Internal Revenue Service

Here’s a glimpse into what my life is like.

Three lawyers [husband, friend and acquaintance] all listened to me tell this story and all three of them told me I had it wrong.

Yet I maintain that this is what happened to us, so I’m going to tell this story my way because this is my blog and I’m a pragmatist who says that:

if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck.

• • •

Curious about what happened to us? Well, here’s how I see it:

We received a letter from the IRS telling us they needed information re: one piece of one tax return.
We [and by “we” I mean Z-D, obviously] found this piece of information and sent it to the IRS.
We received another letter from the IRS saying that they had received the information and that they’d be in touch to tell us what was going to happen next.

Now people, I am not new to the IRS and their ways. This is how it all started years ago when we were audited by the IRS.

So I think that you’ll agree with me, A NON-LAWYER, when I say that: we’re being audited by the IRS. I say this because the definition for the word “audit” is: “an official inspection of accounts.” [Look it up, boys.]

And what exactly is the IRS asking of us? Why my goodness gracious, they want to inspect our account. Ergo, I say that if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then. it’s. a. duck.

* quack, quack *

We’re being audited.

[This series of events is weirdly inspirational considering we’re talking about the IRS here.]

2009

The Beans make money.

2010

April – The Beans file a tax return with the IRS and pay taxes on the money they made in 2009.

August – The Beans receive a letter from the IRS stating that one small section of The Beans’ 2009 tax return is being audited.

The Beans phone their CPA, Sir Add-alot, who did the tax return in question. Sir Add-alot and the Lawyer Bean figure out that the IRS is indeed correct and that a mistake has been made on the “tax return in question.”

The Beans pay more taxes. And a penalty.

The Lawyer Bean, who spends most of his working life figuring out how to solve problems, is pleased that the situation is rectified. The Blogger Bean shrugs and says, “oh well.” Sir Add-alot frets.

November – Sir Add-alot continues to fret and tells the Lawyer Bean of such.

2011

February – The Beans receive a phone call from Sir Add-alot.

While preparing The Beans’ 2010 tax return, Sir Add-alot has a brain storm and double checks something on what is now known within The Bean household as the “tax return formerly in question.” At which point he realizes that he did not make a mistake on the “tax return formerly in question.” Nor did the Lawyer Bean make a mistake.

[It’s a given that the Blogger Bean didn’t make a mistake. She cedes all responsibility for taxes to those who actually enjoy working with numbers.]

The Beans learn from Sir Add-alot that the financial institution where they have some investments– a place of numbers— had made a mistake while adding up a bunch of numbers.

[Uh huh.]

By the time the Blogger Bean hears of this turn of events, Sir Add-alot has already made some calls– filled in some new forms– talked with the right people. And he has sent the revised “tax return in question/then not in question because we paid more taxes and a penalty/then known as the tax return formerly in question/but now once again referred to as the tax return in question (but in a good way)” to the IRS.

[You with me here?]

April – The Beans await the return of their money— that they did not owe to the IRS, but paid while under the impression that they did owe it to the IRS– but now know better– and want their money back from the IRS– who has said that the money will be returned to The Beans once the “tax return in question (but in a good way)” is processed by the IRS.

The End.

[I hope.]