The Mystery Of The Missing Marjoram + Reader Comments About Manufactured Victories

/ Ally Bean
TALKING ABOUT MARJORAM

“I have always relied on the kindness of strangers.”

We needed some marjoram. NEED I tell ‘ya! Zen-Den was making gyros for dinner.

He’d made the tzatziki sauce, bought the feta and black olives and pitas and peppers, but alas and alack when he went to put together the dry blend for flavoring the meat we didn’t have any marjoram.

Thus I went to the grocery to buy some.

Being familiar with our Kroger I knew where the spice aisle was in the store, but when I stood there looking at the shelves with about 3 gazillion jars and containers and bottles of spices and herbs and extracts, I didn’t see marjoram.

In fact, I couldn’t even find a little tag that showed it had ever been on a shelf.

As if, I muttered, knowing it had to be there, right?

So in what for an introvert might be considered stepping outside your comfort zone, I asked two friendly chatty women standing beside me if they saw any marjoram. Turned out they were a mother [70-ish] and her daughter [40-ish] who were enthusiastic about joining my impromptu scavenger hunt in the spice aisle.

Hence we three stood there, positioning our bifocals just so, and looked for the elusive marjoram plus what they were looking for [thyme and poultry seasoning]. We found what they needed, many times over, but the marjoram just wasn’t there.

I shrugged, thanked them for their help and went on my way, walking a few aisles away from the spice aisle to where I knew I needed to pick up something else.

From my favorite webcomic called Underpants and Overbites

But as I was standing in the middle of that aisle, I heard the younger woman yelling “I found it!” as she ran up to me with a jar of marjoram. She handed me the herb and explained that she’d found it with the label turned around backwards, in the wrong spot, hidden behind some oregano.

And then because she was a compassionate foodie person, she’d come looking for me by going up and down the aisles, wanting to make sure I got what I came to the store for.

Bashfully, almost apologetically, she explained that once she started doing something she had to finish it, she was compulsive like that, and this sort of search was her thing.

I had to find it, she told me.

I thanked her over and over, then waved good-bye while thinking, there really are some nice people in this world who don’t want to do anything more than just help other people.

And fortunately for the fate of our Greek dinner, I’d just met one.

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Have you ever asked a stranger for help finding something in a store? How’d that go for you?

Do you wonder sometimes how we have evolved into a society in which an act of kindness like this one is so rare that it is almost shocking?

Do you use marjoram in cooking? We have a lot of it now, so any recipe suggestions are welcome.

AND FINALLY FOUR READER COMMENTS…

About the Value of Manufactured Victories:

“Manufactured victories are part of my time management process. Like painting a wall. I get out the paint, then celebrate. Check for the brushes (which I find), dropcloths and tools. Then I celebrate. Now I notice I forgot something and need a store run. The good news-bad news is that I get to celebrate when I come home. All this celebrating and I haven’t yet painted the dang wall!”

~ Kate Crimmins

“… every blog post is its own victory–over apathy, inertia, and sometimes technology…. I feel like failure gets a bad rap in our winner-centric country. I’d like to normalize failure, especially for our kids. You might not have won, but you learned a ton!”

~ AutumnAshbough

“I think manufactured victories are very similar to moral victories, where the object was not to win but to actually try real hard. (Of course, a win is nice, too.)”

~ John Holton

“I don’t agree with the Vulcans that the DS9 crew had manufactured their victory. They were victorious in their sportsmanship. They didn’t begrudge the Vulcans their win, but the DS9 team had fun and experienced healthy camaraderie by showing up and playing together.”

~ Marie A Bailey

245 thoughts on “The Mystery Of The Missing Marjoram + Reader Comments About Manufactured Victories”

  1. Nope. Don’t use Marjoram. I am big on substituting one herb for another in recipes to limit my collection of spices to those I use most frequently.

    What Is a Good Substitute for Marjoram? Oregano is always your best bet as far as marjoram substitution goes. Marjoram is slightly sweeter and milder than oregano, though, so it’s important to adjust your recipe accordingly.

    I interact with fellow shoppers on a regular basis, but it’s usually me helping them find something they want . . . or something they can substitute for what they wanted. 😀

    As for your Greek Dinner . . . OPA!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Nancy, we are people who buy spices and herbs no matter what you can use as a substitute. I might be inclined to let an ingredient slip by but he who cooks will not do that. 🙄

      I rarely talk with any other shopper in the grocery unless it’s a neighbor who I know already. When we lived in a smaller town shoppers were chatty but around here it’s less friendly.

      Yes, OPA! The dinner was delicious.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ditto Nancy, I also use oregano for marjoram because I don’t use it enough. Now I’m hungry for a gyro. Never tried making them at home because I don’t know how to do the meat. However, I have made gyro burgers so I guess the spices would be the same.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I don’t really even know what marjoram is…what it smells or tastes like. I have however, found the same issue when standing in the spice aisle looking for other necessary spices. They always seem to be out of whatever I want or need so I do a lot of adjusting in recipes or just make something else!

    I have never actually asked another person for help, but I do often stand and stare so I do a lot of shuffling out of other folks way and get some interesting, quizzical looks in passing. I do find myself incredibly shocked these days when kindness appears. It seems to be a lost value among our society.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Deb, marjoram is an herb that is a lot like oregano, but slightly different. Left up to me I’d have used extra oregano and ignored the marjoram. HOWEVER when Z-D cooks he believes in following a recipe precisely so I went shopping for it.

      I’m glad I asked this mother and daughter to help me, but I didn’t expect them to be so into my quest. Like I said really nice people, but their kindness shocked me because this isn’t exactly known for being the friendliest place on earth. I agree about kindness being a lost value.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Yep, I would have just used more oregano, now that I know the two are similar…thanks!

        I would call your encounter with the duo serendipitous. You were meant to have that marjoram and that lovely lady was meant to be the key “ingredient” in the search process…see what I did there 😉

        Liked by 2 people

  4. That’s too funny. I, personally, would have used oregano instead of marjoram, marjoram being, by the way, simply a slightly milder herb of the oregano family. So, in answer to your where to use marjoram? Anywhere they suggest oregano!

    I have helped and been helped informally by a fellow shopper. Not quite to the point of having them track me down in another aisle, though. That is muy cool!

    You’ve got a cool and smart following 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dale, like you I’d have used oregano, but Z-D was cooking and he follows a recipe as written, oh yes he does. I long ago gave up arguing with him about substituting ingredients that I know would work, he is who he is. 🤷‍♀️

      I know I’ve helped shoppers who have asked me a question in the grocery but I don’t know if I’ve ever asked for help before. I still can’t believe that younger woman searched for me so she could give me the herb. So nice of her.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Nice story. Yes, I interact with people in the grocery store frequently. And I love how friendly everyone is when approached, or even when just smiled at. Re marjoram, mine is probably 15 years old. Do you think I should toss it??! 😂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I’m one of those people who reach high shelved products for short customers. I explain the difference between Meyer lemons and regular for the citrus challenged among us. Just yesterday I escorted an elderly gentlemen to the candy aisle so he could satisfy his craving for a Kit Kat.
    It’s the little things in life that mean the most.
    😉

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Yup. Yup. I would have just used oregano as well. In fact, most gyro recipes I’ve seen simply call for oregano because people don’t seem to use marjoram. Nothing wrong with marjoram. As everyone else has said, use it in place of oregano to taste.

    I think we are taught from an early age not to talk to strangers. In contrast, the church we attended when I was a child had a sign outside the sanctuary saying “A stranger is just a friend we haven’t met.” And then, we’re thrust into a group of strangers in daycare or school and told to make friends. As we grow up, we have positive or negative experiences with making friends that influence whether we’re going to try that silly notion again. And the we are exposed to both fiction and non-fiction books, tv shows and movies in which the stranger abducts, tortures and murders the poor person just being friendly. Mixed messages everywhere! But, even as an introvert I will fairly often ask if someone in the vitamin aisle with me can find the potassium. Why can’t they just alphabetize the damn vitamins instead of hiding them? Desperate times call for desperate measures.

    And I have babbled long enough.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Zazzy, I know that while the marjoram may sit on our shelf for years, it made Z-D happy to have it for his dinner recipe. Plus I’m always going to smile whenever I see it. Maybe it’s my good luck charm now!

      I agree with everything you said about the mixed messages we receive about meeting and befriending people. Nothing much makes sense when you’re a kid and then you get older & wiser about the evil that can lurk under a fake persona… and suddenly it’s all about doubt.

      Agree about alphabetizing the vitamins and minerals. It’s annoying to even try to look for one.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I agree with nrhatch. Substitution can be a good thing.

    A number of years ago, I was going through a very difficult period and was triggered while shopping in a big dept store. I was sitting on a bench bawling my eyes out. A complete stranger stopped to ask if she could in any way help or call someone for me. I’ve never forgotten her kindness. There are definitely caring people out there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lynette, I’m all about substituting too. However Z-D is reluctant to mess with any recipe, he’s more of a rule follower. 🙄

      Yours is a sweet story of kindness. I’m glad someone stopped to show concern for you. It doesn’t take much to pay attention to other people, and express some compassion.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I love your tale of the hunt and those joining in. Good does happen. Despite the crush of wearying negative news, it seems people face to face at a local level manage for the most part to get along and often be helpful…even kind. Maybe you made someone’s day by enlisting them to help?
    He makes gyros at home? No wonder you find him so attractive! (Now I am also hungry….yes, buy all the spices – marjoram and oregano.)

    Liked by 2 people

    • philmouse, I hadn’t thought about how I could have “made someone’s day by enlisting them to help” me. I suppose that’s possible. I only know this mother and daughter were into my impromptu scavenger hunt, making it fun.

      Yes, we buy many spices and herbs and extracts. It may sound wasteful to some people but so be it. We both cook so usually the stuff doesn’t go to waste.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. No, no, no. Oregano is not a substitute for Marjoram. But if that’s all you have, be careful and be sparing. What isn’t mentioned here is that marjoram has a more floral bouquet and NO bitter aftertaste. Contrary to generic recipes, the secret to a good ‘sweet’ pasta sauce is not sugar and never has been. But marjoram! (and some San Marzano toms if ya can get them).

    Liked by 2 people

  12. I often help people in the store – finding the right aisle or helping them reach things. I’ll also let people go ahead of me in the checkout if they have few things. I’ll say, “I’m retired! I don’t mind waiting.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ellen D, I’m helpful in stores, too. I look aware but harmless so people ask me things, but I don’t think I’ve ever asked anyone else for help before. Z-D often lets people in the checkout lane go ahead of him, saying the same thing as you.

      Like

  13. Eureka! You found it! Err….she found it! 😎 I totally feel for your grocery-shopping-new-found-friend and the frustration in not finding something and yet knowing it’s probably staring back at you. (What’s with the spice-shaming of the poor marjoram, label turned away? WAS it the last bottle in Ohio and some sneaky shopper’s been secretly hoarding and hiding?) As to your questions…I’m always asking for help and often, when shopping, I’m the helper and it’s mostly because I can reach stuff shelved up high. I don’t mind and sometimes those incidental interactions are the best part of my day. xo, Ally! 🥰

    Liked by 1 person

    • Victoria, you’re right. We three felt like it had to be staring us straight in the face and if we tried a little harder we’d find it. I cannot imagine why the marjoram was hidden like it was, other than maybe someone was going to buy it later and didn’t want anyone to buy it first?

      People ask me for help in the grocery but I generally wing it on my own for my own quests. I admit that the conversations with these fellow shoppers were the highlight of my day… well, second to a scrumptious dinner. 😋

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Have you ever asked a stranger for help finding something in a store, you ask?
    Well, yes, I usually ask someone with the store’s insignia (jacket or pin). If it’s a young guy who stock the shelves, all the better.

    I have dozens upon dozens of spices on my shelves. Do I have marjoram? (Pause to check. . . . . .!) Why, yes, it smells wholesome and full-bodied.

    Thanks, Ally, I’m sure my day will go better now! lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • Marian, good point. I have asked Kroger employees for help finding something, just never another shopper.

      It’s fun to doublecheck which herbs and spices you have on your shelves. Glad your marjoram is holding on, ready for whatever you might want to make.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. And how were the gyros?? Because I’m fairly tall I have often been asked to get something down from a top shelf, or offered to when I see someone struggle. I wouldn’t have gone that far out of my way though as your helper. 🙂 Maggie

    Liked by 1 person

    • Maggie, the gyros were tasty. They called for chicken instead of lamb [which I don’t care for] so an experiment for us. I was pleasantly surprised that this younger woman hunted for me in the store like she did. Talk about kindness!

      Liked by 1 person

  17. I used to use marjoram quite a bit–even grew and dried my own–and then stopped. I got tired of its floral notes. It’s almost impossible for me not to taste it when it’s in a recipe. To me, it’s nothing like oregano.

    In the grocery store, I must have That Kind Of Face because lots of people seem to ask me about stuff. I often get questions about Italian foods in that aisle. I do look Italian, but I’m not. And cashiers will ask me how I cook certain kinds/cuts of meat once in a while. None of that bothers me. My personal motto has been “Kindness is my default” for ages.

    Love how that woman helped you search for marjoram and even continued the search for you after you’d given up. AND searched for you once she found it! That’s incredible. Bravo for her good deed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • nance, I don’t know much about marjoram although I suspect I’ll be finding out about it in the coming months. I’m not crazy about oregano, not in a hate it way, just in a don’t prefer it way.

      You and me both! People ask me for help in the grocery store, too. I must look like I like to eat, which I do. Now that you mention it I’ve had cashiers ask me what I’m making. I’ll talk with anyone about food, but have never initiated a conversation like this one.

      Bravo, indeed. There are good people in this world, case in point.

      Like

  18. We do not use marjoram or oregano. LOL. They taste like dirt. (Sees myself out.)

    I have asked people to get things off tall shelves for me and have been the tall(ish) person asked to help get things off shelves before. What goes around comes around, right?

    Like

    • NGS, I feel that way about cilantro, it takes like dirt. I’m less fond of oregano than most people, but will eat it. Just now learning about marjoram [obviously].

      I have helped people in the grocery when they didn’t understand the differences between lettuces or pears or something like that, but never directly asked for help. You said it, what goes around comes around.

      Like

  19. I do not use majoram, but your dinner sounded delicious. 🙂 I have asked people questions in a store and they’ve asked me. Sometimes I’ve even been able to help which made me feel good about the day. It seems like employees are hired to do ‘a’ job and they aren’t so comfortable stepping outside that zone so it’s a hit or a miss if you find an employee to help plus they all have help wanted signs in the window. As for customer service, I actually remember when all lcompanies had an actual customer service person or department. You called, they researched and found an answer. These days a lot of us are at the mercy of Google and YouTube. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Judy, I agree with you. Employees who do one job in a grocery rarely seem game to help you if you are not in their area of responsibility. Heaven forbid you ask someone behind the meat counter where the cereal is! I remember in-person customer service lines, too. I’d forgotten about such things. Now I just go to the internet, input my query, and find out information on my own.

      Liked by 1 person

      • A good percentage of my time online is looking things up that back in the day I’d have picked up the phone called the company and asked the experts. I went to Lowes to purchase two appliances today, and there was one employee with two couples in front. So, here I am at the computer and will be ordering it online. Self serve all around. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • I understand what you’re saying. We do extensive research before we buy almost anything and often avoid the brick and mortar stores altogether. Ordering online has its advantages as long as you’re comfortable with how to return something if it is wrong for you. Therein is the rub.

          Liked by 1 person

  22. Being a non cook, I had no clue what marjoram was. Now I am enlightened, but will still never use it😜
    Living in a small town in the south, there are many conversations going on in any store we go to. People here, in general, are kind. I’ve been asked many times by people for help either finding something or reaching up high on a shelf for something. So if you’re lonely here, just go shopping! You’ll make a friend😁

    Liked by 1 person

    • Beth, happy to expand your knowledge of herbs and such. I do what I can.

      I know you live in “Mayberry” and are never lonely because of it. I love your idea of how to make a friend. I’ll be laughing about that all day. Thanks.

      Like

  23. I do believe that I’ve asked fellow customers if they have known where certain items were located. I often offer to help shorter folks reach high shelves, since I’m tall. Last year, I had a department store employee ask me to get a mattress pad from a top shelf. That was a first.

    I have never once used marjoram, and I make homemade dishes nearly every day. Either my recipes never call for it, or I just bypass it. Definitely not in my gyro recipe because I just checked!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bijoux, until this happened I’d never thought about if I’d asked another shopper for help in the grocery. I know people ask me things, but I don’t reach out when I’m in need, I guess. I do think it’s kind of funny that an employee asked you for help getting something off a shelf.

      Not saying that marjoram is going to be our go-to spice in the future, but they gyros were tasty. Z-D is on a Mediterranean kick right now.

      Like

  24. One of the ingredients in my homemade spaghetti sauce, which I made a few weeks ago, is marjoram. Funnily enough, I had trouble finding it in my own cupboard! Doesn’t get used often, so it’s pushed way in the back.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I love to read these stories of kindness! I’m lucky to live in a small town where people are helpful and friendly. When I’m done putting groceries into my car, it’s not unusual for someone to walk by on their way into the store and offer to take my cart. And I do the same thing.
    I can’t think of a time that I’ve ever needed Marjoram!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michelle G, we used to live somewhere that sounds like your area. Someone always helped with your cart after you were finished using it, but life is different here in the big city.

      I know I’ve bought marjoram before but it was a long time ago and had something to do with a pork roast. The gyros were good, so worth the effort.

      Like

  26. I do not use marjoram. Would you believe I’ve never even heard of that spice? We do not eat a lot of Greek food, so if it is in a lot of Greek recipes, that explains it.

    I sometimes ask a store employee for assistance. I do regularly help other people find things, like older men sent to the store on a mission they are ill equipped to complete. I’m also tall, so I’m often recruited to get something off of a high shelf.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ernie, from my recent experience I’d say not too many people use marjoram. It was good in the Greek food and commenters are suggesting it’s good in Italian food too. I’ll be goofing with it this winter.

      I know that when you’re taller you are suddenly *useful* when it comes to getting things off high shelves. I’m laughing about the older men sent to the store, clueless but determined. They’re everywhere late afternoon.

      Like

  27. I’m not familiar with marjoram at all but I want to share dinner with you! It sounds delicious. I once asked a store employee where to find Cream of Tartar and she told me probably with the fish. LOL I needed it for sugar cookies. Nope, it was in the bakery aisle where I’d been looking but not with the other like products.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Margaret, THAT’S HILARIOUS! With the fish?!! Oh I’m going to be laughing about that all day. In our store cream of tartar is in a little can that looks like it’s a spice. It isn’t one so I don’t know why it is mixed in with the spices, but it is definitely not near the fish. 😜

      Like

  28. Unsurprisingly, people act differently in the grocery store. Some are friendly and chatty, reserved, businesslike, and even rude. It’s a case study in human behavior why one person with nearly one hundred items in their cart will invite someone with a few to pass them in line, while others aren’t about to give up their spot in line.

    My experience is that people are usually more polite when there is less stress and fewer people in the store.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Pete, good observations. I don’t expect much from people in general, but it is interesting to see who is helpful and who isn’t. I know that for many shoppers they’re more into talking on their phones, than actually shopping. 🙄

      Excellent point about the correlation between low stress and fewer shoppers. Ain’t it the truth?

      Liked by 1 person

  29. Ally, I think in general people have gotten so guarded that they’re often afraid to venture forth with a kind gesture—afraid that their kindness will be rebuffed or misunderstood, or they’ll call unwanted attention to themselves. But when another person bravely asks for help, most of us will gladly dive in and do our best to assist. Kindness is not lost—people are just wary and weary. We have a jar of marjoram in our spice cabinet—I haven’t the slightest idea why.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Donna, yes, you make sense with this analysis. I agree that we’re all “wary and weary” anymore so asking for help from strangers seems risky in unfamiliar ways. Once upon a time my reluctance to ask for help in the grocery would have seemed peculiar, but now it is peculiar to ask. Fortunately for me these two women were game to help me, fellow foodies I believe.

      As for your jar of marjoram, may I suggest using it in a spice blend for gyros? 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  30. Do I dare admit I’ve never used marjoram in my life and have no idea what spice it would even approximate in terms of flavour profile.

    I DO ask random strangers for help sometimes at the grocery store. And just yesterday, at a thrift store, I asked two ladies about their input/thoughts about a coat I was planning to purchase. My daughter was horrified but I had no shame. I knew I’d likely never see them again and I love being asked things like that, even as an introvert!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Elisabeth, no shame in not knowing about marjoram. My parents were foodies so I know more than I should about spices and herbs and such. Plus Z-D is a stickler for using exactly what a recipe calls for.

      I’ve had strangers ask me about some clothes they were thinking about buying, holding up the example to see what I thought. I figure I shouldn’t steer them wrong, so I told them what I thought were the pros and cons of what they showed me. I mean, they asked…

      Like

  31. Just looked marjoram up (I knew it was a spice, I didn’t know what for) and Wikipedia said it was a close relative of oregano, whih might be why it ended up among the oregano. You could probably use oregano instead, that is, after you run out…

    That was awfully nice of that lady. My guess is that if you asked someone who worked there, they probably wouldn’t be able to tell you where it was. In fact, they’d probably stand there with a dumb look on their face…

    Liked by 1 person

    • John, good point about why the marjoram was where it was. There is a connection between it and oregano when it comes to cooking so why not on the shelf, too?

      I imagine you’re right about asking an employee where the marjoram is. I didn’t even try that route. I just impulsively decided to ask these women and I got lucky.

      Like

  32. Thank you for the Blanche Dubois quote to begin your story. I find myself in conversations with strangers in the grocery store helping them find things, or they help me. I think marjoram is one spice I don’t have in my spice drawer. I use a lot of garlic, basil, cumin, tarragon, and I love cardamom going back to my Finnish roots and my grandmother’s cardamom braid.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Well of course I had to go check and we do have some marjoram on our shelf but for the life of me I couldn’t tell you how long it’s been there. I don’t use spices when I cook (or I should really say I don’t cook) but my daughter likes to try new things so it may be something she picked up for one of her recipes. She just moved to her own apartment so it will probably sit on the shelf for a good many more years unless I get in a cleaning spurt and decide to go through the spice cabinet – LOL who am I kidding? Glad your gyros came out good. I do like lamb though.

    As far as being helpful in the grocery store, it’s usually me giving directions. When I check out and the clerk says “Did you find everything you were looking for?” I’ll usually say, “No, where was…” Usually they don’t have it. Such is life. Have a wonderful Tuesday.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Janet, I’m laughing here knowing you went to check to see if you have any marjoram. Thanks for doing so. Maybe your daughter would like to be reunited with the marjoram? You could give it to her as an apartment warming gift. 😁

      I know how you feel about answering the “Did you find everything you were looking for?” question. I just say “yes,” regardless of the truth of it. By the time I’m in line to pay, I’m tired of the whole shopping thing and just want to go home.

      Liked by 1 person

  34. I am not very tall. There was once a product I wanted on the top shelf in the back but no employee around to ask. There was quite a tall gentleman buying the same item. I asked him for help and he obliged. 😁 As for margoram very rarely do I use that I am more a za’atar kind of guy.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Marjoram can be used in just about any Italian dish. I don’t think I’ve ever met as helpful a couple as you did! What a great experience. I have jumped in and helped people without being asked but generally I am much too self-conscious to ask strangers for help!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jan, today I’m learning about marjoram and feel like I’ve been missing out on something wonderful. This mother and daughter were quite funny in their own way, talking with each other, but also helping me. I was lucky. I know what you mean about being self-conscious about asking for help. I was but I did.

      Like

  36. I don’t use marjoram these days but I used to do so. I might begin again now you have mentioned it. Why has such a spice dropped out of popularity, I wonder?

    “Do you wonder sometimes how we have evolved into a society in which an act of kindness like this one is so rare that it is almost shocking?”
    I have two thoughts about this question. First, I do identify with the woman. If I commit to something, I see it through. Call it compulsive, or satisfaction in completion, or whatever, society is better for a few of us compulsive helpers sprinkled about. As long as we don’t get all pathological! I have had to let the helpful thing go a bit in recent years, as people are often a bit too surprised when you try to help them. They look at you as if to say: ” Why did you bother? You still concerned about that? Chill.”
    So I have learnt not to ALWAYS be so keen to help but encourage pro-active helping yourself strategies. Have you thought about trying….I guess you have tried to…..blah blah blah. Which brings me to a second point. The fact that the aforementioned is shocking is a sad reflection of how insular our minds have become. Most folk are so pre-occupied with their own perspectives they have little time to think about others or how they might be able to help them. And who can blame them? We have so much stuff going on in our lives, so much information coming into view that it is impossible for some to be able to think of others. Their minds are too full with information overload to fit in thoughts or empathy. That IS SAD! I love information and being able to access it easily so these deleterious societal effects are confounding and disappointing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Amanda, I don’t know why marjoram is a lost spice. Now that we have a jar of it I plan on using it more this winter. I guess I’ll figure out if we really like it or not.

      Your thoughtful critique of this experience is wonderful. I understand your point about how being helpful can seem odd to some people and if you are inclined to be helpful by nature then you have to realize it’s okay… “As long as we don’t get all pathological!” Made me smile with that line.

      I agree that we all have so much on our minds ALL THE TIME that helping other people can seem impossible to fathom. I mean, I’m a helpful person but I get lost in my own pre-occupations and worries to a point where I don’t see what might be helpful and empathy often gets pushed aside. It’s a strange how we’ve gotten to this point.

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  37. Our marjoram is missing too….Seriously! And the store was out. I’ve met someone like your fellow shopper in our Safeway. Not with the marjoram, but with Beaver brand creamy horseradish. There was one left on the top shelf, pushed way to the back. I spoke aloud that I needed to find a tall person, because that usually works. The woman near me in the isle said she would be right back. And she was. Not with a tall person, but a pair of giant tongues that she used to pull the jar forward off the shelf and then …I caught it. High 5 in the grocery isle!

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    • Tracey, no marjoram where you live, too. What’s up with that? But what a wonderful story about asking for help! I’m laughing about how you got your horseradish, teamwork is the best. Thank goodness for clever shoppers who like to be helpful.

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    • Kari, apparently there are various kinds of oregano, a commenter has said, and some kinds work better as a substitute for marjoram than others. I don’t think I’ve ever asked another shopper to help me so this was new– and turned out to be a great story.

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  39. Do not use/have marjoram and do not ask strangers for help. My life is limited.

    As for kindness, I had an anti-example this week. As I was exiting our Kroger grocery store, a bump in the threshold caused one of my bags to tip over in the cart, spilling its contents. I stopped without thinking, trying to catch items before more spilled and put the bag upright. It took mere seconds, but an aging white dude behind me felt the need to snarl, “Nice place to stop,” as he walked past.

    I reminded myself that I could not know what is going on in life, and I should take the high road, and give some grace. But you know what? I was the person needing some grace in that moment. I was having a crappy day–nay, a crappy week/month/year–and while having-a-good-day Rita could have brushed it off, having-a-really-hard-year Rita felt a little crushed. Of course it wasn’t a good place for me to stop AND it also wasn’t that big a deal. Why be mean? I wondered, kicking off a spiral of thoughts that took me straight to societal collapse.

    And then, he wasn’t even in a big hurry, as I ended up passing him in the parking lot. I wanted to be the bigger person, sort of, but I wasn’t. “Nice day to be an a**hole,” I said as he passed me again at my car. Only I didn’t use any asterisks.

    This is NOT like me, and I want to say I’m sorry I said it, but I’m not. I don’t so much wonder sometimes about why kindness is rare/worth noting as know all the time that the reason we aren’t kinder is that we are in pain. And there’s a lot of pain out in the world right now.

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    • Rita, you win my comment of the day award. I am laughing out loud and am glad that you aren’t sorry. That guy deserved your remark and has probably gotten away with being an a**hole all his life. I think you did great, under the circumstances, and knowing that you don’t normally say such things, that may need to be said, tells me you are a kind person at heart.

      As Z-D has often told me, be kind to people who won’t use it against you. I translate that into my motto: do no harm but take no shit.

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  40. I have never asked another customer for help finding something, but I have been asked to help someone else more times than I can count. Just the other day, a 20-something, big guy, heavily tattooed and pierced, asked me to help him pick out a bottle of wine for the dinner he was making for his new girlfriend. We settled on a Pinot Grigio since I wasn’t sure how sweet or dry she liked her wine and he was making fish. Not long ago, another youngish guy walked up to me and asked me if what he was holding was the rhubarb his wife sent him to the store for. It was ruby chard, but I praised him on selecting something that looked quite similar. The list goes on.
    I’ve come to the conclusion that I look like a grocery store shelf stocker.
    I buy my spices in the bulk section of the co-op, and I remember that I had a similar problem finding marjoram once and the real grocery store shelf stocker pointed me to “sweet” marjoram under S.

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    • Dorothy, I’ve had a lot of younger people ask me about specific foods in the grocery, once it was about lettuces, another time about pears. Like you I must look knowledgeable [or in my case old like someone’s grandma]. I love that you went with a Pinot Grigio because that is about as basic as you can get and I also love that guy was trying to impress his girlfriend like this.

      Smart to praise the rhubarb buyer for getting so close. That is something in and of itself, half the world doesn’t even know what rhubarb is. .

      I didn’t know that it could be called Sweet Marjoram and that may explain why we weren’t finding it. I’ll check under “S” the next time I go shopping.

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  41. Absolutely! I often ask for help from strangers, especially from people who look like they might be friendly. Can you believe it? — the label turned around backwards, in the wrong spot, hidden behind some oregano. I love the woman who ran after you. Above and beyond.

    I love Kate’s and Autumn’s comments about manufactured celebrations. Why not celebrate each step in completing a job and making an effort?!

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    • Nicki, I agree that this woman went above and beyond to find me and hand me the bottle of marjoram. She was a good person who made my day.

      I agree that Kate and Autumn make sense to me, too. We can’t always win in the traditional sense of that word, but we can appreciate how far we can go when we try.

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  42. “Do you wonder sometimes how we have evolved into a society in which an act of kindness like this one is so rare that it is almost shocking?” Every single day, Ally. EVERY SINGLE DAY!

    “Do you use marjoram in cooking?” Never…but then I don’t do the cooking. For all I know, my husband puts it in every single dish.

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    • Gigi, your answer, EVERY SINGLE DAY!, rings true with me. It is a different world now in the way people interact with each other and expectations about what is polite.

      I am going to be using marjoram in our cooking henceforth. Laughing about your lack of awareness about it. Who knows, maybe it’s delicious?

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  44. I use to use Marjoram for my spaghetti sauce but, it’s not always at the store so I just use Oregano.
    Oh yes, often in the spice aisle I too have enlisted the aid of other shoppers. Usually the ones with younger better eyes than mine! 😂 That woman that went all out for you to get your herb was awesome!

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    • Deborah, it is only after writing this post that I’ve learned about putting marjoram into spaghetti sauce. I didn’t know about that but will be trying it soon.

      The thing about the three of us looking for spices was that we all had glasses on and were each adjusting them so we could use the bifocal. Younger better eyes would have helped, although I did get what I was there for thanks to the kindness of a stranger.

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  47. I would be THAT woman, trying to help another woman out. I’ve also had people (including – gasp! – store clerks) come to my aid. Marjoram – heard of it but could not tell you what it tastes like or would I even miss it in a recipe? I must try it now!

    Deb

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    • Deb, I have no difficulty believing you’d be that helpful woman, that is your vibe. I wasn’t too familiar with marjoram either. Knew we had some once upon a time, but couldn’t remember when. Now, of course, I’ll be trying it in a few recipes to see what we think of it.

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  48. Oh my goodness. Ally! What a great story. I love that lady. I just love people who are helpful for the sake of being helpful, nothing else. It’s lovely!
    I haven’t been asked to help anyone for a long time but in Calgary, my neighbourhood Co-Op was very popular with the older set (read: lots of seniors). And often, there would be an old man there who was clearly sent by his wife, and he would be reading a list and just looking totally puzzled. I usually asked if I could help, and inevitably they’d be looking for flour in the cereal aisle or some such thing. Once two young university aged men asked me the difference between peppers, because they were new at making dinner and they didn’t know what their mom would have done. BECAUSE I COULD HAVE BEEN THEIR MOM. I mean, I could have. So I helped.
    But just last week, I was sad to see the very last #4 cone size coffee filter was wayyyyy at the back of the very top shelf, and although I’m fairly tall I couldn’t reach. I just looked sadly and it happened to be in the direction of a tall, older man who I would have never asked for help. But he was game and he actually (alarmingly) stood on the bottom shelf to reach it for me.
    All of which is to say that the grocery store can be a hellscape but it can also be a lovely nucleus of kindness.

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    • Nicole, you said it: I just love people who are helpful for the sake of being helpful, nothing else. Totally agree.

      I’ve seen those older men with a list in hand, completely flummoxed by the grocery store, wandering around in a daze. It was good of you to help the poor old dudes. I’ve had younger people ask me about produce because they’re not sure what it is they’re supposed to be buying. I think in my case it’s because I look like I could be their grandmother.

      I’d be determined to get a box of #4 filters, there is nothing to use instead of them. How kind of that man to grab the last box for you, but standing on the bottom shelf would have made me anxious, too. Still, your morning coffee must be made!

      You certainly are right about grocery stores, often hellish but filled with angels on occasion.

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  49. I love how this episode turned out. I’d probably be like your dynamic duo and scour the store to help someone out (but I’d likely also inquire of an employee – they are often a surprising font of knowledge).

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    • Eilene, somehow I’m not surprised to learn that you’d be super helpful in a situation like this one. I can imagine you doing that. I know what you mean, IF you can find an employee many know where the most obscure things, like marjoram, are in the store. But our Kroger is chronically understaffed from what I can tell.

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  50. No, never heard about this until today and as a South India my spice rack is full of spices! But I did google and learnt it goes well with lamb, veal etc. We are vegetarians so I mah not be using it! Learnt something new 😊!

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    • ganga1996, I’m glad I could introduce you to marjoram even if you never use it. I like spices and herbs, but some are more obscure than others. Now that we have this stuff, I’ll be trying it in various recipes.

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  51. What a heartwarming story! I often ask strangers for help in the grocery store. Partly because perhaps they can actually help me find something, and partly just so that they won’t think I’ve forgotten what I’m there for, just staring at the spices or whatever.

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    • J, I know how you feel about standing in front of the spice shelves, just staring blankly, or so it would seem. This was a first for me to ask a shopper to help me and I certainly picked the right duo. I still can’t believe the younger woman hunted for me in the store to give me the marjoram she found for me. Too kind.

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  52. We have a big planter in which I grow a variety of herbs every summer. Sometimes I put marjoram in the mix, but we rarely use it and the bunny ends up getting it. Sounds to me like the jar of marjoram was doing everything in its power to not be found, so what was an act of kindness (and compulsion) toward you was not very nice for the marjoram. Just sayin’. 😉

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    • The Travel Architect, so now I know that bunnies like marjoram, yet another fact about it that I’ve learned. I take your point about how what I take to be an act of kindness, the jar of marjoram may consider to be defeat. Such is the complicated ways of the world.

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  53. Have you ever asked a stranger for help finding something in a store? How’d that go for you? I recently shopped with my 20someting daughter, soon to be a 30something, and she asked the online app on her phone, for the store, for the location and it worked quite well. We discovered that we had walked past the item multiple times and my other 30something daughter found it right away when we told her what we were searching for in the aisle. Fortunately for us we found it in right in front of us. 🙄

    Do you wonder sometimes how we have evolved into a society in which an act of kindness like this one is so rare that it is almost shocking? I tend to believe it’s more prevalent to be kind than it is to be as the news tells us it is. Your moment of needing help while using that all-familiar to me bifocal/trifocal head tilt was a perfect example of how kindness is just lurking out there for us to discover.

    Do you use marjoram in cooking? We have a lot of it now, so any recipe suggestions are welcome. Since I’m not the cook of the family, I can’t recall a particular recipe but I know Mr. has used it and we have a jar just like yours in our spice cabinet. LOL – that’s a healthy-dose of marjoram, and it has many medicinal benefits. Perhaps add some of it to a warm cup of tea? You like tea if I remember correctly, right?

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    • Shelley, I’ve seen shoppers do what your daughter did with the store app. They’ll have their head buried in the their screen then bound off with a spring in their step toward what they need. Very clever, if you take your phone into the store with you.

      Good point about how kindness is lurking out there, if we go looking for it. Somehow it gets hidden behind the meanness more than it used to.

      I figure that like the saying “if you build it, they will come” this situation with the large jar of the herb translates into “if you have marjoram, the recipes will find you!” 😜

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  54. I do not really use marjoram; if I needed it, I would probably just use a substitute because my spice rack is already full! However, I do have 3 kinds of curry powders, so I can’t really call myself a minimalist.

    I do not ask for help in the grocery store, but on Monday I was in the freezer aisle, starting at frozen peas, and an old lady came up to me with a can of concentrated fruit punch in her hand and she asked me if it was orange juice. I told her it wasn’t and then went to the freezer to help her. She kept pointing at green ones and pink ones and purple ones and finally I just moved her (gently!) out of the way and grabbed the frozen OJ for her. I felt like a superstar, but really it was such an easy thing to do in my case, and I am sure she would have gotten a bit of a shock when her frozen OJ ended up being Berry Blast or some sort.

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    • Kyria, you mean most people don’t have three kinds of curry powder?!! We have three, too, so I’m right there with you.

      Yours is a delightful story of kindness. I’ve had older people in the grocery ask me to read the fine print on a coupon or confirm that they’ve grabbed what they think they’ve grabbed. I’m glad you got this lady the right juice, the plain old juice. There is so much in the groceries, so easy to make a mistake.

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  55. I’ve started going all “young man” in asking staff to tell me what aisle to find things in, but I’ve never asked other shoppers. Himself frequently gets asked for help being a tall man, and I get asked for help as I guess I’ve got one of those faces!

    Sorry I can’t help you with uses for marjoram. I cannot remember the last time I used it.

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    • Deb, this was a first for me to ask another shopper for help, I’ll ask store staff… when I can find them. I, too, get asked questions while shopping in Kroger. I figure I look like I know how to eat so maybe I can explain a thing or two.

      I’ll not fret if we never use the marjoram for another recipe, I got a great blog post out of it and a delicious dinner. But if we do stumble across recipes that call for it, I’m game to try.

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  56. I think marjoram is amazing with roast lamb. Yummy! I can’t remember ever asking another shopper for help finding something, but often will ask employees, even if they seem busy. My husband is someone who offers help all the time. He just seems to know when people could use it. It is sad that kindness can be so uncommon that it’s shocking to receive it.

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    • Barbara, I only remember using marjoram on a pork roast a very long time ago. It was great as part of the Greek spice blend Z-D used to make the gyros. I’ll ask employees for help if I can find one. It’s wonderful how your husband can hone in on who needs help, then help them. That’s a gift.

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  57. When my eyesight was very poor, I had to rely on the kindness of strangers in helping me find things because trying to find someone who works in a store when you can’t really tell them apart from the customers was impossible for me. Ha! Christmas shopping was unbelievable last year but I did run into (figuratively not literally) an enormous amount of helpful and kind souls! Usually, though, if I can’t find something, I’ll find someone who works at the store to help me find what I’m looking for. On the flipside, I’ve helped others find what they were looking for. It all balances out. Glad you found someone who was determined to find the marjoram for you. I know we have marjoram at home. Don’t know that I’ve ever used it. I bet it’s twenty years old. I really need to go through my old herbs and do a major toss.

    This is what Google had to say about recipes that use marjoram —

    Dried marjoram is a popular addition to salad dressings, meat dishes, and preserved meats such as German sausage. Used in both fresh and dried form, marjoram is subtler than its relative oregano and well suited to delicate vegetables, tomato-based dishes, such as tomato sauce and pizza, and poultry seasoning.
    ******

    So, pizza and Italian dishes, maybe? I use Italian seasoning in my Italian dishes, which probably has marjoram in it. So, you could probably make up your own blend, I suppose. Let us know what other dishes you end up using it in. Mona

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    • Mona, it is kind of funny that you couldn’t distinguish shopper from employees so whoever you found you asked. I rather like your approach to getting help. I like your thought that it all balances out, I’ve helped many shoppers too.

      Thanks for figuring out what to use marjoram in. I never thought of salad dressings but know it goes into some spaghetti sauce recipes according to my savvy commenters.

      We have an Italian blend seasoning but I’ve never looked to see what is in it. And how stupid does that sound? I like your idea of creating our own blend that includes, OBVIOUSLY, marjoram.

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  58. Your dinner sounds delicious. I’m so glad you were able to spice it up right with the correct herb and that you had such fantastic help in the grocery store. I don’t use marjoram and I couldn’t tell you why or why not. I guess it hasn’t come up in any recipes lately. I had to run out and look in my spice cabinet. I was pretty sure I didn’t have any, but wanted to verify. Nope, none there. Interesting. I have all kinds of other spices, some of them not on the usual menu (sumac, mixtures like zaatar and harissa), but no marjoram.

    I’ve asked for help in the store although it’s usually the other way around and I’m helping someone else. Usually a man who doesn’t do the grocery shopping all that often and has no idea where to locate the few items on his list.

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    • Robin, I don’t know why we didn’t have any marjoram because we’ve got many, many other spices and herbs. Like you it seems like something we’d have on hand– and now do.

      I’ve found myself helping a few older gentlemen who are clueless in the grocery store, wandering around like a lost puppy. I’ve asked employees for help but never the shoppers standing by me. A first, and a good one at that.

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  59. In Germany, we once had a woman run two blocks down the street in order to catch up with us once she realized the directions she’d given us were wrong. She was that worried about making sure we didn’t stay lost. It was touching….and sadly, rare!

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  60. I have some marjoram in my cupboard, but I don’t remember purchasing it, which tells me it’s probably past its prime…and that I need to cook more. Also, I love this mother and daughter duo in your story. That kind of kindness is too rare. I would definitely help someone look for something in the store, but I’m not sure I would have the confidence to hunt them down if I later found it.

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    • Christie, I know that up until this Greek dinner I hadn’t given marjoram any thought but now that we have some I’ll be cooking with it. I agree that the mother + daughter duo were an example of a kind of kindness that is rare. Plus they were a hoot as we three stood there looking for the darned stuff. I take your point about going off to find someone, I’d feel weird about it, too– but thank goodness that younger woman didn’t.

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  61. Firstly, thank you for the shout-out! I’m chuffed that you included my comment 🙂

    Secondly, my answers to your questions:
    Have you ever asked a stranger for help finding something in a store?
    Nope, I haven’t … at least not that I can readily remember. I have been asked for help, though, and like the young woman in your story, I enjoy helping.

    Do you wonder sometimes how we have evolved into a society in which an act of kindness like this one is so rare that it is almost shocking?
    I wonder this often. One theory I have is that the emphasis on competition in our society has made people feel at odds with each other. People are supposed to win at everything they do. People who don’t are losers. Therefore, if you ask for help, you must be a loser. It’s sad because that experience you had was a win-win: you got your marjoram and the young woman got the satisfaction of helping you get your marjoram.

    Do you use marjoram in cooking? Nope. Of course, I don’t cook much either 😉

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    • Marie, happy to include your comment here, it made sense to me. I’ve helped people in a store but I’ve never asked for help. Like some commenters have mentioned it’s all about balance so why not ask for help occasionally. I hadn’t thought of it like that.

      I like your theory of why people feel at odds with each other. There is so much emphasis on competition from the time you’re born it seems, so being a *loser* is unappealing. Yet in my example, like you said, it was win-win.

      We’ll be using more marjoram in our cooking in the future. I’m sure you can surmise why!

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      • At the supermarket today, someone asked me for help, as in “Do you know where the pork and beans are?” I looked behind me and saw shelves of canned beans and noted that they should be there. The gentleman agreed with me, then his friend said, “They’re over here!” The pork and beans were just across the aisle. So … I didn’t help but I was friendly about it 😉

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  63. I must confess I love going to the grocery store, just because it’s such a social place. There’s usually at least some chatter: people complimenting mothers on their children, guys trying to decipher their wives’ lists, and people offering to get things off the top shelf for old-short-handicapped people. I’m never loathe to ask another shopper for help, especially when it comes to my favorite milk and my favorite sesame crackers; they’re always out of reach, even if I stand on the bottom shelf. There’s usually some six-foot-tall guy around who’s happy to hand down some crackers. Thinking back, I remember being asked how to tell if a cantaloupe is ripe, whether jalapenos or poblano peppers are hotter, and if peaches will ripen on the counter. It’s fun to help out.

    As for marjoram, I add it to my za’atar mix. A middle eastern staple, za’atar goes with everything; it contains sumac, sesame, marjoram, thyme, and oregano. The ingredients vary, and some people guard their recipes like gold. I like the sumac for its lemony tang; the thyme and marjoram are earthier. I’ve bought commercial mixes, too, and many of them are quite good. On salmon? It’s heavenly!

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    • Linda, your grocery shopping experiences sound more fun + social than mine. When we lived in a smaller town grocery shopping was friendlier, but once we moved here I learned to keep my distance, figuratively and literally, from other shoppers. I’ll talk with a neighbor if I see one in the store, but that’s maybe twice a year. I love knowing that you help other shoppers as often as they help you.

      You’re the second commenter to mention za’atar, something I’d never heard of until I wrote this post. It sounds delicious with flavors I’d adore, so I’ll look for it the next time I’m in Kroger. We like salmon so that’ll be my first foray with it. Thanks for the suggestion.

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  64. Hi Ally, I love when strangers get together to help each other. It almost turns into a game and a challenge. It is like doing dishes at someone else’s place…never a chore. Re your question about asking strangers for help…I do it all the time…even when I am trying something on quickly in the store over my clothes…I will ask a stranger’s opinion…almost embarrassing, yet everyone seems to want to help. Re ‘kindness’ – I believe it is everywhere, unfortunately not a popular news item and not publicized. Truly a shame. Thank you for my smile and for sharing the good. 💕 Erica

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    • Erica/Erika, searching for the marjoram with strangers certainly was a game. I didn’t say it in the story but they were a hoot; one would see a jar of something that reminded her of a cooking disaster or success, mention it, then they’d laugh in unison.

      I’ve never asked a fellow shopper for help in a grocery before so this was different for me. I’ve had people ask me for help, both in the grocery and in clothing stores like you do when soliciting an opinion about clothes.

      I agree that kindness gets lost in the news. If it bleeds it leads, as they say. Still once in a while a little story slips through and I enjoy all the more.

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  65. “She handed me the herb and explained that she’d found it with the label turned around backwards, in the wrong spot, hidden behind some oregano.”

    As a professional shelf stocker for the past 25 years, I can both sympathize and laugh at this because it is so common. I know all of the reasons something like this can happen… but none of them are a valid excuse for when a customer just needs to have that item and can’t find it. And while my experience stocking the spice aisle is limited, this is the first time I ever remember hearing about marjoram, and I’m going to have to look for it the next time I’m over there….

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    • evilsquirrel13, I am laughing because I have NO DOUBT that you know everything there is to know about properly stocking and maintaining shelves. If I’d seen a little sticker on a shelf indicating this is where the marjoram should be but it is out, I’d not have thought a second thing about it. But to not even acknowledge its existence? That is weird… especially when it was there.

      I wonder what you’ll find when you go looking for marjoram in your store. A commenter did say that it used to be called Sweet Marjoram, so maybe that is where it was/is? I haven’t been to Kroger since this happened so I have yet to look. 🤔

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      • I also know all of the reasons behind why shelf labels tend to end up MIA. There are items in the very area I stock which have not had proper shelf tags in quite a while, and I always wonder why they keep selling when customers don’t even know how much they’re going to have to pay for it…

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        • That’s interesting. I hadn’t thought about buying something price unknown. The marjoram’s price didn’t concern me but I wouldn’t buy a stand mixer without knowing its price. People be weird, I tell ‘ya!

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  67. Weirdly, I can think of many times people (mostly women) have approached me in the store and asked for help (or even more times, I see an elderly woman/man struggling to find something, or to reach it on a top shelf, and I help them out). I can’t think of anytime I’ve asked for help, which goes with my introverted-ness. (no such word but you get it). Even more weirdly, I’ve never used marjoram, nor do I know if I have any in my spice cabinet. Rushing downstairs now to check. Should I sprinkle some on the turkey next week??? :-0

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  68. I feel like I have that in my spice cabinet, but couldn’t say if I e used it.
    I’ve only asked employees to help me; but I do recall helping a lady find her specific spice that was alluding her. It can be a challenge.

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    • Suz, that’s kind of the thing about marjoram, I’d have said we had some but when Z-D went to find it we had none. It’s an elusive herb, if’n you ask me. I’ve asked employees for help but this time I asked these women and it worked out well.

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  69. What a delightful grocery store interaction! I would LOVE to be asked to locate something, and I, too, would never give up until I’d found said item. But Ally, I have never used marjoram!

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    • Suzanne, considering I’ve never asked another shopper for help this was a good experience, beyond good I suppose. Marjoram is one of those herbs that seems to lurk around the edges of recipes, but now that we have it I’ll be using it more… at least until we decided if we like or don’t like it.

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  70. Ally, I am not a cook and this post makes me realize my deficiencies even more. 🙂 I have never seen or heard of this ingredient. I have a revolving spice rack in the corner of the counter top (taking up space, since I don’t use the spices and they are very old as they came with the spice rack) but it makes the country kitchen look cozy. The real spices were/are always kept on a Lazy Susan in the cupboard. But, I digress.

    It’s nice to strike up a conversation with people in the grocery store. Your fellow shopper was very helpful! And your post does give me a tale to tell you, once again about my lack of baking skills. I was at Meijer grocery store a few years back. It was around Christmastime. I was perusing “Pam cooking sprays” – there were many varieties, but no, I was not baking holiday treats. I wanted to figure out which spray was best to spray on the snow shovel to keep the snow from sticking. The can I had in the garage for years was “original Pam” and empty after many years. Now, there were lots of different types of Pam.

    So, in mid-peruse, a woman shopper came over to tell me about the various sprays and how she used them. Soon I heard how many batches of cookies she had made, would be making, had given away, which were her family’s favorites … after the litany of cookie news, she asked me what I had baked, planned to bake, etc. I told her oatmeal raisin cookies and she looked me up and down as if to say “who makes oatmeal raisin cookies in this season of Christmas cookie joy?” Me, I’m not a cook and not a Martha Stewart wannabe – I don’t have those genes. Truly, I did not have the heart to say “I’m using the Pam on my snow shovel.” I kind of slunk away.

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    • Linda, this is a funny, funny story. YOU WERE COOKIE SHAMED for not making [pretending to make] the appropriate cookies for Christmas. What an experience. I get why you didn’t tell Cookie Woman your real purpose for looking for Pam, but for her to criticize you… that is hilarious. Some people are too weird for words, while others, as in my marjoram search, are almost too nice for words. Thanks for my laugh of the day.

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      • Glad to give you your laugh for the day Ally. How dare she cookie shame me! Her mouth was running a mile a minute prattling on about her cookie-making prowess. While in the baking aisle I saw tapioca beads and I hadn’t had tapioca pudding in years, so feeling nostalgic I bought a box. My mom used to make rice pudding from scratch in the Winter and she often made tapioca pudding which she called “fish eyes and glue” but my pudding was so gummy and thick, I could stand a spoon in it. I should just stick to Jell-o. 🙂

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  71. I am the type of person who will search and search and search for an item on my own before asking someone else. Or I will google where to find it in the store, if it’s an item I don’t get frequently and don’t know what aisles it would be found in. Your way is much more efficient!

    I’ve never used majoram!

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    • Stephany, I got lucky asking this mother and daughter for help. I am usually adept at finding what I need, but the marjoram was elusive. It seems like a nice herb, but one that I only remember using once before. There will be more in our future.

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  72. We regularly swap out spices, but the marjoram is in the cupboard. But then, so was cinnamon, and I ran out making those snickerdoodles!
    As to grocery store help and the kindness of others. At 5″2″ (but honestly, I suspect I am no longer that). I have to ask for help reaching stuff ALL THE TIME! I have taken the time to help others find things as well. But then, as you know, I also talk to stranges in line ups at stores.
    As to missing items that has been happening to me for decades. Once lost a set of keys in the house, and they didn’t surface when we moved out. I drove home so I knew I had them.😳

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  73. What a lovely lady you met Ally 😊I once wrote a whole post about the kindness of strangers, and I’m lucky enough to encounter it on a regular basis (I often have to ask some kind and tall soul to reach things from the supermarket shelves for me). I also do my best to put kindness out into the world. Just yesterday a neighbour gifted me some apples from their tree and I passed some walkers on my way home who commented on my lovely bag of apples, so I gave them some to take on their journey, share the kindness wealth, that’s what I say!

    Love gyros, you’ve now inspired me to make some for dinner (if I can find the marjoram 😉 ) thanks Ally.

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    • Rae Cod, it was kind of you to give those walkers some of those apples, sharing the wealth as it were. I bet it made their day. You are right that kindness needs to shared in order for it to expand outward and change our world for the better.

      Enjoy your gyros! I don’t know if marjoram was the secret ingredient in the ones Z-D made but they were exceptionally tasty.

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  74. I haven’t used marjoram in cooking – yet. I don’t think I’ve asked a stranger for help in a store, but I have helped several. We could have used a friendly stranger last night when we were searching for spices. It took several times through the spice display and a trip to another store to find everything. Happy Thanksgiving!

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  76. I loved this story because it’s something that happens all the time with people. We are so ‘zoned’ on the news (which only reports the bad stuff until the last five minutes of the show) that we forget or overlook the random acts of kindness like you experienced. That’s what makes the world go round.

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  77. I love this post. It gives me hope in these days of so much chaos and turmoil. There are STILL nice people. I have been asked, but I usually go to the front desk if I can’t find something. I think next time I’m going to strike up a conversation with someone else and make new friends.

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    • Timelesslady, I know what you mean about hope in these turbulent times. I was pleased beyond measure that this younger woman found me to give me the marjoram. That’s going out of your way for a stranger and I appreciated it. I’ve never asked for help like this before, see what happens when you do!

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    • What a delightful way of making new friends!

      Years and years ago, my hubby and I were standing in front of the spice section (not the bulk one, the one with all the jars) at Whole Foods trying to determine what to substitute for what we couldn’t find… A friendly employee apologized for eavesdropping, said she made a similar recipe, pulled out her phone, shared with us what her modified recipe was, and showed us what we could substitute for it. We got into a lengthy conversation with her and for a couple of years on each visit to the store, we learned all about her family and life and hopes, until she had to move away due to cuts in the store …

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      • EW, that’s a wonderful experience. What a helpful employee and to stay in touch like you did makes it even more special. I’m sorry she had to leave your store, but such is life. Thanks for sharing your upbeat spicy story.

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  78. You have 227 comments???!!!! 🙂 COOL! I think I use marjoram in a few recipes, but can’t think what. I think some of my spices are sooooo old I should probably do inventory and buy new. BUT husband built me a spice drawer that neatly fits those little tin square cans and now days almost everything has changed to taller round jars. So my spice drawer is a mess and I am not happy to throw away any square tin cans!

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    • Dawn, I, too, am amazed about how a post about marjoram lead to this many comments, but I appreciate every comment. So YAY! A few years ago I went through our spices and herbs and extracts, getting rid of old ones, deciding if we really needed to restock. However we don’t have a spice drawer for those little cans and I’d be attached to it, too. I can see why you keep the ones you have. Life is tricky sometimes! 😉

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  79. My goodness Ally, sometimes the world really is as small as they say. I had this exact… same… experience a year ago, looking for sage. I was almost resigned to the thought everyone else beat me to it (since sage seems to go into just about every Thanksgiving dish) until a fellow shopper tracked down an off-brand for me (neither McCormick’s nor Spice Islands). But here’s the thing: a year later I am unable to locate that little container of sage. Now I have to go through the whole drill again in the spice aisle (sigh…). My advice: put the marjoram under lock and key for the next time you have gyros. Otherwise it may wander away to wherever my sage is.

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    • Dave, you’ve made me laugh out loud. I can imagine how difficult it’d be to find sage near Thanksgiving so bless that fellow shopper who helped you. Now that you’ve told me the rest of the story about your disappearing sage, I’m going to keep an eye on our marjoram, I don’t want it doing a runner. Thanks for your sage advice. 😁

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  81. I’m not sure that I’ve ever had marjoram in the cupboard. Love the helpful woman. I can see that happening in Seattle.

    What I think is interesting is that spices seem unimportant until they’re not. I’m always tempted when I run out to leave out the 1/4 tsp of ginger. It’s such a small portion – can it really matter? But then I think of making a whole recipe and wasting all the rest if I leave it out. Thank goodness you got your marjoram!

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    • Wynne, I suppose many people around here could be helpful but I’ve never asked before. Lesson learned, I guess.

      I know how you feel about ginger, or whatever, it seems insignificant but then, like you, I figure, it is significant so I trudge out to get it. Z-D’s gyros were delicious so again lesson learned. Follow the recipe.

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  82. I have asked strangers for help in the store. I asked a guy where he found some cookies that he carried. He handed me the cookies and said he could get more and then proceeded to point out the aisle where they could be found!
    Have a great Thanksgiving!!! Glad that person gave you the marjoram!

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    • L. Marie, what a wonderful shopper to give you the cookies and explain where you could find them if you want them again [or more]. That is amazingly kind and helpful. There really are some nice people out there. Happy Thanksgiving to you, too. 🦃

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