The One About Phonies And Alter Egos And Solving Problems, Maybe

May 23, 2023 / Ally Bean / 239 Comments

I AM A REALIST. I am who I am regardless of where I am.

As such, being a naturally inquisitive person, I find people who are phonies, that is people who pretend to be someone they’re not, endlessly interesting.

Thought-provoking, in fact.

[E.g., Elizabeth Holmes or George Santos or Rachel Dolezal.]

They are my opposites and tweak my curiosity about the line between reality and fantasy, between harmless daydreaming and unhealthy delusion.

Allow me to explain.

Thinking back over my years of blogging I’m reminded of one blogger in particular who wrote her blog as if she wasn’t who she was. This wasn’t flash fiction nor was it catfishing, mind you, but saying upfront this is a fantasy of who I wish I was, a different personality, so I’ll write all my posts as this alternate version of me.

She lived in a small midwestern town but pretended she was living in a large southern city. She thought of herself as a resident of that large city and she’d describe her days doing the same things she did now [working, shopping, dining] AS IF she lived there.

The thing was that for me after reading her posts I couldn’t decide if this phony persona was just kind of a fun thing, a light-hearted goof; OR if there was something seriously wrong in her life that prompted her to become someone else, albeit briefly.

In truth I was never sure how to comment on what she wrote, so I politely wandered away from her blog and I cannot even tell you if she’s still around.

I doubt it, though.

• • •

SO WHY AM I talking about this topic today?

Not because I idealize or hold any animosity toward this former blogger, but because of something I read a few months ago and have pondered on since. This something got me thinking and wondering– and reminded me of her.

Believe it or not.

What I read was advice written by someone who claimed to be a mental health therapist. This seemingly legit advice was about how to solve what may appear to you to be an intractable problem.

The advice suggested that you create an alter ego of yourself [not a super hero] that you use to contemplate your problem; an alter ego was defined simply as a different version of you. The advice said that by mentally running the details of your problem through your mind as your alter ego, you’d gain clarity.

Now I have problems, who doesn’t? And I do try to solve them, but never have I ever thought about creating an alter ego of myself, for any reason. I may be too pragmatic, or unimaginative, for such.

Or snarky. Perhaps I’m too snarky.

But I digress.

So tell me, kids, does the idea of creating an alter ego of yourself, something I’d describe as a phony version of yourself, seem like a way to gain real insight into your problems? Have you ever done this? And if so, how’d it go for you?

I’m curious to know what you think about this approach to solving problems. Do you feel it is sound or is it wackadoodle?

Please discuss below.

A Crack In Everything: Talking With A Friend About Aging Gracefully + Announcing A Change To My Blog Schedule

April 25, 2023 / Ally Bean / 251 Comments

A WHILE BACK I WAS TALKING with a Friend about a decision she needed to make. Not a huge one, but a smaller annoying one that comes down to deciding who she is comfortable being now.

Friend, much to her consternation, has to alter her way of thinking about something.

While the details of Friend’s decision are specific to her particular situation, there’s a bigger picture to contemplate, especially as you get older. And a little bit cracked by life.

As we all do.

~ • ~

HERE’S THE DEALIO: Friend is in her early 50s and has been running almost every day since she starred on her high school cross country team. As an adult she runs marathons, not ultramarathons or half marathons, but MARATHONS.

She’s very clear on this point.

Friend is known for, and is externally validated by, running marathons. She proudly & consistently defines herself as a marathoner, and up until this last year she’s ALWAYS been the fastest, or second fastest, in her age group. She has ruled in every marathon she’s ever run, until now.

This does not please her.

Friend knows she’s getting slower, the numbers prove it, but she still wants to keep running because she likes to run. However from her point of view there’s a decision to be made, one that is more ego-based than anything else.

Should she:

A) Continue to run in marathons like she has her entire life while reluctantly accepting that there’s a good chance she’ll not be the best in her age group anymore which makes her sad?

B) Start to run in half marathons, something she considers second-class to a *real* marathon, but wherein she believes she’d be the fastest in her age group which makes her happy?

~ • ~

I’LL TELL YOU FRIEND’S DECISION in the comments below so that you, my little sparks of joy, can take a few seconds to contemplate how you’d handle a situation that involves your ego struggling with itself to gracefully accept the fact that you’re aging.

That is, are you more inclined to lean into doing the same thing as always, but in what you’d describe as a less successful way? Or are you more inclined to do something new that you consider inferior, but do it in a brilliant way?

To put this quandary in a more chit-chatty pithy way: do you keep on keeping on [focus on perseverance] OR do you accept that life’s tough and get a helmet [focus on modification]?

• • ☀️ • •

PLEASE NOTE:

In order to allow more light to get into my life, The Spectacled Bean will be on SPRING/SUMMER HOURS until further notice.

I shall forget my perfect weekly offerings and instead post every couple of weeks, reply to comments here, and check-in with you on your blogs every so often.

Take it easy, everyone. Ring those bells!

Do good. Play nice. Be happy.

• • 😎 • •

The One About Multitasking, Machine Beeps, And Marital Bliss

April 12, 2023 / Ally Bean / 190 Comments

“Monica, you’re all chaotic and twirly, but not in a good way.”

That’s a line from the TV show Friends. Zen-Den said it to me as he walked into the kitchen.

I was in the kitchen doing important things.

I’d just put some cornbread into the oven, chili was in the slow cooker, and on the counter was a new Lands’ End catalogue that I was leafing through looking for some spring-y clothes.

I had a Minwax color chart [36″ x 10″] spread across the kitchen table near the window waiting for the late afternoon sunshine to get over there so I could clearly see the three gazillion and two color choices. And the washer & dryer were doing their things in the laundry room adjacent to the kitchen. Also I was keeping an eye on the dishwash that was almost finished with a load.

I WAS MULTI-TASKING, people.

Well before I could say a word back to Mr. Hilarmoose, the dishwasher started beeping: “I’m ready for you to unload me now.” The dryer started beeping: “Hurry, hurry, don’t let these clothes get wrinkled.” And the washing machine finished its dramatic last spin beeping its end of cycle announcment: “now. Now. NOW.”

Plus for good measure the slow cooker, a bit of a hussy, chimed in with a slow seductive beep to tell me: “I’m finished cooking now and will be over here keeping dinner warm.”

“You look busy,” said Mr. Obvious.

“Yes. You could help,” said I as I opened the dishwasher door to let the steam out while dashing past him stopping momentarily to reposition the color chart into the sunshine on my way to rescue the clothes from the dryer.

“Pretty please with sugar on top,” I added because I’m a polite woman* who by then was struggling with the wet towels in the washing machine that didn’t want to go into the dryer without a fight.

SO WHAT DID HE DO? In what way did he help?

With a devilish smile and an ornery gleam in his eye he picked up the catalogue on the counter, moseyed over to the kitchen table where the light was better and said, “you’d look good in the light blue t-shirt.”

Which is true, but really? That’s helping?

And with that commentary, my friends, I’ll leave this tale of marital bliss– or what passes for it around here.

HONESTLY…

Any of this sound familiar to you?!! 🤨

* I’m baffled by something. If you’re on a Keto diet and have given up on sugar do you say: pretty please with bacon on top? Or butter on top? Or suet on top? How do you rework that polite phrase so it has meaning for you?

In Which I Say Aloha: Metaphysical Motivation + Mango Madness

March 28, 2023 / Ally Bean / 254 Comments

Photo by Shutterbug75 on Pixabay

Talking About Metaphysical Motivation Here

Years ago I had a yoga teacher who based each week of her class on one of the Seven Huna Principles. Are you familiar with them?

I’d forgotten about them but I found them lurking in a folder in my desk drawer where I’d tossed the folder in one of my many scattered moments. The folder contained a formal list of the principles attributed to Serge Kahili King and some of my hand-written notes about them.

Allow me to explain.

According to an article HERE at LearnReligions.com*, in the Hawaiian language ‘huna’ means ‘secret’ as in connecting to your highest self. By using the Huna Principles as guides to better personal understanding, you can “bring about healing and harmony through the power of the mind.”

I’ve listed the principles first with the Hawaiian word, then King’s definition of the word. In the brackets that follow I include information from my hand-written notes, the source of which was that yoga teacher years ago.

THE SEVEN HUNA PRINCIPLES

IKE – The world is what you think it is [This is awareness as in SEEING]

KALA – There are no limits, everything is possible [This is freedom as in CLEARING]

MAKIA – Energy flows where attention goes [This is concentration as in FOCUSING]

MANAWA – Now is the moment of power [This is persistence as in PRESENCE]

ALOHA – To love is to be happy with [This is joy as in BLESSING]

MANA – All power comes from within [This is confidence as in EMPOWERING]

PONO – Effectiveness is the measure of truth [This is wisdom as in DREAM-WEAVING]

Bingo Bango That’s Our Mango

For me this year March Madness has been Mango-centric.

My infatuation with mangoes started years ago when we visited Hawaii. Sure, when you think of that state pineapple gets top billing, but Hawaii also grows the yummiest mangoes that ever were.

I’m always on the lookout for recipes that involve fruit mangoes**.

Thus when I saw a recipe in The Washington Post’s Voraciously food section, I was intrigued. The recipe was for Mango Pudding [available HERE on the other side of a paywall that just goes to prove that Mr. Bezos is mean & greedy]. I tried it and it’s easy to make because you use a blender. I’ve made it a few times now, tweaking it each time to add a bit more flavor.

Then while researching something else I stumbled over a recipe for Mango Pie not hidden behind a paywall, available HERE on THE WOKS OF LIFE. It’s like a peach pie with similar spices and a top crust. It looks and tastes yummy with whipped cream on it, of course.

And finally last week I found a food network recipe, available HERE sans paywall, for a Mango Bellini. This seemed like a no-brainer. I can’t figure why it never occurred to me to make one before, so I rectified that situation and made one. Then another one. Quite tasty, say the residents of Casa Bean.

* This article has what it calls a Reference Library section at the end so if you want to learn more about Huna go there.

** Should you want to know a little more about why I refer to them as “fruit mangoes” read my answer to Cee’s 2017 Share Your World question: What quirky things do people do where you are from?