QOTD

K Is For Klondike Bar, Kinda Clever

/ Ally Bean / 49 Comments

Screen Shot 2016-03-21 at 10.54.11 AM“What would you do for a Klondike bar?”

These lyrics are from a TV commercial jingle that is embedded in my brain.  Permanently.

Yours, too?

In fact, when I started musing on the letter “K” for this challenge, the first thing that came to my mind was Klondike Bar, which got me thinking about how I know many TV commercial jingles from memory.

You, too?

It’s annoying, yet hilarious, to realize that instead of keeping track of important adult stuff, my old brain chooses to retain a weird assortment of lyrics and tunes, learned in my childhood while watching the idiot box [aka the TV].

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• I’m sure this realization would upset me more, if I wasn’t so darned happy when singing the Oscar Mayer Bologna Song.

“My bologna has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R…”

• OR awkwardly singing and dancing along to the Dr. Pepper commercial.

“Us peppers are an interesting breed, an original taste is what we need… Be a Pepper…”

• OR belting out a soulful rendition of the Enjoli perfume commercial.

“I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget that you’re a man… ‘Cause I’m a woman…”

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All of which brings me to this very important question:

How many TV commercial jingles do you, my gentle readers, remember by heart?  You may confess in the comments below.

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H Is For Hotcakes, Happening Here Now

/ Ally Bean / 51 Comments
 Screen Shot 2016-03-21 at 10.43.51 AMSelling like hotcakes

… refers to brisk sales of a specific item.  It’s one of those charmingly innocent idioms that I use from time-to-time when the situation demands that I be charmingly innocent.

• • •

I cannot make hotcakes, or griddlecakes, or flapjacks, or pancakes as we call them.

It turns out that I lack the patience, coordination, and mathematical aptitude needed to create a flat pancake.  My pancakes get all scrunched up, don’t flip over properly, and then cook unevenly.

It’s tragic.

Zen-Den, however, has a gift for making hotcakes, which, by default, puts him in charge of all pancake projects.  It’s a burden he’s happy to bear, because– pancakes. Yum.

Why am I telling you this?

Here’s why.

I have a theory that every person who likes to cook has one food that he or she just. can. not. make.  It’s one food that everyone else throws together as if it’s nothing.

It’s a food that has the power to aggravate with the mere mention of the word.  And for me that food is hotcakes.

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So, my gentle readers, what food can you absolutely not make no matter how much you try to do so?

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We’re Both Polite, But There’s Some Nuttiness Going On

/ Ally Bean / 57 Comments

I’m the first to admit that I can be slightly nutty.  So when I realized a pleasant casual acquaintance behaved in way that struck me as nutty, I started wondering: who’s the nutty one here?  Naturally I turned to a friend for her take on this.

Here’s what Acquaintance does that Friend and I think is odd.

Whenever Acquaintance sees you she starts the conversation by stating what you’re wearing.  She’ll say things like: you have on a red t-shirt… you’re carrying a brown purse… your jeans are faded.

Then she’ll just stare at you, saying nothing more.  There’s no comment, pro or con, about your clothes, your accessories.

Only her looking at you.

This makes Friend and I feel awkward, like we’ve done something wrong, but we’re not sure what it is.

I’ve taken to parroting back what Acquaintance says to me. 

That is, I’ll repeat exactly what she has said back to her in a declarative sentence: yes, I have on a red t-shirt… am carrying a brown purse… my jeans are faded.

Friend thinks my approach to Acquaintance is brilliant because it allows me to seem to be chatting.  Of course, in reality I’m feeling unnerved about how this peculiar conversation is starting.

Again.

Friend and I have our theories about why Acquaintance behaves like she does, but we are curious to know what you, gentle readers, think is going on with Acquaintance.

Is Acquaintance’s behavior normal or nutty? Do you know anyone who starts conversations like this?  Are Friend and I being overly weirded out by this?  And if so, why?  

In Which I Grumble Upon Learning My Husband’s Ringtone For Me

/ Ally Bean / 54 Comments

My cell phone, which is a flip phone and about 10 years old [don’t judge], has decided to stop me from writing or receiving texts.

Thus it came to be that instead of texting my husband, which is how we usually communicate, I phoned Zen-Den– and learned a little something about what he really thinks of me.

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Him: Hey it’s you! Forgot what your ringtone was.

Me: Yep, can’t text, so must call.  What’s my ringtone?

Him: Some organ music.

Me: Like from the movie The Big Chill?  You can’t always get what you want… I’m what you need?!

Him: No, that’s not it…

Me: Like a church organ playing Amazing Grace? How sweet the sound… I’m your honey?!

Him: No, that’s not it either…

Me: Well, what is it then?

Him: It’s organ music like you’d hear at the intermission of a hockey game while the Zamboni man resurfaces the ice in the rink.

Me: Huh? THAT’S WHAT YOU’VE GOT ON YOUR PHONE FOR ME?!!  You’ve got an iPhone that lets you download about eleven gazillion plus seven songs, and that’s what you pick for me?

Him: Uh huh. It was easy to find and put on the phone.

Me: So besides being useful for cleaning floors, I’m easy– AND NOT WORTH THE EFFORT TO FIND A BETTER SONG FOR MY RINGTONE.  That’s what you’re saying?!!

Him: Yes?

Me: I see. Now I know. Okay then.

Him: Well what do you want me to put on there for you? Black Sabbath?

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That’s when I let the topic drop because I wanted Zen-Den to do something for me, and in that moment it didn’t seem to be in my best interest to press the issue.

However, this is a different moment.

And I’ve been thinking about Zen-Den’s ringtone for moi, which I believe is entirely wrong. In many ways. On lots of levels.

In other words, I don’t like it.

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All of this leads to my question of the day, which is:

Given your druthers, what ringtone song do you prefer to represent you on someone else’s phone?

I need a few suggestions here.  A marriage hangs in the balance.

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