In Case You’ve Been Wondering Whether Or Not I’m A Sociopath

Going through my files I discovered the following.

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Here is The Sociopath Test that I took to determine that I am a functional member of society.

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It’s easy to make light of a test like the funny one mentioned above, but answering the questions gave me insight into what behaviors to look for when I think that I dealing with a sociopath.  They are those tedious people who only care about themselves and disregard anything you have to say.  Antisocial behavior? Yes.  No guilt about manipulating others?  Yes.  Rude, except when they want something?  You betcha.

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According to the Mayo Clinic where sociopathy is a type of antisocial personality disorder:

“Antisocial personality disorder is a type of chronic mental condition in which a person’s ways of thinking, perceiving situations and relating to others are dysfunctional — and destructive. People with antisocial personality disorder typically have no regard for right and wrong and often disregard the rights, wishes and feelings of others.”  [More here.]

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To my knowledge I don’t have any sociopaths running around in my life now.  Not to say that there haven’t been a few of them along the way– just that I gave them the boot and they are no longer invited into my happy world.

In my experience, once someone with a tendency toward this sort of anti-social, user personality knows that I will call them out on their crap, they disappear forever because the last thing they want is for someone to shine light on them.  Of course, I may have only dealt with slightly anti-social sociopaths, so my approach might not work with the really whacked, threatening ones.  Don’t know what I’d do then.

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So, my gentle readers, what do you know about sociopaths?  Are there any in your lives?  Are you, heaven forbid, one of them?  

And most importantly, what do you do when you find yourself sitting across the table from one?  Avoid interaction OR destroy on the spot?

Shopping For Make-Up: Plain Jane Vs. The Kabuki Woman

I’m not a fan of make-up.  I think that the stuff is overrated, but I bow to social custom and use a little of it*.

I believe that for me THE NATURAL LOOK IS ALWAYS BEST**.

Combine the foregoing with the fact that when provoked I will say what I’m really thinking— and you get the following conversation between me, Plain Jane, and the sales associate, Kabuki Woman, at the Bobbi Brown counter in Nordstrom***.

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Plain Jane: (approaching the make-up counter)  Hi!

Kabuki Woman: (looking blankly at me)  Yes.

Plain Jane: (continuing on, ignoring her disinterested tone of voice)  Yes, hello.  I need to get some Bobbi Brown eye shadow.  Would you be able to help me please?

Kabuki Woman: (sighing at the injustice of having to wait on me)  Yes.

Plain Jane: (fully aware that I am staring at this woman’s ghostly white face + overdone eye make-up, but unable to look away)  Ah, yes.  I need Sable & Ivory, please.  I looked them up online before I came in and I think that those would be the most neutral colors for me.  What do you think?  

Kabuki Woman: (glaring at me with loathing while making a dismissive gesture with her hand)  They’ll be fine… on YOU.

Plain Jane: (hearing my mother’s voice in my head say: “young lady, you go upstairs right now and wash that stuff off your face so that we can see how pretty you really are”)  And I need a lip liner pencil.  I wear Clinique Spicy Honey Almost Lipstick and I want the pencil to blend with my lips and be natural.

Kabuki Woman: (fixating on me with a fiery hot hatred, snarling her overly pigmented red lips)  You’re supposed to see the lip liner when you wear it. You can look at these here.  All of them are neutrals.  Just pick one.  They’ll all work.

Plain Jane: (getting steamed, wondering why I hadn’t gone to Sephora where the nice gay man with too much eyeliner had helped me just a week ago)  Well, I think it should be a little bit better than: IT’LL WORK.  Which one do I use?

Kabuki Woman: (starting to look a bit red underneath her ghostly white face)  ANY… OF… THEM…

Plain Jane: (saying what I had been thinking the whole time)  Look, I HATE MAKE-UP AND SHOPPING FOR IT IS WHY.  I just want someone else to figure it out for me.  SO WHICH ONE DO I BUY?  I want to look natural.

Kabuki Woman: (shocked into actually doing something)  Use this one, Bobbi Brown Brownie Pink.

Plain Jane: (making a mental note to join a convent where no one expects women to wear make-up so that I never have to suffer through this again)  Thank you.

Kabuki Woman: (tottering away from me as fast as possible on her slutty high heels without so much as a thank you or a goodbye)  You can pay over there.

~ THE END ~

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*Interesting.  “Would We Feel Better Without Makeup? One Woman’s Modesty Experiment”

**Adorable.  Sloth Gets Her Makeup Done Before The ‘Today’ Show (PHOTO)

 ***Useful.  Bobbi Brown Website

 

Hazy With A Chance Of Slot Machines

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On Saturday some friends who live in a small town north of here came to the ‘Nati to play for the day.  We get together a few times a year and just goof off.

And the best part?  No detailed plans, just hanging out for the afternoon seeing where life would take us.  Yeah Team Mellow.

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We drove up a large hill, on the west side of town, into an old part of the city called Price Hill, and stopped at a small city park dedicated to a long forgotten form of transportation, the incline.  An incline was a cable railway that took passengers up & down steep hills.  In this park there were a few plaques commemorating The Price Hill Incline, which allowed people to ride out of & into the city of Cincinnati from 1874 to 1943.

And the best part?  This tiny park was a hidden gem– clean, quiet, providing a city view from a different angle than I have ever seen before.  Way cool.

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While we were up on the hill we went to lunch at a restaurant, Incline Public House, located beside the park.  We sat out on the deck that looks over Cincinnati, the Ohio River and into Kentucky.  Even though it was a hazy day, seeing the buildings, railroad tracks and barges from way up high was mesmerizing.  The food was delicious.  I had lamb sliders with goat cheese + cherry bourbon chutney, along with a side salad of fresh greens + peppercorn ranch dressing.

And the best part?  A shot of Woodford Reserve Bourbon in my iced tea.  Yum.

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After driving around Price Hill so that we could admire the architecture of the old homes, we drove down into Cincinnati and went to the casino that opened there in March.  Casinos are a new big deal in Ohio.  While I’m not much of a gambler, I’m nothing if not a curious person so I was happy to see what Horseshoe Casino was all about.  It was much nicer than I thought it was going to be– beautifully decorated, good sound system, a variety of restaurants and smoke-free.  [Take that Indiana.]

And the best part?  I walked away from the 25¢ slot machines, $5.00 richer!  Cha-ching. 

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Revenge, I Now Know, Is Lime Green

A few years ago I attended a good-bye party for a woman who lived across the street.  At this party were other neighbors who I met for the first time.  One was a nice woman who, until not too long ago, lived up the street.

During the party this woman got talking about her husband who feared color.  She told me that he would only allow her to have pure white walls and trim in their house.

Fear?  Allow?  Say what?!  What decade is this?

Naturally I was curious.  So I asked her how fear of color manifested.  I mean, I dislike certain shades of color but I do not fear them.  They are not my enemies.  I do not cower in their presence.

She told me that for her husband seeing anything that wasn’t uniform made him uneasy– so much so that different shades of any color, including white, were anxiety producing for him.  She also said that they had nothing hanging on the walls because that made him crazy, too.

I asked her if she, too, feared color.  But she didn’t.  In fact, she volunteered that she liked all colors a lot.

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Fast forward to a few weeks ago when I was out for a walk and saw a For Sale sign in the front yard of this couple’s house.

Not surprisingly, they had divorced.

She had kept the house for a while after the divorce, but now had put the property on the market using a realtor who always puts photos from inside the house on the For Sale sign outside the house.

When I got a close-up of the For Sale sign I almost couldn’t stop laughing.  On the sign was one large photo of the interior of this modern, open-concept house which features 14′ cathedral ceilings on the first floor.

And what color were these large dramatic walls inside this house?  They were a shade of citrus-y lime green so glaringly bright that parrots would look pale standing near them.  Bold + loud.  A decidedly in-your-face color.

Yes, that’s the color that this newly divorced woman painted the walls after all those years of living with a color-phobic husband.  And, damn, do those walls look good.  Finally.

Way to make a statement, girlfriend.  Way to go.  😉