We Are Underlings

Three Things That Gripe My Grits

/ Ally Bean / 20 Comments

“Unfortunately, there are assholes and psychos mixed in with regular people everywhere you go, and they’re not labeled as such, so you can’t identify them by sight.”

~ When I Blink [author’s name], If the Fashion Industry Gave a Commencement Speech

• • •

1)  Let’s review the basics.

Q: What must we do?

A: Be proactive and not use the word should. 

Explanation: When applied to oneself the word “should” speaks to wishful thinking and lazy follow-thru.  By using it one denies his or her own power to make things happen– which is not good, kind of pathetic and will get you a Gibbs head slap from me.

• • •

2)  Let’s talk about friendship.

Q: Who do we have the best relationships with?

A: People who behave the same way as we do.

Explanation: That is to say, chronological age is not necessarily what keeps friends together.  Shared values and subsequent actions are what keep people close, so do not tell me to limit my friendships to people within my age group.  That’s nuts.

• • •

3)  Let’s talk about manners.

Q: What must everyone do after receiving a gift?

A: Write a thank you note and send it.

[Also acceptable answers depending on age &/or physical condition: Draw a thank you picture and have Mom or Dad send it.  Phone a thank you message.]

Explanation: Lack of gratitude is epidemic in our world.  Do not be part of this problem;  instead, be classy and say “thank you” in a meaningful, time-honored way.  Be part of that proud thank-you-note-sending tradition.

• • •

In Which I Attempt To Spring Clean & Am Thwarted By Motherly Advice

/ Ally Bean / 22 Comments

Order out of chaos.

It’s that time of year.  Spring.  And my half of our clothes closet is a mess.  As usual.  Just ask Zen-Den.

So I’ve decided to be strong, be decisive, be ruthless… and sort through my clothes.  And accessories.  Because it’s not doing me any good having all this stuff piled up hither and yon.

I crave a calm, organized closet.  Angst-free.

Encourage or discourage?

But here’s the issue, when I start to organize anything in our home I hear my late mother’s voice telling me three of her stock phrases. The woman was nothing if not consistent.  And cautious.

  1. Waste not, want not.
  2. Be careful.
  3. Think it through.

So then after acknowledging that these phrases are bouncing around inside my mind, I become so filled with doubt that I do not do that which I set out to do.  And the closet… or the basement… or the junk drawer remain messy.

Stumbling over the past.

It’s the oddest thing.  I can let go of outdated ideas with ease.  I can move on from rotten relationships as needed.  But when it comes to objects that I’ve bought or inherited, I have difficulty deciding what to do with them.

Begging the question: how do you un-program that which a well-intentioned mother who grew up during the Depression programmed into you?

There must be an override switch somewhere, right?

The New Neighbor Who I’m Not So Crazy About

/ Ally Bean / 22 Comments


hourglass

Image Source: Sweet Clip Art

A neighbor clued me into the fact that there’s a registered sex offender living on our street.  He moved here, sometime in the fall, into a smaller house on the edge of the subdivision.

I went online to the Sex Offender Registry to find out what he’d done, what he looked like and his exact street address.  The information about his crimes was complete.  There were two photos of him, one taken years ago and one more recent photo.  Then Z-D & I drove up and down the street until we located his house.

• • •

I have mixed feeling about this development.  On the one hand, he has served his time and is doing exactly what the law requires him to do by registering.  Perhaps there’s been some therapy along the way?  He might be contrite, reformed.

But on the other hand I’m judgmental enough to not trust a 30-something, college-educated male who solicited minors online and got caught by the police when he showed up for the meeting.  There’s something morally wrong with this scenario that I’m not sure I can overlook.

• • •

Thinking about it all, my negative attitude might be a bigger indictment of my inability to forgive than it is an accusation against him.  Clearly, I haven’t yet figured out how to process this information, as this is the first time, to my knowledge, that I’ve lived near a registered sex offender.

I’ll let you know if/when I shift into a more forgiving point-of-view, but in the mean time, I think that I’ll just keep my distance from that end of the street.  There are plenty of other directions I can walk around here.  No need to tempt fate with an accidental meeting.

Deconstructing The Party That, For Most Of Our Guests, Wasn’t

/ Ally Bean / 25 Comments

I.  Things for the party began to fall apart a few days before Friday.  It was small things at first.  

Zen-Den got food poisoning, a rarity, and took to bed for 32 hours.  He felt horrible, but eventually rallied.  His illness was unexpected, but no reason to cancel a party.

[Poor guy.]     

Then I had ridiculous problems placing the “customizable” deli sandwich tray order.  We had received a brochure in the mail that told us what was available and at what price.  Well, when I went in to place the order, turned out that for the deli, the word “customizable” meant me choosing between turkey or chicken salad on rolls of the deli’s choosing.  

[Say what?]

And then at the bakery the man told me that I couldn’t have the Santa Claus face, made of cupcakes, that had been such a hit at last year’s party.  He told me that the woman who decorated them no longer worked there, so wouldn’t I like a boring red + white candy cane cupcake cake instead?

[Hell no!]

II.  So on Thursday morning before the party, having survived the aforementioned small debacles, I thought we were in great shape.  House decorated.  Bathrooms cleaned.  Food ordered &/or purchased.  Pretty paper plates + napkins.  Booze aplenty.  Wine glasses washed and ready to go.  Coolers for the beer and soda on the porch.  Gifts wrapped.  Outside decorated.  Guest bedrooms ready for our overnight guests.

I was ready for 54 friends and acquaintances.  Let the party begin.

III.  What happened after Thursday morning is blurry.

First, early in the afternoon some out-of-state guests started calling because the airlines had cancelled their flights due to bad weather heading our way;  these guests wouldn’t be coming to the party.

However, other out-of-state guests’ flights made it here Thursday afternoon/evening– and, as planned, those guests came to stay with us here at the house.

Then, guests who were in-state, but driving long distances, began to phone to cancel because of the bad weather that was heading our way on Friday.

While I knew that we’d miss those faraway guests, that reason alone wasn’t enough to cancel the party for all the local people.  They could still get through, right?

IV.  Well, I couldn’t have been more wrong.  Friday morning we awakened to streets covered in sheets of ice and a winter snow storm headed our way.  The entire region had closed down, anticipating what turned out to be, by mid-afternoon, a Level 2 Snow Emergency with record amounts of snowfall.

How much snow, you ask?  A mere 6.5″!  Yep, that’s enough to stop everything around here.

So Zen-Den & I did the only thing that we could, we cancelled the party.  And spent the day with our house guests– goofing off.  Then at 6:00 p.m. we had THE PARTY with them and two of our guests who happened to be neighbors who were able to walk over to the house.

Where, I have to say, considering how much we six adults ate and drank, a good time was had by all!  😉