Food & Drink

Let’s Laugh: Three Absurd Conversations + Something I Cannot Explain

/ Ally Bean / 243 Comments

~ • ~

Three Absurd Conversations

ONE – Out to dinner with friends. The conversation turns to ice cream. The questions: 1) What is your favorite flavor? and 2) Where do you buy it?

My answer: Spumoni is my favorite flavor but it’s difficult to find, usually only around Christmas, and never for sale in Kroger where I shop most of the time. Seems like they could have it.

A friend, a lawyer, pipes up and jokingly says: It’s not Kroger’s fault for not having spumoni, it’s your fault for liking a weird flavor of ice cream.

Immediately everyone at the table agrees with him and starts laughing at me while I’m forced to admit that he could be right. He might have a point.

You like vanilla, it’s everywhere, no problem.

• • •

TWO – Overheard while shopping in Dillard’s. An older couple, mid-80s, are in the women’s clothing section near where I’m standing. She’s looking at blouses, he’s looking bored. She pulls a blouse on a hanger off the rack and tells him she’s going to try it on.

He seems surprised and says: I thought we were just horsing around here. Then he makes a low guttural snorting sound like a horse whinny while attempting to prance like a horse.

She looks over at me, rolls her eyes, then turns to him and says: Slow down there Roy Rogers, hold your horses, and wait here.

This spunky reply made me laugh out loud and him smile like the ornery cute kid he probably used to be.

Oh, to age with your sense of humor intact.

• • •

THREE – Said by the husband after he plugged in the heating pad so I could lay on the bed with it on my aching thigh.

Him: You’re not supposed to sleep with the electric heating pad on, so once you fall asleep turn it off.

Me staring at him: Think about what you said.

Him: Really, that’s what the warning on the tag says.

Me: Keep thinking.  

Him after long pause: OH… I see the problem.

Which confirmed that he still understands logic, but had me in stitches laughing at and thankfully with someone who rarely says anything illogical.

Even the brainy ones can be dim. 

Something I Cannot Explain

This isn’t my car.

Mid-afternoon I pulled into a parking lot adjacent to a city park and found this car *parked* [abandoned?] in this awkward way.

There were no indications that the car had hit any other vehicle, stopping midway while pulling into the parking space.

After I parked down the way and walked back by the car I saw that the inside of the car was tidy. There wasn’t a note on the windshield explaining what had happened. There was no police citation on it.

It was just a half-parked car in the way in a public parking lot with nary a soul around to explain the situation.

Any idea what was going on here?

~ ~ • ~ ~

Grocery Store Chronicles: 3 Vignettes From My Shopping Adventures

/ Ally Bean / 246 Comments

Pretty picture of puzzle pieces put together that has nothing to do with the subject of this post, but pretty picture gotta pretty, right?

~ • ~

TO BEGIN WITH

Over the years I’ve written about my grocery store shopping experiences and put the stories here under the tag: Grocery Store Chronicles.

[The story about discussing kinds of pears and the story about stealing potato chips have been the most popular. Also there’s Betsy‘s favorite story about me buying beer.]

While the following isn’t one complete story like those I linked to above, these are 3 vignettes about what I watched unfold, and entertained me, while shopping in ye olde Kroger this past holiday season.

LOVE CONQUERS CONFUSION

The layout of the first part of our store goes like this: produce, deli, cheese, bakery, then wine and beer.

It was coming up on New Year’s Eve, busy everywhere in the store.

I’d just seen a couple in their 40s picking out some produce for something specific, while overhearing them talk about making something special to take somewhere.

Moving on I went to the cheese kiosk and found myself standing with about 10 other people there as well as the couple. I looked around and realized that the wife was on the verge of tears because, as she explained for all to hear, she couldn’t remember which kind of cheese she was supposed to buy.

She turned to her husband and said: I dunno, I can’t remember. I’m just a little ball of confusion.

To which he said: You know what I like about that?

Her, sad: No… 

Him, leaning in to hug her: You’re MY little ball of confusion.

She smiled weakly while all of us standing around the cheese kiosk in unison went: Aww…

And with that he kissed her and said: I’ll go get the beer while you figure out the cheese. Meet you back here. 

KARMA GOT HER NUMBER 

It was crowded in the store with people and displays of food/wine everywhere.

Zen-Den and I had a small cart full of items and were heading to the U-Scan lanes to buy our stuff. A woman walking behind us to the U-Scan was impatient with our pace. She did a wild dash around us to get to the U-Scan lanes first, giving us the evil eye as she went by.

We shrugged.

As fate would have it, despite our pace, we ended up in the U-Scan spot beside her, which when she saw us caused her to snarl our way.

We shrugged.

Well, as Z-D played cashier scanning our items, I stood there and watched her, surreptitiously. And here’s what happened: her first credit card was rejected. Her second credit card was rejected.

And when we left having successfully scanned, packed, and paid for our groceries, she was holding a third credit card that had been rejected, while talking on her cell phone with someone.

Half of me felt sorry for her because I’d guess everyone has had a credit card rejected at some point and it is frustrating, BUT considering how impatient she was and her negative attitude toward us… I smiled.

Ha!

WHEN THE WRONG THING IS RIGHT

I was waiting in the cashier line, standing behind a Dad with a cart heaped with groceries and a 3 y.o. sitting in the basket cart seat. The Dad was at the front of the cart while the boy was directly in front of me.

The little guy was laser-focused on everything his Dad was putting on the conveyor belt. Nothing escaped his notice.

About halfway through unloading the cart the boy told his Dad: That’s the wrong milk.

Dad: What?

Boy: It’s blue. 

Dad: WHAT?

Boy: It should be red.

Dad, catching on that his son was talking about the color of the label on the milk: No the blue one is right this time. 

Boy, raising his eyebrow like the 50 y.o. man he’ll be: Mom. buys. red.

Dad, still putting items on the conveyor belt: The blue one is buttermilk. It’s the right one this time because Mom is making cookies and this is what she uses. 

Boy, shaking his head, rolling his eyes, explaining to me under his breath: Mom BUYS cookies… and she’s gonna be mad about no red milk. 

~ • ~

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

So, been shopping in a brick and mortar store lately? And how did that go for you?

Overheard anything that made you smile?

Or watched something happen that brought out the snark in you?

Or confirmed that kids can be wise beyond their years?

~ ~ • ~ ~

Not Slowing My Roll In Time: Baffled, Bothered, And Bugged

/ Ally Bean / 239 Comments

Introduction

HAVE you ever watched something happen in front of you but it doesn’t immediately register what is really happening in front of you, yet you sense something’s not right, THEN when you realize what’s really happening in front of you it’s too late to stop it from happening right in front of you, so you watch in horror, or disgust, while what is happening in front of you happens?

That’s what this post is about.

Baffled

THIS is what happened in front of me as I stood in the kitchen waiting for the early morning coffee to brew.

Having taken the roller shade remote control out of the drawer where it is stored…

Having pushed the buttons that open all four roller shades at the same time so that I could see our backyard aka the forest primeval…

Having become aware that there was a dark smudge on one of the roller shades that was rolling up…

Having sudden realized that the dark smudge was animated moving downward as the shade went up…

Bothered

THEN realizing that the dark smudge was a stink bug that had somehow gotten inside the house from the forest primeval and was on the back side of one of the roller shades.

Where it was caught in the upward roller action of the opening shade…

Where if I’d been quicker I could have grabbed the remote control from the drawer to stop the shade from rolling up but…

Where because of my slowness to understand and act promptly the unfortunate stink bug was slowly smooshed into a lumpy mess…

Where the dearly departed bug left an actual dark smudge for real.

Bugged

THAT forced me to forego my first cup of morning coffee while I frantically attempted to clean the remains of the bug off the roller shade.

Which was now stained with a smelly dark smudge that required a gentle removal of bug guts using a damp paper towel…

Which lead to a light dabbing of club soda attempting to get the bubbly water to flush out the bug guts from within the weave of the roller shade fabric…

Which was followed by a fast Google search about how to remove a stain from a roller shade…

Which culminated in creating a mild solution of Woolite Laundry Detergent + cool water that when applied with a microfiber towel removed most of, but not all of, the bug gut stain.

Conclusion

AND with that glimpse into my life I’ll say “good day” to one and all, hoping that your day doesn’t involve stink bug guts, but if it does may it happen after you are fully awake, cognizant of what is really happening right in front of you as it happens, so that you may slow your roll in time.

Unlike me.

• 🌹 •

I’m back everyone. How ‘ya doing?

Anything in particular bugging you lately? Do tell!

• 🌹 •

The Mystery Of The Missing Marjoram + Reader Comments About Manufactured Victories

/ Ally Bean / 245 Comments
TALKING ABOUT MARJORAM

“I have always relied on the kindness of strangers.”

We needed some marjoram. NEED I tell ‘ya! Zen-Den was making gyros for dinner.

He’d made the tzatziki sauce, bought the feta and black olives and pitas and peppers, but alas and alack when he went to put together the dry blend for flavoring the meat we didn’t have any marjoram.

Thus I went to the grocery to buy some.

Being familiar with our Kroger I knew where the spice aisle was in the store, but when I stood there looking at the shelves with about 3 gazillion jars and containers and bottles of spices and herbs and extracts, I didn’t see marjoram.

In fact, I couldn’t even find a little tag that showed it had ever been on a shelf.

As if, I muttered, knowing it had to be there, right?

So in what for an introvert might be considered stepping outside your comfort zone, I asked two friendly chatty women standing beside me if they saw any marjoram. Turned out they were a mother [70-ish] and her daughter [40-ish] who were enthusiastic about joining my impromptu scavenger hunt in the spice aisle.

Hence we three stood there, positioning our bifocals just so, and looked for the elusive marjoram plus what they were looking for [thyme and poultry seasoning]. We found what they needed, many times over, but the marjoram just wasn’t there.

I shrugged, thanked them for their help and went on my way, walking a few aisles away from the spice aisle to where I knew I needed to pick up something else.

From my favorite webcomic called Underpants and Overbites

But as I was standing in the middle of that aisle, I heard the younger woman yelling “I found it!” as she ran up to me with a jar of marjoram. She handed me the herb and explained that she’d found it with the label turned around backwards, in the wrong spot, hidden behind some oregano.

And then because she was a compassionate foodie person, she’d come looking for me by going up and down the aisles, wanting to make sure I got what I came to the store for.

Bashfully, almost apologetically, she explained that once she started doing something she had to finish it, she was compulsive like that, and this sort of search was her thing.

I had to find it, she told me.

I thanked her over and over, then waved good-bye while thinking, there really are some nice people in this world who don’t want to do anything more than just help other people.

And fortunately for the fate of our Greek dinner, I’d just met one.

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Have you ever asked a stranger for help finding something in a store? How’d that go for you?

Do you wonder sometimes how we have evolved into a society in which an act of kindness like this one is so rare that it is almost shocking?

Do you use marjoram in cooking? We have a lot of it now, so any recipe suggestions are welcome.

AND FINALLY FOUR READER COMMENTS…

About the Value of Manufactured Victories:

“Manufactured victories are part of my time management process. Like painting a wall. I get out the paint, then celebrate. Check for the brushes (which I find), dropcloths and tools. Then I celebrate. Now I notice I forgot something and need a store run. The good news-bad news is that I get to celebrate when I come home. All this celebrating and I haven’t yet painted the dang wall!”

~ Kate Crimmins

“… every blog post is its own victory–over apathy, inertia, and sometimes technology…. I feel like failure gets a bad rap in our winner-centric country. I’d like to normalize failure, especially for our kids. You might not have won, but you learned a ton!”

~ AutumnAshbough

“I think manufactured victories are very similar to moral victories, where the object was not to win but to actually try real hard. (Of course, a win is nice, too.)”

~ John Holton

“I don’t agree with the Vulcans that the DS9 crew had manufactured their victory. They were victorious in their sportsmanship. They didn’t begrudge the Vulcans their win, but the DS9 team had fun and experienced healthy camaraderie by showing up and playing together.”

~ Marie A Bailey