Of Wise Women, Broken Dishwashers & Lost Earrings

“You can put lipstick and earrings on a hog and call it Monique, but it’s still a pig.”

~Ann Richards, former governor of Texas and wise woman

HERE IS A TALE TOLD WITH A SINKFUL OF DIRTY DISHES…

About two years ago our dishwasher started leaking water and making odd sounds as it attempted to clean our dishes.

I was sad because even though I didn’t grow up with a dishwasher in the house, unless you consider me to have been the dishwasher, as a homeowner I have come to like dishwashers.

Dandy machines.  When they work.

Being us, we ignored the dishwasher and rarely used it.  But last year when a plumber was here for a different reason, we had him replace the leaky hose under the machine and the dripping stopped.

However, the noise within the dishwasher continued, and even got louder as the days went on.  So we stopped using the dishwasher entirely and resorted to *gasp* washing dishes by hand.

[Oh the inhumanity of it all!]

Fast forward to last week when the appliance repair guy came to the house to fix the recently broken clothes dryer– and to take a look at our sad, almost useless, dishwasher while he was here.

Whereupon, after taking the dishwasher apart to the tune of $99.00, he found an earring in the dishwasher that had caused the motor to stop motoring smoothly– and subsequently ruined the motor.

Not so dandy.

As you, gentle readers, can readily understand from the above quote, I’ve now taken to calling the sad, officially broken, dishwasher: Monique.

She still looks good, and matches all the other appliances in our kitchen, which makes me happy because for the first time in my life our kitchen, remodeled seven years ago, has had the same brand and style of appliances in it.

Pretty, pretty. 

But Monique is a useless trophy appliance now.  So, with a heavy heart, but a practical mind, we’re going to buy a new dishwasher.

Which I shall love, regardless of how she looks.  And promise that I will, to the best of my ability, keep earrings away from her.

Meaning the only question left is: what shall we name her?

Published by

Ally Bean

Observant. Creative. Humorous. Adaptable. Happy enough. Midwestern by chance. Kindhearted most days.

36 thoughts on “Of Wise Women, Broken Dishwashers & Lost Earrings”

  1. Poor Monique! And to think a little earring was the death of her. Our dishwasher only gets use about every 8-10 days. They can be pretty expensive, depending on what brand and what gizmos you want included. I’ve never named the appliances before. It will be interesting to hear what others come up with. I’m at a total loss….I got nuthin!

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    1. Beth, Monique is a goner– and I threw out the earring that caused her demise. As for what kind of dishwasher we buy next, I dunno. Growing up as we did, a dishwasher is nice… but not necessary. However, I like to try recipes, especially during the winter, so I suppose we’ll invest in a new one just so I can wash all those dishes with ease.

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  2. Um, may we talk just a minute on how an earring found its way into the dishwasher in the first place? It sounds a bit as if poor Monique was the victim of a homicide. Is there, perhaps, a jealous, not often used dish towel, or drying rack somewhere on the premises? You may want to identify and deal with the culprit before bringing in another dishwasher…you know, just in case. 😉

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    1. Satin Sheet Diva, I hadn’t stopped to consider how it came to be that poor Monique died. I’ll cross examine the drying rack who lives nearby. No doubt if he saw something suspicious, he’ll fess up. He loves attention, always out there on the counter showing off his balancing talents. So needy. So nosy.

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  3. I like Madge! That’s a very good name. I’ve only had a dishwasher once (besides me) so I would have no clue what to name one. Mine tended to be used as a cupboard while dirty dishes piled up in the sink.

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    1. Zazzy, I like Madge, too. The thing about the dishwasher is that while I like having one, it’s another machine to look after. I’m sure we’ll get one eventually, but until then I have time aplenty to decide on a name.

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  4. I like the idea of a man doing the chores around my house. I’d choose a man’s name for the new dishwasher. (And I’m terribly biased against Frigidaires–we had a series of problems–and very happy with our nice, quiet Bosch.)

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    1. nance, good point. A male name would work. How about Bruno? I’ve heard good things about Bosch models. As long as the darned thing works, I don’t much care what brand it is.

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  5. Hmm, like your Monique I have a Francois of a refrigerator. The ice machine doesn’t work, nor the water pump. We’ve been told it’s not fixable. We’ll have to get a new one. And years later we still haven’t. Hey, it still keeps my food cold. But now you’ve got me wondering, I HAVE misplaced an earring or two in the past. Hmm, maybe Francois is trying to tell me something…

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    1. Carrie, when it comes time for you to put Francois in the Old Appliances Home, tell him to look up Monique. Sounds like they’d have quite a bit to talk about… jewelry… broken water lines… families who were too cheap to replace them on a timely basis. 😉

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        1. Kate, we have parties. We have friends over to the house. We have family. WHO KNOWS WHOSE EARRING IT WAS! I’m leaning toward a male name now. Do you suppose Madge had a husband?

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  6. I have a love hate relationship with my dishwasher. It rattles and roars, the shelves repeatedly come off their tracks, and it doesn’t have half the fun features of newer designs (such as bendable tines) but the darn thing refuses to break down.

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  7. Earring, that must have been your doing unless ZD is into them? 😉 The name for the new dishwasher should match its appearance. If it’s stainless steel, Shirley perhaps. If it’s white, Blanche. I have a leaky dishwasher hose under my sink and need to call a plumber. I’m procrastinating!

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    1. Margaret, I like your logic when it comes to naming the yet-to-be-purchased new machine. Good idea. Now all that’s left to do is buy a new dishwasher… sigh.

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    1. Daisy Smiley Face, that’s a great idea! I’ve gone from lamenting the demise of Monique to having a list of wonderful names for her successor. Now all we have to do is buy a new machine, have it installed and send Monique to the Old Appliances Home where she can live out her days among other senior citizen appliances. Thanks for the suggestion.

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  8. My vote is for Bruno, a fine name for a dishwasher! I’m tempted to name mine now. This is the first time I’ve had one and it still feels like such a luxury (we have a small Bosch- works well but you have to use it frequently or it gets a funky smell, but as it’s small that’s not an issue for us).

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    1. Letitia, I must admit that I like Bruno, too. All the other names suggested here are wonderful, but Bruno sounds like the sort of appliance that could stand up to the task, day after day. The appliance repair guy recommended a Bosch! Need to look into those when the time comes.

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  9. A useless trophy appliance – love it. I had a similar dishwasher, though no earring and it was ugly and didn’t match anything else in the kitchen. So really, not at all the same, except for the broken part of things.

    And Choppy says you should consider Choppy as a name. She is into herself.

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    1. Sarah, please tell Choppy that as much as I adore her name I feel that a dishwasher named after her would only serve to tarnish her sterling character. Plus, on a more pragmatic note, the image of chopping knives inside the dishwasher is not pleasing to me. We’ve already got enough chipped china as it is. But thank Choppy for the idea, just the same.

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        1. I promise to do that. Good thinking. Our KitchenAid stand mixer is named: Bluesy the Mixing Floozy. I’ve no doubt she’d love to have a food processor friend named: Choppy! 😉

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  10. If you are considering male names, how about Murphy? It’s an Irish name meaning sea warrior. After the untimely demise of Monique you will want your next dishwasher to be a sea warrior, won’t you?

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    1. la p, you make a convincing case for the name Murphy. All that water swirling around inside the dishwasher is like life at sea. I can see that name working for us… once we actually bother to go buy a new machine.

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