The above advertisement has been following me around the internet like a bored toddler. It showed up on my email sidebar a few days ago and has stayed with me as I research and read all over the intertubes.
I can’t decide if I’m insulted by the advert’s implication that I’m mature [old?] OR if I’m charmed by its desire to help me look better. Presumably.
Of course if you look closely you’ll notice that there’s no indication of the name of the company that makes this allegedly fabulous lipstick nor where I might buy said lippy.
IT’S A SAD AD IF YOU ASK ME.
But here’s the thing, no one has asked me. It’s as if no one cares about my need for or opinion about the product featured in this unsolicited advertisement that will not go away.
And no matter how much I keep smiling about this advert, and all the other unsolicited ones that clutter my computer screen, I cannot help but feel irritated by the impudence of these wet-behind-the-ears companies assuming I’d want to buy anything from them because they’ve decided I’m mature.
When I saw the lawyer’s return address on the letter in our mailbox I knew something was up with the Home Owners Association [HOA].
I opened the envelope and began to read the letter + the attachments, written in legalese, describing what the HOA wants us, the homeowners, to decide about changing our by-laws.
I like our HOA. The people on it do a good job of informing us in a timely manner about break-ins and coyotes and streets under repair and pool closures. Things like that, plus they do a great job of keeping the entrances looking spiffy.
They earn their keep; however I find this proposed addition to the by-laws to be a dicey issue.
We are being asked as a group to decide if a registered sex offender [in any state] can buy or rent a house in this large subdivision.
I don’t know if there’s a right or wrong answer to this proposed addition to the by-laws because while it may be legal, this is a morally murky area.
I mean, if someone has done their time for their crime do we have the right to not let him or her live here? Or is this a high-handed way to snoop inside the lives of other people?
And further, what about domestic violence perpetrators with a police record? Or drunk drivers with multiple arrests? Do we refuse to allow them to live here? They worry me as much as, if not more than, registered sex offenders.
Like I said, no clear answer here– but a great topic of conversation. What say you to this? Comments are open below.
AS YOU MAY RECALL when last we met I was distraught about what I believed to be the demise of my precious desktop computer, Cora.
However, I was wrong about Cora. Allow me to explain.
You see, Zen-Den decided to help me by unplugging my phone charger from my computer and instead plugging it into the surge protector strip that is on the floor behind the desk on which Cora sits.
He did this so that the round phone charger could sit on the desktop farther away from the round stone coaster on which I put my beverage whilst typing on Cora. There was concern, well-founded, that I’d accidentally, absent-mindedly use the round phone charger as my coaster, thereby ruining the charger.
Nice thought, good intentions.
• • •
THEN Z-D AMSCRAYED OFF to Colorado where he did Important Work Things leaving me with what seemed to be a dead computer sitting on the top of my desk. I, of course, did all the requisite things one does when one’s computer appears to have given up the ghost.
I double-checked that everything was plugged in. I banged on the keyboard. I checked the mouse battery. I turned the surge protector strip on and off.
I swore. I begged. I prayed.
And I texted Zen-Den who told me to do that which I’d already done, and that he’d look at Cora when he got back home at the end of the week.
Which he did.
But here’s the thing, when Z-D had added the phone charger plug to the surge protector strip, he moved all the plugs around on the strip to make them fit, not knowing there was a defective outlet on the strip.
Thus he inadvertently plugged Cora into an outlet that sent no electricity to her, so she did not work for me. However, when he repositioned her plug on the surge protector strip, she came to life. Like a miracle.
And there was joy in the land.
All of which brings me to the fact that I’m back to blogging, properly plugged in, happily engaging with Cora, and ready to share my own brand of flapdoodle & twaddle here.
Last week was a troublesome one for me. It was rascally and I got scattered and I lost focus on my one word of the year, streamlined.
I had dreams of getting it together last week, doing the things on my to-do list in a smooth and centered way like the organized lady of the list I long to be. But the Universe scoffed and instead, beleaguered by annoying things, I was distracted me from my true purpose.
THE WHINING PART
Nothing bad happened, only small RIDICULOUS annoying things happened that began to slow me down and wear on my very last nerve. Here is a list of those annoying things:
• tornado warning with winds gusting to 60 mph that took down a piece of our house’s gutter;
• smoke detector battery went chirpy during the day when I was here by myself, without anyone to spot me to climb on a ladder to change the battery, so the smoke detector sang all stinking day;
• the water department turned off the water to this subdivision because of a nearby traffic accident, thus in one day our water was off for 6 hours, on for 2 hours, then off again for 4 hours;
• landscape crew arrived without advance warning to do spring cleanup, then piled mulch in such a way as to trap my car inside the garage;
• laundry service lost one of Z-D’s shirts and told me such when the delivery man came to the front door, handed me the laundered unlost shirts and asked me if I could tell him which shirt was missing… as if I pay any attention to Z-D’s extensive collection of mostly white or pale blue button-down Oxford cloth dress shirts; and finally
• doorbell got stuck on meaning that the button, after being pushed in, connected with the bell box that rang its melodious ding, then the bell box started to buzz… loudly and ceaselessly… until I got a screwdriver and dismantled the doorbell separating the wires to make the stupid thing be quiet.
AND IN CONCLUSION
At this point, if I were an inspirational sort of blogger, I’d share with you a pithy lesson, succinctly put, so that you might learn from my experiences too and say to yourselves: what a wise Bean is Ally for sharing her troubles here and showing us, through her example, how to live better lives.
However, I’ve no such conclusion to this post.
Other than to say, I guess, it’s rather empowering to acknowledge setbacks, complain about them, then get over your sorry self while you carry on with another week as if you’ve got it all together.
I went to the primary care doctor’s office for my annual physical.
I see a PCP, a woman, who is in her late 30s.She’s competent, engaging, and most importantly from my point of view, not an alarmist. Mellow about everything.
Anyhoo, I’m sitting there in the examination room with her and she’s looking at a computer screen, reviewing which doctors I see for annual check-ups. Which I do because I’m a dutiful adult patient who does what she’s told to do.
[Also because I’m a doctor’s daughter.And let me tell ‘ya, if as a child you listen to enough detailed dinnertime conversations about people who are icky sick because they didn’t go to their doctors for a regular check-up, then as an adult you make those time-consuming appointments with your doctors for your annual check-ups.]
Again, anyhoo, getting to what I want to tell you…
So my doc looks on her computer screen and confirms with me that I’m seeing a certain dermatologist.Let’s call him Dr. Face. She asks me which one of his associates I see when I go for my annual skin care check.I tell her I see him.
She stops what she’s doing, turns to me and says: “You see him?”
I say: “Yes.”
She says: “I go to that practice and I never get to see him.He’s the best, I wanna see Dr. Face, too.”
I say: “Yes, he’s good.”
She says: “But Dr. Face doesn’t do your procedures, right?Some other med assistant or doc does them?”
I say: “No, he does them.”
She says: “Well, how does that happen?Why does he work on you and not me?”
Then she says: “How’d you find him?”
I say: “You referred me.”
There is a long pause while she looks at my chart on the screen and I say nothing.
Then she says, more like a girlfriend than my doctor: “Well darn, I gotta refer myself.I’m jealous. I can’t believe you get to see Dr. Face and I don’t.”
At which point, even though this was kind of funny, I didn’t smile at my good fortune, instead I made murmuring sounds of sympathy for my doctor’s sad realization that she wasn’t getting the best healthcare that she wanted.
Because doctor is a nice woman, who I am sorry to report, doesn’t seem to have the right connections to get in with Dr. Face.
I’m not a fussbudget about your word choice. I prefer that your words be nuanced and precise, but if they aren’t most of the time I let it go. ‘Cuz I’m a kindhearted English major, you know?
I didn’t used to be like this, but I’ve mellowed over the years because, ironically, people have disappointed me so many times that I’ve become charmingly cynical, with incredibly low expectations about what people do or how they do it.
And it’s from this jaded point of view that I’m going to tell you, my gentle readers, about a local realtor who upon selling a house, puts a sign out in front of it that says:
Apparently the time-honored SOLD will not work. Nope, this realtor goes with what I can only assume is a play on the “Got Milk?” marketing campaign, combined with a good old-fashioned rhyme.
I get that this is a clever + seemingly harmless use of the English language.
And I also admit, openly and freely, that what I’m going to write in the next paragraph contradicts one of my favorite sayings: “do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?”
But in this particular case I’m going to declare that I. Want. To. Be. Right. I want to see SOLD signs. Now tell me, my gentle readers, is that asking too much?
OF LATE I’VE HAD MORE OPPORTUNITIES THAN USUAL TO drive to and from the airport. Considering where we live in Ohio, our closest international airport is in Kentucky, meaning that I have to drive on an interstate highway to cross over the Ohio River to get there.
It’s all about geography.
I can do this by EITHER driving on the outer belt through Ohio, across a bridge into Kentucky.
OR, if there is an accident in my way or construction delays, I can drive in the other direction on the outer belt through Ohio, then through Indiana, across a bridge into Kentucky.
The excitement? It never ends.
~ ~ • ~ ~
IT IS WHILE SASHAYING AROUND THE AFOREMENTIONED INTERSTATE OUTER BELT SYSTEM THAT I’ve come to notice, on huge bridge signs, that Ohio, Kentucky, and Indiana have new-to-me state slogans*.
Ohio, formerly “THE HEART OF IT ALL” is now “SO MUCH TO DISCOVER”
Kentucky, formerly “WHERE EDUCATION PAYS” is now “UNBRIDLED SPIRIT”
Indiana, formerly “CROSSROADS OF AMERICA” is now “HONEST-TO-GOODNESS INDIANA”
Seeing these state slogans, writ large [literally and figuratively], got me thinking about branding, albeit in a narcissistic way. That is, what might I use as my personal slogan?
If I had to have one. Which to my knowledge I do not. Yet.
~ ~ • ~ ~
THUS WANTING TO BE PREPARED FOR ANY CONTINGENCY and bored out of my gourd while driving, I compiled the following list** of potential Ally Bean slogans.
Should you be of a mind to help me decide what my personal slogan should be, please indulge me and do the following two things:
Indicate your preferred slogan for moi, by answering the simple poll question below.
If you have a personal slogan, I’d love to know what it is. Yours might be better than mine and it’s not too late for me to steal it from you I could be inspired by it.
Thank you in advance for your immediate input on this totally irrelevant, but blogworthy, issue that has come to plague me as I drive hither and yon around the interstate outer belt system.
~ ~ • ~ ~
* I’ve no idea how often these slogans change. All I know is what my addled brain remembers, a faulty system at best– and these state slogans seem different from what I remember them being before.
** Oddly enough, most of these potential slogans are ones that I’ve used in various places online over the years. Or, ideas I wrote down intending to use as topics for blog posts.