•  I’m allergic to April.  The pollen from the trees makes me itch & sneeze.  The mold spores, that magically appear after the snow melts, make me itch & sneeze.  And the dust mites?  Don’t even get me started.  They’re everywhere I want to be outside, like on the porch furniture and terra-cotta pots and the mailbox.  Everywhere I tell you.

•  I’m not a fan of Easter because the stupid holiday moves around the calendar and as much as I try to be a good sport about it, this behavior seems rude to me.  Easter, just pick a Sunday and stick with it.  That way I’d have a clue about when to buy a ham and some asparagus– maybe a pineapple, too.  But as it now stands Easter’s laissez-faire attitude thwarts me, and I rarely manage to make a special holiday dinner.

•  I’m not thrilled with the whole “pay your taxes” part of April.  While I’m happy to be an American citizen and understand why I’m paying taxes, doing so does tend to make me a bit grouchy.  I think that it does for everyone, but maybe not.  Perhaps there’s some whack-a-doodle who enjoys giving money to the government.  Probably has her own reality TV show, too.

•  And my final reason for not liking April is that I have to acknowledge that my pasty white legs, which are getting chubbier every year, look more and more like uncooked bratwursts.  During the fall and winter I can hide my legs, but every April when I put on my first pair of shorts for the year I discover that my legs look awful– and it comes as a shock to me every single time.  *humph*

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• • •

Grouches of the world unite!
Stand up for your grouchly rights!
Don’t let the sunshine spoil your rain
Just stand up and complain.

Let this be the grouches’ cause:
Point out everybody’s flaws!
Something is wrong with everything
Except the way I sing!

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