In Which I Grumble About A YUCKY Routine Medical Procedure

March 1, 2022November 7, 2023 / Ally Bean / 219 Comments

But first, yesterday BOSSSYBABE posted an interview with me for her ongoing monthly Blogger Spotlight Series. I was thrilled to be asked to participate. Go HERE to read the interview. ‘Tis more upbeat than the following, I can guarantee you that.

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• FIRST FUN FACT: I had a routine colonoscopy last week. It was every bit as awful, loathsome, & dreadful as I remember them to be.

Corollary to first fun fact: It took me 40 days to get the doctor’s practice to call me back after my initial phone call to schedule the procedure, then four weeks after that call to have the procedure. I was a returning patient. I have insurance. YET they played phone tag with me until the magical mythical Brittany was ready to schedule me, a mere ~~patient~~ pawn in the Gastroenterological Version of Game of Thrones.

• SECOND FUN FACT: I have puny weak sad little veins that when deprived of liquid, as happens when one does a colon cleanse prior to one’s colonoscopy, said veins become elusive. So much so that it took the nurse FIVE attempts to get the IV inserted into me.

Corollary to second fun fact: My right hand is sore. Almost the entire top of it is black & blue, as if someone used it as a pincushion.

• THIRD FUN FACT: I did my colon cleanse on the night that Russia invaded Ukraine. Meaning that while *indisposed* in the bathroom I was also watching on my cell phone, that I never take into the bathroom except on that particular night, as the surreal international situation unfolded in real time.

Corollary to third fun fact: I probably heard about the Ukrainian woman with the sunflower seeds long before most people did. She was a passive-aggressive ray of light during my long night confined to the bathroom.

• FOURTH FUN FACT: There’s nothing wrong with my colon so that is good news. HOWEVER after the procedure while I was in the post-op area the doctor told me that I have: “an extremely twisty colon.”

Corollary to fourth fun fact: I’m a polite articulate woman, but for the life of me I had no idea what to say in reply to what the doctor said. [Would you?] Should I have said something like ‘thank you’ or ‘oh dear’ in reply? I just said a less than eloquent “huh” and continued to sip my Coke.

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The One About NOT Beige + 5 Exceptionally Random Links For Eggheads

February 8, 2022January 25, 2024 / Ally Bean / 167 Comments

This advertisement appeared on my screen out of nowhere. I wasn’t looking for furniture. Beyond annoying me with its interloper-ness, this is not a beige nightstand; it’s a teal side table. Is there no truth to be found in advertising? 🤨

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5 EXCEPTIONALLY RANDOM LINKS FOR EGGHEADS

THIS is the Weird Old Book Finder. It does exactly what it says it does. Input a word, name, or concept then the finder will give you ONE result. It’s fun, if’n you like surprises and spending time online goofing off.

[I’ve not tried this but on Twitter a few people have suggested that when creating a blackout poem you use a page from one of these old books.]

THIS is an article about cleaning superstitions from around the world. Superstitions are, after all, part of a cultural language and the language we use shapes us. It’s interesting to explore how other cultures think about things– and what worries them.

THIS is the definition of the slang term ‘Pushing P’ that all the kids are using. Or I guess they’re using it. I’ve no kids to confirm the ubiquitousness of this term. I’ll warn you that the term probably does not mean what you may be thinking it means.

THIS is a link to a cartoon of Mighty Manfred the Wonder Dog who was [still is?] Tom Terrific’s ever faithful companion. This black & white footage of the old Captain Kangaroo classic terrytoon cartoon is on the Internet Archive website, home of the Wayback Machine.

THIS is an article that reviews in depth 4 Famous Red Velvet Cake Recipes. I haven’t made a red velvet cake in decades, but if I was going to make one, maybe for Valentine’s Day, I’d make the winner, as proclaimed in this article.

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Follow the links my little Eggheads. Then read, contemplate, return here, and discuss. I’ve no specific questions today.

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In The Mood For Fig Newtons And Scotch, Maybe

January 28, 2022 / Ally Bean / 203 Comments

Image from @thepresentpsychologist on Instagram

So it’s still January. I feel like this has been the longest January* on record. Somehow a few extra days got tossed into this one, I am beyond bored.

Do you feel it too, my little ice cubes?

In fact, referring to The Mood Meter image above, not that I want it that way but I’d say I’m currently in the lower lefthand quadrant at DRAINED on a fast train to DESOLATE, hoping to not end up at DESPAIR.

I started this year in the upper righthand quadrant at OPTIMISTIC and ENERGIZED. But blah cold weather combined with incessant anti-vax gibberish**, plus a realization that many longtime bloggy friends have stopped posting altogether, well– this has left me feeling oddly RESTLESS.

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Image from @thefabstory on Instagram

I usually like January, look forward to it even. But somehow this year, maybe because of the endless anxiety associated with the pandemic, I’m feeling a different vibe within myself and about the world around me.

When it comes to self-care, referring to the Routines To Try image above, I don’t know if I need to be more PRODUCTIVE or focus on being CALMER.

And ain’t that a pip!

Anyhoo that’s where I find myself this wintry morning, wondering if there might be some restorative power in Colonel Sherman T. Potter’s remedy for feeling low. The clip below explains what to do with your Fig Newtons and Scotch*** and why. Cheers!

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* Okay I’m wrong about this being the longest January on record: In the Roman calendar only 10 months had formal names. Winter (January and February) was simply known as the “dead period” [Source here]

** We’re both fully vaccinated and wear our masks when out in public, where we rarely go because of the people who are not fully vaccinated and do not wear their masks out in public.

*** In the spirit of transparency I feel obliged to tell you that should I follow through on Colonel Potter’s advice, the Fig Newton will be a Chocolate Chip cookie and the Scotch will be Bourbon.

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SO TELL ME, HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? WHAT’S YOUR MOOD?

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In Which Ms. Bean Answers Mr. Monk’s Question + The Names Of Measuring Spoons & Cups

January 11, 2022 / Ally Bean / 197 Comments

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“How many pinches in a dollop?”

We’ve been watching the TV show MONK at night. It’s currently streaming on Amazon Prime. The show is silliness wrapped around a mystery, so it’s light and entertaining.

Just what we like.

For anyone unfamiliar with the show, Mr. Monk is a detective who suffers from so many phobias & foibles that half the show is watching him freak out, while the other half of the show is observing how he solves a mystery, usually a murder.

In one episode, “Mr. Monk Goes To The Circus” [Season 2, Episode 4], while attempting to make a mug of cocoa Mr. Monk asks Sharona, his beleaguered assistant, the question shown at the top of this post. It seems like it might be a rhetorical question, but in fact it is not.

There is an answer that I shall now tell you.

Ready? Here goes.

FIRST you need to know these two facts about measuring spoons:

a PINCH is 1/16th of a teaspoon

3 TEASPOONS is 1 tablespoon

PLUS you need to understand that:

a DOLLOP is 1 + 1/4th tablespoons

THEN you need to do the math:

Knowing that 16 pinches are 1 teaspoon and that 3 teaspoons make 1 tablespoon, I determined that 1 tablespoon is 48 pinches [16 x 3].

But what about the 1/4th of a tablespoon, you might be asking yourself? Well that’s where it gets more complicated but I figured it out.

Remembering that 1 tablespoon equals 48 pinches, I was able to determine that one fourth of a tablespoon equals 12 pinches [48 ÷ 4].

Thus I added 12 to 48 and arrived at the answer: