It’s Tuesday, the day of the week when I plan on posting to this blog.
‘Tis a fact.
However, I’m finding that I have less to say than normal, words escape me. Or perhaps I’ve become more succinct with my words when I use them.
In truth I’m becoming more relaxed, introspective about my current lifestyle. All things considered I’m cheerful and content to spend more time at home; I figure if this is how you stay healthy, why not become a hermit?
[Meant to be a rhetorical question but worth pondering. How well are any of us adapting to this stay at home lifestyle?]
So in lieu of me rambling on here, attempting to write about my usual flapdoodle and twaddle, I’ll give you the following which is delightfully wordy and worth a listen.
On The Allusionist, a podcast by Helen Zaltzman, there is an episode called “Tranquillusionist: Your Soothing Words.” It’s 10 minutes of unexpected aural mellowness while Zaltzman reads 343 words.
[Click on HERE to be taken directly to the page on which you can find the doohickey thingie that lets you listen to a podcast on your computer. Or follow The Allustionist on a podcast app on your phone and find the episode there.]
And with that, I wish you well, my gentle readers. May you find ways in which to honor and center yourself while remaining safe during a strange time in the history of the world.
Live with intention. Engage with clarity. Share with joy.
Never have I been happier to report that nothing interesting is going on around here.
I haven’t been anywhere in a week. Well, I’ve gone outside for walks in the neighborhood, but I haven’t been in a store or restaurant or medical office.
No haircut. No trip to the mall. No foray to the party store next state over. No shopping at the garden nursery.
Pretty much, NO to all the activities I’d planned for the end of March.
My calendar is empty.
Instead of fretting about the nothingness of now I’ve decided to focus on blogging.
To wit, I’ll be writing here in my usual way, trying to keep my posts short, snappy, sassy, stylish, smart. And any other positive ‘S’ word you can think of.
But writing and maintaining your own personal blog is only 60% of blogging. The other 40% is reading other people’s blog posts and commenting on them. Therein is the secret of blogging, truth be known.
And with that little bit of wisdom gleaned after messing around in the blogosphere for 16 years [anniversary this week in fact], I’ll hit publish on this post. No need to dither here when I’ve all of you to read and comment upon. Must share the comment love.
Yep, I’m looking at you, my fellow bloggers. Ain’t you glad?
In honor of this I’ve written a list of pig phrases seen immediately below plus I’ve provided an explanation at the end of the post as to why I‘ve written this list.
[You know you’re wondering why.]
Please enjoy this list, but I beg of you, do not let this plethora of piggy-ness and phraseology overwhelm you with its profundity.
A LIST OF 28 PIG PHRASES
Please the pigs means if circumstances permit
Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered means don’t get greedy or whatever you have will be taken away from you
As short as a pig’s kick means not very good [Spanish insult]
Even a blind pig will occasionally find an acorn means even the least competent person will have something useful to contribute once in a while
To go to pigs and whistles means to go to ruin
Happier than a dead pig in sunshine means thrilled [Southern saying]
It’s as plain as a pig on a sofa means very obvious
Looked like a pig on ice means clumsy
He follows me around like an Antony pig means someone who mindlessly follows someone else [old English term referencing a Roman Catholic saint]
Don’t go crossing the pig tracks means don’t behave in an unseemly way
Feed a pig and you’ll have a hog means beware of encouraging a greedy person who’ll become dependent on you
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig means some people are too closed-minded to bother talking with [maybe said by Mark Twain]
Driving his pigs to market means snoring
Only a pig depends on the favors of swine means only a sneaky person will depend on the handouts of the disreputable
When pigs fly means it’ll never happen [English proverb from 1600s]
To get the wrong pig by the tail means to make a mistake
To bring one’s pigs to a fine market means to do well for yourself
Young pigs grunt as loud as old pigs grunted before them means same as it ever was [Danish proverb]
Like a pig to truffles means being able to go directly to the best of anything
Sometimes the rotten pig gets the apple means life isn’t always fair
Wears like a pig’s nose means durable [slogan from 1885 advertisement for overalls]
As happy as a pig in mud means contented with things as they are in this moment
I haven’t had this much fun since the pigs ate my brother means I’m having a good time
Don’t buy a pig in a poke means don’t make a deal without confirming the details
Sweating like a pig means to be so physically hot that beads of visible sweat form on you [not a reference to the farm animal, it’s about smelting iron]
Like putting lipstick on a pig means attempting to make something appear better than it is
Hollering like a stuck pig means a person who complains like they’re in pain to get attention
Neither give cherries to pigs nor advice to fools means your good intentions and truthfulness will be misunderstood by people who aren’t that intellectually bright [Irish proverb]
Addendum: More Pig Phrases Courtesy Of My Wonderful Commenters
What’s time to a pig means not to worry about something, it doesn’t really matter [from Dan at No Facilities]
Like pigs feeding at the trough means a greedy person, often a politician, getting more than his fair share [from Susan at Garden of Eden Blog]
Pig Latin means a made-up silly language in which the first syllable of an English word is removed from the beginning of the word and tacked onto the end of the word [from shoreacres at The Task at Hand]
In a pig’s eye means disbelief [from Deborah at temenos]
Piggy back means literally to carry someone on your back or in a figurative sense to add something to something that already exists [from Erica/Erika at Behind the Scenery]
Never wrestle with a pig; you just get muddy and the pig enjoys it means don’t bother trying to reason with someone who’s determined to be unreasonable [from Eilene at Myricopia]
~ ~ 🐷 ~ ~
And why, you may be asking yourself, does Ms. Bean know all these pig phrases?
GLAD YOU ASKED.
It’s because in the winter of ’98 [yes, that’d be 1998] I planned on creating a website to see if I could figure out how to do that. I never got the chance to make the website, but I compiled this list in anticipation of doing so. The website was going to be about pig phrases.
[Once a wordy girl, always a wordy girl.]
Last weekend, in a serendipitous moment while sorting through some paper files in my desk drawer, I found this list of pig phrases and thought, considering the research was all done, why not make a blog post of it.
• A few years ago I wore a purple cocktail dress with silver sparkly trim to a black-tie business event that was a horrible affair. I was physically and emotionally uncomfortable the whole evening: my dress was tight & my feet hurt while I was standing in a room filled with status-seeking people cursed with negative energy. I vowed to never do anything like it again– and I haven’t.
Which social media platform do you use the most?
If you had to choose the beach or mountains, which would it be?
• I’d choose the beach because I like walking on sand, looking at the waves, searching for shells or driftwood, BUT I choose this with the proviso that I can visit the mountains whenever I want to.
What can you play very well?
• Candy Crush Soda Saga
What kind of cheese do you like?
• All non-stinky kinds
• To put things or ideas or people together. Metaphorically speaking I see puzzle pieces everywhere and want to make the picture whole. Or maybe I see tesserae everywhere and want to make my own mosaic. In either case I put things together.
How many cities have you lived in?
• I’ll answer this by defining cities as metropolitan regions, thus my answer is 8.
What language do you wish you could speak?
What can’t you stand?
• A mocking tone of voice. The idea that education is of no value. Green peppers.
If you have an hour to kill on your hands, what would you do?
• Depending on the situation I’d: go for a walk; read a book &/or some blogs; play a game on my phone; or become a lounge lizard watching the people go by.
Your favorite routine?
• I’d say it’s showing up to my blog at least once a week, usually on Tuesday, and talking with everyone in the comments. Like I’m doing now. *Hi!*
When do you become hyperactive?
• When I’m forced to travel by plane, often leaving the house before the break of day, I become hyperactive with worry about locking the house and all things related to the hassle at the airport. It makes me crazy until I’m sitting at my gate.
Text message or phone call?
• Text message
Your most precious treasure?
• I like things, but as for precious treasure I’m not sure any one thing would rate that designation. I mean, any thing I have can be replaced so how precious is it really?
Your latest foreign language mistake?
• I probably mispronounced some French word. The few I know trip me up when I try to say them.
What’s the best therapy for you?
• A glass of chilled dry white wine sipped while gazing into nature
If you could be a fictional character, who would you be?
• I rather liked Piper in Charmed. She could make a great meal, stop time in order to decide what to do next, and vanquish evil when necessary. Plus she married her true love. All-in-all, she’s my kind of badass.
Where would you like to travel?
• Dreaming big here: UK. Ireland. Italy. Hawaii. Australia. NZ. Vietnam. South Africa. Argentina.
Where did you meet your spouse/partner?
• We met in college. In fact, this past Valentine’s Day we received a card from our alma mater telling us that we are among about 2,000 couples who met on campus. Of course the Valentine’s Day card was also a solicitation for monies making the card less lovable, but the factoid was interesting.
~ ~ • ~ ~
If you decide to do this on your own blog please link back to this post so I can go read what you wrote. Deal?
Micheal Miller works for the dry cleaner/laundry service that we use. He drives the van to pick up then return Z-D’s dress shirts once they are clean and pressed with light starch. Nice guy, very reliable.
It’s my habit at the holidays to give a monetary tip to our laundry driver guy, who this year happens to be Micheal Miller. Thus I did that two weeks ago.
• • •
Growing up I was the child of older conservative parents and was taught that one must always send a written thank you note to the gift giver upon receipt of a gift. This concept of proper behavior was ingrained in me to such a degree that for a few decades I judged people harshly who didn’t send a written thank you note.
It seemed like a slap in the face to me. Disrespectful, even.
Of course over the years society has morphed away from Emily Post expectations plus I’ve grown more forgiving. I don’t hold myself or other people to the high standards of my childhood. In fact, I’ve come to reevaluate what matters to me when I give a gift to anyone for whatever reason.
I’ve decided that I like the giving part more than the being thanked part. I do what I do because I think it’s important to do so, not so I will receive a written thank you note.
• • •
Still, when I found a written thank you note pinned to an empty laundry bag hanging from the hook by the door on our front stoop, I was pleased to see it and said out loud to myself: “Micheal Miller has good manners.”
It was a sincere spontaneous remark. A blessing even.
One that put me in a happy place for the rest of the day as I mused on what seemed to me to be a random act of kindness, a throwback to a different era when a written thank you note was the done thing.
Such as this handwritten message of gratitude scribbled on a piece of paper by an almost stranger.
I shall be writing this post, more or less, stream of consciousness-style as I attempt to figure out my new computer. Her name is Keyzia and she is an iMac.
She replaces Cora, my constant computer companion for the last 8 years. Cora is currently in semi-retirement in the dining room where I can access her as necessary whilst she gets the break she deserves.
Not to tell any tales out of school but Cora was getting a little forgetful, turning herself off willy nilly. Not starting up in the morning without prompting from moi. It was time for her to retire.
Keyzia is named for the fact that I now have a wireless keyboard so her name is sort of a heavy-handed joke on many levels. Plus I like the name, spelled many different ways, but always going back to what Biblical Baby Name explains thusly [link here]:
“Kezia was the second of the three daughters of Job, born after his restoration to Grace, health and prosperity. She was reputed to be among the most beautiful women in the land.”
And so with this short, yet sincere, introduction to Keyzia– and having now seen how this keyboard/screen and WP editor dance together doing a wordy do-se-do, I’m ready to add an image to this post.
Albeit this image has virtually nothing to do with anything here, but like I said this is a test post and this is an image I happen to have available so deal with it, kids.
ONCE AGAIN OUR VOTING PRECINCT has been assigned to a different polling place. In the 20+ years we’ve lived in this community we’ve voted at:
the VFW Hall [smoke-filled with parking in a field used for their monthly turkey shoot];
the Country Club [time-consuming with parking at nearby Methodist Church, involved a shuttle bus taking us to the country club’s front door and then back to our cars];
the Elementary School [smelled like chicken sandwiches, had limited parking but nice landscaping to look at while waiting for a space];
the Non-denominational Christian Church [easy ingress and egress, adequate flat parking, short walk to front doors, only there one year];
the Greek Orthodox Church [difficult ingress and egress, limited parking on uneven sloped lot, many shiny gilded-gold objects inside building]; and
the Presbyterian Church [no deets yet].
BUT FOR TODAY
HIM: Where am I voting today?
ME: With the Presbyterians.
HIM: Which Presbyterians? The ones near us or the other ones?
ME: The ones near us. The ones who were hidden down the lane.
HIM: They’re not on the lane anymore?
ME: No, they’re in the same place on the lane but they’ve built a big driveway to the road, so that’s how you get to them now. They have a big welcome sign on the road.
HIM: How do I get there?
ME: Go down the road past the street that takes you to the United Methodists, but not so far as to make that sharp right turn into the Roman Catholics. And for goodness sake don’t go around the curve and make a right into the Bible Believers Baptist Church compound. Who knows what weirdness is behind the bunker they’ve built around that building.
HIM: OK. So where do I turn to get to the Presbyterians?
ME: It’s easy. When you see the big welcome sign on the left, turn left, and you’ll be in the right place.
HIM: Are you telling me directions to the polling place or voting advice?
ME: Both, I guess. Get on the road, go left, and you won’t go wrong! 😉
HAPPY ELECTION DAY
May you find your polling place without trouble. May you say *yes* to the school levies and mental health issues and support for the less fortunate. And for the love of all that is good and holy, I beg of you, may you dump the Trumpian chumps.