grappling with + adapting to the new Covid 19 pandemic realities, what did you do to keep yourself sane, assuming you stayed sane?

If you took the quiz, how gritty are you?

+ • + • +

What To Do, What To Do? A Simple Way To Make A Decision + Kate’s Five Things

June 3, 2025July 1, 2025 / Ally Bean / 239 Comments

I’ve heard it said that when you need to make a decision and you find yourself stumped about what to do, your answer will become clear by asking yourself: what would make my 7 y.o. self proud and my 80 y.o. self grateful?

Today I’m asking myself this proud/grateful question because on the surface of it I have nothing to write about. Not that I don’t do things, but what I do to stay busy isn’t necessarily interesting to anyone else, me thinks.

I mean, I got a new prescription for my glasses & I planted some zinnia seeds & I discovered that a snazzy new-to-the-area convenience store, Sheetz, carries my favorite difficult-to-find candy bar, Zagnut. Thus I am seeing clearly & hoping for some late summer blooms & grooving on yumminess.

I’m happy, my bliss is buzzing as they say, but I can’t help but pondering: shouldn’t there be more to this blog post than a few random glimpses into my daily life?

And you know what?

Both my 7 y.o. self and my 80 y.o. self say YES!

Thus I’m answering Kate’s Five Things questions. They are a weekly feature on House Call WITH KATE ARENDS who you may know from her blog Wit & Delight.

Her questions + my answers are as follows:

• When did you feel most at home this week?

Answer: in the kitchen while I made a new delicious recipe, Raspberry-Ricotta Cake. I enjoy baking and I enjoy bouncing around in the kitchen creating a mess while following, but also tweaking, recipes. [I added 1/4th teaspoon lemon extract to bring out the berry’s citrus flavor.]

• Where are you moving forward?

Answer: in the last few months I’ve come to appreciate how organized I’ve become since March 2020, the official beginning of the Covid-19 Pandemic. Not that we were living in chaos before but I’ve come to realize that I didn’t know what we had + where it was, and this was causing me to feel a low level of anxiety. Now I feel more in control, proactive, rather than at loose ends, reactive.

• Where are you stuck?

Answer: I’m not a person who enjoys learning about technology. Recently I moved from an iPhone 8 to an iPhone 16. I’ve become overwhelmed and bothered by its newness: too many different ways of doing what I used to know how to do + too many new computer-y fiddly bits, none of which I asked for, that I now must contend with.

• What did you consume that was regenerative?

Answer: I read The Cat Who Saved Books by Japanese author Sōsuke Natsukawa. It’s a short novel, a fable, about the positive power of books and the types of people who disabuse this power. The protagonist, a lonely teenage boy, follows a cat into different realms to [you guessed it] save books. It’s a charming tale, insightful, gently pointing out flaws in human nature.

• What question are you asking?

Answer: Does this matter? And if so, where is the story?

~ 🤓 ~

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

What have you done recently that would make your 7 y.o. self proud and your 80 y.o. self grateful?

Currently, in general, how organized do you feel you are? Is being organized a goal for you?

When thinking about books you have consumed [read], which one or ones has/have helped you feel regenerated, revitalized, ready to take on life anew?

What is your favorite candy bar? What is your favorite cake?

~ ~ 😋 ~ ~

A Text Not Meant For Me, A Game Not Played By Me

March 18, 2025 / Ally Bean / 257 Comments

IT WAS AROUND THIS TIME 5 years ago when I lost touch with, let’s call her, Kathleen the Control Freak— a natural born queen bee, uptight and competitive.

The Covid-19 pandemic lockdown had just begun. I’d texted her to make sure she was doing okay and got a terse reply something to the effect of: “Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

I responded with a polite “Just checking in” and left it at that.

During the next few months I tried a few more times to text her, our usual way of communicating, but got no reply.

Crickets make more noise.

Come December we didn’t receive a holiday card from Kathleen the Control Freak which confirmed I no longer existed in her small world which, truthfully, I was happy to not be part of anymore.

I’ve never been good in the role of a wannabe to a queen bee.

• • •

FAST FORWARD TO A FEW weeks ago when Kathleen the Control Freak texted me, including me in a group text to friends who play pickleball at her club. This seemed odd because: 1) her previous behavior over the last five years suggested I am persona non grata; and 2) I don’t play pickleball.

I believe I was accidentally included.

At this point, fun as it would have been to text a group reply about this queen bee’s error, I did not do that. Instead I watched in real time as everyone, a group of women who’d never give me the time of day, texted among themselves.

From this I observed that these women, who gushed and fawned over each other, waited dutifully for Kathleen the Control Freak to establish dominance by dictating where and when they’d be going to breakfast together the next morning after she finished her 8:00 a.m. pickleball game.

Queens gotta rule all the courts.

• • •

NOW AS YOU CAN IMAGINE this experience left me with a few things to consider.

• I wondered why Kathleen the Control Freak, a perfectionist along the lines of Martha Stewart, still has my phone number, presumably for some reason, in her exalted list of contacts.

I admit this seemed odd to me but also not worth dwelling on. Her number is no longer in my contacts and that’s what matters to me.

• I wondered why I’d ever considered Kathleen the Control Freak to be a friend. Was I wrong when I thought she was fun to be around? Or have we both changed over the years— she getting bossier, me getting mellower?

That’s the conclusion I’m sticking with because I see no need to overthink why someone ghosts you.

• But most importantly, and this is where the snark is, I wondered about whether I should be mischievous and show up to join the group for breakfast the next morning.

After all I knew the details of the plan to get together, didn’t I?

But I didn’t go. For one thing it’d have been an hour drive to get to their side of town and that seemed more bothersome & petty than worthwhile & victorious.

And for another thing despite contemplating this way to upset them, in reality I didn’t care about whatever the heck was going on with this group of grown-up mean girls.

Under the circumstances, would you?

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Thinking about these last five years, has anyone ghosted you? Have you ghosted anyone? Details if you please.

Have you ever found yourself in a group text where you didn’t belong? If so, what did you do?

Who’s the most control freaky person you know in real life?

Do you play pickleball?

• • 🪴 • •

Don’t Let The Seeds Stop You: 6 Random Things To Tell You On A Tuesday In March

March 11, 2025 / Ally Bean / 216 Comments

1 – I am editing. After reading about the Zombie Test for writing I latched onto the idea. The test, created by Rebecca Johnson deputy director of the Marine Corps War College, is a rule of thumb that helps you discern if you’re writing in the passive voice. All you do is: “Try adding by zombies after the verb in your sentence. If it makes sense, congratulations! You’ve probably got yourself some passive voice.”

2 – I am laughing. So you know how everyone seems to want to stereotype other people by their generations? Well this snarky article, An Updated Guide To Generations, explains how to do this. I’ll just go ahead and tell you that I feel at home in this stereotype: “Maybe Boomers: Gen Xers who type on their phones using a single pointer finger.” Mock me as you will.

3 – I am communicating. I recently stumbled over the simple idea that there are three ways you can reply when someone tells you something about themself. You need to discern if this person is looking to be hugged, to be heard, or to be helped. If your response is what they expect, then you’ll easily connect. Never thought about interpersonal communication in this way, but now that I have I like it.

4 – I am dubious. On my radar is 25 Front Door Color Meanings Revealing the Personality of Your Home, an article that purports to intuit the personality of your home by noting your front door color. While I’m all about expressing yourself, I don’t believe front door color alone says much. It’s just one variable that contributes to the overall look of your property, so don’t get too hung up on it.

5 – I am remembering. This is the “do it now” Lockdown Manifesto written by Julian Hanna and published on April 17, 2020. It influenced me, in a positive way, about how I’d face the pandemic. Going back to re-read it five years later I am struck by two things: 1) it’s great timeless advice; and 2) we were so innocent about how Covid-19 would upend our lives forever.

6 – I am exploring. After a conversation with a friend about what it means to say you’re curious, I found this Britannica “Discovery Your Curiosity Type” Quiz. To be clear I wasn’t looking for a quiz, I was looking for a definition of the concept of curiosity, but the quiz popped up in my research. I took it, learning that of the 4 curiosity types I am an intuitive discoverer aka Explorer.