AFTER TRYING UNSUCCESSFULLY for three weeks to get wine in our weekly grocery order for curbside pickup, we finally got some wine in the house.
How did we do this, you ask?
We joined an online wine club wherein you pick from their selection of wines and your wine is then delivered, a few weeks later, to your doorstep. All that is required of you, beyond deciding which bottles of wine you want and having a valid credit card, is to have an adult sign for the wine when it is delivered to your doorstep at an assigned time.
I am an adult, with time on her hands, thus I was more than willing to sign for the wine. Which I did by standing in my jammies, shamelessly, on our front stoop a week ago Thursday morning at 10:00 a.m.
And by having gray frizzy hair.
The friendly UPS man sized me up from afar as he walked across the lawn carrying the box of wine. He didn’t bother having me physically sign for the wine, instead he scribbled something on the electronic form and went on his way.
That worked for me, buddy. No need to be uptight about the signing part of the blessed wine delivery. 😇
FUN WITH TYPOS
LAST TUESDAY NIGHT I opened the first bottle of the wine we ordered. We were having salmon and mashed potatoes and spinach, thus I reasoned a chilled bottle of Sauvignon Blanc would be lovely.
[Truthfully I almost always think a chilled bottle of Sauvignon Blanc would be lovely, but I digress.]
As I was sipping the first glass of wine to cross my lips in quite some time, I decided to read the back label on the bottle of wine. I like to know what I’m supposed to be tasting according to the vineyard. Plus I’m into marketing, so I do like well-written copy.
When I can find it.
And even when I can’t…
Below is a photograph of the back label on the bottle of wine. Can you see the typo? The numerical one that made me smile?
And with that I’ll end this post by telling you we enjoyed this bottle of wine. Perhaps it was because of all the effort it took to get it. Or, perhaps it was because it taught me a profound lesson: YOU CAN’T JUDGE A WINE BY ITS TYPO. 😉
In honor of this I’ve written a list of pig phrases seen immediately below plus I’ve provided an explanation at the end of the post as to why I‘ve written this list.
[You know you’re wondering why.]
Please enjoy this list, but I beg of you, do not let this plethora of piggy-ness and phraseology overwhelm you with its profundity.
A LIST OF 28 PIG PHRASES
Please the pigs means if circumstances permit
Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered means don’t get greedy or whatever you have will be taken away from you
As short as a pig’s kick means not very good [Spanish insult]
Even a blind pig will occasionally find an acorn means even the least competent person will have something useful to contribute once in a while
To go to pigs and whistles means to go to ruin
Happier than a dead pig in sunshine means thrilled [Southern saying]
It’s as plain as a pig on a sofa means very obvious
Looked like a pig on ice means clumsy
He follows me around like an Antony pig means someone who mindlessly follows someone else [old English term referencing a Roman Catholic saint]
Don’t go crossing the pig tracks means don’t behave in an unseemly way
Feed a pig and you’ll have a hog means beware of encouraging a greedy person who’ll become dependent on you
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig means some people are too closed-minded to bother talking with [maybe said by Mark Twain]
Driving his pigs to market means snoring
Only a pig depends on the favors of swine means only a sneaky person will depend on the handouts of the disreputable
When pigs fly means it’ll never happen [English proverb from 1600s]
To get the wrong pig by the tail means to make a mistake
To bring one’s pigs to a fine market means to do well for yourself
Young pigs grunt as loud as old pigs grunted before them means same as it ever was [Danish proverb]
Like a pig to truffles means being able to go directly to the best of anything
Sometimes the rotten pig gets the apple means life isn’t always fair
Wears like a pig’s nose means durable [slogan from 1885 advertisement for overalls]
As happy as a pig in mud means contented with things as they are in this moment
I haven’t had this much fun since the pigs ate my brother means I’m having a good time
Don’t buy a pig in a poke means don’t make a deal without confirming the details
Sweating like a pig means to be so physically hot that beads of visible sweat form on you [not a reference to the farm animal, it’s about smelting iron]
Like putting lipstick on a pig means attempting to make something appear better than it is
Hollering like a stuck pig means a person who complains like they’re in pain to get attention
Neither give cherries to pigs nor advice to fools means your good intentions and truthfulness will be misunderstood by people who aren’t that intellectually bright [Irish proverb]
Addendum: More Pig Phrases Courtesy Of My Wonderful Commenters
What’s time to a pig means not to worry about something, it doesn’t really matter [from Dan at No Facilities]
Like pigs feeding at the trough means a greedy person, often a politician, getting more than his fair share [from Susan at Garden of Eden Blog]
Pig Latin means a made-up silly language in which the first syllable of an English word is removed from the beginning of the word and tacked onto the end of the word [from shoreacres at The Task at Hand]
In a pig’s eye means disbelief [from Deborah at temenos]
Piggy back means literally to carry someone on your back or in a figurative sense to add something to something that already exists [from Erica/Erika at Behind the Scenery]
Never wrestle with a pig; you just get muddy and the pig enjoys it means don’t bother trying to reason with someone who’s determined to be unreasonable [from Eilene at Myricopia]
~ ~ 🐷 ~ ~
And why, you may be asking yourself, does Ms. Bean know all these pig phrases?
GLAD YOU ASKED.
It’s because in the winter of ’98 [yes, that’d be 1998] I planned on creating a website to see if I could figure out how to do that. I never got the chance to make the website, but I compiled this list in anticipation of doing so. The website was going to be about pig phrases.
[Once a wordy girl, always a wordy girl.]
Last weekend, in a serendipitous moment while sorting through some paper files in my desk drawer, I found this list of pig phrases and thought, considering the research was all done, why not make a blog post of it.
You see, last week I was in a productive mood. I was busy, but not overwhelmed. Happy, but not dippy. Energetic, but not the most organized I’ve ever been.
Thus it came to be at one point in the late afternoon, while I was whirling around the house, doing the things, thinking the important blogging thoughts, that I realized I’d forgotten what I was doing.
Just standing there in the middle of the room, immobile. Alone, no one else around to give me a prompt.
Thus as a way of getting myself back on track I said out loud to myself:
“Do the thing you were supposed to be doing when you realized that you hadn’t done the thing you were supposed to have done and stopped to do that thing.”
And guess what?
I listened to myself, did what I said I should do, and got back in the groove, because apparently when it comes to keeping the productivity choo-choo train on the track I need to use convoluted sentences to communicate with myself.
~ ~ ❓ ~ ~
Questions Of The Day
Had any good conversations with yourself lately? Did you listen to yourself? And how’d that work out for you?
Wherein, while at lunch, an aquaintance, who I shall call Grumbly Gertrude, was rude to me for no discernible reason.
I don’t know why what I do makes Grumbly Gertrude unhappy, but it does. I barely know the woman however I’m guessing I bring out her inner demons.
As they say.
Anyhoo here’s what happened: at lunch with many people sitting around a table Sam the Sincere asked me politely about how my blog was going. I answered in a few sentences saying, in essence, it was going well.
Sam the Sincere turned to Grumbly Gertrude and asked her politely if she had a blog?
Sam the Sincere, for some reason, was under the impression that because Grumbly Gertrude and I were English majors in college at about the same time, that it’d follow that we both wrote personal blogs.
He was being a kind guy keeping the conversation going, you know?
Welp, Grumbly Gertrude seemed annoyed with Sam the Sincere’s question, choosing to glare at me while she answered the question by saying that she did not have time to have a blog because SHE. HAD. THINGS. TO. DO.
Unequivocalness? She had it. Politeness? Not so much. A blog? No way.
Of course everyone at the table started looking at me, waiting to see what I’d say back to Grumbly Gertrude and her odd passive-aggressive response to Sam the Sincere’s innocent chit-chat question.
And do you, my gentle readers, know what I did? You’d be so proud of me.
I smiled. Like Mona Lisa.
A smile inscrutable in its meaning, polite, but hiding my real thoughts about what the heck is wrong with Grumbly Gertrude and her snarly answer.
And about how a delightful blog post story had just been handed to me while I did the things I had to do– in addition to writing my blog. 🙄
Well, kids, not everything runs smoothly during a remodel. You see, there’s been a kerfuffle here about the wall tile that goes in the shower stall. Not the little decorative stuff*, but the large tiles that cover the walls.
The problem, quite simply, has been that the tile company sent the correct decorative and floor tiles over to the house– but filled our wall tile order incorrectly. They sent packages of tile with the same name + code number, but these packages of tile weren’t from the same “dye lots” so they weren’t the exact same color.
Which they are supposed to be.
Thus began what turned out to be 3 weeks of discussions among unhappy me, lawyerly Zen-Den, our patient project manager, the perturbed remodeling company design staff, the conscientious tile installer– and the confused [sneaky?] tile company.
Much was said, politely— but with a great deal of emphasis on MAKE THIS RIGHT.
No pithy conclusion to this post. I’m just happy to report that the correct wall tile finally arrived on Tuesday and that each package has the same batch number.
Even more exciting than getting the tile is knowing that the tile guy is now in the process of installing the tile on the walls in the shower– and that the walls coordinate beautifully with the shower floor.
* I wrote this post yesterday mid-afternoon. As the tile guy left late yesterday afternoon he told me that the tile company had shorted us on the decorative tile that is to go on the wall behind the sinks. This is not as big of a problem as the wall tile kerfuffle, but it’s a problem that will have to be solved nonetheless. *le sigh*