Thirteen Generic Phrases You Will Say Or Hear Today After Last Evening’s Presidential Debate

Isn’t it time we made politics fun again?  So today, as a way of mitigating the inevitable & incessant opining that happens after every presidential debate, I give you this list to distract & entertain you.  See how many of these phrases you can use or spot as the day wears on.  Bet it’ll be quite a few.

– – • – –

1)  Well, everyone’s entitled to his or her own opinion, I guess.  [Extra Points – if said by an uptight church lady in a condescending tone of voice]

2)  I really don’t think that he gets it.

3)  He didn’t answer the question!  How could he do that?!!!

4)  Hmmm.  [Extra Points – if said by a practical middle-aged woman in a tired tone of voice]

5)  Why does he HATE ____________ so much???

6)  That’s not what he said!!!

7)  It’s all because of the media, you know?

8)  You gotta be shi%%ing me!  [Extra Points – if said by an older man in a befuddled tone of voice]

9)  What are you talking about??  Just last week he said ____________.

10)  NO WAY!

11)  I dunno what he said.  I fell asleep.

12)  That. Is. Not. True.

13)  We gotta get this guy____________.  [Extra Points – if said by a hyper-partisan person in a defiant tone of voice]

– – • – –

 

My Cat: Birthday Girl OR Conspiracy Theorist?

I was 15 3/4 years old & Cally Cat was 2 years old when my mother snapped this photo of us standing in our kitchen.  These details I know because Mom wrote them on the back of the photo.  God bless those who do such things because I’d  never remember those sorts of details.

Putting aside how tired I look, the first thing that struck me about this photo is how very wingnutty my cat looks in the finely crafted aluminium foil crown that I made for her birthday.  Who knew that by 2012 this style of hat would become the symbol of conspiracy theorist everywhere?

I didn’t, of course.  But maybe Cally Cat did.  She was always a less-than-friendly cat with a tendency toward paranoia.  [Which was probably somewhat justified considering that my mother did accidentally drive the car over her about six months before this photo was taken.]

###

Upon finding this photo I did a quick Google search of foil hats– and discovered myself in a whole new world of wackiness.  So without further babble I give you, my gentle readers, some delightful links that will entertain and tell you about a topic that I’m guessing you’ve never really thought about before.  [Unless you’re a conspiracy theorist, in which case these links are all old hat to you.  ;-)]

::  A song about foil hats: “I’ve Got My Tin Foil Hat On” sung by Sylvia & Emmeline Spankhurts.

::  An explanation of what a foil hat is really all about:  “Propoganda [sic] designed to cover up a massive government conspiracy.

::  An article discussing the efficacy of foil hats:  “Do tinfoil helmets provide adequate protection against mind control rays?

::  A definition of a foil tiara: “A tiara or crown that one makes from tinfoil/aluminium foil for play when one lives in a trailer in the hood.

::  An academic treatise about the need for foil hats: “On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study.

###

Those Were The Days. Not.

“Boy, the way Glenn Miller played…”

I’ve had the theme song from All In The Family trapped in my head for the last few days.  Most unpleasant.  I’m not entirely sure how the song got there.  I haven’t been watching much TV besides reruns of The Big Bang Theory— which are on a hip channel that is the antithesis of a nostalgic channel that’d be showing Archie & Edith.

So I don’t think that I’ve seen any commercials that would have put that song into my head.  Wonder where it came from?

“Guys like us, we had it made…”

I never really liked All In The Family when I first saw it on TV.  I understood that Archie was a reactionary, selfish male.  I got that Edith was a doormat who never stood up for herself due to some misguided sense of duty toward Archie.  And I realized that Gloria, in her attempts to help her mother, was locked in an never-ending battle with her father.

“Didn’t need no welfare state…”

But the satire of the show was lost on me.  In fact it wasn’t until a few years ago that it dawned on me that some people weren’t laughing at Archie.  That instead, some people were laughing with Archie.  I have my FIL to thank for that revelation.

“Gee, our old LaSalle ran great…”

I couldn’t tell you when I last saw an episode of All In The Family.  I imagine that if I saw it now, I’d probably get the two-sided humor and enjoy it.  I’m older, wiser, and much more open to different points of view– as happens when you mature and are comfortable with who you are.  So the satire might appeal to me now.

“And you knew who you were then…”

But, quite frankly, with all the political nonsense that is going on in the USA now, I don’t think that I’m up to watching yet another old white male pontificate on things that he knows nothing about.  My patience for such rhetoric, humorous as it can sometimes be, is all used up.

“Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again…”

Which, now that I think about it, might explain why this theme song has infiltrated my brain.  Discourse during these last few weeks, to put it politely, has involved way too much looking backward and not enough going forward.  Reminding me, and any woman who can think for herself, that trapped in the past is no way to live.

Don’t fool yourself, those weren’t the days.

###

“Those Were The Days”
by Lee Adams and Charles Strouse

Boy, the way Glen Miller played. Songs that made the hit parade.
Guys like us, we had it made. Those were the days.
Didn’t need no welfare state. Everybody pulled his weight.
Gee, our old LaSalle ran great. Those were the days.
And you know who you were then, girls were girls and men were men.
Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again.
People seemed to be content. Fifty dollars paid the rent.
Freaks were in a circus tent. Those were the days.
Take a little Sunday spin, go to watch the Dodgers win.
Have yourself a dandy day that cost you under a fin.
Hair was short and skirts were long. Kate Smith really sold a song.
I don’t know just what went wrong. Those Were The Days.

[source]

###

Top 5 Ways In Which I Am Not Like The 112th U.S. Congress

• • •

#5The U.S. government does not pay my salary.  Taken one step further this means that: U.S. taxpayers do not pay me to do nothing.  I do nothing for free.

• • •

#4I choose my friends wisely.  I don’t associate with insincere, deceitful, conniving corporations lobbyists dweebs.  I am able to find friends who are truthful, straightforward and clear about what matters the most in this life.

• • •

#3I do not define myself by group affiliation.  I am a free spirit in suburbia.   This means that I do my own thing in a world known for its ordinariness.  I am not a slave to fitting in with others– and hiding behind any group’s rhetoric.

• • •

#2I think for myself and do not need external validation to motivate me to keep going.  This means that I do not hold a press conference every time I burp, sneeze or fart.  In fact, I do not hold press conferences at all because I know that people do not care about how things are going for me– they care about what I can do for them.

• • •

#1I get things done.  Yep, it’s a fact.  I see a problem…  I understand how the problem came to be… I define the problem… and then [this is crucial] I SOLVE THE PROBLEM.  I finish things before I take a vacation.  I do not whine about how difficult it is to do things.  I just git r done.  Like the grown-up that I am.

• • •

… Can you say the same things, oh ye members of the 112th U.S. Congress?