Shopping For Make-Up: Plain Jane Vs. The Kabuki Woman

July 23, 2013 / Ally Bean / 25 Comments

I’m not a fan of make-up. I think that the stuff is overrated, but I bow to social custom and use a little of it*.

I believe that for me THE NATURAL LOOK IS ALWAYS BEST**.

Combine the foregoing with the fact that when provoked I will say what I’m really thinking— and you get the following conversation between me, Plain Jane, and the sales associate, Kabuki Woman, at the Bobbi Brown counter in Nordstrom***.

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Plain Jane: (approaching the make-up counter) Hi!

Kabuki Woman: (looking blankly at me) Yes.

Plain Jane: (continuing on, ignoring her disinterested tone of voice) Yes, hello. I need to get some Bobbi Brown eye shadow. Would you be able to help me please?

Kabuki Woman: (sighing at the injustice of having to wait on me) Yes.

Plain Jane: (fully aware that I am staring at this woman’s ghostly white face + overdone eye make-up, but unable to look away) Ah, yes. I need Sable & Ivory, please. I looked them up online before I came in and I think that those would be the most neutral colors for me. What do you think?

Kabuki Woman: (glaring at me with loathing while making a dismissive gesture with her hand) They’ll be fine… on YOU.

Plain Jane: (hearing my mother’s voice in my head say: “young lady, you go upstairs right now and wash that stuff off your face so that we can see how pretty you really are”) And I need a lip liner pencil. I wear Clinique Spicy Honey Almost Lipstick and I want the pencil to blend with my lips and be natural.

Kabuki Woman: (fixating on me with a fiery hot hatred, snarling her overly pigmented red lips) You’re supposed to see the lip liner when you wear it. You can look at these here. All of them are neutrals. Just pick one. They’ll all work.

Plain Jane: (getting steamed, wondering why I hadn’t gone to Sephora where the nice gay man with too much eyeliner had helped me just a week ago) Well, I think it should be a little bit better than: IT’LL WORK. Which one do I use?

Kabuki Woman: (starting to look a bit red underneath her ghostly white face) ANY… OF… THEM…

Plain Jane: (saying what I had been thinking the whole time) Look, I HATE MAKE-UP AND SHOPPING FOR IT IS WHY. I just want someone else to figure it out for me. SO WHICH ONE DO I BUY? I want to look natural.

Kabuki Woman: (shocked into actually doing something) Use this one, Bobbi Brown Brownie Pink.

Plain Jane: (making a mental note to join a convent where no one expects women to wear make-up so that I never have to suffer through this again) Thank you.

Kabuki Woman: (tottering away from me as fast as possible on her slutty high heels without so much as a thank you or a goodbye) You can pay over there.

~ THE END ~

~ • ~

*Interesting. “Would We Feel Better Without Makeup? One Woman’s Modesty Experiment”

**Adorable. “Sloth Gets Her Makeup Done Before The ‘Today’ Show (PHOTO)“

***Useful. Bobbi Brown Website

So What Ticked Me Off Yesterday?

June 20, 2013June 20, 2013 / Ally Bean / 19 Comments

I am a kind person so most of the time I overlook bad manners + rude behavior. But not every time.

There are limits. There are moments.

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People occasionally misinterpret my mellow attitude, thinking that I’ll put up with anything. That they can continue to misbehave + to complain ad nauseam.

This surprises me. Every lousy time.

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However, if someone continues to behave in a way that I deem inappropriate + selfish, I will detach myself from said person. Never to help him or her again.

And I will remember.

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So you see, that is what yesterday was all about. Me. Being clear + decisive about my expectations. Me. Drawing a digital line in the sand.

Me. Embracing my own authentic self.

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2 Movies, 2 Books & 1 Complete Blank

June 7, 2013May 6, 2021 / Ally Bean / 16 Comments

As part of my attempt to live a more balanced life in 2013, I have given myself the assignment to watch 2 movies and to read 2 books each month. Here is my May report.

2 Movies

Small, Beautifully Moving Parts – Clever + truthful. A pregnant, techie-oriented woman, who lives in NYC, goes to LA so that her sister may give her a proper baby shower. Once on the west coast, the mother-to-be decides to visit her divorced parents. Her father’s reaction to seeing her is delight, but her off-the-grid mother’s reaction is alternately hilarious or sad. Recommended if you like honest characters + quiet triumphs.

Jesus Henry Christ – Tedious + confused. I wanted to like this movie produced by Julia Roberts, but I didn’t. The premise is that a brilliant 10-year-old boy, whose mother had in vitro fertilization, decides to find out who his biological father really is– and he does. But the plot dragged on and the characters were of the over-the-top-but-supposed-to-be-endearing variety so that nothing in the story seemed interesting or plausible or worth caring about. Not recommended.

2 Books

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks – Extraordinary + compelling. Rebecca Skloot tells the true story of how one woman’s cells, taken from her without her permission, came to be first “immortal” human cells grown in a medical lab at Johns Hopkins University. Plus, Skloot tells the story of Henrietta’s life, her children’s lives and all the subsequent injustices done to all of them. Recommended if you like medical history + family stories that span generations.

Too Much Happiness – Well-written, but forgettable. I know that Alice Munro is a writer with an enthusiastic following so I decided to read one of her books. This book of 10 short stories was, perhaps, not her best effort– or maybe I don’t get her. I found the stories to be depressing &/or mundane; so much so that even her smooth writing couldn’t overcome it. Recommended if you like glimpses into the darker side of human nature + need something to read that’s easy to put down and pick up as need be.

1 Complete Blank

In this spot I like to share something clever or funny that I saw/read/heard during the month, but I’m coming up with a blank here. Oh well, whatever. If anyone has something inspiring or cheerful that could be in this spot, just let me know & in it goes. If not, I suggest that we all be like Quakers at a Sunday meeting and sit here silently reflecting upon the Divine. The choice is yours, gentle readers.

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[As promised above, I’ve added your ideas to inspire or cheer thus filling in my Complete Blank.]

1) From Polly at caughtwriting, an Emily Dickinson quote:

“Forever– is composed of nows.”

2) From Zazzy at zazamataz.com, an e.e. cummings quote:

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”

3) From Phil at Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge, a Judy Garland rendition of a popular song:

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I’ve Looked At Blogs From Both Sides Now

April 25, 2013August 29, 2018 / Ally Bean / 25 Comments

A few weeks ago I wrote about having been around the blogosphere for nine years. As I said then, I’ve seen and experienced many good things during my blogging career. But as you can imagine there have been weird things that have happened to me, also.

So, in the interest of full disclosure, and as I have nothing else I really want to talk about today, I thought that I’d share some of the less-than-friendly experiences I’ve had while blogging.

Life ain’t all sunshine and rainbows, now is it?

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1. Years ago a woman with a public blog asked me to remove her blog from my blogroll because she did not know me in real life. She told me that she only allowed people who she knew in real life to put her blog on their blogroll. I did as she asked and sent her an email apologizing for any distress my connection might have caused her.

To this day I have to wonder how she’s doing at keeping strangers from connecting with her. If you don’t want people to take an interest in your life, then don’t keep a public blog. Seems logical to me, but then I’m a pragmatic person, so what do I know?

Kind of trippy, that one.

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2. I’ve always included some photos in my blogs. At one point someone liked my photos so much that he or she set up a Flickr account using a version of my name. Then he or she stole some of my photos off my blog, and placed them in this account. Under my name.

This was one of those “to what end?” experiences. I was given credit for my work– which was good. The account was public– which was good. However, I never determined why someone would do this. Was it supposed to be flattery? I don’t know. It was harmless, but really?

Just a little too weird, if you ask me.

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3. As many of you know, I like to leave comments on other people’s blogs. I only comment if I have something to add to the conversation. Never anything rude or disruptive. So one day I read a post, complete with a photo, that spoke to me. Consequently, I left a short heartfelt comment based on experiences in my life.

I returned to the blog a few days later to see if this blogger had responded to my comment, only to find that she had taken down the photo that had sparked my comment. And that she had deleted my kind, non-confrontational, positive comment. I was shocked at first. But then it slowly dawned on me that this woman was a diva and she might have felt that my comment upstaged her [?], so she got rid of the photo– and me.

Flip city, huh?

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So, tell me, what weirdnesses have you experienced while using social media? I know everyone has a story to tell– and what better place and time than here and now?

Hmmm? ‘Fess up.