A Conversation About Self-Awareness & Assumptions

February 4, 2016January 9, 2017 / Ally Bean / 36 Comments

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A friend, who was clearly absorbed in her own thoughts, got into my car, buckled up, and without so much as a Sherman T. Potter “howdy-do” said:

Do you think you were wanted?

Now I’m a good friend. Attentive. A natural-born problem solver, but you have to give me some context. So I said the first, rather inarticulate, thing that drifted into my head: huh?

Then the story unfolded as she went on to explain that she’d started reviewing her life, all of her life, in light of a recent setback in which her job ended.

While she understood on a logical level why her job, which she tolerated, had been cut, on an spiritual level this experience had sent her into a spiral of self-doubt– and a need to understand it all.

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We talked for a while. She explained that the question she had asked of me wasn’t about being wanted at work, but about being wanted within a family. That is, did I think/she think that our parents wanted us.

In my case, Yes. In her case, No.

Getting to the crux of her contemplation, she thought that being unwanted early on would have given her some superpower to automatically know when that sort of thing was happening again.

In other words, because she was so sure of herself had she missed some sign that she was going to be kicked to the curb by this employer?

We came to no definitive conclusion about her recent job loss, but we did stumble upon a good topic of conversation about self-awareness. That is, how we all make assumptions based on previous experiences.

And how those assumptions when applied to the here and now, aren’t always a good guide for how to live your life, even though it’s easy to delude yourself into thinking that they are.

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5 Simple Straightforward Truths About People

January 20, 2016August 29, 2018 / Ally Bean / 35 Comments

{ Photo here from THE NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY DIGITAL COLLECTIONS }

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I share the following because no snit-based personal revelation will ever be overlooked on this blog.

If I’m handed the fuzzy end of the lollipop, you know darned well I’m going to make a post of it.

To wit, I found this list in an undated file with the title: How To People. I’m not sure why I wrote the list, but clearly I. was. in. a. mood.

Not mincing words. Leaning toward cynical. Tired of being ignored by the world. Determined to figure out why.

And planning to never let it happen again.

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5 Simple Straightforward Truths About People

1) People lie. [Gregory House, M.D., said this, of course.]

2) People do what works for them. [I think this is from Dr. Phil.]

3) There are three specific motivators, or a combination thereof, which compel people to do what they do: safety, status, &/or creativity. [I learned this in Psych 101, and man-oh-man is it true.]

4) The people around you are there for: a reason, a season, or life. [This sounds Hallmark-y to me, but don’t know source for sure.]

5) It’s time to let go of a person when: you’re not learning anything new and there’s no possibility of him or her changing. [I used to be on 43 Things, a goal-setting social media community, & some guy left me this advice about one of my goals.]

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[So peoples of the World Wide Web, what have I missed here?]

Answering The Liebster [Not The Lobster] Award Questions

October 2, 2015August 29, 2018 / Ally Bean / 24 Comments

Introduction

Liebster is German and means sweetest, kindest, nicest.

I feel like a bit of a fraud accepting this award by answering these questions. The point of this award is to showcase new up-and-coming bloggers to your readers.

And if there is one thing I am not, it is a new blogger. [Read more here.]

However, be that as it may, I like to do blogging memes like this one because they challenge me to think differently about my life. And because I’m alway honored to be included.

So when charming delightful DearLilyJune nominated me for the Liebster Award [which my spellcheck insists on changing to Lobster], I thought to myself:

Sure. Why not? It’ll be fun.

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The Rules, Or As I Choose To Think Of Them, The Guidelines

Here are the rules for the Liebster Award. If you’re nominated and choose to accept it – you:

answer 11 questions given to you by your nominator;
leave a link back to the person who nominated you;
nominate up to 11 blogs that are relatively new (usually less than 200 followers);
notify your nominees; and
create 11 questions for the nominees.

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Here are DearLilyJune’s questions with my answers

1) Here’s the Lorelai question, posed to her daughter Rory every year on her birthday: What do you think of your life so far?

I like my life so far. Living in suburbia this far out of the city is not where I thought I’d end up, but I’ve come to accept it and enjoy it. Life is quieter here than in the city, and allows me to center myself in nature, write when I want to without distractions, and pursue my love of design. I’m comfortable being a low-key suburban person who watches the parade go by and cheers on those who need to march in it.

2) What’s the cruelest thing you could do to another human being?

Cause them pain, physical &/or emotional.

3) How do you avoid doing #2?

Pay attention to your behavior, know why you do the things that you do, make a conscious decision to play nice– and remember the golden rule.

4) What’s the kindest thing you could do for other human beings?

Support other people in their dreams, listening and guiding them to make good choices, helping them understand that you can only control the process. The results will be what they will be.

5) How do you get motivated, or motivate others, to do more of #4?

I used to think that modeling the behavior you wanted to see in other people was the answer to that question. But now, older & wiser, I’m not so sure that kindness happens that way. Meaning, I don’t have an answer to this question. Do you?

6) What do you dream about at night?

I rarely remember my dreams at night. The little tidbits that I do remember revolve around houses or dorms or hotels– being safe, seeing friends, getting rooms.

7) What do you daydream about during the day?

My daydreams are pretty benign. Walking on a beach. Being in a city park, enjoying nature. Traveling to other countries with friends.

8) If you could go back and choose it, what would your first word be?

Neato.

9) If there were anything you could remember about your life as a baby, what would be your chosen memory?

My grandmother died before I was 1 y.o. I have a photo of her holding me, but I’d like to have met her when I was more aware. They tell me that she was kindness personified.

10) Why are we so quick to pose questions, and so slow to listen for the answers?

In a word, screens. Our society brainwashes people into thinking that distractions via screens, such as social media, TV, movies and video games, are more important than real interpersonal relationships. So waiting to hear a real person answer a question becomes irritating, irrelevant– and not worth wasting your time away from the precious screen.

11) If you had to ask yourself one question each day to take stock of your life, what would that question be?

What have I done today to help my spirit grow?

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Care to play along? Here Are my 11 questions, or writing prompts, for you

1. Which day is your favorite day of the week? And why?

2. What color do you find the most annoying?

3. You’re going on a short drive to run errands around town. What will it be: radio OR personal tunes OR silence?

4. What novel has had the most influence on how you express yourself?

5. Do you like the traditional Thanksgiving feast? If so, what in particular do you like? If not, what do you think is a better meal?

6. When asked to do something that you do not want to do, what do you do?

7. You have a favorite TV show, right? Tell me about it.

8. Is the TSA the most over-rated, self-important, inept government agency around? If not, what is?

9. Guacamole is ________ .

10. To what are you allergic?

11. How much do you love my questions for you?

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Conclusion

Once again Linus, of Peanuts fame, sums it up perfectly.

If you’ve made it this far down on the post, I applaud you. You are a true bloggy friend. Meaning that if you want to do this meme, please feel free to do it.

Do it like the “rules” say you should.
Do it like I did, in the spirit of the thing, using the rules as guidelines.
Do pieces of it as writing prompts for your blog.
Do it but never publish it.

All I ask of you is that when you choose to do this, please make sure you’re saying to yourself:

Sure. Why not? It’ll be fun.

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Link Love: Women With Smarts Edition

August 6, 2015May 6, 2021 / Ally Bean / 18 Comments

Lecturers in the first winter course in 1906, Cornell University.

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• Ducks and sponges.

“For ducks, other people’s emotions roll right off them… Not so for sponges. Highly intuitive types often soak up other people’s feelings…” ~ Anne at Modern Mrs. Darcy

• What Your Favorite Summer Cocktail Says About You

“No matter where you go, you have an uncanny knack for getting everyone to tell you their life story.”

• 10 Words Every Girl Should Learn

“After I wrote about the gender confidence gap recently, of the 10 items on a list, the one that resonated the most was the issue of whose speech is considered important.” ~ Soraya Chemaly

• Ship Your Enemies Glitter

“Prank your Friends and Enemies. Let us send them some stupid glitter that is guaranteed to go everywhere. You don’t have to move a muscle.”

• Why You Should Kick Your Bucket List

“Well I propose that if you truly want to up your happiness factor, you need to kick that bucket list and make a f@ck it list.” ~ Elena at Fabulously 50 & Living With Batman

• Everything Was New And Pretty Wondrous

“A long time ago (last week) in a city far, far away (Baltimore), Alice Bowman guided the most ambitious space mission in a generation. Here, she explains what it’s like to glimpse the edge of the solar system.” ~ Rachel Morris

• The Cake Is A Lie

“The Cake is a Lie is a catchphrase… and is often used to convey the message that a promised gift is being used to motivate without any intent of delivering.”