Daily Life

A Blog Post Confirming That Responsible Adults Do Not Lead Interesting Lives

/ Ally Bean / 34 Comments

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Nothing to see here.  Move along. 

• • •

It is Tuesday morning and I am without a single topic or event to share with you, my gentle readers.  Usually something happens in my life during the week, something that prompts me to write a story, add some photos, share a few links, ponder a thought.

• • •

But today I am without flapdoodle, images, twaddle or pithiness.  ‘Tis a sad day, indeed.

• • •

Instead of something interesting to talk about, my responsible adult life of late has revolved around:

  • annual doctors’ visits;
  • watching painters paint the exterior of our house;
  • car & SUV repairs;
  • hand-washing dishes in the sink because the dishwasher is leaking;
  • haircut + skin care;
  • cleaning out the garage;
  • a few martinis;  and
  • planning a couple of social events for later this month.

• • •

So let me ask you, my gentle readers: what have you been up to lately?  Do tell in the comments below.

A Bear Went Across The River To See Who He Could Court

/ Ally Bean / 16 Comments

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There’s a WHAT? WHERE?  

MOM!!!    

• • •

They tell us that this rarely happens.  That’s what they say.

I mean, I’ve lived in southern Ohio for 25+ years and it’s a first.

Rather like the nighttime burglars who scared us into turning our lights on & speaking with one another.

Shocking, really.

Of course, the human miscreants have been nabbed.  Put in the hoosegow.  Sent away for bothering us here in suburbia.

• • •

But this fellow…

is getting away with anything and everything that he can…

because the authorities don’t want to mess with him…

and because he’s cute.

Never underestimate cute.  Remember Smokey? And Yogi? And Fozzie?

But you have to wonder, did they manage to have 2 Twitter accounts: @ClermontCtyBear & @MiamiTwpBear?

• • •

Just observe him, they say.

He’s only looking for a mate. 

Bears are good swimmers, they tell us.

Isn’t it wonderful how he made it this far north into Ohio?

If you encounter him, they suggest that you do this:

“Speak in a firm voice and if necessary, raise your arms above your head and clap.”

• • •

Taking a differing point of view than the authorities, I am.

Waiting each day to learn that an 85 lbs male black bear has caught a ferry back to Kentucky and is looking for love in all the right places.

Hoping to go outside at night without fear.  Too much to ask?

Don’t care if it is.  Asking for it anyway.

Desperately Seeking Gladys Kravitz

/ Ally Bean / 34 Comments

Late Tuesday afternoon we received an email from the HOA.  The message in the email told us that there had been 4 burglaries in the past 10 days in one part of our large subdivision.

Even though the break-ins are miles from where we live, the HOA asked that all residents turn on their outdoor lights at night.  This is because the burglaries happened in the middle of night while families were at home, asleep upstairs.

[I’ll wait here while what I just wrote sinks into your brain.  At home. Asleep. While having your house burgled. YIKES!]

# # #

First of all let me tell you that we are a cooperative bunch of suburbanites when under attack.  To wit, the last few nights our part of the subdivision has been so well-lit that pilots would feel comfortable landing their planes on our streets.

[So that’s a good thing.  For us.  And for Duke Energy, as well.  *sigh*]

# # #

And secondly, while I’m not thrilled with these latest developments, they do underscore the need for everyone who lives around here to be more aware of everyone & everything that goes on around here.  That is to say, it’s time for you, my lovely neighbors, to look up from your smart phones and actually interact with your environment.

You know, like we did in the dark ages when phones with cords plugged into walls.  And neighbors said “hello” to each other when they met on the street.  And burglars knew that somewhere in every neighborhood was a nosy, noisy Gladys Kravitz who saw everything.

[Oddly enough, that’s who we need around here.  Her prying eyes would be most helpful right about now, don’t you think?] 

# # #

BREAKING NEWS:

It’s 10:00 a.m. Friday morning and we just received this email update from our HOA:

“… we learned that there was another burglary attempt around 3am this morning at XXXX Drive. The police spotted the intruders before they were able to enter the home. The accomplice was caught, but the other burglar was able to get away.”

Now how long until the accomplice turns on the other burglar?

Wherein I Tell The IRS Story My Way

/ Ally Bean / 18 Comments

Here’s a glimpse into what my life is like.  

Three lawyers [husband, friend and acquaintance] all listened to me tell this story and all three of them told me I had it wrong.  

Yet I maintain that this is what happened to us, so I’m going to tell this story my way because this is my blog and I’m a pragmatist who says that:

if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck.  

• • •

Curious about what happened to us?  Well, here’s how I see it:

  • We received a letter from the IRS telling us they needed information re: one piece of one tax return.
  • We [and by “we” I mean Z-D, obviously] found this piece of information and sent it to the IRS.
  • We received another letter from the IRS saying that they had received the information and that they’d be in touch to tell us what was going to happen next.    

Now people, I am not new to the IRS and their ways.  This is how it all started years ago when we were audited by the IRS.

So I think that you’ll agree with me, A NON-LAWYER, when I say that: we’re being audited by the IRS.  I say this because the definition for the word “audit” is: “an official inspection of accounts.”  [Look it up, boys.]

And what exactly is the IRS asking of us?  Why my goodness gracious,  they want to inspect our account.  Ergo, I say that if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then. it’s. a. duck.

* quack, quack *

We’re being audited.