The One About Spring Cleaning, Taking A Tumble, And Discussion Of Said

The Spring Cleaning Part

Last week we decided to do a proper spring cleaning on the first floor of our house. It’s almost all wood flooring, the outliers being the powder room and the laundry room that have tile floors.

As you can imagine cleaning and waxing all the wood floors means moving furniture, rugs, plants, lamps, decorative items from one room to another; then moving them back from whence they came.

Please note that we’re not obsessive about doing all the spring cleaning in one day, like we were when we were younger and working and being social butterflies who had places to go, people to meet.

No, now we go with the flow and take our time.

Over a few days.

The Tumble Part

Well, we’d done the floors in all the rooms except the living room. And I suppose I was feeling a little cocky about how efficiently we’d moved furniture and such around the first floor, like pros.

But pride goeth before the fall, people. [No pun intended but it is one.]

So as we were carrying the rolled up 8′ x 10′ heavy wool rug + pad back into the living room preparing to place it just so, I lost my balance on the slick clean waxed floor and dramatically, albeit slowly, fell down, KERPLUNK.

At this point, if’n we were a younger married couple, my true love would have rushed to my side making sure I was uninjured.

However as a much older married couple my true love knows I’m clumsy as all get out, so he just looked at me in a heap on the floor and said: “it’s just a few more steps to get the rug into place, you gonna help?” 

Thus prompted by his *concern* I stood up, doublechecking the knee on which I’d fallen to see if it still worked. And it did. As did my toes that had gotten twisted around and smashed when I sat unceremoniously on them.

No harm, no foul.

The Discussion Part

Now the foregoing isn’t meant to be a motherly warning against wearing only socks on your feet when you move heavy items around on wood floors, which I think we can agree might not have been, in retrospect, a good idea.

Instead think of this tale as the precursor to the conversation that followed in which we discussed what I could/should/might say to our primary care physician when I go for my annual physical checkup wherein she’ll ask: have you fallen in the last year?

The answer to this question is, of course, dependent upon how you choose to define “fall.” To wit:

Is a fall any incident wherein you find yourself unintentionally down on the floor/ground despite the unusualness of the situation? Such as what happened to me while helping with the rug, something that might be classified as a minor mishap, merely a slip.

OR

Is a fall specifically when you lose your balance unexpectedly whilst doing something normal like walking around your house, your neighborhood, a store, a park, wherever? Such as tripping over something, or having a stroke-like moment, resulting in a serious keeling over out of nowhere. 

I await your insightful comments, my little moonbeams of good health. Trust me when I say this has been an ongoing, unresolved, conversation here at Chez Bean.

What say ye?

Implausible But True: Learning About Gnus & Answering 10 Questions

Subtitled: A Look At How Seamlessly One Thing Can Lead To Another

Photo of a gnu by titiamatta via Pixabay

“In Scrabble putting the GNU in the wrong place won’t get you the points you need,” said I.

I’d lost to Zen-Den in a close game and I felt like explaining myself, assessing where I’d gone wrong. He, however, burst out laughing, finding my statement hilarious, resulting in a question.

“Do you even know what a gnu is?” 

“No, not really,”  said I.

So off I went to research GNUS because I like to learn and because I thought this topic might be decent blog post fodder.

And it was, just not in the way I’d anticipated.

• 😜 •

So first here’s what I learned about GNUS, using bullet points to summarize the information in this article. Then I’ll share the surprising place where I ended up.

  • Gnus are the largest of all antelopes and live in Africa, the largest herds being in Tanzania and Kenya.
  • Gnus are also known as Wildebeests.
  • Gnus is pronounced like “news” making the ‘G’ as useless as the ‘G’ in lasagne.
  • There are two species: the black, also called white-tailed, and the blue, also called common.
  • Baby gnus, called calves, arrive in February and March so we’re in gnu birthing season right now and how exciting is that?
  • Gnus are herbivores who can become dinner for spotted hyenas, lions, cheetahs and African wild dogs.
  • A group of gnus is an implausibility according to James Lipton known to many from Inside the Actors Studio fame.

• 🤓 •

Well once I learned this last point of about gnus I had an epiphany. I knew I had to find Lipton’s famous questions based the Bernard Pivot adaptation of the Proust Questionnaire.

Then, of course, I had to answer Lipton’s 10 questions because to a personal blogger a list of questions is manna from heaven. The questions are as follows with my answers immediately after each one:

1.  What is your favorite word?  

Snazzy

2.  What is your least favorite word?  

Should

3.  What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Going for a walk, seeing what I see, letting my mind wander, quietly pondering what’s really going on around and within me

4.  What turns you off?

Hypocrisy

5.  What is your favorite curse word?

Fu@k

 6.  What sound or noise do you love?

The sound leaves make when the wind blows through the trees, resulting in a quiet rustle that is the epitome of mellow

7.  What sound or noise do you hate?

The high-pitched whirring of a poorly maintained machine that is the aural manifestation of anxiety

8.  What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Interior design

9.  What profession would you not like to do?

Trash collector

10.  If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Welcome! Your favorite table is waiting over here on the deck with a good view of the ocean. Now, are you still drinking Sauvignon Blanc? Will you need to see a menu today?

• 😇 •

Questions Of The Day

When’s the last time you played Scrabble? Did you win?

What’s the last subject you researched? If you write a blog, did you share what you learned?

Back in the day did you ever watch Inside the Actors Studio?

Will you be answering Lipton’s 10 questions?

• 🤔 •

Let’s Laugh: Three Absurd Conversations + Something I Cannot Explain

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Three Absurd Conversations

ONE – Out to dinner with friends. The conversation turns to ice cream. The questions: 1) What is your favorite flavor? and 2) Where do you buy it?

My answer: Spumoni is my favorite flavor but it’s difficult to find, usually only around Christmas, and never for sale in Kroger where I shop most of the time. Seems like they could have it.

A friend, a lawyer, pipes up and jokingly says: It’s not Kroger’s fault for not having spumoni, it’s your fault for liking a weird flavor of ice cream.

Immediately everyone at the table agrees with him and starts laughing at me while I’m forced to admit that he could be right. He might have a point.

You like vanilla, it’s everywhere, no problem.

• • •

TWO – Overheard while shopping in Dillard’s. An older couple, mid-80s, are in the women’s clothing section near where I’m standing. She’s looking at blouses, he’s looking bored. She pulls a blouse on a hanger off the rack and tells him she’s going to try it on.

He seems surprised and says: I thought we were just horsing around here. Then he makes a low guttural snorting sound like a horse whinny while attempting to prance like a horse.

She looks over at me, rolls her eyes, then turns to him and says: Slow down there Roy Rogers, hold your horses, and wait here.

This spunky reply made me laugh out loud and him smile like the ornery cute kid he probably used to be.

Oh, to age with your sense of humor intact.

• • •

THREE – Said by the husband after he plugged in the heating pad so I could lay on the bed with it on my aching thigh.

Him: You’re not supposed to sleep with the electric heating pad on, so once you fall asleep turn it off.

Me staring at him: Think about what you said.

Him: Really, that’s what the warning on the tag says.

Me: Keep thinking.  

Him after long pause: OH… I see the problem.

Which confirmed that he still understands logic, but had me in stitches laughing at and thankfully with someone who rarely says anything illogical.

Even the brainy ones can be dim. 

Something I Cannot Explain

This isn’t my car.

Mid-afternoon I pulled into a parking lot adjacent to a city park and found this car *parked* [abandoned?] in this awkward way.

There were no indications that the car had hit any other vehicle, stopping midway while pulling into the parking space.

After I parked down the way and walked back by the car I saw that the inside of the car was tidy. There wasn’t a note on the windshield explaining what had happened. There was no police citation on it.

It was just a half-parked car in the way in a public parking lot with nary a soul around to explain the situation.

Any idea what was going on here?

~ ~ ~ ~

Grocery Store Chronicles: 3 Vignettes From My Shopping Adventures

Pretty picture of puzzle pieces put together that has nothing to do with the subject of this post, but pretty picture gotta pretty, right?

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TO BEGIN WITH

Over the years I’ve written about my grocery store shopping experiences and put the stories here under the tag: Grocery Store Chronicles.

[The story about discussing kinds of pears and the story about stealing potato chips have been the most popular. Also there’s Betsy‘s favorite story about me buying beer.]

While the following isn’t one complete story like those I linked to above, these are 3 vignettes about what I watched unfold, and entertained me, while shopping in ye olde Kroger this past holiday season.

LOVE CONQUERS CONFUSION

The layout of the first part of our store goes like this: produce, deli, cheese, bakery, then wine and beer.

It was coming up on New Year’s Eve, busy everywhere in the store.

I’d just seen a couple in their 40s picking out some produce for something specific, while overhearing them talk about making something special to take somewhere.

Moving on I went to the cheese kiosk and found myself standing with about 10 other people there as well as the couple. I looked around and realized that the wife was on the verge of tears because, as she explained for all to hear, she couldn’t remember which kind of cheese she was supposed to buy.

She turned to her husband and said: I dunno, I can’t remember. I’m just a little ball of confusion.

To which he said: You know what I like about that?

Her, sad: No… 

Him, leaning in to hug her: You’re MY little ball of confusion.

She smiled weakly while all of us standing around the cheese kiosk in unison went: Aww…

And with that he kissed her and said: I’ll go get the beer while you figure out the cheese. Meet you back here. 

KARMA GOT HER NUMBER 

It was crowded in the store with people and displays of food/wine everywhere.

Zen-Den and I had a small cart full of items and were heading to the U-Scan lanes to buy our stuff. A woman walking behind us to the U-Scan was impatient with our pace. She did a wild dash around us to get to the U-Scan lanes first, giving us the evil eye as she went by.

We shrugged.

As fate would have it, despite our pace, we ended up in the U-Scan spot beside her, which when she saw us caused her to snarl our way.

We shrugged.

Well, as Z-D played cashier scanning our items, I stood there and watched her, surreptitiously. And here’s what happened: her first credit card was rejected. Her second credit card was rejected.

And when we left having successfully scanned, packed, and paid for our groceries, she was holding a third credit card that had been rejected, while talking on her cell phone with someone.

Half of me felt sorry for her because I’d guess everyone has had a credit card rejected at some point and it is frustrating, BUT considering how impatient she was and her negative attitude toward us… I smiled.

Ha!

WHEN THE WRONG THING IS RIGHT

I was waiting in the cashier line, standing behind a Dad with a cart heaped with groceries and a 3 y.o. sitting in the basket cart seat. The Dad was at the front of the cart while the boy was directly in front of me.

The little guy was laser-focused on everything his Dad was putting on the conveyor belt. Nothing escaped his notice.

About halfway through unloading the cart the boy told his Dad: That’s the wrong milk.

Dad: What?

Boy: It’s blue. 

Dad: WHAT?

Boy: It should be red.

Dad, catching on that his son was talking about the color of the label on the milk: No the blue one is right this time. 

Boy, raising his eyebrow like the 50 y.o. man he’ll be: Mom. buys. red.

Dad, still putting items on the conveyor belt: The blue one is buttermilk. It’s the right one this time because Mom is making cookies and this is what she uses. 

Boy, shaking his head, rolling his eyes, explaining to me under his breath: Mom BUYS cookies… and she’s gonna be mad about no red milk. 

~ ~

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

So, been shopping in a brick and mortar store lately? And how did that go for you?

Overheard anything that made you smile?

Or watched something happen that brought out the snark in you?

Or confirmed that kids can be wise beyond their years?

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