In Which I Grumble Upon Learning My Husband’s Ringtone For Me

January 26, 2016January 9, 2017 / Ally Bean / 54 Comments

My cell phone, which is a flip phone and about 10 years old [don’t judge], has decided to stop me from writing or receiving texts.

Thus it came to be that instead of texting my husband, which is how we usually communicate, I phoned Zen-Den– and learned a little something about what he really thinks of me.

• • •

Him: Hey it’s you! Forgot what your ringtone was.

Me: Yep, can’t text, so must call. What’s my ringtone?

Him: Some organ music.

Me: Like from the movie The Big Chill? You can’t always get what you want… I’m what you need?!

Him: No, that’s not it…

Me: Like a church organ playing Amazing Grace? How sweet the sound… I’m your honey?!

Him: No, that’s not it either…

Me: Well, what is it then?

Him: It’s organ music like you’d hear at the intermission of a hockey game while the Zamboni man resurfaces the ice in the rink.

Me: Huh? THAT’S WHAT YOU’VE GOT ON YOUR PHONE FOR ME?!! You’ve got an iPhone that lets you download about eleven gazillion plus seven songs, and that’s what you pick for me?

Him: Uh huh. It was easy to find and put on the phone.

Me: So besides being useful for cleaning floors, I’m easy– AND NOT WORTH THE EFFORT TO FIND A BETTER SONG FOR MY RINGTONE. That’s what you’re saying?!!

Him: Yes?

Me: I see. Now I know. Okay then.

Him: Well what do you want me to put on there for you? Black Sabbath?

• • •

That’s when I let the topic drop because I wanted Zen-Den to do something for me, and in that moment it didn’t seem to be in my best interest to press the issue.

However, this is a different moment.

And I’ve been thinking about Zen-Den’s ringtone for moi, which I believe is entirely wrong. In many ways. On lots of levels.

In other words, I don’t like it.

• • •

All of this leads to my question of the day, which is:

Given your druthers, what ringtone song do you prefer to represent you on someone else’s phone?

I need a few suggestions here. A marriage hangs in the balance.

• • •

5 Simple Straightforward Truths About People

January 20, 2016August 29, 2018 / Ally Bean / 35 Comments

{ Photo here from THE NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY DIGITAL COLLECTIONS }

~ ~ • ~ ~

I share the following because no snit-based personal revelation will ever be overlooked on this blog.

If I’m handed the fuzzy end of the lollipop, you know darned well I’m going to make a post of it.

To wit, I found this list in an undated file with the title: How To People. I’m not sure why I wrote the list, but clearly I. was. in. a. mood.

Not mincing words. Leaning toward cynical. Tired of being ignored by the world. Determined to figure out why.

And planning to never let it happen again.

~ ~ • ~ ~

5 Simple Straightforward Truths About People

1) People lie. [Gregory House, M.D., said this, of course.]

2) People do what works for them. [I think this is from Dr. Phil.]

3) There are three specific motivators, or a combination thereof, which compel people to do what they do: safety, status, &/or creativity. [I learned this in Psych 101, and man-oh-man is it true.]

4) The people around you are there for: a reason, a season, or life. [This sounds Hallmark-y to me, but don’t know source for sure.]

5) It’s time to let go of a person when: you’re not learning anything new and there’s no possibility of him or her changing. [I used to be on 43 Things, a goal-setting social media community, & some guy left me this advice about one of my goals.]

~ ~ • ~ ~

[So peoples of the World Wide Web, what have I missed here?]

Happy Holidays? A Sense Of Fun, NOT

January 5, 2016January 5, 2016 / Ally Bean / 33 Comments

:: Well, didn’t the holidays suck this year? Or at least that’s how it went for us here at Chez Bean. You too?

The weather, of course, was all wrong. No matter where you were in the USA the weather was. not. right.

We had April-like spring temps in the 60s with rain and gray, depressing, bleak skies, instead of cool crisp winter weather with clear blue skies by day, starry skies by night.

Star of Bethlehem? Nowhere to be seen.

Adding to the blah, Zen-Den had pneumonia so he was a noisy hacking joy to be around. Keep in mind that I’m a highly sensitive person, meaning that for me his almost hourly coughing fits were like being jabbed with little plastic forks over and over and over again.

I used up my adrenaline supply for all of 2016 & then some.

Full moon, hazy sky. No stars in sight.

:: Needless to say, but I’m going to say it anyhow, we did not get together with friends and family because… well, read health issue discussed immediately above.

So alone we sat. Playing games, him on his iPhone, me on my iPad. Occasionally watching TV or a movie or a football game. Sort of. Ordering things online because how else could we go shopping?

Why didn’t I read, you ask?

As you may or may not know, April is my least favorite month of the year because I’m allergic to the pollen and mold that it produces. So, when that same weather showed up here [in December, thank you global warming] my eyes immediately went blurry, irritated by the aforementioned crap in the air.

Say adios to books.

Drab brown leaves accented with a sprig of red.

:: MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT THIS YEAR WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING A HEALTHY ZEN-DEN HOME FOR TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT WITH NO WORK COMMITMENTS SO THAT WE COULD GET THINGS DONE AROUND THE HOUSE.

Things like sorting through and boxing up the junk in the basement. Taking things to Goodwill and Habitat For Humanity. Hanging pictures in gallery wall formations. Deciding on new paint colors for bedrooms. Going to furniture stores to look at and sit on potential new chairs and sofas.

Did any of this get done?

NO! Not. one. stinking. thing.

Meaning that as far as I’m concerned this holiday season was a bust. While I’m the first to admit that it wasn’t the worst holiday season* I’ve lived through, overall Christmas 2015 + New Year’s Day 2016 were a downright old bummer of an experience.

So boring.

* My worst Christmas/NY holiday memories include: hospital stays; a nursing home; post-operative recuperation at home; talk of hospice care; electrical outages leading to days of no heat & food spoilage in refrigerator.

And one horrible two-night stay, stuck in a shabby motel in northern GA, adjacent to nothing, with only basic cable, pre-wifi & cell phone, when our car broke down on NY Day, a Saturday, and the car dealership where it needed to be repaired wasn’t open until Monday.

Of Wise Women, Broken Dishwashers & Lost Earrings

November 10, 2015November 11, 2015 / Ally Bean / 36 Comments

“You can put lipstick and earrings on a hog and call it Monique, but it’s still a pig.”

~Ann Richards, former governor of Texas and wise woman

HERE IS A TALE TOLD WITH A SINKFUL OF DIRTY DISHES…

About two years ago our dishwasher started leaking water and making odd sounds as it attempted to clean our dishes.

I was sad because even though I didn’t grow up with a dishwasher in the house, unless you consider me to have been the dishwasher, as a homeowner I have come to like dishwashers.

Dandy machines. When they work.

Being us, we ignored the dishwasher and rarely used it. But last year when a plumber was here for a different reason, we had him replace the leaky hose under the machine and the dripping stopped.

However, the noise within the dishwasher continued, and even got louder as the days went on. So we stopped using the dishwasher entirely and resorted to *gasp* washing dishes by hand.

[Oh the inhumanity of it all!]

Fast forward to last week when the appliance repair guy came to the house to fix the recently broken clothes dryer– and to take a look at our sad, almost useless, dishwasher while he was here.

Whereupon, after taking the dishwasher apart to the tune of $99.00, he found an earring in the dishwasher that had caused the motor to stop motoring smoothly– and subsequently ruined the motor.

Not so dandy.

As you, gentle readers, can readily understand from the above quote, I’ve now taken to calling the sad, officially broken, dishwasher: Monique.

She still looks good, and matches all the other appliances in our kitchen, which makes me happy because for the first time in my life our kitchen, remodeled seven years ago, has had the same brand and style of appliances in it.

Pretty, pretty.

But Monique is a useless trophy appliance now. So, with a heavy heart, but a practical mind, we’re going to buy a new dishwasher.

Which I shall love, regardless of how she looks. And promise that I will, to the best of my ability, keep earrings away from her.

Meaning the only question left is: what shall we name her?