Share Your World | Going To The Turtles

Once a week Cee asks the questions on her blog, and I answer them here on my blog.  It’s a good thing, ‘ya know?

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 What is something that people are obsessed with but you just don’t get the point of?

Basketball.

*yawn*

Here’s my take on it: a bunch of people, who call themselves a team and wear matching culottes, make a big deal about bouncing a ball while running to one end of a wooden court where they make squeaky noises with their shoes as they toss the ball among the team members.  Eventually, someone attempts to throw the ball into an overhead small circular net.

Why?  No one knows.

Then, the whole nonsensical show repeats at the other end of the court allowing the other team to do the same thing.  And then it happens again.

Ad infinitum. 👎

What quirky things do people do where you are from?

No one does this where I live now but…

I grew up in a small town where the word “mango” meant green pepper.  Yep, no one called green peppers what they were, except my mother who knew that a mango was a tropical fruit, not a vegetable.

She never tried to correct anyone in town on this point, but she did make it clear to me that what everyone in this small town believed to be true, was in fact objectively false in the rest of the world.

It was a life lesson, I suppose, on the dangers of groupthink.  And of putting the wrong ingredients into your recipes.

 • What are some things you wish you could unlearn?

What it is like to be inside a MRI.  All of them, any style.  It’s a feeling too horrible for words.

Who is someone that you miss having in your life? 

I used to go to yoga classes at the wellness center in a local hospital. Carol, a RN, taught the classes.

These classes were the most safe and satisfying yoga experiences I ever had.  However, Carol retired, the hospital closed the wellness center, and I’ve been left ever since trying to find [unsuccessfully] anyone as fun and centered as Carol was.

I miss Carol.

Optional Bonus Question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up? 

Last week’s gratitude award goes to Fredrik Backman for writing the darkly humorous novel, A Man Called Ove.  This book kept me entertained/distracted for hours so that the remodeling noise and the various people traipsing around inside our house did not bother me.  No better review, eh?

This week’s looking forward to something goes to meeting some friends to go see a professional baseball game.  We do this once a year and it’s always a good time, regardless of who wins the game.

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This post is part of Cee’s Share Your World Weekly Writing Challenge.

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Be The Light: Five Links That Sparked My Interest

INTRODUCTION

As you may remember I’ve joined a yearlong monthly event called We Are The World Blogfest.  

The purpose of this event is to highlight positive news stories, presenting them on your blog on the last Friday of the month.

This being the last Friday of May, I have a story, or five, to share with you, my gentle readers.

THE NEWS STORIES  

 A lonely snail almost gets the girlfriend of his dreams. If only.

 Newly discovered shade of blue is getting a name. Cool.

Saving 7th century architectural history in a 20th century modern way. Smart.

A baby otter has a lucky rescue. Cuteness.

• Mom gets honorary MBA doing what Mom’s do best. Huzzah!

MY COMMENTARY

I had a difficult time this month finding one positive news story, with a bit of depth, that fits the criteria set out for this event. With The Donald hogging the news cycle 24/7, non-political + inspirational stories disappeared.

Did you notice that, too?

Re-thinking how I could keep true to the spirit of We Are The World Blogfest, I decided to bend the rules and share the foregoing list of some fun news stories that are positive– in their own small ways.

Because, I believe, every little bit of light helps.

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{ If you’re on Facebook, there’s a Blogfest Community – We Are The World page there with connections to other people who are writing posts for this event.  I don’t do FB, but thought you, my gentle readers who like FB, and enjoy positivity, might be interested in knowing this. }

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How To Turn A Bully Into A Fool [Part 1 of 2]

Watching The Donald make an ass of himself while attempting to intimidate Hillary reminded me of this story from my childhood.

My father, a genius, did not suffer fools easily.

He had zero patience for stupidity combined with malice.  It’s from him that I learned how to shut down anyone who gets out of hand by flaunting his or her willful ignorance &/or bad manners in my face.

Be forewarned.

However, as a kid I was not naturally inclined to defend myself.  You see, I was a shy, bookish child with poor coordination, no siblings, and thick eyeglasses.

Bullies used me for target practice, because I was physically weak and because I was a girl and because of my legal first name.

In the first few weeks of kindergarten one bully, Karl, an oversized-oaf with pale blond hair and a need to be noticed [sound like anyone in particular?], started bugging me on the playground and in the classroom.

I was upset and didn’t know what to do.

When I told my mother, an introvert, about what was going on she gave me her general advice about people: “just ignore ’em.”  This, as you can imagine, was of no help to me in this situation.

Kindergarten is not the time for taking the high road.

So I turned to my father.

He listened to my problem then told me exactly what to do.  I didn’t understand what he wanted me to do, but I knew, even at a young age, that this guy had a way of dealing with people, so I did exactly what he said.

[Tune in tomorrow for Part 2.]

G Is For Gravy, Good Golly

Screen Shot 2016-03-21 at 10.43.31 AMIt’s all gravy

… is a wonderful way to say that everything is going well in your life.  The logic behind it can be explained thusly:

“This phrase originated from an Old English saying. Life, it explained, is meat and potatoes, and the luxuries are gravy.”

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Screen Shot 2016-04-05 at 10.07.17 AM
{ Image Source: Graphics Fairy }

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That being said, for me, this phrase was one that I never heard growing up.  My mother, Skinny Ginny, had an aversion to all things sauce.  Including, but not limited to, gravy.

There was no gravy in my life, so when I first heard this saying, while in college studying English Literature, it confused me.

To me, gravy was something bad.  Empty calories, you know?

When I finally figured out what the saying meant to the rest of the world, I had to laugh.  Despite my mother’s good intentions when it came to healthful dining, she did a really good job of screwing with my mind, and inadvertently baffling me.

Which just goes to show, it ain’t always what it seems.

Discerning The Real Purpose Of A Christmas Tree Skirt

•  Just this week friends gave us a wonderful holiday present.  We now have a beautiful quilted, velvet Christmas tree skirt, monogrammed with our name, under our tree.

This is a huge step up from our previous faded cotton, mis-stitched, puny Christmas tree skirt, that I purchased in a fit of cheap, when it was on sale at Lowe’s after the holidays.

•  Our new perfect Christmas tree skirt has reminded of two things.

First, my mother, who enjoyed the giving and baking aspects of Christmas, did not care for Christmas decorating.  AT ALL.  Her example definitely rubbed off on me.  Case in point?  No nice Christmas tree skirt for us when I’m left in charge.

Second, I remembered Bernice [“you little fruitcake”], from Designing Women, wearing her Christmas tree skirt gift as a piece of clothing.  It’s one of those classic sit-com moments that can still get me giggling.  Timeless, you know?

•  So without further ado, and with a hat tip to memories past, I give you today’s chuckle.  Enjoy, my friends.

In Which I Attempt To Spring Clean & Am Thwarted By Motherly Advice

Order out of chaos.

It’s that time of year.  Spring.  And my half of our clothes closet is a mess.  As usual.  Just ask Zen-Den.

So I’ve decided to be strong, be decisive, be ruthless… and sort through my clothes.  And accessories.  Because it’s not doing me any good having all this stuff piled up hither and yon.

I crave a calm, organized closet.  Angst-free.

Encourage or discourage?

But here’s the issue, when I start to organize anything in our home I hear my late mother’s voice telling me three of her stock phrases. The woman was nothing if not consistent.  And cautious.

  1. Waste not, want not.
  2. Be careful.
  3. Think it through.

So then after acknowledging that these phrases are bouncing around inside my mind, I become so filled with doubt that I do not do that which I set out to do.  And the closet… or the basement… or the junk drawer remain messy.

Stumbling over the past.

It’s the oddest thing.  I can let go of outdated ideas with ease.  I can move on from rotten relationships as needed.  But when it comes to objects that I’ve bought or inherited, I have difficulty deciding what to do with them.

Begging the question: how do you un-program that which a well-intentioned mother who grew up during the Depression programmed into you?

There must be an override switch somewhere, right?

Shopping For Make-Up: Plain Jane Vs. The Kabuki Woman

I’m not a fan of make-up.  I think that the stuff is overrated, but I bow to social custom and use a little of it*.

I believe that for me THE NATURAL LOOK IS ALWAYS BEST**.

Combine the foregoing with the fact that when provoked I will say what I’m really thinking— and you get the following conversation between me, Plain Jane, and the sales associate, Kabuki Woman, at the Bobbi Brown counter in Nordstrom***.

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Plain Jane: (approaching the make-up counter)  Hi!

Kabuki Woman: (looking blankly at me)  Yes.

Plain Jane: (continuing on, ignoring her disinterested tone of voice)  Yes, hello.  I need to get some Bobbi Brown eye shadow.  Would you be able to help me please?

Kabuki Woman: (sighing at the injustice of having to wait on me)  Yes.

Plain Jane: (fully aware that I am staring at this woman’s ghostly white face + overdone eye make-up, but unable to look away)  Ah, yes.  I need Sable & Ivory, please.  I looked them up online before I came in and I think that those would be the most neutral colors for me.  What do you think?  

Kabuki Woman: (glaring at me with loathing while making a dismissive gesture with her hand)  They’ll be fine… on YOU.

Plain Jane: (hearing my mother’s voice in my head say: “young lady, you go upstairs right now and wash that stuff off your face so that we can see how pretty you really are”)  And I need a lip liner pencil.  I wear Clinique Spicy Honey Almost Lipstick and I want the pencil to blend with my lips and be natural.

Kabuki Woman: (fixating on me with a fiery hot hatred, snarling her overly pigmented red lips)  You’re supposed to see the lip liner when you wear it. You can look at these here.  All of them are neutrals.  Just pick one.  They’ll all work.

Plain Jane: (getting steamed, wondering why I hadn’t gone to Sephora where the nice gay man with too much eyeliner had helped me just a week ago)  Well, I think it should be a little bit better than: IT’LL WORK.  Which one do I use?

Kabuki Woman: (starting to look a bit red underneath her ghostly white face)  ANY… OF… THEM…

Plain Jane: (saying what I had been thinking the whole time)  Look, I HATE MAKE-UP AND SHOPPING FOR IT IS WHY.  I just want someone else to figure it out for me.  SO WHICH ONE DO I BUY?  I want to look natural.

Kabuki Woman: (shocked into actually doing something)  Use this one, Bobbi Brown Brownie Pink.

Plain Jane: (making a mental note to join a convent where no one expects women to wear make-up so that I never have to suffer through this again)  Thank you.

Kabuki Woman: (tottering away from me as fast as possible on her slutty high heels without so much as a thank you or a goodbye)  You can pay over there.

~ THE END ~

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*Interesting.  “Would We Feel Better Without Makeup? One Woman’s Modesty Experiment”

**Adorable.  Sloth Gets Her Makeup Done Before The ‘Today’ Show (PHOTO)

 ***Useful.  Bobbi Brown Website