Friendship

Hokey Smokes: 7 Things To Tell You On The Last Thursday In October

/ Ally Bean / 274 Comments

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1 – I am encouraged.  The health advice in this article is fun and puts aging into perspective without making a person, such as myself, feel angsty. Just so you know, apropos of the article, I do eat beans and I can scratch my own back. So there.

2 – I am disheartened.  This region of the USA is currently experiencing Boxwood Armageddon. To put this in pragmatic terms, we have 25 boxwood bushes on this property: 11 are dead, 4 are ailing, and 10 are hanging in there. It’s going to be expensive to remove the dead/ailing ones then replace them with something, probably not boxwoods.

3 – I am delighted.  I’ve started watching a new TV mystery series about a full-time caterer/part-time sleuth. The show, that is on Acorn, is called Mrs Sidhu Investigates. I want Suki Sidhu to be my bff, she is smart and captivating with a good sense of humor.

4 – I am unclear.  In regard to a conversation with a friend irl I’m wondering if how I define the word “overshare” is how anyone else does. To wit, does it mean: 1) talk about topics that you deem to be improper;  2) talk in depth about a topic; OR 3) talk too frequently about whatever interests you in the moment?

5 – I am thrilled!!!  This article [HERE] explains that: “Around 700 years ago, in the small town of Urbisaglia in central Italy, the scholar and poet Alpoleio felt moved to introduce a punctuation mark that flagged up emotion rather than simply syntax.” I don’t use exclamation points often, but when I do I mean it what I’m saying.

6 – I am beguiled.  While I like Jell-O, which I know can be a controversial admission, I’ve never made a mold of it… then made the mold wiggle/wobble… for snorts and giggles. Go HERE & HERE & HERE to see what I’m talking about.

7 – I am supportive.  DISC is a way to explain your personality based on self-assessment. In the DISC paradigm there are four quadrants: Drive, Influence, Clarity, Support. I took a short free online quiz [HERE] the results of which told me I am “helpful and shows care for others.” Okie dokie, then.

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QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

If you are trying to live a healthier lifestyle, yet find yourself slip sliding away, do articles like the one I linked to help you get back in the groove?

When thinking about how you define “overshare” do you lean into the idea that it means: inappropriate, pedantic, or chatty?

Tell me [us] how you really feel about Jell-O. Everyone has an opinion!!!

If you take the online quiz to determine your DISC personality, who are you? Does it ring true with who you think you are?

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When Writing A Blog Post: The Importance Of Respecting Manufactured Victories

/ Ally Bean / 219 Comments

Captain Benjamin Sisko with a baseball in his hand.

THE PHRASE a manufactured victory is from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine [DS9]. The phrase, used in an episode called Take Me Out to the Holosuite, refers to a story in which the plucky DS9 gang attempts to play a baseball game on the holodeck.

It’s the 24th Century and Captain Benjamin Sisko, who is in charge of Deep Space Nine, is a nut about the old-fashioned game called baseball. He insists that the Federation crew + others living on Deep Space Nine learn the game, then play it.

Just once.

For him.

In what comes as no surprise to anyone familiar with the somewhat dysfunctional inhabitants of DS9, the uncoordinated, dare I say tetchy, DS9 team loses the game to a team of organized Vulcans.

However the DS9 team decides to call the experience a win because, from their point of view, showing up together and trying was a victory. The Vulcans balk at the idea that the DS9 team could call their defeat a success, telling them theirs is merely a “manufactured victory”— to which the undaunted team joyfully agrees and keeps on celebrating.

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OCCASIONALLY I think of this episode when I sit down to write a blog post, like I did this morning. I can want to be a prolific articulate blogger living a fabulous life full of amazing details and drama, BUT you know what?

That’s not my reality.

I’m much more DS9 crew member, stumbling along with good intentions, giving it a go, than a Vulcan who is perfectly logically organized and fascinating.

Thus by explaining the foregoing, which is to say that nothing much has been happening in my real life lately, yet mindful of my commitment to show up here weekly, I’ll end this post having written what I believe is an example of a truthful blogger’s manufactured victory.

And a darned good one at that.

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So, my little space cadets, what do you think about the concept of manufactured victories? 
If you write a personal blog, have your written a few manufactured victories along the way?
Are you a fan of Star Trek, yes or no? If yes, which TV series is your favorite? And why?
Anything new happening in your part of the galaxy?

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Positivity Got You Down? Let Me Suggest Something

/ Ally Bean / 273 Comments

Not everyone grooves on uplifting thoughts all the time.

I understand this.

In fact when I was in college there were no Gratitude Journals, that wasn’t a thing like it is today.

Instead we kept what we called Bitch Books. They were nothing special to look at, just spiral notebooks with a theme, however it sounded better to refer to them as Bitch Books.

So we did.

To clarify, we called them this not because we thought of ourselves as bitches, even if we might have been, but because we needed a place to write about our issues, all the wrongs that we felt we’d suffered.

Oy vey!

Granted we also discussed our issues in lengthy conversations with a few people who would now be called your negativity friends [HERE], but often there were hurts that could only be expressed adequately, with the proper amount of collegiate drama, by writing about them ad nauseam in our Bitch Books.

We hid our books from our nosy roommates and unenlightened boyfriends because they could never know what we were really thinking. Heaven forbid there’d be open authentic communication.

We knew that our profs would never see the crap we’d written about them, so many pages of my book were filled with deets of professorial incompetence, stupidity, and hypocrisy. No surprise, huh?

I’d not thought about Bitch Books in decades, and probably wouldn’t have thought about them again, if it weren’t for an advertisement that shows up, unsolicited, on my Instagram feed*.

This intrusive ad confirms that everything old is new again. To wit, let me share a link to today’s version of a Bitch Book.

It’s stylish, something that’s now called a Grievance Journal [HERE], described by Boardwalk Gifts, the purveyor of it, as a “the perfect repository for all your existential angst and daily gripes!” 

Which no doubt it is.

And here’s the dealio, which is really where I’m going with this post. For a mere $28.00 you, my little bitches gentle readers, can purchase your very own Grievance Journal in which you, if you feel the need, can write about all the crap that happens to you.

OR, and this is just a thought, you could replicate what we did back in the day and write your angsty unhappiness in an 1 Subject College Ruled Spiral Notebook [HERE] currently available for $3.39 at Target.

It’s your money and your life, of course.

Obviously I don’t know how much bitching you need to do, so please, I encourage you, do what you feel suits you best.

* I’m on Instagram as thespectacledbean [HERE]

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Have you ever heard of an old-school Bitch Book or a new-fangled Grievance Journal?

Have you written one? Why or why not?

Did you once have, or do you now have, negativity friends?

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July Reply: Answering YOUR Miscellaneous Questions + My Conclusions About Doing This Project [AMA Part 3 Of 3]

/ Ally Bean / 182 Comments

PREVIOUSLY…

As promised, this is the last installment of the AMA Extravaganza, a blogging project I dreamed up in June [HERE] as a way to see what y’all were curious about + as a way of focusing attention on other bloggers.

So far I’ve answered YOUR questions about blogging [HERE] and YOUR questions about me [HERE].

Again I’m highlighting who asked each question and adding a link to their blog. This I hope will create and extend a sense of community that is, in my experience, the backbone of personal blogging.

Plus for your entertainment I’ve added 3 memes from the National Park Service, that has the best sense of humor of any government agency.

See what you think.

YOUR QUESTIONS + MY ANSWERS

The following questions are listed alphabetically using the first letter of the first name of the Cool Kid who asked the question. Thanks to everyone who asked a question. My answers immediately follow each question.   

📌 Barbara from Book Club Mom asks: Do you think a person’s opinion of a book can change after discussing it with others? Has this ever happened to you?

MY ANSWER: Yes, a person’s opinion of a book can change after discussing it with other people. Or having it explained to you by someone, like a college prof, who understand the context better or has more life experience than you.

For me a case in point would be The Scarlet Letter by Hawthorne that I thought was a pathetic story until I learned more about the era it was set in– and how hypocritical religious folks can be. 🤨

📌 Betsy from Motherhood and Martial Arts asks: Did some punk on here already ask you to explain the meaning of life? 

MY ANSWER: No, Betsy, no one else has asked me to explain the meaning of life. You’re the only one to ask IF someone has asked me that question. And that is my punkish reply. 😜

📌 Catsandcoffee from MIDLIFE CAT LADY asks: If you were reincarnated into an animal, what would it be and why?

MY ANSWER: I’ve wrestled with my answer to this question. On the one hand I’d go with CAT because I adore their indifferent attitude towards pleasing people.  But on the other hand I’m drawn to SLOTH because they make me smile and live life at their own pace.

I dunno for sure so depending on my mood: 😼 or 🦥

📌 Ernie from … no small feet asks: Do you and Zen Den have couples that you meet up with for dinner/drinks. etc. And have you struggled to find couples that you both enjoy? …  How do you handle this issue?

MY ANSWER: Most of our socializing with other couples has been a result of Z-D’s work relationships. This means that unless I really dislike a couple, we continue to see them… because business. I figure it’s only for a few hours and if [almost always] there are adult beverages involved, it’s all good. 🍸

📌 JT Twissell from SAYING NOTHING IN PARTICULAR asks: Have you ever been asked if you were on drugs?

MY ANSWER: Welp, up until this question no one has ever asked me if I was on drugs. I am not, nor ever have been, but thanks for asking. Perhaps I should investigate taking some? Are you suggesting a new goal for me? 😵‍💫

📌 Janis at Retirementally Challenged asks: What kind of bean are you: lima, baked, jelly, or some other type?

MY ANSWER: Oddly enough I have answered this question before in THIS POST wherein I shared my bean personality after taking an online quiz from THE BEAN INSTITUTE that told me: “You’re the Pinto Bean: Humble, Unassuming, Relaxed & Modest.”

Ha! Didn’t see that answer coming, did ‘ya? 😉

📌 LA from Waking up on the Wrong Side of 50 asks: My friend asks me for fashion advice…. Do I tell her what I really think or do I continue to skirt around the issue, realizing it’s just my opinion, but in the back of my head, she already sees the things I see, and wants confirmation? 

MY ANSWER: If an acquaintance asked this I’d be noncommittal, BUT if a friend asked for fashion advice like yours has, I’d be more truthful, in a tactful way.

I’d approach it from the improv point of view wherein you say “yes/and” when it’s your turn to talk.  That is, your friend says something about an outfit then I’d say: “YES you could wear that AND you might be able to enhance it by ________.”  She talks and your reply is: “YES I get what you’re saying AND you could try _______.”

This continues until the conversation has reaches its logical conclusion. Then you never say another word about what she decides to wear. 🤐

📌 Mark Petruska from Mark My Words asks: If we were stranded on a desert island together, what skills do you think I would bring to the table? How about you? Would we be able to put our collective noggins together and figure a way off the damned island ala Tom Hanks in “Castaway,” or would we perish after a few weeks? … Keep in mind we don’t have a Wilson with us (though hopefully I’m more entertaining than a damn volleyball).

MY ANSWER: Dude, we’re doomed. No way are we going to survive being stranded on a desert island for a few weeks.

Sure you have amazing writing skillz and can mow a huge yard on a riding mower, but those abilities, while admirable, are worth zilch when stranded in the way you envision.  Plus the only skill I could bring to the situation is to complain, very well of course, taking into account everything that is wrong, but I know that gift wouldn’t contribute to our survival either.

The only way I can fathom us surviving is IF we had Wilson with us, and you’ve taken that option off the table, so my friend it’s over for us, been great knowing ‘ya. 🏐

📌 Mary from Mary J Melange asks: Is there a question you will never ever answer because of the skeleton in the closet? Where do you hide the bodies? Is there such a thing as watching too much crime drama on TV? Is there such a thing as too many cats or too much chocolate? Where did I leave my car keys? Are you annoyed by stupid questions?

MY ANSWER: First let me congratulate you on asking the most random stream of questions that anyone has asked here.

Well done.

Next let me assure you that I have some skeletons somewhere, but none involve real bodies nor do I keep them in a closet.  Mine are decorative, stored in the basement, used to zhoosh up the house for Halloween.  And yes, I’m sure some of us watch way too many TV crime dramas, but I shall not name names.

I believe, and this might be controversial, that you can have too many cats and too much chocolate. I’ll not elaborate further lest I inflame someone with my opinion.

I suggest you search for your car keys in the kitchen, maybe tossed into the silverware drawer by accident? Or pushed into the trash can by Gibbs? Or Hoshi? And no I’m not annoyed by your inventive questions. In fact I’m giving you a trophy for your cleverness. 🏆

📌 nance from Dept. of Nance asks: Is there anything you’ve ever just plain given up on?

MY ANSWER: I’ve give up on lots of things, from career aspirations to the best recipe for cheesecake– and everything in-between. The thing is I believe there is nothing wrong with giving up.

Yes, you read that right.

You just have to be clear about why you’re giving up and how your life will change because of it. If you’re comfortable with your answers to those two variables, then give up– and move on. 😌

📌 philmouse from Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge asks: You’re cool (of course) so the obvious question is what flavor of ice cream do you prefer? Do you think ice cream choice reveals a lot about a person? …Some people are fans and dedicated to one flavor, some love experiments and variety, some may change as they mature – or move to a new place. Do you think there should be some research money available for a study on this? 

MY ANSWER: Okay, here goes. My favorite flavors of ice cream have changed over the years.  As a child I liked raspberry ripple, then as a teenage moved on to mint chocolate chip, followed by a decade of chocolate almond.  However now, as a confirmed adult, I like vanilla bean vanilla [never French vanilla] or caramel.

Whether I’ve revealed anything important about myself, or if there should be research money available for how a person’s ice cream preferences change, is not for me to decide.

HOWEVER I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that there is a well-funded research project happening on this question. Such is the way of the modern world, no detail of human behavior is too small to explore on someone else’s dime. 🍨

📌 Sadje from Keep it alive asks: Why does it rains when you don’t have an umbrella and it’s sunny when you do have one?

MY ANSWER: This is a brilliant question. My answer to it demonstrates why I’m sometimes described as charmingly cynical. My reply is: because the Universe likes to screw with you, just to see what you’ll do next! ☔️

IN CONCLUSION

While doing this project my stats were booming. In the words of WordPress: “The Spectacled Bean is getting noticed.”

Here is what I learned by doing this AMA Extravaganza, something I’ll probably never do again, but was worth doing once to test my mettle:

  1. When you solicit questions from your readers you open yourself up to a whole lot of randomness.
  2. If you are not prepared to make yourself vulnerable, don’t do this: remember you’re giving up your control over what you’ll be writing about.
  3. Readers asked excellent questions and answering them took more time than I imagined it would, so I spread my answers out over a few weeks which was not my original plan.
  4. This project was worthwhile because by adding a link to the blog of anyone who asked a question I was sharing the limelight with other people, thus this wasn’t all about me. Hallelujah!