The Noisy Week That Was: Of Lost Blogging Mojo & Exterior Home Improvements

As I sat down to edit this rare Sunday blog post I couldn’t help but smile and remember that I’d forgotten that I used to have a sign on my desk that said: EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED.

Good advice, very pithy. Spot on, even.

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LAST WEEK SLIDE THROUGH MY HANDS, like a slippery rubber ducky in a steamy bubble bath. I lost track of the day of the week and a sense of purpose– and sadly one of my favorite lavender-colored cotton t-shirts that I think accidentally got sent to Goodwill.

[Hope someone enjoys it.]

You see, it was noisy around here in the neighborhood and when life gets noisy, I shut down. I don’t find noise energizing and instantly lose my writing/blogging/commenting mojo because I can’t think straight enough to form sentences.

My mind goes into *whatever* mode while my actions go into *sloth* mode. As for my spirit, I’ve no idea where it hides when it gets noisy.

The poor beleaguered dear.

THE FIRST PART OF THE WEEK was filled with predictable noise, fireworks & gunfire to celebrate the Fourth of July. Of course it being a long weekend the kapows and booms started on Friday night [June 30] and continued through Tuesday night [July 4].

Not a constant noise, mind you, just random loud cacophonies that set my teeth on edge, worrying me greatly.

And instantly put my central nervous system on high alert.

THEN UNEXPECTEDLY ON WEDNESDAY MORNING AT 7:00 a.m., just when I was grooving on quietude, the phone rang. It was the exterior home improvement company we contracted with in the spring to do exterior home improvements in August.

August, people. August.

And what did these fine folks have to say? They politely announced that they’d be at the house today [July 5] at 7:30 a.m. to start our projects because they were ready to do our work. Huzzah, huzzah!

This is good.

I am not complaining because that would be wrong.

BUT IT DOES MEAN THAT STARTING Wednesday I began dealing with more outside racket in the form of [hammer] NOISE & workers and [sawing] NOISE & clutter. Plus, to his credit, Zen-Den continued doing exactly what he planned to do during the week.

Yes, Zen-Den started organizing and painting the inside of the garage which is wonderful. I appreciate this project and have wanted it done for years, but it does add to the mess that I find everywhere outside any door I open when I attempt to leave the house.

And quite frankly in my estimation visual mess is a cousin of noise, on its father’s side of course.

ANYHOW HERE ARE A FEW PHOTOS of what’s going on around here. The home improvement repairs are focused on the screened-in porch, boxed bay window, and the entryway around the front door. Then, of course, the whole exterior of the house will need to be painted.

But that’s a nightmare project for another time.

So having unburdened myself with the foregoing insight into home ownership, midwest-style, I promise that once the exterior repairs are finished [or there’s less pounding], probably later this week but maybe not, I’ll get it together and write what I’m calling my July Reply series in which I answer your AMA questions.

It’s going to be three long posts because you, my little sunbeams of good cheer, ask many questions.

And for that I love you!

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Ladders in front yard, awaiting their turns to be useful

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Ladders leaning against screened-in porch, work in progress

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Trash formerly known as the screened-in porch exterior

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New exterior panels on one side of screened-in porch, trim being added

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Assorted garage stuff piled up out of the way whilst one part of the garage is being painted, forsooth

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Ladder in garage used by husband whilst painting the walls Sherwin-Williams Pure White

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Trailer parked in driveway making it impossible to get car into garage BUT featuring a cute orange cone

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The One About Multitasking, Machine Beeps, And Marital Bliss

“Monica, you’re all chaotic and twirly, but not in a good way.”

That’s a line from the TV show Friends. Zen-Den said it to me as he walked into the kitchen.

I was in the kitchen doing important things.

I’d just put some cornbread into the oven, chili was in the slow cooker, and on the counter was a new Lands’ End catalogue that I was leafing through looking for some spring-y clothes.

I had a Minwax color chart [36″ x 10″] spread across the kitchen table near the window waiting for the late afternoon sunshine to get over there so I could clearly see the three gazillion and two color choices. And the washer & dryer were doing their things in the laundry room adjacent to the kitchen.  Also I was keeping an eye on the dishwash that was almost finished with a load.

I WAS MULTI-TASKING, people.

Well before I could say a word back to Mr. Hilarmoose, the dishwasher started beeping: “I’m ready for you to unload me now.” The dryer started beeping: “Hurry, hurry, don’t let these clothes get wrinkled.” And the washing machine finished its dramatic last spin beeping its end of cycle announcment: “now. Now. NOW.”

Plus for good measure the slow cooker, a bit of a hussy, chimed in with a slow seductive beep to tell me: “I’m finished cooking now and will be over here keeping dinner warm.” 

“You look busy,” said Mr. Obvious.

“Yes. You could help,” said I as I opened the dishwasher door to let the steam out while dashing past him stopping momentarily to reposition the color chart into the sunshine on my way to rescue the clothes from the dryer.

“Pretty please with sugar on top,” I added because I’m a polite woman* who by then was struggling with the wet towels in the washing machine that didn’t want to go into the dryer without a fight.

SO WHAT DID HE DO? In what way did he help?

With a devilish smile and an ornery gleam in his eye he picked up the catalogue on the counter, moseyed over to the kitchen table where the light was better and said, “you’d look good in the light blue t-shirt.”

Which is true, but really? That’s helping?

And with that commentary, my friends, I’ll leave this tale of marital bliss– or what passes for it around here.

HONESTLY…

Any of this sound familiar to you?!! 🤨

* I’m baffled by something. If you’re on a Keto diet and have given up on sugar do you say: pretty please with bacon on top? Or butter on top? Or suet  on top?  How do you rework that polite phrase so it has meaning for you?

A 5-Question Multiple-choice Pop Quiz About A Power Outage That Rankled Ms. Bean

Yes, my little huckleberries, today I have a pop quiz for you. Anyone who answers all 5 questions correctly will receive a gold star ⭐️ which, I think we can agree, is quite nice. What more could you want? 

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Q1: What was Ms. Bean doing when the power went out at 6:00 p.m. on Friday?

A. Editing a new blog post about the meaning of life.

B. Playing an old-time word game, UpWords, with her sweet patootie whilst enjoying Classic Vinyl on SiriusXM.

C. Making a chocolate soufflé to celebrate the weekend.

D. Writing a strongly worded tweet criticizing Space Karen for ruining Twitter.

Q2: What caused the power to start flickering and turn off in a dramatic ending to a long week?

A. A roofing shingle on our house came loose, crashed down onto a utility line, and *bam* no power.

B. A crazed squirrel a few blocks over ate through an electrical line and *shazam* no power.

C. Torrential rain and high winds knocked over an old tree onto an electric substation and *kapow* no power.

D. Thor the God of Thunder, son of Odin and Freya and source of the name for Thursday, had a hissy fit and *poof* no power.

Q3: What did Ms. Bean mutter when she saw realized what had happened?

A. Now what?!!

B. Where is that damned squirrel!

C. The end is nigh, repent ye sinners while ye may.

D. Holy Fricking Mole-y! I’M. NOT. HAPPY.

Q4: How long did the power outage last and what was the temperature inside the house when it came back on?

A. A few minutes then all was well again; temperature remained at 68ºF.

B. A few hours just long enough for Ms. Bean to fret about the food in the refrigerator going bad; temperature went down to 65ºF.

C. 16 hours meaning that Ms. Bean slept fitfully knowing the food in the refrigerator had gone bad, but not the freezer… yet; temperature plummeted to 56ºF.

D. over 24 hours thereby causing the food in the refrigerator and the freezer to go bad; temperature bottomed out at 54ºF.

Q5: Did Ms. Bean and Zen-Den go to the grocery store on Saturday and spend mucho dinero to buy food to replace what was in the refrigerator when the power went out?

A. Yes, of course they did.

B. Nope, the power outage was just a blip.

C. Maybe, but first they went to buy a lottery ticket feeling it’d be the best way to finance the unanticipated expense of buying food for the refrigerator again having been grocery shopping on Friday afternoon.

D. What makes you think they went grocery shopping on a Saturday?

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A Thursday Thirteen List: Stuff & Things I’m Waiting For, Late Winter Edition

Carpe diem? If only…

1. the kitchen table is in need of repainting [the pedestal part] and refinishing [the top part]. waiting for a bunch of sunny days in a row to do that.

2. an old diary written by my great-grandfather sits in a box in a closet in a spare bedroom. waiting to have the time to approach the historical society about it, hoping to donate it [and a bit more of his stuff] to them.

3. the last birch tree in the front yard has died and needs to be removed, stump included. waiting for dryer weather so the tree company can do that.

4. my desk is piled high with books, papers, stuff plus my normal pens, pencils, notepads. waiting for the muse of organization to move me to sort through the mess so I might feel less scattered.

5. the railing on the stairs between the first and second floors needs to be repainted. waiting for the gumption to do this tedious project whilst trying to decide which color to paint it this time.

6. the granite counters in the kitchen and laundry room are due for their annual sealing. waiting for a convenient time when we won’t need to use the kitchen for a few days to do that.

7. a few restaurant gift cards for places with lovely outdoor patios are taking up space in my wallet. waiting for the weather to get clear and warm, like into the 70s, so we can dine al fresco.

8. the posts that support the deck are going to be encased in the same Trex fascia that we used when we had the deck built. waiting for the product to come in and the exterior home improvement company to have the time to install it.

9. many old mirrors + framed art are sitting in the basement ready to go to Goodwill. waiting for the local donation center to reopen after its renovation is finished mid-March.

10. the husband is not really as unemployed as one might think he’d be after retiring. waiting until he gets his side hustles up and running to his satisfaction so that we might talk about going on vacation.

11. an ancient laptop sits uncharged in a guest bedroom that I hope to turn into my exercise | meditation | reading room. waiting to figure out the lighting in that room so that I can see the screen and start doing yoga daily in my own space.

12. our lumpy bed needs to be replaced. waiting to do a deep dive into information about and the expense involved in buying a new bed: mattress & frame + pillows & linens.

13. many paperback books that we read years ago are in need of being re-homed. waiting for sunny days so we can go for walks in city/county parks with little free libraries where I plan on leaving the aforementioned books, one at a time.

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SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

[Also any words of wisdom about any of my Thursday Thirteen items?]

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