Positivity Got You Down? Let Me Suggest Something

/ Ally Bean

Not everyone grooves on uplifting thoughts all the time.

I understand this.

In fact when I was in college there were no Gratitude Journals, that wasn’t a thing like it is today.

Instead we kept what we called Bitch Books. They were nothing special to look at, just spiral notebooks with a theme, however it sounded better to refer to them as Bitch Books.

So we did.

To clarify, we called them this not because we thought of ourselves as bitches, even if we might have been, but because we needed a place to write about our issues, all the wrongs that we felt we’d suffered.

Oy vey!

Granted we also discussed our issues in lengthy conversations with a few people who would now be called your negativity friends [HERE], but often there were hurts that could only be expressed adequately, with the proper amount of collegiate drama, by writing about them ad nauseam in our Bitch Books.

We hid our books from our nosy roommates and unenlightened boyfriends because they could never know what we were really thinking. Heaven forbid there’d be open authentic communication.

We knew that our profs would never see the crap we’d written about them, so many pages of my book were filled with deets of professorial incompetence, stupidity, and hypocrisy. No surprise, huh?

I’d not thought about Bitch Books in decades, and probably wouldn’t have thought about them again, if it weren’t for an advertisement that shows up, unsolicited, on my Instagram feed*.

This intrusive ad confirms that everything old is new again. To wit, let me share a link to today’s version of a Bitch Book.

It’s stylish, something that’s now called a Grievance Journal [HERE], described by Boardwalk Gifts, the purveyor of it, as a “the perfect repository for all your existential angst and daily gripes!” 

Which no doubt it is.

And here’s the dealio, which is really where I’m going with this post. For a mere $28.00 you, my little bitches gentle readers, can purchase your very own Grievance Journal in which you, if you feel the need, can write about all the crap that happens to you.

OR, and this is just a thought, you could replicate what we did back in the day and write your angsty unhappiness in an 1 Subject College Ruled Spiral Notebook [HERE] currently available for $3.39 at Target.

It’s your money and your life, of course.

Obviously I don’t know how much bitching you need to do, so please, I encourage you, do what you feel suits you best.

* I’m on Instagram as thespectacledbean [HERE]

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Have you ever heard of an old-school Bitch Book or a new-fangled Grievance Journal?

Have you written one? Why or why not?

Did you once have, or do you now have, negativity friends?

• 💚 •

273 thoughts on “Positivity Got You Down? Let Me Suggest Something”

  1. Love it! I’d never heard of a bitch book or grievance journal, and I’m a relatively positive person. However, I do find myself feeling a bit weary of so many positivity messages at times. They can come across as so facile – maybe a bit patronizing – to people struggling in an increasingly complex world. 

    Liked by 7 people

    • Jane, I’m a positive enough person, so like you I find too much positivity a bit… cloying.  I hadn’t put it into the context of our complex world, but you are right.  Too much positivity can come across as patronizing.  Good point.   

      Liked by 3 people

      • Thought-provoking point, Jane and Ally – overly positive people can sometimes come across as cloying or facile. I have met the occasional cloying positivist – they stand out displaying learned behaviour which somehow seems less genuine as those whose positivity comes truly from their heart. I do think the cloying types, (if I can lump them all together), can cluster along personality lines. However positivity friends that border on displaying facile behaviour – now there’s a point. Is this manner of being so upbeat and positive about EVERYTHING, mean they are most at risk for not taking matters seriously enough to initiate change where it is needed? Thanks for prodding my grey matter this morning.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Now you’ve got me thinking, Amanda! Yes, the two people in my life who came to mind when I read Ally’s post, to me at least, always respond with an automatic positive interpretation to an issue or someone’s  personal situation. There are times when these situations are deep and hurtful, and I always feel like these two people aren’t really listening properly or showing true empathy. They seem to think you can give a perky response and everyone should feel OK. It’s far more complicated than that. 

          Like

        • Amanda, you’ve explained the situation perfectly: “displaying learned behaviour which somehow seems less genuine as those whose positivity comes truly from their heart.”  Occasionally I’ve experienced conversations with someone who is very UPBEAT and clueless in the sense of EQ.  Like Jane mentioned, those people seem hurtful because they dismiss the gravity of what is being said to them.  You gotta meet people where they are.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Yep – I agree, Jane and Ally! A knee-jerk positive response to a complicated/ sensitive issue or problem indicates a different communication style that is not familiar with actively listening or showing empathy- low EQ (as you alluded, Ally). In missing the point the speaker was making, further sharing is inhibited. Or, do they feel so uncomfortable hearing bad news that knee-jerk positivity is their universal go-to regardless? That makes me wonder how such a person would react when someone does use empathy towards them when they experience serious difficulty. Do they live perpetually with their heads in a positivity cloud, like an ostrich with its head stuck up rather than down (in the sand)?

            Liked by 2 people

            • Amanda, your analysis of what might be going inside the mind of an overly positive person is spot on. Who knows, huh? I do adore the image of a person with their head stuck up in a positivity cloud. Delightful. That might be all the explanation we need.

              Liked by 2 people

    • Kate, I think that now in these here modern times one has besties and then one has negativity friends.  The former are forever, the latter are situationally specific.  At least that’s my take on this.  Seems easier to write your woes in a Bitch Book, but I’m an old-school introvert. 😏

      Liked by 2 people

      • Hmmm…I have to think about negativity friends. I don’t know if I can classify any of my friends as such except for the ones I couldn’t stand at all! There were some that I was more willing to be whiny with. Others were a bit pollyanna! That all makes my head hurt!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Yes, I’ve known a few Pollyannas along the way and they’re as annoying/unrealistic as the Negative Nellies. Same extreme reactions, just in different directions. Give me the sane balanced people in the middle! We’re the good folks.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. **Of course** I’ve done this! The beauty of spiral notebooks is that the pages are easily torn up once the vitriol/frustration is out on the page and things have sorted themselves (or not)…but geez, $28 bucks for the same ‘privilege?’ I don’t pay $28 bucks for my very coolest journal!!!!! And as you know I do have an eclectic collection of those from various decades. HA!
    😎

    Liked by 4 people

    • Laura, I hadn’t thought about how you can easily tear out pages from a spiral notebook. THAT is another reason why they seem, to me, to be the logical choice.  I do admit that I’d buy a Grievance Journal as a gift for a friend, partly as a joke, partly because I know she could use it.  I like your eclectic collection of journals.  

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I just happen to feed off of other people’s emotions. If I’m around someone negative, I go negative. And with positive people, surprise! I’m more positive. Either way, I carry those emotions forward.

    I haven’t kept a journal for my dark thoughts, but I have written them down and burned the paper. 🔥

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Well I mean I guess we could use the blog as a bitch book too… lol

    As long as that’s not the only topic we discuss (bitching). I think I’ve seen many of us who have ranted on the blog at times. A type of catharsis, particularly if there was engagement and conversation in the comments. 😉

    How times have changed.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Claudette, excellent point. A blog post, or the whole weblog, could be used as a Bitch Book/Grievance Journal IF the people you’re talking about don’t know you have a blog. Everyone who pays any attention to me knows I blog, so that wouldn’t work for me.

      As for whether your commenters on your bitchy blog would be negative friends, I dunno. Maybe? I suppose if you wrote something positive and those commenters didn’t comment, you’d have your answer. 🧐

      Liked by 1 person

      • I guess ranting about *random* things on the world wide web is better than calling out a single person.

        I’ve read enough dating blogs to know how bitching about failed dates works: they use clever pseudonyms and fake scenarios but basically admit to bitching about x who did y and z.

        But… reading about the same bitching time and again gets old, right?

        I’m currently trying (not always succeeding) reframing my mind away from the bitching. But mostly in private. Still, a bitching journal is VERY intriguing. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • I agree, sometimes the best approach is to rant online in a blog instead of calling out someone in real life. I’ve no guidelines about when I should do one or the other, but admit there is value in both.

          Repetitive bitching suggests to me someone who likes to hold onto problems, more than make the effort to solve the problem. I’ve run into many people like that over the years. They’re not my people.

          Thinking way back to when I first started blogging I remember a guy who had his happy blog and then his unhappy blog. Same man, different take on his life. It was a little psycho, but he was popular.

          Liked by 2 people

  7. Ally Bean! I have the biggest smile on my face right now. Your wit has no bounds and I love this…dare I say slightly snarky look at journaling in general?

    I always thought of my sweet, pink, locking diary to be my bitch book. It was where I wrote about the horror that was my life. That meant mostly my mom of course, until I realized the ‘lock’ was a sham and she was reading page after page of my diary. Devastated I was and no more writing until someone invented blogs and I created my first one on Blogger.

    Would I spend $28, or even $3.99? Here’s my dealio- I get the benefit of writing things out sometimes, but I am cheap. No fancy Nancy books for me with pretty covers, lined pages or trendy names. If I really need to write something out I have a few odds and ends of loose leaf notebook paper laying around as leftovers from homeschool science. In most cases I still use the handy blog post format so that all my lovely readers get the privilege of sharing in my angst. You my dear, are considered to be one among my list of negativity friends so I say thank you much 😉

    Liked by 5 people

    • Deb, SNARKY! Who you calling snarky? 😁

      I remember those little diaries with the faux keys.  I had one, but I never wrote much in mine.  It wasn’t until I got to college and embraced the Bitch Book idea that I went all in with whining and complaining and ranting.  It was, in retrospect, good practice for writing blog posts.  

      We’ve some loose leaf paper around here, too.  Plus I’m a fan of steno pads, which are inexpensive when purchased in bulk, so IF I was going to write a Bitch Book again it’d be on a steno pad.  Also I am honored to be one of your negativity friends, no higher praise.  

      Liked by 1 person

      • Please- no offense meant in “snarky” at all. In my world it is a badge of honor and great respect. I love and admire snarky 😉 That is why IF I was going to have a designated book the Bitch Book would be perfect for me hands down. I suppose I could just have Bitch Paper though—and then maybe charge $30 for a three pack?

        Liked by 2 people

        • Of course I took no offense at snarky! I’m glad someone realizes this aspect of my personality. I agree it is a badge of honor to be called such.

          Brilliant idea about Bitch Paper. First you’d sell a three ring binder with a snazzy cover, then you’d sell filler packs of Bitch Paper, maybe in a variety of colors, that the writer would use as she unloaded her daily angst.

          If I weren’t so frugal I’d buy your product. 😁

          Liked by 1 person

  8. Way back in my 20’s and 30’s I kept a journal that turned into my bitching book. Which reminds me I need to burn those journals!! It was a place for me to get all the crap off my chest…let it out and let it go. I never spent more than a few dollars to get more pages for the little binder I kept it in.
    I really do need to gather up all those years and sort them and burn the really bitchy pages! 🤣

    Liked by 4 people

  9. I snickered and giggled my way through that post. Thank you! The term bitch book is fantastic. I’ve never heard it before. Possibly because my journal was more of a melodrama memoir. I think I’d rather be a bitch!

    Liked by 3 people

  11. I didn’t call them BITCH JOURNALS at the time (what a great moniker!) but, as a college kid, I did fill dozens of college-ruled spiral notebooks with a litany of complaints scribbled down whenever I was unhappy with the state of my world.  

    Years later, I destroyed the lot of them and have never been tempted to resume the practice of recording negativity in perpetuity.  So no $28 Grievance Journal for me.  

    These days, if I have something negative to say and need to organize my anger, frustration, annoyance, or grievances, I jot them down on scrap paper and shred the negativity at the earliest opportunity.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Nancy, the best description yet: “a litany of complaints scribbled down whenever I was unhappy with the state of my world.” Yep, that’s what Bitch Books were all about.

      I don’t think my books made it out of college. Before I graduated I tossed them down the garbage shoot into a dumpster below.

      I like to shred unhappy or mundane thought now, too. Or sometimes I write something down on a piece of paper then ball up the offensive idea so that I can toss it dramatically into the trash.

      As long as it is dramatic, it is meaningful. 🙄

      Like

      • Yes!  Shredding, Tossing, Setting our thoughts Aflame.  All good!

        BTW:  When gatherings turn into gripe sessions, I have been known to excuse myself from the communal conversation with a short, “well, I’ll leave you to it.”

        People tend to be surprised that I’m not interested in being one of their “negativity friends.”

        Liked by 1 person

        • It’s the process of letting go of the negative thoughts and grievances is more important than what you’re whining about. At least that’s how I see it.

          Great way to exit a conversation. I’ll remember that should I find myself in a similar group situation. If you aren’t talking about solutions, I usually don’t have much to add to the conversation.

          Liked by 1 person

  12. In my 20s I kept a journal for quite some time. I’m not sure why, but I started going through them one day and was pretty shocked. I realized that all I had written about, at length, were the negative or depressed thoughts I was feeling. When times were good, I spent precious little time writing about it. It occurred to me that if anyone else ever read my journals, they would think I was the most miserable person on the planet. I stopped keeping the journals at that point, and instead I jotted notes in my (old school) paper date book, the likes of which I still keep and don’t mind paying $20 a year for because they are really pretty. It’s far more interesting to look back on, and I don’t feel like jumping off a cliff when doing so.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Dorothy, what an interesting discover to realize about how you were back then. I can understand how you were shocked to read that. I imagine many items in my college Bitch Book would suggest depression, too. No one gave a flying fig through a donut hole about such things back then. Or they didn’t in my world.

      I like your idea of jotting a few notes in a date book. That way you have a memory of who you were, but not only the sad things, some good things too.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Hilarious! This is something I would have been so into, had I discovered such a thing! When I was in college, I filled two spiral notebooks with poems I wrote. Mostly, about guys who broke my heart, but also just stuff that annoyed me, so I guess it was similar to a Bitch Book, just more depressing.

    I’ve had plenty of negativity friends throughout my life. They serve a purpose, I suppose. I don’t enjoy them as much as I did, years ago. I try to surround myself with positivity now, but I’ll never be a New Age dreamer, spinning rainbows and unicorns.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Bijoux, your collegiate poetry books would have been at home with our Bitch Books. Same concept, just a swankier way of writing.

      I’ve known, and still know, many negative people. Whether we’re still friends seems to be in doubt. I take them where I find them, but refuse to indulge in whiny conversations. No rainbows or unicorns from you! Why am I not shocked? 😁

      Like

  14. Where have I been all my life? I don’t recall ever seeing or hearing about Bitch Books. I was an angst-filled college student and probably would have filled those suckers up with all my gripes and insecurities (particularly the latter). It’s just as well that I was oblivious to this venting mechanism. Hearing about them today—old-style and new—the notion holds no appeal. In whatever time I have left, I prefer to focus on the positive than dwell in the negative. That was a hard-won lesson and I’m not going to ignore it. Likewise, the negative people in my life seem to have turned elsewhere for their prey. Thanks, as always, Ally, for teaching me something new.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Donna, I have no source for where the idea of Bitch Books came from, I just know we all kept them. They were a good way to vent, safely, and to feel like we were being mature in the process.

      I don’t keep a Bitch Book or its ilk now. I’m like you, the negative people in my life dropped away during the pandemic and I’m not going to go searching for them now. I wish them well, but from afar.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Hmmm, I kept a diary for a few years when I was a young teenager but never kept a bitch book. I suppose writing, in some ways, is a way of airing some of my angst but most of my bitching is usually done in person, over a glass of wine with a few girlfriends!

    Liked by 3 people

  16. I’ve heard of both but have never kept either. I certainly wouldn’t be paying that amount for the “privilege” of a special book rather than just an ordinary scribbler. In my little opinion, a journal is a journal, whether it leans to the negative or positive. Just ask Jane Austin. 😉

    I’m an introvert and as a result I’m not comfortable with large groups of friends or specified friends (like a bitch buddy). For me, a friend is a friend and it’s a two-way connection street that includes positive and negative for both.

    Interesting topic and post. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  17. Wow! I didn’t have a bitch journal, but I avidly journaled about everything for many years. Eventually, I realized that sitting down and journaling was detracting from getting out and doing. I was finally ready to set aside journaling and take up life fully. I haven’t journaled since. I have far more interesting and fantastical things to write about, but I just hold them in my heart.

    Liked by 3 people

    • KDKH, I never kept a journal consistently for any amount of time so I’m in awe of you and your writerliness. But I also understand why at a certain point it seems like doing is better than recording. Maybe that realization comes with age. 🤔

      The idea of writing about fantastical things from the point of view of your heart rings true with me. If you choose to write again, that’s the way to go.

      Liked by 1 person

      • After so many years of armoring my heart, with no safe space, I find sharing from my heart difficult. I am being nudged in that direction, and I’m slowly heading there. Due to my very stodgy job, I’ll have to use a pseudonym. No magical, fantastical things are supposed to happen to lawyers, and sharing them is unsafe from a professional standpoint. Wish me luck!

        Liked by 1 person

        • I understand why you’ll do things the way you will. Makes sense and might just be more fun than you can imagine. Think of it, you’ll create someone new based on who you are. Good luck.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Yes! And I think that popular culture places too much emphasis on positivity. We learn in the dark, and there is no shame in growth. The pressure to always be happy is harsh. Maybe this is because my profession and also my life’s work is to help those who have problems or are struggling to move forward, but false positivity helps no one. Gratitude and appreciation, yes. But forced positivity hurts people.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Well said. Our culture seems to be putting more focus on positivity as if it’s the only panacea for societal problems. Easier to say “just think good thoughts” than to actually address something difficult. Kind of funny to think back to my college days when grousing was the way to stay sane.

              Liked by 1 person

              • The bitch book sounds healthy. It gives an outlet for things that can’t be said, so they have a chance to be released. My mother sat on her grievances for her entire 62-year marriage but had no safe person to tell. They festered until I few old enough for her to tell me. Over and over again.😣 the festering had taken root and grown, even over small things. It hasn’t been healthy for her. And it has been hard to hold space for her, over and over again as she shares grievances big and small. I like to think that the angels reduces a little with each telling, but now, she clutches them as old friends to justify her anger. 😔 a bitch book at the time might have helped.

                Liked by 1 person

  18. I love a little snark to start my day! Thanks for bringing the giggles and the truth. I’m with you. Fancy $28 books? No, thank you very much. When I need to vent and dare to write it down or type it out, I’m fastidious about hiding/destroying any evidence, no celebrating it with a swanky cover or title. LOL. All of this reminds me of “Mean Girls” and the ‘burn books’. And ‘negativity friends’? You betcha. Blessed girlfriends who let me unload and love me anyhow (and of course I return the favor). 😉🥰😉

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Heehee. This post made gave me the chuckles.

    I had never heard of a Bitch Book or a Grievance Journal before reading this post. Thank you for introducing me to something new!

    Negativity friends is a new one for me, too! I have one friend who is so relentlessly optimistic that any tiny vent gets turned on its head and makes me feel ten times more negative about whatever spurred the vent in the first place (and maybe about my friend, too) (sometimes you just need to complain and have someone agree that a thing sucks), but I don’t think that’s what the term is intended to mean.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Suzanne, I hadn’t thought about my Bitch Book in ages and then this advertisement kept popping up. Clever idea of a Grievance Journal, but nothing new to me.

      Until I read that article I’d never heard of the idea of negativity friends. It makes sense in that they aren’t in and of themselves negative, just that they’re willing to listen to you be whiny. I know how you feel about overly positive people, they seem intent on not letting you be yourself like your reality threatens them somehow. 🤨

      Like

  20. Nope. Haven’t heard of either Bitch or Grievance books. I’ll stick with my spiral, tear-out-the-page $3.89 Target version and call myself fixed. Said book serves as bitch/grievance book, gratitude journal, and healing tool to help work through the tangled web of confused feelings. PS: I sure do hope that my Pollyanna positivity is never perceived as cloying! If so, somebody tell me so I can stop! ☺️

    Liked by 2 people

    • Julia, I agree. I think that for the money a spiral notebook from Target gets the job done. I’m frugal and “my tangled web of confused feelings” get untangled just fine at less expense. 🙄

      Like

  21. As you know, I’ve kept journals/Bitch books for many years. I’ve told my kids they can read them when I’m gone. Every once in awhile, I go back and read them. They have a lot of information that I’ve forgotten over the years. Kind of fun. But also a lot of stupid, immature stuff. Amazing to read years later. Not sure I’ve matured that much since then😹 I’m still writing.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Beth, I know you have all your journals. Good for you, not for me. In fact a few years ago I shredded all my Morning Pages a la The Artists Way [not quite a journal but years worth of jumbled thoughts] and felt an amazing sense of freedom. It’s fun to let go of the past. 😊

      Like

  22. I’ve still got my diaries from when Moses was a boy. I really should let go of them. Burn ‘em. (I might be jailed if somehow they got into the wrong hands.) I don’t journal as such although I’m convinced that jotting down thoughts clarifies my thinking and feeling. Reading them a few days later puts a different slant on things.  Interesting post thanks Ally Bean.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Susan, letting go of who you were/what you were thinking is part of why destroying journals is healthy. It’s not like you’ll forget the lessons learned, assuming you learned some I suppose.

      Like you I jot down thoughts too. Just to help me think things through, see my ideas in writing. But that’s as far as it goes, either my idea becomes a blog post or I bless it for helping me achieve clarity before I throw it out.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Never heard of bitch books or grievance journals although I did plenty of both in my college years. In fact, my marriage memoir contains a grievance about the time my boyfriend dumped me.

    Right now, a gratitude journal fits me better. I’ll whine to my husband, aka the boyfriend who dumped me.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Marian, oh I’m laughing out loud here. That boyfriend of yours is a keeper!

      Like you I no longer feel the need to write down what has gone wrong in my life, but I also haven’t gotten into gratitude journaling. I’m somewhere in the middle, “a little bit country, a little bit rock and roll” as Donny and Marie Osmond used to sing.

      Liked by 1 person

  24. I have never heard of a Bitch Journal, but I’ve been bitching all my life. Reading this post made me wonder what life might have been like if I had gone to college right after high school rather than waiting until i was 30 to go. I might have had a bitch journal back then.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Robin, I went straight from high school to college. In retrospect I could have used a gap year, but that idea wasn’t around back then. Instead I had a Bitch Book, which did help me work through issues. Not gracefully as I recall, but in a health-ish way.

      Like

  25. I laughed out loud when I saw the $28 Grievance Journal. I mean, clever. OR, as you suggested, just buy a dollar store notebook.

    My blog serves as a gratitude journal/bitch book, but I also enjoy writing everything down in a dollar store notebook. Some stuff is not meant for the public eye. 🤣

    Liked by 4 people

    • Jenn, yes we do need a place to bitch. If nothing else keeping those Bitch Books in college taught me that. Now I’m more inclined to talk it out, rather than write it down. My mental health seems just fine with this plan.

      Liked by 1 person

  27. This post made me smile. I kept a bitch and gratitude journal, all combined, long before they were there were such things as gratitude journals and $28 “bitch books” . My thick spiral notebooks worked fine.
    My posts may reflect positivity majority of the time and be cheery, BUT .. we do all need those times where we let loose. For if we keep everything inside, trying to suppress our negativity, it will boil over and won’t be pleasant. But like you, I choose what to write on my blog and some things just aren’t meant to be public.
    My closest friends can ask me how its going and I can say, “Oh life is just a pleasant flowing stream..” and than we look at each other and laugh, and bitch. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • joyrose13, your approach of combining the gratitude with the bitching makes sense to me. As an adult. As a college student I was convinced I needed an exclusive place for complaining hence the Bitch Book.

      I take your point about how in a blog one point of view may prevail, while in reality there’s more balance. I agree that suppressing your grievances is a sure way to being mentally unwell, maybe physically too.

      I like your friends. I’m glad they know your “pleasant flowing stream” might be anything but.

      Like

      • Oh, I understand the reasoning for a “bitch book” when a college student!

        Very true! Stress can affect us in so many ways physically.

        Exactly! I am truly thankful for my friends and thankful for you and the WP community here as well. You all keep me smiling in so many ways. 💛

        Liked by 1 person

  30. I have never heard of a bitch book, but maybe that’s what my blog is for? Although I do think my blog is all about bitching. I know some debbie downers and they are a bit much. I find that there are times when I just need to be upset and angry about things. I think I’m pretty good at utilizing my sense of humor to move past these things though. No idea where I’d be without a sense of humor.

    I did laugh at the fact that back when we were in college there were no gratitude journals. So true.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ernie, I wonder how many people consider their personal blogs to be in essence Bitch Books? I know that I’ve stopped following some bloggers because all they wrote about was complaints, but whether they were writing that way on purpose… who knows?

      I agree about a good sense of humor. I feel the same way, like Jimmy Buffet said: “if we couldn’t laugh we’d all go insane.” And that’d be my first entry in my Gratitude Journal if I kept such a thing! 😉

      Like

  31. That’s so funny that you got an ad from Instagram for something from your college days. No, I never had a bitch book, but I had a writing class where we had to keep a journal. I used then and use today the standard black composition book. I have written three pages every morning for going on ten years after reading Julia Cameron’s “The Artist’s Way.”

    Liked by 2 people

  32. I used to work with a fellow English teacher who was so relentlessly positive that I avoided her at all costs. Drove me batty. Several of us used to get together and gripe about her. People like that aren’t good for me.

    Keeping A Journal pretty much covers it all for me. I don’t like to be limited to one thing or another. And I don’t go back and read what I’ve written. I find it’s best I keep moving on.

    Liked by 3 people

    • nance, I understand about anyone who is relentlessly positive. They wear on my nerves, too. I’m always thinking in the back of my mind that this person is unbalanced. Griping was good for you.

      As a college student it seemed important to have a specialized notebook for all my bitching. I realize now that you can talk about anything in your own journal… because it’s your journal. I agree about not going back to read what you wrote, keep moving forward, or risk getting sucked into the past.

      Like

  33. Love this: my little bitches (crossed out. The strike-through didn’t come through.) Never heard of either item. They would be a better idea than bitching to friends. I watched something about emotional contagion and how one friend’s negativity spreads as far as friends of friends. I think there should be an opposite journal for happy thoughts and gratitude. That would do a body better, and speaking externally to friends about happy things would do the world better. But I can understand, too, the need for an outlet for negativity, but making a point to dwell on negative thoughts is no bueno. Should be a balance for the happy ones too.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Betsy, the concept of writing about what bugs you makes sense to me. I know that it’s therapeutic to vent and doing it in a secret journal seems safe, maybe safer than bitching with friends. I dunno.

      I know many people keep gratitude journals, but I’ve never tried that. Not because I’m ungrateful but because I think I’m over the idea of keeping any journal. That’s what this blog is for, more or less.

      Interesting about emotional contagion. I am sure that happens, just look at how one negative family member can bring down the whole clan turning everyone into sad sacks. I’m sure the opposite is true, too. Positive begets positive, which is something I believe despite the title of this blog post.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, this documentary spoke of emotional contagion both ways and mentioned how social media explodes the spread of influence, for good or bad. It didn’t specifically say this, but it became clear that it’s important to take careful note of the vibe we put out into the world via s.m. It has a greater impact than we know. I just found that small factoid interesting.

        Liked by 1 person

  34. I’ve never kept a journal of any sort, whether for gratitude or bitchiness. If I’m experiencing gratitude, I have no need to write it down, and as for bitching and moaning, there’s not much that moves me in that direction. I’ll do a little internal griping in traffic — especially when those oversized F350s decide to take the road for themselves, or the lawn crew from hell sends grass cuttings and dust into my varnish — but that’s about it. If I’m really bothered by something, I deal with it externally, as I did last week when I sent an email to the hosts of a favorite podcast, with a subject line that read, “For the love of God, please stop yelling.” I was polite in the body of the email, but it sure was nice to get it off my mind.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Linda, yours is a balanced approach to life therefore not requiring a journal. I am to the same point as you but it took me a while, decades even, to get here. I agree with you about those bloated F350s, they make me crazy and fearful. Maybe that’s what the drivers want to do. 🤷‍♀️

      I’ll be interested to find out if your email influences the podcast hosts. I know many of the super conservative radio shows are a bunch of people yelling, which for the life of me confounds me as to why they think anyone would pay attention to them. Loud ≠ correct.

      Liked by 1 person

  35. I have never heard of a bitch book and now I’m feeling aggrieved! There are those with whom I can bitch about stuff. I did, however, have to get rid of one that I called an Energy Vampire because she sucked me dry. Only so much I’m willing to listen to and I don’t want to be the one known as the bitcher.
    I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal for years and to be honest, I’m wondering why. I don’t think it brings me joy at all!!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Dale, you’ve made me smile, oh aggrieved one. I’ve encountered energy vampires along the way and I won’t connect with them anymore. If I’d known that term back when I was keeping a Bitch Book I’d have used it many times over.

      I’ve never kept a gratitude journal, but I know it’s popular. Each night I tell myself 3 things I’m grateful before I go to sleep. No need to write things down, in my worldview. It’s the feeling of gratitude I want, not the documentation.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Glad I did 😉 They are the worst because they’re insidious… it takes a while before you realise they are sucking you dry. I had to break up with a friend because of it.

        Telling yourself works just as well as writing it down, methinks. You’re stopping to think about it. Good enough and methinks I’ll not waste any more little journals on it, to be honest.

        Like

        • True.  They’re insidious, always taking, never giving.  There are a few bloggers like that, so I have found over the years. 🤨

          My simple nightly gratitude routine works for me.  I’m *forking* grateful, don’t you know?  😆

          Liked by 1 person

          • They are. Major moochers. And yes, I know what you mean about certain bloggers being like that. They are the ones I am slowly ghosting 😉

            I feel ya. Forking grateful of lotsa little and big things!

            Liked by 1 person

  36. Most times, I get so caught up in my own life.. That I do not take note if others are perturbed by my immediate existence. I will try to not let any of my joy overspill and bother anyone. My Joy Comes from the Lord- God is Love, while I understand that not every waking moment is going to be positive or beneficial do know that GOD’s Joy is always perfect, I try to stay rested up in His Love! fact.

    Liked by 2 people

  37. I personally never had a Bitch journal or any journal but I explained how one is used to my daughter. She landed an job as an ER nurse in a failed inner city hospital (National guard were stationed at the door on many occassions). Explained to her, just write it all down, you will feel soooooooo much better and youve keep their confidence. That was 15 years ago, she still has one.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Danny, oh that’s a perfect reason to keep a Bitch Book– or whatever you want to call it. I’m sure it’s a great way for your daughter to remain as alert and helpful as possible under trying circumstances. Brilliant idea on your part.

      Liked by 1 person

  39. Probably 70 percent of my journals, starting at age 17 were full of angst and complaints. I couldn’t afford therapy back then. My journals were the closest thing to therapy. (Though I later had to bite the bullet and go to therapy when my immediate family had a crisis that blew up in all of our faces for about ten years.) I still write down what bugs me.

    Liked by 2 people

    • L. Marie, you make a good point that journals can take the place of therapy. I think that’s what drove me to keep a Bitch Book in college, mental health therapy wasn’t something anyone did back then. The book helped. I’m sorry that you family ended up in crisis, but happy to know that you still write down what bothers you. That must be helpful.

      Liked by 1 person

  40. My Bitch Book is my Bitch Blog; it’s not always negative, even though it’s certainly not full of toxic positivity either. I don’t trust people who are relentlessly positive; what are they hiding? We all have frustrations and worries and it’s important to share them in some way, not pretend they don’t exist. In my humble opinion.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Margaret, interesting how you envision your blog as a Bitch Blog. A few other commenters have said the same thing, finding it a place for their daily grievances. That’s part of why I enjoy blogging, it’s all whatever someone makes of it. Do your own thing. And I’m with you about relentless positivity. Seems suspicious.

      Like

  41. During my darkest days (very sick child) I consulted the therapist provided by the very sick child’s hospital. The therapist suggested I write a ‘grievance’ journal. Eventually she guided me to the idea of writing a forgiveness journal. Now I try to get to the forgiveness part as fast as I can. Makes me a calmer and nicer person, I think.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Margy, a forgiveness journal is a new idea to me. I’ve not heard of it before but it makes sense, especially to a child who is not feeling well. Anything that makes a person calmer, short of a capital crime, is good.

      Like

  42. I commented hours ago, but I can’t find it, so probably WP put me in jail for swearing. Just know that your post made me laugh and I had never hear the “BB” term before (I don’t dare use the word again).

    Liked by 1 person

  43. Oh! I relate with the negativity friends thing! I definitely am one and have some. Often through work! I was just saying with one of them that we’re not really being negative, just analytical 😇 Similar to the author of that post! I think I’f get along with her 😃 (My blog, on the other hand, is my happy place where I try not to rant, to balance out the scale. In real life, I’m not as upbeat and serene as my blogging persona!!)

    Liked by 1 person

  44. I’ve heard of gratitude journals but not “B” books. I write 1 to 3 pages in a journal every morning (depending on how persistent the dog is or what household drama I’m going through at the moment) but I use a composition notebook for that and I can get those for .50 each at Staples during their back to school sale. I use markers and stickers and fancy it up myself, also depending on the time/mood I’m in. I do think it helps to write it out but to keep a journal of ONLY negative things seems counterintuitive. I need the good times in there too! Happy Tuesday friend.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Janet, I’d forgotten about Bitch Books until I saw the ad for the Grievance Journals. I know that when I was in college keeping one helped me cope, but not once since I graduated have I felt the need to keep one again. But apparently they’re back as a counterbalance to Gratitude Journals from what I can tell.

      I’ve no doubt that your morning journal entries are gorgeous. And the price of your journals [composition notebooks] works for me. I agree about trying to keep balance in your journal, some lousy, some great– and everything in-between. Just like life!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Belladonna, I’m sure if I’d written my Bitch Book in high school my mother would have starred in it too. But being away at college she didn’t seem relevant. 🤷‍♀️

      Like

  46. I keep a journal, and I use it to bitch, vent, rage, and wallow. I also use it for gratitude and joy. I use a computer program that’s password protected (called Life Journal, and it’s now out of business.) and I generally don’t look back on the entries.
    Being positive is awesome, and I love all those positive quotes and people. I think I am one of those people!
    But I think it’s really important to get out the negative emotions as well.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Michelle, your approach to your journal sounds balanced, much more so than keeping just a Bitch Book. I like positive quotes and have a positive enough outlook on life but like you said you have to get out the negative emotions [somewhere] too.

      Liked by 1 person

  47. I called my Bitch Book my journal, because that’s just about all I wrote in there. There were times I threw out a journal because I was bitching about someone who passed away. And yes, I’ve had negativity friends. A lot of my friends from college are thus because we couldn’t stand our business law teacher…

    I like the quote at the beginning, by the way.

    Liked by 2 people

    • John, in college I suspect that many people had de facto Bitch Books just didn’t call them that. I understand about your negativity friends. I know some of my profs were luny as the day was long, you had to vent with other students about them or go bonkers.

      I like that quote, too. Seems spot on for how to live a good life.

      Liked by 1 person

  49. I don’t know which group of people makes me more depressed – the perpetually cheerful sunshine and lollipops people or constant complainers (although I am married to one of those critters … so… ) Overall I’m fairly cheerful but someone with absolutely no hope for the future of democracy!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Jan, you raise a good point. Which is more irritating, the perennially upbeat or the always sad? No answer, being a person who is in the middle somewhere balanced between the two extremes. Yes, democracy is what I want too… but it’s been taking a beating lately.

      Like

  50. i was once a gifted bitch and had perfected bitching. recently, i did a 180 and am now focusing on things that make me happy (rest assured, i still want to bitch, but am working hard on taming the shrew!). there’s no way i’d pay money for either a bitch book or a happiness journal. free is free, and as long as there is a free option, i’m sticking with it. back before blogging, i used a “marbled” black & white composition book for journaling.

    i’ve had negativity work friends, but outside of work, i have more balanced friendships. negativity can really suck the life out of, well, LIFE!

    as to toxic positivity– godz, i hope i’m not that! sometimes, when i respond to the comments on my blog, i feel like i’m putting in too many !! or ❤ , and sometimes, i'll silently moan that i am expected to answer the comments (i read that HERE on your blog when you asked about bloggers who never respond to the comments).

    anyway, so much pressure to get it right– between the bitch that never responds, the bitch that always bitches, and the bitch you want to slap for adding one additional !, <3, 🙂 .

    Liked by 2 people

    • ren, I’m loving this comment. You’ve written a masterpiece. I’m enthused to know that you’ve decided to focus on things that make you happy, downshifting your bitchiness but not losing it entirely. You’re the second commenter to mention those inexpensive black composition books. Good choice.

      I’m sure there’s a balance between being too negative or too positive, and the people that surround us influence that. Like your work friends.

      I know how you feel about wanting to comment sincerely and not use too much punctuation + emojis, but needing to use some. It’s a conundrum for bitches everywhere. No one has the solution.

      Liked by 1 person

  51. I’d never heard of a bitch book or grievance journal, but I think I’ll pass on both… not that I’m incapable of a good whine now and then. Maybe I’m just lucky, but I don’t have much to complain about lately on a personal level, especially now that I’m retired. As one of my favorite sayings goes, No whining on the yacht.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Janis, who I was in college and who I am now are two very different people. I needed [?] the Bitch Book in college, but no more. Hadn’t thought of it in decades. I feel like you do in that I’m lucky right now, no reason to complain about much of anything. I’ve never heard that saying, but I’m onboard with it. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

        • Same thing here. I remember joining the girls on my dorm floor to get together at 11:30 pm to watch Johnny Carson, but really it was just to whine about stuff. “Little did we know…” is so right.

          Liked by 1 person

  52. “It’s your money and your life, of course.” – A quintessential Ally Bean line. I love it. And if you choose wrong, you can always write about it in your “grievance journal.”

    The complaints about professors – Yes! 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  53. Oh, how funny, Ally Bean! I’ve never heard of Bitch Books — but how I wish I had thought to come up with that name for the notebooks in which I wrote my teen angst! And I sure had plenty!! LOL

    I’ve never heard of Grievance Journals, either! What??? $28?? I think I will just write on a Word Document!! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • M, trust me I’m not running out to buy a Grievance Journal but it sure looks like an upscale version of our Bitch Books. Gotta love it for that if nothing else.

      You’re right of course– just use your computer and write as many bitchy things as you want. Complaining doesn’t require anything fancy. 😉

      Like

      • I wonder how well it’s selling. It seems like there are many other ways nowadays to express your thoughts. I’ve never blogged but I always enjoyed reading other people’s thoughts and lives…but that could be a vehicle, right?? I used to write down my angst (and even thoughts to be able to process) because I didn’t want to talk about them when I was young….too afraid to be judged. But nowadays, I freely talk about what’s on my mind to anyone who is willing to listen (and even on blogs like yours! LOL) and don’t need a Bitch Book or Grievance Journal.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I wonder the same thing about the sales of these journals. I do realize that if buying one of these journals helps someone process their emotions in a healthy way then I’m all for it… even if I think a less expensive spiral notebook would work just fine. Like you I don’t feel I need a journal such as this one. I say what I think, believe, and don’t worry about anyone judging me.

          Like

  54. A Grievance Journal! I’m dying. That’s so funny. For a mere $28…but what I am thinking is that we all had one of those little diaries, didn’t we, with the locks on? And I kind of feel like those diaries of my youth were exactly that, Grievance Journals or Bitch Books or what have you. Because I’m sure I wrote about exciting things that happened, but more often I think I would have used them to vent. I don’t have them anymore but I’m sure they would be filled with angst and grievances. Oh! And notes to my friends, which we would have passed in class, written on foolscap, detailing all the mean thoughts we had about our classmates or ourselves or our parents or whatever. And yes, you could have just used the $2.99 spiral bound notebook too, but I always got a diary with a lock on it for Christmas. My parents probably thought I needed a repository for all my teenage bitchiness! And now it’s a whole thing, well, I have never heard of this before but as usual, Ally, your blog has enlightened me! Everything old is new again, etc.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Nicole, I had a few of those little diaries with the little locks. I never wrote much in mine though, but you’re right they were an early form of Bitch Books. I’m sure if you could read your diaries now you’d see so much teenage angst that you’d get laughing to a point where you’d have to stop to take a breath. I remember sometimes passing notes in class, but we usually stuck them through the air holes in our lockers so our friends would find them between classes. Seemed more Harriett the Spy, I guess.

      I’m not planning on buying a Grievance Journal but the advertisement for them did take me back in time to something from another era of my life.

      Like

  55. Your previous 35+ comments kind of support my theory, Ally. Unless I missed one, I think every response to this post so far has been from a female. Which makes total sense in my “book”. Maybe it’s in my male DNA that I’ve never even attempted – let alone thought to – write down my thoughts. [Okay, that’s not entirely true. I once had a serious long-distance relationship where both of us logged our thoughts day-by-day through a year apart; meant to be a gift to each other when we were reunited. Which we never were 🙂 ] So all i can really say here is, who am I to judge? If writing things down helps a person work through their angst, more power to them! Just like your Target suggestion, it’s a lot cheaper than paying a professional for similar therapy.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dave, another commenter has mentioned the gender divide about keeping a diary. There’s something to it, although I don’t know if that’s still the case with younger men. We is an older crowd here.

      I am smiling about writing your daily thought only to not be reunited. Romantic idea. but so much for that gift!

      I’m with you. When I kept the Bitch Book in college it served a mental health purpose, I felt understood and not ready to pounce on the people who annoyed me. After college though, I’ve never kept anything like it. Maybe it was the crucible experience of living on campus that prompted us to write them?

      Like

  56. Hi, Ally – Sadly, I have never been a journal writer. I have tried (honestly, I have) but I have failed miserably each and every time. But if I do ever try to keep a journal again, I am definitely going for under $4 notebook from Target (or the nearest Dollar Store). 😀

    Liked by 3 people

    • Donna, so you’re not going to spend $28.00 on a Grievance Journal, that’s what you’re saying! I’ve never excelled at writing a journal either. A couple of times in college I had to for grades, and of course I had my specialized Bitch Book, but other than that I’ve never felt the need to keep track of myself daily. Another commenter mentioned the Dollar Store and if one was conveniently located that’s where I’d go, too.

      Liked by 1 person

  57. Never heard of either. I buy notebooks at Walmart before school starts when I can find the ones I like (hard covers, usually black but sometimes you can find blue, green, or red if you shop early enough) for $.99. I do love notebooks. 🙂 I think a good friend is one who will listen to you when you feel bad or bitchy and not necessarily try to tell you all the good things but will just listen. It’s much like poking the edge of a blister to get all the liquid out. 🙂 Good friends share and let you share the gamut of emotions and still like/love you and vice versa. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • Janet, you’re a wise woman. I like notebooks too, spiral ones make me happiest. I’ve never thought to shop back-to-school sales for them. You may insert a loud *duh* here.

      I agree that a good friendship is based on good listening skills. It may or may not be based on similar experiences, but in the end it’s the empathy that comes through. You’ve explained it well. ❤️

      Like

  58. I’ve led a sheltered life Ally as I’ve not heard of either way mentioned to vent and my angst-filled teenage years or college days we just used to complain to one another in person or on the phone. Young people today feel everyone owes them a living and they’ve been wronged somehow … I think of what I’ve endured through the years in my school life and working life and their grievances would pale in comparison. And here I am whining to you about them and their issues … 🙂 I liked your comparison of writing it down in a spiral notebook versus some pricey “Grievance Journal” which someone is making a mint manufacturing them, kind of like the adult coloring books to relieve stress. I guess I wish we’d thought of something like that and we would be sittin’ pretty right now.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Linda, I’ll admit that when I clicked on the link in the advertisement to the actual product, the Grievance Journal, I immediately thought what you said: “I wish we’d thought of something like that and we would be sittin’ pretty right now.” Obviously neither of us thought to create a product that would be popular now with whoever it is who buys them.

      I wonder if all younger generations feel put upon by the previous generation and therefore there’s a universal *need* to vent frustrations about your elders, your life? That might explain why this product exists now.

      Liked by 1 person

      • That sure makes sense Ally. Younger generations seem to get a kick out of disparaging “Boomers” especially when you see/hear the phrase “Hey Boomer” by the Gen Z crowd. I admit it riles me a little when I see those memes, especially on Twitter.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I understand how the “Hey Boomer” stuff could get to a person. That’s the point of it, isn’t it? I just laugh at all of it, often because there’s a seed of truth in what is being disparaged. 🤷‍♀️

          Liked by 1 person

  59. I didn’t know Bitch Books was a thing. I have seen this advertisement on Facebook with snarky titles in the front of a journal such as “People I Wasted Entirely Too Much Time On.”

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ah yes, we had diaries back in the day, BUT our Bitch Books were a step beyond a mere diary. They were specialized. You’re right now they’re called journals, as in buy your Grievance Journal for the $28.00!

      Like

  62. Nope. Never heard of bitch books or grievance journals. I like to write in steno notebooks, the spiral kind. I have 3 beautiful journal, gifts I think. I’ve only used a few pages of each. Nothing seems important enough to write on their beautiful pages. I’ve never kept a gratitude journal either. But I think gratitude is a wonderful thing. I try to notice what I’m grateful for every day, and there’s always a lot.

    I’m not the type to bitch a lot. I tend to exercise my negative feeling on national and world affairs. Right now, the inhuman treatment of Ukraine by Russia and Putin give me plenty to bitch about.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Nicki, I like steno pads, too. Like you I’ve received pretty journals, but could never bring myself to tarnish their pages with my inconsequential scribbles. However hand me a steno pad and I’m golden.

      I don’t keep a gratitude journal either. Each night I remind myself of three good things that happened during the day and leave it at that. I don’t need written proof of gratitude.

      Interesting idea about saving your negative feelings for world affairs. There’s a wonderful pragmatism to that approach, making other people aware of global injustices seems like a positive use of negative thoughts.

      Like

  63. I am one of those diary writers – since late in primary school. They are fun to read now years later. Is it shameful that I have kept them all?
    Let me tell you, there was plenty of bitching written down in them. I guess it was a cathartic and safe way to vent negative emotions and work through feelings.
    I haven’t yet read the comments here but I feel sure others may say similar things about diaries. Girls seem to diarize their life more than men. There needs to be some kind of campaign to get men to start Bitch books. !!
    Thinking about negativity friends, I would say they are the kind of friends that you can trust and say anything to about anyone and they will keep it confidential. Always empathically seeing your side. For me, two of the three negativitiy friends do share a common experience that unites us in adversity. That bond allow us to vent to each other and then offer supportive advice or commentary when needed. I consider myself lucky to have those friends because there is nothing that is off the table. I return the favour and am available to them when they are stressed out with a problem.
    #gratitude

    Liked by 2 people

    • Amanda, you’re not the only commenter to admit to saving her diaries from way back when. No shame in it. If they bring you joy, have at it.

      I hadn’t thought about the gender divide when it comes to writing diaries, but there does seem to be one. Would a guy’s diary, if it was only about complaining, be called a Bastard Book? That would seem in keeping with the concept.

      You’ve hit the nail on the head with the idea that negativity friends are such because you’ve “a common experience that unites us in adversity.” To my way of thinking, that’s the crux of it. They get my woes without any backstory, so they’re supportive when I’m stressed now. It’s not that they’re negative people, just that they understand.

      Liked by 1 person

  64. Either extreme (gripers, or Pollyanna’s ) give me the creeps. Both IMHO are out of touch. Don’t get me wrong, I process out loud, so I do have a need to occasionally bitch. My wife, my son, and a close friend from Church are my go-to 98.5% of the time.

    Liked by 2 people

    • DM, I know how you feel about some people being out of touch with reality. I stand with you in the middle watching the people swirl around me, sometimes too far in one direction or another. It’s fascinating.

      Liked by 1 person

  65. I’ve never heard of a Bitch Book or a Grievance Journal. I’m certainly familiar with journals or diaries, but never kept them myself. I will admit I tried a journal once as an adult to wade through a difficult time, but I couldn’t stand what I was writing enough to continue it. I don’t think I’ve ever had negativity friends but have certainly shared a variety of grievances over the years with friends. Conversations with good friends is a very cost effective counseling event. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Judy, my Bitch Book is the only time I’ve voluntarily kept a diary, such as it was. Occasionally a prof would make us keep a diary for a term, but those were written for a grade.

      I’m with you. Conversations with friends take the place of any newfangled grievance journal– and are a good way to keep sane at a reasonable cost, perhaps just the price of a glass of wine! 🍷

      Liked by 1 person

  66. A personal inventory. I thought it was You People out there Making me feeeel…and then I got to see what was/is really going on. My internal reactions over which I have no control. The incorrect thoughts I have , the ones my mind insists are correct, that I then take incorrect actions over. This always leaves Mr Restless, Irritable, and Discontented about something. I am victim to these “injustices “ until I get to see I’m no, and in that moment A new or another Solution becomes possible. I don’t know what I don’t know until a moment of clarity.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Elisa, so true: “I don’t know what I don’t know until a moment of clarity.” Maybe in reality that is what our Bitch Books were all about. Write out the whininess to allow the clarity to appear. Today’s Grievance Journals are probably allowing someone to do the same thing.

      Like

  67. Have you ever heard of an old-school Bitch Book or a new-fangled Grievance Journal? Not in those terms, but isn’t that kind of like an oldfashioned diary in a notebook format?

    Have you written one? Why or why not? I do a modified version of the 3 daily pages that Julia Cameron recommends doing. I only write one page to keep hand-eye coordination going as I age and to get out the fuzzies in my thoughts out after waking up. All the super secret negativity thoughts are kept close to my heart and my own thoughts like that shall never to be found accidentally in a notebook left in the corner of my office if I were to die suddenly and they’d be found! 🤣

    Did you once have, or do you now have, negative friends? I can’t imagine a world void of those negative friends, it would be nice but then what would we have to discuss when we’re with the positive friends? 🤣

    Liked by 2 people

    • Shelley, we used notebooks back in the day for our Bitch Books, but we were [for some reason long forgotten] very clear that only whining could go into them. Sort of a specialized diary.

      I did the Morning Pages for years, then stopped when I felt I’d learned all I needed to learn about myself in the morning. Now I write shopping lists and honey-do lists for hand-eye coordination practice. 😜

      I agree that negativity friends help you make sense of the messes in your life so that you can be upbeat around the positivity friends. It’s all about balance.

      Liked by 1 person

  68. Like others, I think a simple all-purpose journal is all that we need, and I prefer mine spiral-bound. My ADHD tendencies are not compatible with different notebooks for different emotions.

    However, I’m learning that there is something to be said for getting things out on paper. My pain doctor has been encouraging (OK, urging) me to do something called expressive writing. Simply put, you get all your emotions out (especially the ugly ones) on paper (best written by hand) and then you throw the paper away. There’s neuroscience behind this practice, so I’m doing it. I do find it helpful in general, and I think it’s helping to lessen pain, too.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Rita, if I were to keep a journal now I’d have one for everything, but back in college it seemed important to have a specific place to put negative emotions. Don’t ask me why. 🤷‍♀️

      I like this idea of expressive writing. I’m glad it’s working for you because it’s an accessible idea, doesn’t cost much, and if it’s helping you feel better it’s a win. Fascinating.

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      • Well, I think your bitch journal and the need for expressive writing likely stem from the same place: social conditioning of females that requires the suppression of “negative” emotions. Sure, we’re allowed to cry (sort of, in some cases), but not to be angry. (Because then we’re bitches, right?) Safer to be angry in a journal just for anger. Compartmentalizing anger makes it easier to see it as something separate from the whole you. The real you.

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  69. I remember Bitch Books. I did not have one, but I remember seeing them floating around school, passed off from one bitchy person to another. 😜 

    Hey, isn’t the New Bitch Book called a Blog? 😳 I mean, some of them seem to fit the bill. 

    Liked by 3 people

    • Suz, we kept ours hidden, not wanting anyone to read what we’d written in our Bitch Book. I’m sure I’d have been fascinated/horrified to read what someone else had written in theirs. 😳

      Yep, some blogs are Bitch Books. A few commenters have mentioned, proudly, that their blogs are Bitch Books. ‘Tis a thing.

      Liked by 1 person

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  71. I’ve never heard of bitch books or grievance journals, and like you, I would likely buy a spiral notebook and be done with it.

    The world is wild sometimes, right?

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  73. I’ve never heard of either of those, but I like the idea… if I weren’t such an enthusiastic hater of journaling (how’s that for negative?). I prefer to do my bitching the old fashioned way – verbally. There’s nothing like a good loud rant full of swear words. I find that staying positive is a good thing for me for the most part, but some days when things aren’t going well I just want to complain. A lot. And at those times if someone tries to turn my frown upside down, it’s all I can do to not clock them.

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    • The Travel Architect, laughing here. I’m not into journals either. I had the Bitch Book in college and after that never again. I prefer an in-person whine-fest, often with a glass of wine, because issues are explained, understood, done. I know how you feel about Pollyannas who ignore your reality in favor of being forking happy all the time. I just want to snarl, “life don’t work like that, Gumdrop.” 🤨

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  74. I’ve never heard of a Bitch Book or a Grievance Journal, but I guess I kept one of sorts in my youth. It occurs to me that’s what a lot of people use Facebook for these days. The amount of negativity venting and complaining I see there tires me. Maybe as we get older and start to realize what we contribute to situations and we become more tolerant and forgiving of people who used to get us riled up?

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    • Barbara, I’m not on Facebook so your observation is interesting. From what I hear about the place it is Bitch Book 101. I agree with you. As I’ve gotten older I’m less upset with people in general, taking a more “let it be” approach to relationships. I have clear boundaries, but also feel no need to fix people.

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  75. Brilliant post Ally. I’d not heard of a bitch book either but I’d say as much negativity as positivity(maybe more) goes into my journal, it’s a place to air the things I need to get off my chest so I’m suppressing resentment as I go about my daily business.

    I agree you don’t need to spend that much, any old notebook decorated as you please (or not) will suit.

    Did you decorate your bitch book or was it all about the words?

    Liked by 3 people

    • Rae Cod, you’re right, of course. By writing down resentments you process them and relieve yourself of the their burden on you. Also, agree that any old notebook will work.

      No I didn’t decorate my Bitch Book. Stickers and doodling were for happy things, not serious stuff like being aggrieved! 😉

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  77. Hi Ally, I haven’t heard of a ‘bitch journal’, but I did keep a journal for about 20 years. I wrote about the good, bad, and ugly parts of my life. My books were plain composition notebooks that cost about $1 each. Later, my husband started giving me pretty leather journals. I guess he believed my thoughts deserved to be preserved in a more elegant fashion. Boy, if he only knew. I have never been the type of friend who sympathetically listens to whining and complaining. I find it tedious. Buck up. Positivity is good, but only when it is sincere (as opposed to manufactured for appearances). There seems to be a lot of that out there these days.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Suzanne, as an adult it seems more sensible that if you’re going to keep a journal then all aspects of your life should be in it. Like how you kept yours. However in college we separated the negative feelings into one special place. Which I’m sensing is the idea behind the current Grievance Journals.

      I tend to be a solutions girl, so I understand your point about whining and complaining. I’m a good listener the first few times through a friend’s problem, but after that Do Something To Fix It. 🤨

      And yes to sincere positivity, fakery doesn’t interest me.

      Liked by 1 person

  78. The idea of a bitch book reminds of the burn book in Mean Girls. I’ve never used one or heard of one until that movie. A therapist once told me to write a letter to my dead husband to let him know how I felt, and then burn it. I did that and it was helpful. I grew up with a mother who let me know I could never complain about my lot in life because there was always someone worse off than me. True but not at all helpful, and I feel people should be allowed to vent EVEN THOUGH there is some poor soul somewhere in the world who has it worse. If no one will listen with empathy, then by all means write it down somewhere! And then burn it and move on.

    Deb

    Liked by 4 people

    • Deb, the Mean Girl burn book is a similar concept to Bitch Book. I’ve heard other people say they’ve written about something that is bothering them, then burn what they’ve written. It seems sane to me. I grew up with a mother like yours: whining was forbidden because never forget how good you have it. Like you, I think venting can be healthy, and sometimes necessary, but my mother wouldn’t allow/hear it. Different times, I suppose.

      Liked by 1 person

  79. The first time I journaled I was 50 and had just ended my long term relationship. I initially used it as a place to store good uplifting stuff as I needed the positive reinforcement while I built myself back up. Later I used the same book to write out sadness and heartbreak. Some time later, I got rid of the notebook in case I died suddenly, as I didn’t want other people reading the sad stuff. I kept some of the good stuff, but a spiral notebook would’ve certainly made that an easier process 😉

    Journaling is such big business. I admit to having a notebook addiction, but realise that I have way too many and my habit of keeping them for different purposes has become overwhelming. I’ve decided to move to a simple day book (spiral bound of course), for everything as, if I want to save stuff into specialised folders later, I can remove and re-file.

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    • Deb, you came into journalling later than I did. I understand how and why you wrote what you wrote. I also understand why you destroyed the negative parts and kept the good stuff. The journal had served its purpose, so move on without anyone accidentally reading the rest. I tossed my Bitch Book around the time I graduated from college– and have never journaled again.

      Your revised system for saving your ideas is brilliant. I know that if I was journaling now, I’d do it all in one place, not in any specialized format. Rather like the way I’ll write about anything in this blog, not focusing on a niche like many bloggers do. Whatever works to keep you moving forward is what works for you!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’d like to say that I came to the idea on my own, but that would be a bare faced lie! Someone in my network uses this system and I had one of those “doh” moments when I realised that I already use one for my day job, so why on earth wasn’t I using the same system for everything!

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  80. Okay, huge laugh-out-loud at the lined-out “my little bitches” line. Well done. 😆 A college girlfriend of mine used to journal and made the mistake of showing it to me once. To say I was intrigued is putting it mildly. Alec Guinness famously journaled and even published one of his, which I thought was brilliant. As I recall, he did a fair amount of bitching in it. It’s not something I’ve ever done, but I could definitely see myself doing it still. The offline, old school, $3.99 Target spiral is a great format to do it in too. – Marty

    Liked by 6 people

    • Marty, I’m happy you laughed. Somehow saying that seemed appropriate in this situation. I didn’t know about Alec Guinness and his journal. I suspect that regardless of what you call your journal, there’s going to be bitching in it. Unless your some kind of Pollyanna, I suppose. I think IF I was going to journal again, and I have no plans to do so, I’d go the Target route, too. I’m frugal.

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  83. I have several “angry journals” circa early 2000s. Useful. I must admit, they’re rather posh journals, but that’s because I’m a paper snob. I encourage other people to angry journal when it seems they might benefit from it. I more often encourage people to pause for gratitude multiple times a day. Both are surely necessary.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Christie, I’m glad you enjoyed. I aims to please here.

      [I’ve tried to comment on your blog, but the system won’t take it. I know you know this is a problem.]

      Like

  85. Well Ally, after reading this, I can certainly say, College was a lot of fun for you and I know how the Tertiary life was, I used to be a student too and yeah, I did have negativity friends but I didn’t let them influence my decisions. I made my own choices alone and I did have girlfriends back then, haha😂💯

    Also, I wonder what prompted you guys calling that book by that name

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mthobisi Magagula, for me college was some fun, lots & lots of studying, some work, then some more fun. I don’t know why we called them Bitch Books, but we did. As for negativity friends, I suspect we all have some, but like you suggested it’s up to you to decide how much they influence you.

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  87. LOL, Ally…I think I will pass on the Grievance Journal and I am using a recently purchased spiral notebook for other purposes. Sticking to my gratitude journal because there’s much more of that in my life than the need to bitch.

    Okay, sometimes I do want to bitch…about stupid driving and politics and nasty people who are nasty to everyone. But I do that in the privacy of my own home with a few well-chosen swear words until I get that shit out of me. Then I move back to the rainbows and unicorns and gratitude stuff. Works for me.

    Usually, for the most part…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mary, as a college student whining in writing was a good thing, but as an older adult I don’t see me buying into the Grievance Journal idea either.

      Like you I just rant and rave and swear loudly in my home [or car] when I see or read something that ticks me off. And occasionally I write about that something in this blog, but not often anymore.

      I lean more into gratitude now, so bitching doesn’t seem to work for me, here or in a private journal. I’ve evolved over the years.

      Liked by 1 person

  88. Ally, the synchronicity stuns me. I swear I did not read your post before I did my latest… about Journaling! And then last night at dinner, a couple of women were talking about Grievance Journals and I was going to explore it further…. but you’ve totally explained it to me. Just wow. Yes, my journal has some days of bitching…. but not all days! I do work on positivity. So it’s technically not a bitch book. Oh, and my journal is midway at $9.99. But it’s hard cover and lasts me almost a year.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Pat, I love it when bloggers talk about the same things, in their own ways, at about the same time. I like synchronicity, makes me remember we’re all connected.

      As an adult if I kept a journal it’d be more balanced between whining and joy. But in college, for some reason, we felt all our bitching belonged in one secret place.

      I like the price point for your journal, seems prudent considering how long it lasts you. Whatever works, works.

      Like

  90. Mmh, I am not sure if I know of grievance journals or what they would have been called in German back in the day (bitch books sounds cool), but I did have a diary (with a lock) where I wrote all my thoughts – positive and negative – down. Does that half-count? 🙂

    I think negativity friendships do exist in every day and age… I can’t think of a friend that is purely a negativity friendship, but I do have plenty of friends that I partially share a negativity friendship with (but that only revealed itself after we were friends, we did not become friends because of a certain dislike for someone/something).

    Liked by 7 people

    • San, yes your locked diary counts. I’ve no idea why we thought it was important to put our negative thoughts in one specific place, but we did. As an adult it seems more reasonable to keep all your thoughts, whatever they may be, in one place.

      I agree that negativity friendships are always with you in one form or another. I think back now and realize that I lost some friends along the way when I stopped being negative, choosing to solve the problem. I didn’t know the term ‘negativity friendships,’ but that’s what they were.

      Liked by 2 people

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