5 Simple Straightforward Truths About People

January 20, 2016August 29, 2018 / Ally Bean / 35 Comments

{ Photo here from THE NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY DIGITAL COLLECTIONS }

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I share the following because no snit-based personal revelation will ever be overlooked on this blog.

If I’m handed the fuzzy end of the lollipop, you know darned well I’m going to make a post of it.

To wit, I found this list in an undated file with the title: How To People. I’m not sure why I wrote the list, but clearly I. was. in. a. mood.

Not mincing words. Leaning toward cynical. Tired of being ignored by the world. Determined to figure out why.

And planning to never let it happen again.

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5 Simple Straightforward Truths About People

1) People lie. [Gregory House, M.D., said this, of course.]

2) People do what works for them. [I think this is from Dr. Phil.]

3) There are three specific motivators, or a combination thereof, which compel people to do what they do: safety, status, &/or creativity. [I learned this in Psych 101, and man-oh-man is it true.]

4) The people around you are there for: a reason, a season, or life. [This sounds Hallmark-y to me, but don’t know source for sure.]

5) It’s time to let go of a person when: you’re not learning anything new and there’s no possibility of him or her changing. [I used to be on 43 Things, a goal-setting social media community, & some guy left me this advice about one of my goals.]

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[So peoples of the World Wide Web, what have I missed here?]

How I Plan To Have A Happy Holiday Season This December

December 1, 2015December 1, 2015 / Ally Bean / 37 Comments

#1 – Decorate outside early. Decorate everywhere simply.

Slowly our neighborhood is transforming into a holiday wonderland.

Those of us who don’t do Black Friday spent last Friday, a warmish, dry day, putting out holiday decorations. Everyone who I saw outside seemed happy, although a few people were mowing their lawns for reasons unclear to me.

But whatevs.

We never do more exterior decorating than a couple of lighted wreaths on two windows and a few nets of multi-colored lights on some bushes by the front door.

As for the inside of the house, we’ve gone with one skinny decorated Christmas tree in the TV room, a small jingle bell wreath on the hutch in the kitchen, an antique nativity scene in the dining room, a growing Amaryllis in the living room + a stack of cutesy decorative boxes in the foyer in place of fresh flowers.

EZPZ. And it’s festive enough.

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#2 – Do not have a big holiday office party at The house.

For the first time in five years we aren’t having a holiday party on the first Friday in December.

This means that we haven’t needed to move half of our furniture into the basement or garage so that our 50+ guests have somewhere to stand. We don’t have cases of wine and beer and other libations piled in the garage.

We aren’t running to the grocery to buy all the ingredients to make dips and create cheese plates. And we have not ordered even one plate of sandwiches or cookies that need to be picked up after 4:00 pm the day of the party.

To say I feel carefree and giddy this week is an understatement.

Not being a hostess rocks.

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#3 – Disengage from the holiday crazy whenever possible.

Considering I decided that 2015 would be the year of the recluse, my holiday social calendar is delightfully almost empty.

To wit, I’m doing one special event each week in December. This way I hope to not be overwhelmed with travel and holiday attire and food + booze and Christmas-obsessed extraverted people who ~~inexplicably~~ enjoy this time of year.

Nope, this year I’m putting myself in the holiday mood by avoiding as much of the holiday hoopla as I can.

Paradoxical, perhaps. But that’s my happy plan.

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AND YOU, MY GENTLE READERS, WHAT’S UP WITH YOU THIS MONTH OF ~~FORCED FRIVOLITY~~ DECEMBER? TELL ALL IN THE COMMENTS BELOW.

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Of Wise Women, Broken Dishwashers & Lost Earrings

November 10, 2015November 11, 2015 / Ally Bean / 36 Comments

“You can put lipstick and earrings on a hog and call it Monique, but it’s still a pig.”

~Ann Richards, former governor of Texas and wise woman

HERE IS A TALE TOLD WITH A SINKFUL OF DIRTY DISHES…

About two years ago our dishwasher started leaking water and making odd sounds as it attempted to clean our dishes.

I was sad because even though I didn’t grow up with a dishwasher in the house, unless you consider me to have been the dishwasher, as a homeowner I have come to like dishwashers.

Dandy machines. When they work.

Being us, we ignored the dishwasher and rarely used it. But last year when a plumber was here for a different reason, we had him replace the leaky hose under the machine and the dripping stopped.

However, the noise within the dishwasher continued, and even got louder as the days went on. So we stopped using the dishwasher entirely and resorted to *gasp* washing dishes by hand.

[Oh the inhumanity of it all!]

Fast forward to last week when the appliance repair guy came to the house to fix the recently broken clothes dryer– and to take a look at our sad, almost useless, dishwasher while he was here.

Whereupon, after taking the dishwasher apart to the tune of $99.00, he found an earring in the dishwasher that had caused the motor to stop motoring smoothly– and subsequently ruined the motor.

Not so dandy.

As you, gentle readers, can readily understand from the above quote, I’ve now taken to calling the sad, officially broken, dishwasher: Monique.

She still looks good, and matches all the other appliances in our kitchen, which makes me happy because for the first time in my life our kitchen, remodeled seven years ago, has had the same brand and style of appliances in it.

Pretty, pretty.

But Monique is a useless trophy appliance now. So, with a heavy heart, but a practical mind, we’re going to buy a new dishwasher.

Which I shall love, regardless of how she looks. And promise that I will, to the best of my ability, keep earrings away from her.

Meaning the only question left is: what shall we name her?

Candy & Eyeballs & Nickels, OH MY!

October 29, 2015October 29, 2015 / Ally Bean / 36 Comments

Old School Jack-O-Lanterns.

Around here Halloween is A BIG DEAL.

Just about everyone decorates the exterior of their house for the holiday. And most of the families, save the conservative Christians and the Mormons, are home to hand out candy or whatever on Trick-or-Treat Night.

It’s the one time of year when adult neighbors, often with a bottle of beer or a glass of wine in hand, sometimes in costume, accompany their kids to our doorstep, then actually acknowledge and speak with us.

The Harvest Moon.

Trying to set a good example for the kids, I suppose. Be cordial. Even if we, your parents, can’t be arsed to say “hello” under any other circumstances.

Be that as it may, I still find it to be a fun holiday.

If only because little kids dressed up are a hoot to watch stumbling around the streets. And because bigger kids are a hoot to talk with as they try to barter for more candy. Both make me laugh.

Treats For The Beggars.

In the past, on evenings with perfect weather, we’ve had 220 beggars. Because this neighborhood is growing, with many new homes built this past summer, I’m planning for 250 kids who will get a piece of candy OR a bloody eyeball OR a nickel.

And if we’ve handed out all of that before the 2 hours of begging is over, I think we’ll take our chances, turn off the lights and hope that these kids don’t know about soaping windows!